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Alaska Short Stack Stories, Series I, II, & III ~ Alaska's Deadliest Sin-Drill Baby Drill ~ Alaskan Company Man ~ Eklutna Lake Worrier ~ From the Fifth Floor ~ Hannah Cove ~ My Journey to Landes House ~ Poemetrics ~ Quinn the "Tanik" Eskimo ~ S.O.S. from Beaver Lake ~ The Teachings of the Swamp Fox ~ Trans-Alaska-Pipeline Funny Stories ~ Spirit Dog & the Ghost Wind


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Thursday, January 29, 2015

New SPACE Discovery

Wow, several renowned scientists from notable institutes of “Higher Salaries” - basically on the NFL “Research Crayola Crayon Payola Plan” - have concluded that the reason the New England Patriots' footballs deflated while sitting out on the sidelines at Gillette Stadium, it had nothing to do with the ambient weather conditions. Praytell, if that had been the case the Colts' “balls” would have also shown signs of erectile decompression aging. And even though there is a 90-second video of a Patriots' “dog handler” tasked with the responsibility of maintaining the “integrity” of the NFL taking a sideline trip to the crapper before delivering the “Official” turds to the head-cheese referee – well how long does it take you to finish a big dump? Not talking that JUNO snow dump, as that was a big flop for Christie, just like his presidential ambitions! Really, the Secret Service have determined that Christie is too fat to be a president with protection. See, SS agents must be able to “lift” a protectee when in danger – even if taking a “crap”! Anyweary, back to the Patriots' “dog handler” and NFL integrity. Where were we? Taking about another Great Brit that hated football, John Crapper! And the 90-second disappearing act took place in a football locker room “John” so probably maintained plenty of reading material – like a “Sea Gal's” calendar! Sorry, wrong team mascots. So, through scientific analysis that allows for a Belichick in concert with Brady defense proving that the 5th Amendment works wonders, it was determined that the exact position of the “Patriotic” bag of balls fell in-line with a super-nova-super-climatic-intense “black hole”. Yes, something as dense as Congress and acting like a far-removed far-away heat extraction magnet, due the uncontested fact that “black” likes to absorb attention like John Boehner's tan, it could have acted as the air pressure relief thief. Who let the air out?? Who, who, who.” See, some earlier tests performed by imbecile engineers just out of college with “zero” practical experience said that the weather factor was not enough to cause the irregularities, the reason we need scientists that look outside the “box-top” offers. Maybe admit to constipation, like Congress! But this peculiar and rare event “black hole” phenomenon could have allowed for a subliminal temperature that departed away from the ambient, like when you take a magnifying glass and focus sun-light to torture ants, like we see happening down in Gitmold – accept ants have been replaced by human guinea pigs. Just reverse that torture routine and one finds that it could actually decrease the temperature of the air but in a very localized beam, a segregated column under its own Newtonian “Principia” – yup, “Beam me up Scotty”! Even during the daytime this phenomenon can be in effect, it doesn't have to be dark out as even though due contrary belief, “space” doesn't disappear during the day-time hours! Honestly, in a survey of engineers graduating from colleges that have said the hell with “Higher Learning” and instead have embraced “Higher Salaries” and over-charged the students so inferior knowledge is absorbed, many think that “space” disappears and we live under can-a-peas! It's that “Bloke” mentality, but they may be right about this football sport! Now this strange phenomenon was discovered back in the 70s during some investigative analysis in Alaska. For some reason boatloads of “pork” were being earmarked to the 49er, yet the state never saw the “fruits of the taxpayers” labor. Those all too familiar signs, “Your Tax Dollars At Work” defined by 14-DOT workers with no shoevls surrounding a poor ditch-digging bastard - for “shovel ready” projects - well those signs never materialized and the loot to buy the “shovels” was disappearing like there was no tomorrow? That “government handout” money was supposed to be used to build a sustainable jobs infrastructure instead of “Bridges to Nowhere”. And when this supercalifragilisticexpialidocious phenomenon from space was realized, something that couldn't be soundly proved as it was some 2-Belichick light-years away, it did prove that the people can be fooled most of the time. And since we never learn from our misfortunes, that “disappearing act” science found an acceptance in every other state! Like aliens were stealing our loot. But then at the same peace-time, as Jimmy Carter was president but on-fire in Fairbanks due some “Torture” ritual by conservatives for being a “conservationist”, another government study indicated that something was causing the ranks of the $millionaires$ club to swell and that trend continues today. And still without any cause and effect credibility, accept maybe that “black hole” sucker-punch was aimed at “We the People” and like with the Patriots “Deflategate”, we will believe anything the “crooks” tell us and practice “complacency” while the “Truth in Lying” continues to erode away that foundation of trust – we are indeed under attack by aliens that act so humane! In ending, with all the scientific and nonsense excuses as to why a bunch of footballs went deflated, regardless of how it affected the outcome, at least someone can take credit for a good “crap”!

Belichick birdie in the sky
Why did you do that in our eye?
I will not laugh, I will not cry
I’m just glad that elephants don’t fly!

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