Books & Writings by SPam McGee

Alaska Short Stack Stories, Series I, II, & III ~ Alaska's Deadliest Sin-Drill Baby Drill ~ Alaskan Company Man ~ Eklutna Lake Worrier ~ From the Fifth Floor ~ Hannah Cove ~ My Journey to Landes House ~ Poemetrics ~ Quinn the "Tanik" Eskimo ~ S.O.S. from Beaver Lake ~ The Teachings of the Swamp Fox ~ Trans-Alaska-Pipeline Funny Stories ~ Spirit Dog & the Ghost Wind


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"This Land Is Your Land"

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Merry Xmas Ted!

Merry Christmas Ted!
So Ted, you made your THIRD trip to the Iraqi theater of war. Whoopee zippity-doo-dah! I guess you have been busy talking your way out of the Corrupt Bastard’s probe. That is probably more important then trying to find a way away from George’s mess. How is son Ben doing? Rumor has it that he is plea bargaining his way out of the Alaskan political scandal. I guess taking others down is the only power the “runt” has left and all he will ever see his way again. Anyway, according to what you witnessed in Iraq, “the surge had worked” and our young kids “are on their way home. They’re going to go home”. Wow, in time for Christmas? And how many? Maybe if the military planes heading back to America are overcrowded – as is the norm this time of year – would you consider giving your seat away? Maybe your BFBBLAT buddy Daniel can do the same. It could go down in your memoirs, as nothing short of a “Good Samaritan” gesture considering all of your other memorabilia was taken away by the IRS. But it is good news to hear that the troops are finally coming home. To a failed economy wherein more and more Americans are becoming homeless, ripped off by the mortgage scandal and all of us facing the high price of crude oil, all because of the cost of your stupid war or remiss in your paid and sworn duty to protect our interests - over your own. Answer me this. How come you would not let the oil executives testify “under” oath when you called them in front of Congress about humongous profits and all time high gasoline price fixing? And how in hell did so many Americans get ripped off with the mortgage scandal, under your watch? And you know what, from what you are just finding out in your most recent trip abroad to a war torn country, it seems as though you were a “Republican Politician Left Behind”, as most school kids here in Alaska know about the “tribe concept” and culture in Iraq. Where the hell have you been for the last 4-years of this conflict? Hey, can we get reimbursed for the money we paid out to you for a salary? Wasn’t there a warranty? Anyway, Merry Christmas Ted, and try this John Lennon song out - for penance. Sing it faithfully during the 31-days of December and we will forgive your incompetence and dereliction of representation. But please, pretty please don’t right a book about your time in Congress as we are already inundated with enough political memoirs wherein it is a book consisting of nothing more then “pages intentionally left blank”:

And so this is Xmas
And what have we done
Another year over
A new one just begun
And so happy Xmas
We hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young

Come on now, everybody sing along with Ted. Hey Don, care to join in? MoanaLisa, you too! And Frank…

A very Merry Xmas
And a happy New Year
Let’s hope it’s a good one
Without any fear

Happy Xmas!

CopyRight 2007 – Dixie Productions/MSK Media/Eagle Rock Press
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U.S.S. MoanaLisa

