Books & Writings by SPam McGee

Alaska Short Stack Stories, Series I, II, & III ~ Alaska's Deadliest Sin-Drill Baby Drill ~ Alaskan Company Man ~ Eklutna Lake Worrier ~ From the Fifth Floor ~ Hannah Cove ~ My Journey to Landes House ~ Poemetrics ~ Quinn the "Tanik" Eskimo ~ S.O.S. from Beaver Lake ~ The Teachings of the Swamp Fox ~ Trans-Alaska-Pipeline Funny Stories ~ Spirit Dog & the Ghost Wind


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Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Alaskan Herniatosis

Wow, I just arrived at the “Emergency Room”, and there is a line waiting for medical attention. In fact, the head nurse is calling in all available help, as something is wrong here in Anchorage! It's called “Herniatosis” and caused by sudden and uncontrollable outbursts of laughter and serious enough laughter that it causes a hernia, so the laughter turns painful – talk about sweet and sour! But this laughter, it is caused by a common denominator. Learning the fact that Governor Bill Walker has confided with Frank MurCowardski and Bill Sheffield, over the looming “State of Alaska” budget deficit! Wow, a bus full of patients with symptoms of “Herniatosis” just arrived, and the administration here at the hospital is bracing for the worse, so setting up a disaster “Triage”. In fact, I just received a disaster declaration from the 911 broadcast on my Smart-Alec phone, like when a Tsunami is about to hit land! This is serious. See, we always thought that laughter with that 1st cup of coffee was the best medicine to start the day off, it is still, but appears to have a breaking point. Yes, too much laughter, too much of a good thing causes the groin muscles to snap and its “hernia” time. One guy thinks the state should be responsible, so has started a petition. I guess there is some “causal connection”, so maybe the state is negligent? Time to call in Mr. WAR for legal advice. But in all reality, is Walker serious? See, Frank was outwitted by half-baked Sarah Palin. And didn't we impeach Bill Sheffield? Before the “Port Authority” under his watch spent over a “$billion$ bucks, for what is still in hiding. But in all honesty, why even placate such a hilarious undertaking – why run to misfits for advice? See, Walker feels comfortable in not calling the deficit a “crisis”, as if he did it is his responsibility as governor to refrain away from wasteful spending habits, and to continue to fight the “same-sex” marriage thing, which costs a whole lot of time and money, well that would be grounds for “Impeachment” proceedings. So Walker refrains away from indicting himself. But he also congratulates the “Alaska Legislature” for saving money, so we can now raid the “Reserve” - that is grounds for “Impeachment”. We should just cut frivolous spending, and leave the “Reserve” alone. Look, we don't need to waste money on the Kodiak Free-Lunch Facility. We don't need to waste any more money on “How many roads to Nowhere”? And we surely don't need to waste any more loot an that LNG project, as the oil price crash makes that a foreclosure “eyesore”! And here is the real sad part of the economic story. We have over the years found some very intelligent state workers dedicated to the cause and endless hours of researching to see just how far we could stretch our oil wealth. The predictions from these experts, well they always said that the $53-dollars a barrel was fundamentally sound – had we only listened! Now we can't blame Walker, but down the trickle down, did we already let Parnell escape?

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