Heist of the U.S.S. MoanaLisa
Hey righteous citizens of the 49th state, be on the look out for some $55,000,000.00 missing from the U.S. Treasury Department. Rumor has it the money was last seen on Ted Steven’s behind closed doors desk specifically dedicated to appropriated misgivings. OK, it was money earmarked for yet another taxpayer rip-off. Ted tries hard. At what, I am still trying to come to grips with – so is he now that his peace and quiet has been interrupted by FBI and IRS agents knocking at the door of his charitable donation remodeled house up here in Alaska. Do you have any idea what it takes for John Lawman to get permission to raid and search a sitting duck’s residence? I meant sitting senior senator. But Ted is smart, as he hired the best and most expensive lawyer that specializes in nothing other then, “Presidential” pardons! And another clue to this mystery disappearance of precious payola, is the scent of TEA! So that could mean a trace of evidence that Don Young knows something of interest with respect to this heist. But nobody seems to know his whereabouts. Last time he went spotted was down in some coconut grove. Could it be that he suffers from confusion from a coconut bounce off the head? Or maybe from the side effects of being bit by a rabid skunk? What the hell is so important in Florida over what is important in his own state? OK, this “missing money” was really set aside in efforts to help create a sustainable infrastructure in Alaska – thy “Welfare” state extraordinaire. But in actuality and like usual, it was just more of the same crap, wherein it shows that ethics in politics is a lost cause. So in my book, this missing money amounts to grand theft lunacy. Just what the hell is going on with my hard earned money that is penalized with a tax burden so Ted and Don can continue their destructive ways and means? Pork unlimited for a sustainable infrastructure has been the dream of all dreams, but it has been the same bad dream since statehood, as this state is still way behind many third world nations when it comes to toilet flushing. And how much have the taxpayers paid out in efforts to design a tundra toilet? Nobody seems to know, but an awful lot. And the entire state of oppression was all part of the Three Stooges’ plan – a.k.a. Ted, Don and Frank. It is still all in the family, as Frank bailed out and left his daughter in charge of his own failed senate seat. What did she do to dad to deserve such inhumane treatment? Isn’t cruel and unusual treatment against the Constitution? Oh, I heard someone voice, “What Constitution”? I second that emotion, as our rights are eroding away faster then is coastline from global Goring. Then again, maybe Frank believed in once a failure always a failure wherein MoanaLisa was the best candidate to keep the tradition going. For one thing, she hasn’t failed at real estate swindling deals. Maybe, instead of calling representatives just that, “Swindlers” would be a better fit. Back to the money theft. Why is it that Ted feels it necessary to steal away my money just to waste on this thing called the E-craft? It is a boondoggle! The Navy – who was threatened to build this contraption or else would be required to paint all war ships pink – already rejected the concept and according to FOIA documents, “had nothing to do with the funding request”. But according to reliable informants, that is where the money is hiding. Ted had the money earmarked under the defense department budget, in the beyond ridiculous category that has a bunch of fine print nobody dears to read. You know what Ted, why not “not” waste the money and give the kid troops a raise – for fighting your stupid war? I am sorry again, you don’t understand “stupidity”. Hey, understand this, it is my hard earned money and should be used in return for hard work, not some gift to produce more Alaskan crap. Ted, Don and MoanaLisa have no idea what it is like to work “hard” for a living. So they feel wasting is justified under false pretences. In my judgment, theft and taxpayer abuse by our own representation is one in the same. It is abuse that should be made accountable for. And why continue the wasting? Especially up here in Alaska, as this state can’t even keep a milk dairy afloat. And it has nothing to do with economics. Let us face the facts. For all those” Alaskans Left Behind”, the Matanuska Colonists proved that a farming community – eggs and milk included – was possible. That was before statehood, so welfare handout was not an option or interest. See, many with and without intelligence - true Americans and politicians respectfully - realize that welfare “interest” is not worth the bother. Herein this “interest” thing equates to what we have to payout in return for theft legislation, our votes! Welfare keeps us hostage, so we have no option except to vote the thieves in time after time after time forever. That is the real reason Frank gave the seat to MoanaLisa, as it will be just more of the same, theft for re-lection. Back to statehood verses territorialism. Everything was going Frontiersman like until Ted and Don came upon the scene. How in hell did we get stuck with these two misfits? And the theft mentality runs rampant like a virus, as the Alaskan citizens cannot get a tax increase right here in their own backyard wherein the ground below is saturated with “Black Gold”. Here it is in plain English. We want more corporate taxation because it makes the PFD bigger. But “Big Nancy” - a.k.a. “Big Oil” - cries like a bunch of spoiled politicians. So politicians steal away our hard earned money and “Big Nancy” steals away our resources. Anyway, my preliminary calculation is off a wee bit on the theft affiliated with the officiated construction of this E-craft. That $55-million that has gone missing from Uncle Sam Adams is more to the tune of 3-times that amount. But it creates jobs, about 50 – or to the benefit of about “1” one thousandth of the present day Alaskan population. So why not just pay the workers off? It would be cheaper then creating cheap job prospects that have no future. Just give them a million dollars a piece. Then they would never be heard of again. Anyway, why in hell is the Navy being forced to build something it doesn’t want? You know what, the way Don and Ted force crap down our throats in the form of corrupt bastard like crap, these guys should be called the chokesters! Talk about a crying shame, we’ve all been deep-throated! Look guys – MoanaLisa take note – we don’t want the bridges or this crap or that crap or your memoirs. And the E-craft boondoggle to date is hilarious. Sorry, I am laughing so damn hard, but when you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel of waste, it is so sickening one must laugh. OK, enough is enough. Then just how much is it really costing the taxpayers for this outrageous E-Crap amphibious assault craft that will be abandoned as a military asset and turned into a passenger ferry. First off, I petition that the hull be named “MoanaLisa”. All in favor, “MOAN”. And according to Mr. Phineas J. Whoopee’s 3D magical board, Point McKenzie to Anchorage is only a 3-mile excursion. That will be this piece of crap’s one and only water route mission. This E-crap U.S.S. Moan-more-Lisa can reach speeds of 30-knots. So whoopee, the voyage will be fast and furious and everybody will end up in the hospital with whip lash! It will be a genuine terror like ride. This ride could be Alaska’s first amusement park ticket, another tourist trap, as nobody in Alaska is going to dish out $25-dollars for a ride to nowhere. See, this is Phase I of the bridge to nowhere. There isn’t anything over at the Point except Don Young’s failed wood chip export facility. Ok, I won’t bore you with the specifics, but the dry dock down in Ketchikan - tasked to build the E-crap craft - it had to have the Chinese build the berthing at a tune of $9.5-million. Answer me this simple preliminary question. This is a shipbuilding dock. It means welders and erection guys that dream of.... A welder down there makes only $16.00 dollars an hour? No wonder the outfit that runs the facility can’t build the basic necessities. No way in hell can you keep good qualified help at such a mangy wage, so maybe that is the reason we had to get the Chinese shipbuilders to build the dock! Is there something wrong with me or do I just see things a little out of kilter? The dry dock was necessary in efforts to build the MoanaLisa. But the bid to build the junk had a stipulation that it must be built in Alaska. Again, forced legislation shoved down the Navy brass’ throat. Since when is it that Congress knows more about the military playing field then do the generals? See, that is why we are failing in Iraq and Afghanistan, as the true military genesis have lost control and are being asked to fight a political war. That is why Ted thinks he can boss around the Navy, with this E-craft crap. Now the shipbuilding dry dock has a failed history to begin with. It started back in the 80’s at a cost of $38-million to construct. It closed down in 91, because the line up of private operators experienced operational and financial difficulties! Basically, they weren’t getting rich quick enough. So the DOT gave the failure to the AIDEA. Now when this latter outfit gets involved, it is for a wasteful reason. See, this Guardian Devil is responsible for a huge chunk of the permanent dividend and can spend “our” money like there is no tomorrow. It all started back in the days of some brain-pinching device. I think it worked, on those responsible for running and ruining government. But it didn’t go anywhere as even the Russians considered it cruelty. With this and that in mind, this E-craft thing has failure written all over it! Dah, what do you expect. If you can’t build a berth, you sure the hell can’t build a hi-tech boat. And if you must rely on “grant” giveaway programs, it means up front that it is an economic disaster with no future. Not unless that mainlining money syringe is pointed in the right direction. It is? Now that would make for a great photo-shoot. Ted straddling a giant syringe. Remember when good old America was “good” wherein the business community relied on U.S. subsidized “loans”. But politicians became loan sharks, by getting rid of the “loans” – as that meant payback was required – an opted for pure welfare, in the form of “grants”. The latter requires no pay back, which is just like stealing. I was wrong, there probably is payback - of a different kind involved. That is why our representatives in charge of the money tree are crooks. Bottom line, “We the People” should be replaced by “We the People Screw all the other People”. When outlandish giveaway programs degrade the working classes’ ethics and morals, the people need to start standing up against the rape affair. Just because it creates jobs is a worn out and unwelcome excuse. If it creates a sustainable infrastructure, then I am all for it. See, why build something that has no use, as it continues to provide for a false economy. What’s that? Now this is the icing on the cake. Money for the floating crap was provided through the TEA-91, which is just a fancy and confusing pork giveaway program. I told you Don was consulted about this E-craft to nowhere. This TEA-91 legislation is so complicated for a reason, so nobody in their right mind could figure out why highway funding money is going to coconut groves. And guess what? The selling point for the U.S.S. MoanaLisa was VECO clout! Yes indeed, old Bill “Viagra” Allen had visions that when the high-speed ferry assaulted the pocketbooks of the taxpayers and ends up in the Port of Anchorage, it was for a purpose. Hey, about the only thing Bill liked assaulting was the legislative branch down Juneau way. He was pretty good at it. Anyway, Bill envisioned his company would ferry workers over to the Point every morning in efforts to build “modules” for the North Slope oil infrastructure. For some 30-years by now, the oil industry has relied on importing processing modules form other places. In all those years, guess how many were built in Alaska. ONE! And now that the oil fields are petering out, how many modules are needed? And you know as well as I that “Big Oil” would pick China over doing business here in Alaska. The ferry filled with craft workers heading over to the Point to build stuff is just a big pipe dream, a leaking pipe at that. So now that VECO is gone, isn’t this proof enough that the E-craft and the bridge are just that, proof that we have fools fooling around with our money. About the only future prospectus for this high-speed amphibious blunder is a quick escape vessel, for the corrupt bastards. But because of the delays in delivering the desperately needed vessel – as delays also make bigger bucks – it will most likely be too late. So maybe it can be used in a more beneficial way. In efforts to get Ted, Don, MoanaLisa, Frank and the rest of the crooks out of our sight as the huddled masses are sick, we are tired, we are weary and have had enough of political corruption, especially Alaskan style! So beware, as the MoanaLisa will soon be another failed eyesore taking refuge at some lonely dock, just another for the list. Hey what ever happened to the fish processing plant blunder built here in Anchorage? Oh, it was sold to a church, with an AIDEA discount. This state does indeed need a prayer! More like a miracle, called secession for success.

CopyRight 2007 – Dixie Productions/MSK Media/Eagle Rock Press
Contact: or or

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

"Fish On" Targeted

“Fish On” Targeted
I apologize for the tardiness of this writing, but research has kept me busy. See, the Alaska Aerospace and Development Corporation is requesting bids on an X-Band secret weapon that targets “Small Boats”. Reality real, according to the Request For Quotations, as it specifically lists “Small Boats” under the “TARGETS” profile requirements - so it must have something to do with the Homeland’s Star Wars Waste Initiative and in accordance with Don’s theory of diminishing returns – Young that is. Don’t you just love it when the “Taxpayers Against Waste Rape” gang up on Don’s pilferage of the Treasury. Anyway, because I enjoy secret weapons that target small boat owners - acting out my “Big Brother” fantasy - I decided to place a bid, as anything that has to do with this outfit or the Kodiak Launch Facility, it must be a money making proposition for crooks when at the same time a money loosing proposition for the taxpayers. In word restricted lingo – political crap, a.k.a. Don Young and Ted Stevens’ style pilferage. So find below an official response for the AADC bid. P.S. If I win the bid it means free coconuts for all Alaskans not in good standing with Don, Ted or MoanaLisa!
AADC RFQ as found on corporation’s website:

RFQ No: AADC-08-008
Best Net Price: X Band Radar
Range: 20 nautical miles(air), 10 nautical miles(Marine)
TARGETS: Light Aircraft and Small Boats
Mean Time Between Failure: 1-year
Design Life: 10-years
Mean Time Before Repair: 3-days

Proposal Submitted by:
SPAM United Associates
P.O. Box 722069
Anchorage, Alaska 99513

Proposal submitted, herein included, by SPAM United Associates - an Alaskan based company - consists of a modular transportable platform utilizing time tested building blocks, commonly referred to as “LEGOS”. Such a system requires a minimum erection and maintenance skills set(3rd grade level) at the same time provides modifications and updates to be economically feasible. Replacement or additional pieces - either for maintenance or future expansion - from simple to complex “block” components are readily available for purchase at Toys’R Us as well as on E-bay. Two versions of the blocks are available, American and Non-American. The blocks are interchangeable. Since bidder is proposing a modified version of the intended RFQ, the required range – both nautical air and nautical marine – can be achieved under any conditions as the transportability allows the X-Band module to be relocated with ease. The module can also be moved to places like Juneau, wherein the “Target” of interest there may be a “Small Politician” named Ben. This may assist the FBI in its current “Corrupt Bastards” sting operation – still ongoing. The module is based on the Lego 452 Mobile Tracking System developed in 1979. In efforts to achieve modularity that allows human occupancy, a multiplication index is utilized. That index varies from 259 to 444. Depending on the size of the operator – the obesity factor – the index becomes the bid price deciding factor. So it is too your advantage to hire healthy workers. The index will also define the X-Band frequency. With an index of 259(healthy human) the frequency to spy on small boats minding their business equals 7GHz. At an index of 444(obese), this equates to a frequency of 12GHz. As far as the Mean Time Between Failures, to date there exists over 109 satisfied customers with 452’s still in operation. The American version enjoys an 83% approval rating while the “Non-American” version enjoys a 90% service factor. The only difference is the uniforms supplied to the personnel. With the American version, red white and blue is the preferred colors. If the “Non-American” version is preferred – because of the 90% rating – the buyer picks the colors. Both ratings should suffice for AADC as only on rare occasions will the radar actually be required, as nobody with a brain fires rockets from the KLF. Regardless, the actual X-Band targeting system shall consist of the Lego “Mindstorms” RIS platform, a.k.a Robot Instruction Set. This time proven technology provides a MicroSoft Windows based platform and designed by National Instruments and utilizing “LabVIEW”. The system is programmed using Robolab GUI-based language. To date, successful projects of interest utilizing this code are Alpha Rex, Spike and RoboArm. As a matter of interest, an automatic toilet cleaning robot was demonstrated using this same technology. An added benefit of this proposal consists of the following: Official Lego magazine which includes “Cool Creations”, building tips and Event Central. Also, the creativity and block design allows the mobile tracker to be transformed into other useful items, such as a combine harvester, tractor or bulldozer. It allows putting your investment, in this case the citizens of Alaska assets, to good use above and beyond that set forth in the RFQ. Bidder’s deliverables meets or exceeds all stipulations as set forth in the RFQ. Additionally, free membership in the Lego Club is extended at no additional charge to AADC board of directors. The manufacturing site meeting - as spelled out in the RFQ - will be held at LegoLand, Florida. This is an amusement type theme park that should fit well with AADC’s “mission statement” of no accomplishments – except wasting money at the same time having fun ripping off the taxpayers. Also, there exists a wide network of Lego aficionados and on-line support resources that can be contacted via the Internet for technical advise and advice. Bidder also recognizes the following individuals as bonafide staff consultants: Mr. Phineas J. Whoopee along with his updated 3D Magical Drawing Board, Tennessee Tuxedo and of course Chumley. With this RFQ, bidder provides the following deliverables:

Blocks, pads, frames, chassis components as required.
1 U.S.G. Gorilla Glue(Earthquake Cement)
2 AA Batteries
Instruction Set
Building Plans

Firm Bid Price is as follows:
259 X-Band Module(Healthy Human) = $3750.00{Delivered}
444 X-Band Module(Obese Human) = $6660.00{Delivered}

Bidder’s proposal far exceeds the requirements of the RFQ and with that in mind, SPAM United Associates should be the recipient of this RFQ.

Respectfully Submitted on this 15th day of November, 2007
SPAM MaGee for SPAM United Associates
Ok, so you may think I ate one too many pieces of fruit-cake while researching this X-Band Small Boat Targeting “crap” and that this type of wasted time and effort was just that – wasted! Wrong, as each bid must be taken seriously or an appeal allows holding the entire damn program hostage for a long, long time. That is the key to this type of shenanigans. Better yet, it is not shenanigans but a duty for individuals to uphold the rights of those citizens that have not the time or no longer the willpower to do so. Bottom line, this is way to attack the waste machine. In fact it is a way to target the military machine. If we cannot pay the young troops fighting in Iraq a decent wage – compared to BlackWater Jack militants – then it is time for the machine to get a tune-up. With the 1st and 2nd Amendments so secure, I don’t need Rumsfeld like mentality protecting my interests. That interest is my wallet! Now for the most part, the military machine - along with all of the waste that exists just to make a few CEOs more rich and powerful - it must be procured through the “bidding” process. So that is the key to getting a crappy state of affairs turned around. They feed us crap, crap we feed them back! So if it requires a bid, then Americans should be paper storming the bidding offices from coast to coast with bogus “SPAM” bids, so we can be heard. A bid just cannot be ignored. So get on the internet and see what kinds of bids are presently on the solicit list. Then with a little ingenuity, send in a bid and be prepared to appeal the process. In fact send in bids in every language possible, as most do not specify a language. So it cannot just be ignored because it is in Arabic! Or Pig Latin! This “Spamming” is intended to bog down the system. Now my bid – using Toy Technology – has merit. When we were kids and played out our war fantasies with toy cowboys and Indians, it allowed a trial and error setting, so the outcome could be calculated, which meant screw this battlefield stuff as the Playboy magazines were more interesting – especially with stories about Vietnam and how the administration lied to my mom and dad. Deja vu what? Maybe that is what this present day administration – congress included – should play with, TOYS, before sending real live young kids over to patrol the streets of an unfriendly country. Yes indeed, it is time to get even. So while “Spamming” the military bidding system, send the president some toy soldiers, maybe a few with splattered red paint. While you are at it, send some baby pacifiers. Of course, George may enjoy the Legos, as he seems not to have had the opportunity to enjoy playing out cowboys and Indians and toy soldier. And you know what? His war bid was just that, bogus as my bid!

CopyRight 2007 – Dixie Productions/MSK Media/Eagle Rock Press
Contact: or or

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Yellow Matter Custard

Yellow Matter Custard
It is interesting these days to read the comments from the local blogisphere here in Alaska. We are a bit spacey. Just what the heck is that giant egg like thing down in town square supposed to be all about? Every time I see it I want to sing the Beatles tune about “yellow matter custard dripping from a dead dog’s eye”. Is that mold? And this odd looking half-egg half-unknown, it talks to thin air. Whose voice is that? It almost sounds like ex-governor Frank’s. Maybe that is where he is hiding these days. And along Westchester Lagoon, these weird like postings again provide information about the space above. Only problem, when it is clear outside it usually means summertime, which means too damn much light to see out into space. And in winter, it is too damn cold to stay out and look at something that is really nothing but far away. So what is with this space fanaticism here in the “Welfare State”. OK, the “Corrupt Bastards” state of denial. Oh, that’s right as I almost forgot. See, we became a famous talked about state because of that female astronaut that was chasing that space shuttle astronaut guy around the country. She liked wearing diapers! The dude was from Alaska. So we are all guilty by association. Now everybody wants to be an astronaut. Hey, this state can’t even keep a railroad running in the “red”, so do we really want to take to the high country over the “moose gooser” land is ahoy? Were already high, as there exists this eyesore on Kodiak Island that sucks the coffers dry for over a million dollars a year - just for maintenance upkeep to shoot up and away one measly non-money making rocket. To reiterate, once a year! See, no commercial entities have stepped forward claiming an interest in shooting off rockets from some place way up and out in the middle of nowhere. But the state cut a deal with the military, so our only customers are those seeking a freebie, maybe once or twice a year. So the cost to launch a rocket is $500,000 dollars in a good year, usually more then the rocket’s payload cost. Man, what else could we do with that money? Oh yes, buy sunglasses for all the village kids. See, some outfit must have lost some lucrative aerospace contract, as they have a bunch of leftover sunglasses used by astronauts, even the ones that like wearing diapers. We can’t seem to get away from this space odyssey bullcrap. So the “Special” effects glasses were donated to the village kids, as somebody in their infinite wisdom said “snow” blindness was rampart. I wonder if the glass donator ever talked to the elders? Now what about all the rest of the village kids that live up and down the Yukon or Koyukuk? Time to make a call to the Denali Commission. I hear they have a bunch of extra cash to burn. I believe the Denali Commission would be more appropriately called the Denali Omissions Commission, as nobody knows - or admits - what happens to the money it gets from Ted and Don. Even Ted said he didn’t take responsibility for the money once it gets lost in Alaska. Anyway, I am at the airport once again. I dread getting on a plane these days. I think garter belts should be a prerequisite to travelers, so those that pay for an entire seat get just that, instead of a fraction of the seat real estate. I was sitting next to a lady that just had to spend $5.00 on that “Grey Box Delight” and of course what would the mystery meat sandwich be without a can of Pringles, for another $5.00. Hey get this chatter that was overheard in the privacy of a nearby cell-phone conversation between some airline industry executives. The airlines don’t make “crap” anymore with 1st class passengers, as most seats are purchased as upgrades. So with a zillion miles to go before the freebie thing runs out of gas, the airlines see great loses in that privileged class once upon a time moneymaker. So guess who is paying for it? The roach coach class! And today on this plane heading south to where it is a little on the warmer side, 1st class seems to be a bunch of oil field workers, the ones that BP swears lives in the state! Can’t blame them to occupy the “bigger bottom” seat cushions, as they all could use girdles. Even though BP cut down on pipeline maintenance up north, no way in hell would they cut down on calories! Glad they are up front then back here. Anyway, this lady was gouging herself on the airline barf buffet and at the same time trying to read the Anchorage’s Daily Stool’s “Life” section, titled “Out of Obesity”. What really gets me is the fact that it is really only 9:00 am Alaska time. But just because we are going to the Twin Cities and afforded a time change of 3-hours, does that warrant that it is already lunch time? I made breakfast this morning, at 4am. It consisted of eggs with sun dried tomatoes, red and yellow peppers and rosemary toast. And I even had enough time to write and publish a “Blog Blurb”. I am not hungry and I don’t need a girdle. This lady needs a straight jacket. And on the paper, there was this giant picture of Mac fries. I think she was thinking about eating the paper! Anybody got some extra salt? How come the newspapers’ editors haven’t caught wind of a very profitable product – reduced sized newspapers? Probably because they always fly 1st class so have no idea what it is like trying in vain to read a paper that is two airline seats wide. What gets me, the last dozen flights that I have taken with any and all airlines always gets to the destination on time, as they are under the microscope from congress. So they put the pedal to the metal, just to say we made it. At the same time, you sit in the plane as the outgoing plane is still at the gate. Today we made it to the Twin Cities just in time for lunch. The captain was no overwhelmed that we were 20-minutes early. Hey, doesn’t the early bird deserve the worm? But we had to wait it out in a dangerous location, between two active runways, just so the departing plane could depart on time. So I am sure the statistics will be skewed in efforts to support the airlines favor, with early arrivals ironing out the late comers. But why is everybody in such a hurry these days? Slow down a bit. Cook breakfast instead of mainlining “crap”. Relax and write a “blog blurb”. And when in Anchorage, enjoy the last few hours wherein that airport will bear the namesake of Ted Stevens, as it is only a matter of time before it will be a name embarrassment. Or visit a real live space odyssey, called the Bill “NoseBleed” train depot, right across the street from the airport terminal. But don’t waste time putting a penny on the tracks, as space and time will cease to exist before a train ever makes it that way again. I hope the next new locomotive purchased by the railroad has a striking name, like the “NoseBleed Special”. Now talk about straight jackets, we need a bunch down Juneau way! Wow I just noticed something of interest on my return trip back to Anchorage, the airliners no longer put that white linen thing between 1st and sardine class. Now it consists of this “netting” material, like one uses when out camping. And the peasants can see all the wine and dine action. What do you mean I can’t get a cup of hot coffee? Sorry, we only have cold drinks aboard this plane. Then what the hell is that guy up front drinking? And how come the 1st class bandits get to use the peasant’s bathroom but not so the other way around? Bottom-line, segregation was outlawed a long time ago on land so should be the same when airborne – especially now that I am paying for it. Hey, a bug just landed on my arm. It is rather strange looking. It looks like a mosquito but has three drills instead of one. And when we were in Alaska, the plane needed a hose down with that deicing stuff, as it is cold - so all the bugs have died off. Now this weird bug reminds me of BP, wherein they sink a multilateral well from one land ahoy location but suck out three times as much oil, but still end up paying up for only “one” well. And this bug has a mate stuck up its ass. At first I thought it was a politician with a lobbyist. Hey, that netting is for a reason. This plane is infested with bugs that are mating. And everyone up here thought only the FBI fooled with “bugs”!

CopyRight 2007 – Dixie Productions/MSK Media/Eagle Rock Press
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Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Thrifty Journalism

The Rest of the Story
OK, according to thrifty journalism “Big Oil” is treading new ground as “International Trend” setting by sovereign governments is closing in on the rape like shenanigans considered in the beginning exploratory but as usual ends up exploiting. That is what happened up here in Alaska, once a territory turned welfare state. See, before oil this state was a territory. Where law and order meant just that. Case in point. There was a marshal ferrying a rapist from Juneau to Anchorage. The felon had to pee and the only place to put down the two-passenger plane was on a glacier out in the middle of nowhere. So the felon got his wish. But he had other plans, to escape. The marshal wasn’t concerned when the felon went running across the glacier. The last thing the marshal remembered was watching the idiot fall into a crevasse! The marshal said the funniest thing he ever saw as a lawman was watching this guy wave from way down deep in a freezer. Rescue? There the rapist remained. True story. Now when oil was found, a few “corrupt bastards” made damn sure that “territorial” status was no longer an option, so they campaigned for statehood. Why? Because they realized that without “institutionalized” law and order, the oil companies would not get away with rape. So they opted to “represent” this state as part of the Union. Wherein law and order is justified, so is welfare. So the welfare came this way in big “Ted & Don” sized bags and the oil companies got away with rape. True story. For those of you not in the MSNBC mode of appeals, “Thrifty Journalism” is defined as “selective” journalism, wherein an editor can spin even the spin, by only providing the main ingredients and leaving the secret seasoning to be just that, secret. It is most likely filled with MSG and other nasty good tasting stuff. So you don’t want to let the cat out of the bag, thus the “thrifty” coverage rules. Anyhow, so Big Oil” has it tough going forward, as some of the majors are finding out that governments - we the people - want their fair share of the resourceful wealth. That is the only thing behind the present day skyrocketing oil prices, everybody wants their share. It used to be the oil companies that hauled off the resources and turned it into loot, when all the time the land and resource owners settled for a pittance on the true worth. Not so anymore though. Now according to the Daily Stool’s AP article titled “High Prices Fuel Debate Over Oil Tax” - which definitely falls under “thrifty journalism” - the “Big Ones” are finding out that the grass isn’t greener in others’ back yards. Not in Russia, not in Venezuela, not in Siberia, not in Canada and soon - hopefully - not here in Alaska! I hope Sarah’s wish comes true. Kick ass and tax the hell out of BP! So when Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez is the only one signaled out by name and rank, it amounts to this “Thrifty Journalism”. This article doesn’t come clean with others in power, painting only this guy as a hard-ass. He is no different then Putin, with respect to his county’s resource protectionism. And answer me this, why are jets from Elmendorf scrambling Bear Bombers these days – just off the coast of Alaska? I thought the cold war was done with for now. So this current day flack over Venezuela has to be expanded upon, as this article falls way short in efforts to educate those interested in the knowledge. I am not trying to defend Hugo, even though he keeps the big “Citgo” sign in Boston well lit up, especially during the World Series! And he gave a bunch of cheap heating fuel to villagers along Alaska’s coast, just like he did for the elderly on the east coast of UNITED STATES. This “offer-in-kind” must be an embarrassment to the Bush administration! Now contrary to “thrifty journalism” opinion, “Big Oil” companies that were working in Venezuela were not just kicked out of country, like happened to “Big Oil” in Kadafy’s Libya - pronounced like Wubbya - some years back. In Venezuela, Hugo did “statenize” oil, but offered those operating in country a “slice of the pie”. First, those with an interest and investment were offered a 43% partnership. They had 100% to begin with, so it was some semblance of a loss, but not rape. And they were paid for their investment either way, if they opted to stay or cried like babies and packed their bags. At first some of the “Big Ones” like EXXON just left, while others re-evaluated the partnership. It was still lucrative. But faced with Cheney mentality and maybe due to some kind of closed-door dealings that would allow “Big Oil” to enjoy the Venezuelan loses to be quadrupled with tax incentives, they all decided to leave. But they will be back, as the equipment to build the pipeline infrastructure to carry oil to ports close to the mid-Atlantic’s oil tanker freeway is already on-site and the project is well on its way forward. And bottom line, who pays attention to where the oil is coming from anyway? Bottom-line, It means more cheap gasoline for Chavez’s countrymen and most likely more cheap fuel for Americans! Who do you think supplied all the pumps and drivers for the Venezuelan oil infrastructure and ongoing projects to begin with? And I am sure that petition to turn off the “Citgo” sign is a thing of the past now that the Sox’s have pummeled Colorado! Fenway loves the sign! Anyway, with free time and privacy getting also to be a thing of the past, “Thrifty Journalism” only makes sense. But like anything else, cutting corners has its good side and bad side. In this case, I don’t know if it was planned that way, to discredit Hugo, or just a case of mentality blues. I am sure Cheney was a fan. And I am sure had not this state gone crazy with “statehood” over territorialism, the countrymen and women would also be enjoying cheap fuel, as we should have “state controlled” the resources a long, long time ago. According to this state’s Constitution, it is state run, but we had representation that sold the henhouse to the FOX along with a guarantee that we would pay for loses accrued by the FOX invading the house of hens. Double-take it was, all in the name of “statehood”. So maybe it is time to take back what is ours, Chavez style. We have been screwed for 30-years by now, with the resources. We can’t recoup those loses, but maybe we should follow a leader, when it comes to how one treats visitors. So Sarah and this state’s citizens should take note of what is happening “globally”, as it isn’t just a warming trend!

CopyRight 2007 – Dixie Productions/MSK Media/Eagle Rock Press
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Monday, November 5, 2007

"B" Word

“B” Word Infrastructure
It was Saturday night and I was looking for a place to relax and write. I had sampled more then enough St. Louis micro-brew the past few weeks while on the road, such that a cup of Earl Grey sounded comforting. So I headed to downtown Anchorage. See, the other day I had a very interesting flight over Alaska. It was almost like a guided tour - call it the “Tour of the Be Damned”. I’ll get to that later on in this broadcast. Now as usual, parking is a “Nightmare on Elm Street” like affair here in Alaska’s “Big City”. But not to worry, as there is a brand spanking new “paved paradise put up a parking lot” just down the road from the two coffee shops I frequent when in this part of town. Damn, there was a line at the ticket booth. It’s one of those computerized gizmos, wherein you get no feedback and lucky to get your credit card back. The weather was nice, so conversation allowed “citizens” to voice just how bad the parking was in this town. I think “Begich” is a new curse word! So I had my permit and headed to the coffee shop. It was pretty crowded, as people were starting to show for the “Big Show” at the PAC. What, you’re not taking any more orders? It is only 7:00pm! So I followed an angry crowd over to the only other coffee shop within walking distance. Wow, a crowd here also. I found a table and booted up my computer, allowing enough time for the line to calm down. What, no more orders? This place was also closing down. People complained about this to the same degree of dissatisfaction as with the parking authority madness. And my computer takes at least 20-minutes to shutdown! This is serious business, as there was no place downtown to enlighten oneself intellectually. Now when the tourists are in town, the shops remain open. But when the locals want a little peace and quiet, it is more of the same sorry we’re closed crap! So I high tailed it over to another shop in mid-town, one that was at least open for another hour. This was Saturday night my friends! Anyway, back to my travels. Upon arriving back into Alaska airspace the other day, the weather was such that the pilot set a low altitude course of attack, wherein the contrast from light and a little snow allowed landmarks to stick out like a sore thumb. Wish I had a map, as there were many things that went unrecognized. But it wasn’t hard to figure out some of the famous places along the way. There’s the failed Kodiak Launch Facility. What’s that I hear from an in-flight eavesdrop upon conversation? There is a bid out to construct an X-Band radar on the island. This is by far another hidden waste thy money agenda. It is all part of the dancing with the stars “war” initiative. It doesn’t work, but it had to be mobilized, so Ted could claim something of fame. I would rather see the dairy enjoy the money. At least we would get milk. Spending money on the AADC – Alaska Aerospace & Development Corporation – means nothing short of getting milked by some guy who thinks he is Oliver North. But the best of the rest in waste came into view upon descent into Anchorage, as the glide path followed the Knik River, right past the Don Young failed wood chip export facility. Looks like this place continues to receive “pork”, as the lights were still on. And there seemed to be some most recent building activity. Couldn’t be a maintenance shop, as nothing is used anymore so nothing breaks down. Oh, that in-flight eavesdropping is right again. It is the new ferry terminal, as this state is soon to claim ownership to another piece of crap we didn’t ask for. We didn’t ask for those ridiculous bridges to nowhere, outsiders should be made aware of that. Anyway, soon to be ours is this one-of-a-kind new hi-tech amphibious assault vessel. It was built by the NAVY, as it was the only way Don could get it into a budget. And it is supposedly going to be used as a high-speed ferry, from Anchorage over to Pt. McKenzie, at least until the first bridge to nowhere gets built. The problem, nobody will use the bridge. So the ferry may as well be put on E-bay. Sell it down the lower 48 way, where it is getting built, so shipping charges can be ignored. This state has a history of failed boondogglism sickness. I lived in Valdez when John Barley Corn called for spending millions of dollars in efforts to build a “grow and ship” infrastructure for the much needed “barley” grain. Money was spent on widening and straightening the roads, as it was envisioned that truckloads of barley from Delta would be sailing into Valdez and Seward each and every day all year long. Now when the silos were complete in Valdez, barley had to be imported just to test out the grain elevators. That was the only stuff that site ever would turn on the elevators for. And in Seward, the silo project came to an abrupt halt. What is really sad, is the fact that after all these years, after all this pork, after all the money wasted by the Denali Commission, we have “NOTHING” to show for it. When I travel around, it is refreshing to see that other states have not had the same outcome, as righteous decision making made for a sustainable infrastructure. I see trains loaded up to the gill traveling in all directions, unlike the Alaska Railroad that must be subsidized by Ted and Don, so empty coal cars travel back and forth between Anchorage and Seward. It is a waste of energy. I guess it is this state’s contribution to global warming! And what about the Bill “NoseBleed” Sheffield train depot? Outside I see highways and byways that indeed allow some semblance of traffic control. When I was on my way to this coffee shop from downtown, the light at Romig stopped the main thoroughfare traffic, and it is the weekend, so school is out! There must be something wrong with this type of mentality. But it is rampart in Alaska. And answer me this. Why is the municipality terrorizing HUD in the tune of 4-million dollars for soccer fields to be built out at Kincaid Park? Isn’t HUD supposed to be for housing? It was set-up that way, to manipulate the taxpayers! The way in which Ted and Don have been guilty at rewriting the way in which appropriations are hidden away for personal gains, it is criminal. Talk about waste, this state is the best of the best. And we can’t even keep a coffee shop open past 7:00pm on a Saturday night. So, just how many “pork” launched veneer plants have failed over the years? And remember the “HARP” radio? What about the Kenai Astronaut & Training Facility? Then there is the Seward Sea Life Center that had taxpayer money reserved to buy Ted’s buddy’s asbestos filled Arcade. Should be called the Sea “Lift” Center, as it is nothing short of a “wallet” lifter. The list goes on and on. And just how many rockets have blasted off from the Kodiak site? And just how much wood chip has been exported from the eye sore that sits across the Port of Anchorage? And how many times has the Federal government purchased that guy's fishing vessel then sold it for pennies on the dollar only to have to buy it back over and over again? Yet this state refrains from establishing a sustainable infrastructure wherein we would not have to rely on crooks like Ted and Don. They stole away the taxpayers’ nest egg. That is un-Constitutional in my book. If it is not in yours, then you are indeed an “American Left Behind”. Take a good whiff, as the smell of corruption is everywhere. It has tainted the Constitution. And the only self-sustainability this state can lay claim too, is pity! Alaska, once the “Last Frontier”, now though, the “Corrupt Bastard Welfare” state, in denial! Oh and poor boy John Harris feels let down because “Big Oil” lobbyist don’t visit him any more! Hey John, read the news and find out what is happening around you. Bill Allen Stevens was just that, a lobbyist. Look what he is doing today! Like I said before, take a good whiff and take a good look around you, as somebody may be watching your every move! Oh, forgot inclusion of the funniest case wherein money was tasted here in the 49er. When Ted found money to study the penis size of the male Musk Ox! Never heard any flap over that did you? Hey, I am hearing more then just the “B” word from my constituents.

CopyRight 2007 – Dixie Productions/MSK Media/Eagle Rock Press
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Sunday, November 4, 2007

"BEN" Gasified

“Ben” Gasified
Wow, so Enstar is about to lower the costs to heat my house by a whooping $2.00 a month. Talk about a dew drop in the bucket. But there is more to it then what the company’s spokesman is willing to divulge. So here is my take on the rebate. Enstar serves a population base of approximately 125,000 paying customers. And for some reason or another, SEMCO Energy - the parent company of Enstar based out of Michigan - it insisted on hiring Ben Stevens as a member of the board of directors. While he was still an Alaska state senator! That was so until Ben found himself being interviewed by the FBI. So my calculator provides this simple mathematical multiplication outcome. A 125,000 customer base times a $2.00 rebate times a 0.56 energy equalizer index equals $140,000 dollars. So maybe, just maybe that is what it cost to have Ben stick around – influence pedaling. Big daddy’s influence I am talking about, especially when it comes to energy regulations which to us rate-payers is nothing short of strangulation. And I am sure that the boardroom boredom Ben put up with for a fee, it most likely paid off handsomely in some obscure appropriations bill signed by daddy and the Billy Goat. And since Ben’s bonus was a business expense, it is a burden placed upon the customers. Wherein you and I get to give in. So this rebate may be a means to re-coup some illegal gratuity grandstanding. Why can’t they just be honest with us and tell the truth when stealing from us gets government oversight scrutiny? All in all, the rebate doesn’t amount to beans as the value of natural gas has seen a skyrocketing abuse approaching a 30% increase, in just the past year. And it has been more of the same for the last 3-years. Then what is really happening to allow such a pilferage of my hard earned payola? It is nothing short of a conspiracy. See, the gas in Cook Inlet had always been affordable. Made so early on when the gas wells and pipeline infrastructure was subsidized affordable by tax breaks written into the oil & gas tax code – both state and Federal. And good for them and good for us, as grandfather rights ruled the means by which subsidizing could be amended. Basically, leave well enough alone! So we were safe, for awhile. But then somebody in their infinite wisdom decided it was worth the risk to abandon proven reserves for more costly new exploration. So it meant the new gas would fall under a completely different slate. The latter is what the energy gurus use to define the cost of energy. And remember this, Enstar does not own any natural gas, it just transports the gas for others, like Concho-Phillips and Unocal and Marathon. But when the energy titans increase the price of energy, the transporters feel it also necessary to raise prices. Saying the transported gas is more precious so it has to cost more in efforts to deliver it to the consumers! And it really amounts to increases for no other reason then monkey-see, monkey-do greed mentality. So with the new wells and new pipelines down in the inlet, it meant an entire new ballgame. When at the same time, the cheap old gas remains stuck below ground. Now the new gas falls under the Henry Hub indexing method of wallet extraction. It is this simple. Energy is sold by its BTU content. Natural gas maintains a well known energy content whereas crude oil does not. There are many unknowns with the “Black Gold”, so it offers a means to add a penny here and a penny there. In the end, the true cost of the goop is over inflated. So wisdomers realized that if natural gas could be tied to West Texas Intermediate crude oil indexing, it meant a whale of a bonanza! That is what is behind the Henry Hub index. It follows a simple equation that marries the price of natural gas with the price of crude oil. So it is a way to richen the pot. It should have never been allowed, as gas and oil are in reality two completely different commodities. Like mentioned before, natural gas is just that, natural. It doesn’t need any additional conditioning. I can take my Coleman stove up to a well in Prudhoe Bay and in no time flat be boiling water, from the gas. So there existed no known ways and means to richen the exploited plant and animal remains extracted in the gaseous state. But once it was deemed all in the same with respect to energy, it then so conveniently falls automatically under the indexing formula. In a 2006 study by our very own DOE - a.k.a. Department Of Enlightenment - it was proven that natural gas is now tied to the price of crude oil, with a slight deviation called the equalization index. Crude oil controls the indexing. Bottom line, we were screwed. It is so profitable that the gas is more desirable then crude oil, as the equalization index disallows rapid price fluctuations. So as crude oil swings a dollar here and then a dollar there, the indexed gas remains a solid and stable investment. A lucrative investment at that! And as soon as the titans figure out how to liquefy this gas and control its behavior so it remains a liquid at standard conditions of temperature and pressure, it will be signora “black gold”. What’s that I hear from down Nikiski way? Its already been done. Really, it is called the “White Crude Project”, wherein natural gas is converted into crude oil. It follows an old German conversion process. See, it then fetches the same price as crude oil, about 5% greater then natural gas in its virgin state! So this is what happens when this country has representation that is not at all interested in the people’s welfare over that of the special interests. The fact that our so-called leadership allowed this to happen is proof that politicians are indeed corrupt. The sad thing about it, somebody is making a very healthy profit over this shenanigans. And it never should have been allowed to happen way up here in Alaska. Ben screwed us. Ted screwed us. Don screwed us. Frank screwed us. And I am sure that MoanaLisa is well on her way to screw us some more. See, our gas comes from the inlet right to our front-door. It doesn’t come close to the “Hub”, which is located down in Louisiana. It is in itself a completely different commodity onto its own. And you really cannot blame Enstar, as it is “Big Oil” providing more of the same crap. But when an outfit like Enstar engages in hiring state representation like Ben Stevens, there can only be one realization, abuse. With a capitol A, a capitol B, a capitol U…..Wow, 2-bucks a month back in my wallet for a rainy day! Feels like I have “BEN” GASIFIED.

CopyRight 2007 – Dixie Productions/MSK Media/Eagle Rock Press
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Saturday, November 3, 2007

Homeward Bound

Homeward Bound
It is only 2100-hours at the Portland airport. Don’t you just love military timing? Anyway, it was just too early for the shops at the airport to be closing up. Oh, it was Halloween. Damn, and I thought the ticket counter was turning over a new leaf, as free candy was readily available to passengers. Hey, even if something is free for only one day in an entire year from the no-frills airline industry, it is something to be jubilant about. Anyway, it is always interesting flying back to Alaska, especially in the “off” season. When you realize that for the most part all traveling north are true Alaskans! And you know it is true down-home Alaskan style “Last Frontier” spirit when the two gals in front of you are talking like real bush club type women. I couldn’t help but eavesdrop. Really, their conversation talked about the best way to get jet fuel and spilled wine off of one’s clothing. Jet fuel? Alaskan’s drink a whole lot more then most, so the wine spillage was a normal course of events. What’s with the jet fuel? Both were too cute to be mechanics! But, when one looks at what women did to help build the big pipeline, anything is possible. Now alcohol consumption has always been an upper in the 49er but due to prevailing circumstances it is way up. It is due to high blood pressure, from the pressures of corruption and whether or not to send Maggie the elephant to a better entrapment - I mean encampment! The corruption stems from politicians secretly siding with a foreign entity, wherein the countrymen and countrywomen were back-stabbed, so it is really a case of terrorism. We are all waiting in vain for “who’ll be the next in line” to try persuading the citizens that getting caught on an FBI stake-out camera accepting wards of cash was for the good of the state – for the good of the voters. And as I write, trial number three was before the jury. So yet another politician may be biting the dust before long, for a long hibernation in a cell. And with Maggie, there is a growing concern that an elephant doesn’t belong in Alaska, especially when we have no lions or no tigers but plenty of bears! Now when I arrived in Anchorage, well things were a little on the hectic side. See, to stay in-tune to the rest of the world, Alaskan’s must survive a midnight special ride out of here. It is called the “Red Eye” express. And since this is the busy time of the day for Ted’s “Pirate Ship” - a.k.a. Stevens International Airport - all kinds of activity went unabated. The bars were alive and well. The food courts were cooking up a storm. The best of the best at 0100 hours, well it was the guy that buffs the floor. He wasn’t letting anybody ruin his day. See, he has this buffer that is the size of a Zamboni. I think it is the same guy that grooms the ice out at Sullivan. Now he doesn’t stop or stoop for nobody. It is full steam ahead, to buff the floor. And the amount of wax that was pouring out of his contraption was indicative that the tile grout was of poor quality. Maybe it was a buffer and grout machine all in one. I think we need a new airport. Burn it down and start over. At least we could get rid of the namesake. And while the firemen are at it, torch the Bill “Nosebleed” train depot. Better yet, how about going back to the days of old, just construct a Quonset with a wood stove. Statehood was the worst thing that ever happened to this state, as it meant representation would then control destiny. And Ted and Don and MoanaLisa, they have more important agendas then ethical representation. Like house remodeling and coconut groves and land swindling. How does one get club membership benefits in the “Corrupt Bastards Club”? Why did we let this state become the biggest “welfare” state of all? We blew it. We lost the war. Wow, no snow yet and it is November already. Has nothing to do with global warming. Don’t you just love taxi drivers? See, there is only one way from the airport to my house. At least I thought so. But this cab – equipped with a GPS – it can find at least a dozen detours. My wife keeps the outdated newspapers around. Look at this, same old thing. Murder, corrupt politicians, Maggie and “Big Oil” crying again. Damn, I can’t find my underwear. Maybe my wife was sifting through my luggage. No, she stopped looking into my privacy when she found that my will and testament was made out to my dog. Hey, that’s the reason, as TSA has decided to check things out. “During the inspection, the contents of your bag may have shifted”, reads the notice found amongst my belongings. My sweaty underwear has gone missing. Really, I didn’t have time to do a wash upon completion of a job down in the lower 48, so it was bagged. At least the bag of prunes isn’t missing! I eat a lot of prunes. Not for the healthiness aspect of the dried fruit, but in efforts to flush twice, as it is a long way to Juneau. One of the best reasons to get back to Alaska is to find the time to listen to NPR. See, up here the voice of the people has been replaced by the voice of the lobbyists. So many of us believe that the FOX has indeed raided the hen house. It used to be the peoples radio, but now it belongs to lawyers and doctors and crooks. Don’t believe me, just listen to the broadcast advertising. Firms with a zillion names attached to it means one thing! NPR used to be funded by our congressmen, when this assisted free speech was in its infancy. When transponders were installed to bring some semblance of news to outlying communities and villages – basically a radio transmission relay – it was a one and only one channel broadcast, so somehow or another it meant public radio. See, Uncle Sam was paying for it, which meant it had to be a non-profit entity only. This was OK, until public radio started broadcasting stories about “rabid skunks” invading the halls of Congress. Then the funding vanished. So now we are bombarded with seasonal “funding” drives, which drives me crazy. That is when the “lobbyists” get involved, as they can spend a bunch more money for membership then my measly token of appreciation. Money means control. And the present broadcast site is located on VECO Drive. VECO must mean “crap” in pig language. That location is suspicious in itself? See VECO was the “middle man” between “Big Oil” and the efforts to corrupt the politicians, through bribery and extortion. It all started a long, long time ago. In a nutshell, times were good “for and by” Americans when SOHIO and ARCO ran the big show here in Alaska. But we let our defenses down, and the enemy did indeed sneak in. The enemy pursued and won the major battles of the titans. And since the war machine was making headway, it then focused its attention on government. But likewise when the British sought to enslave the New Englanders, it was the use of “turncoats” that ended their desire to conquer – as the “people” revolted. It is no different up here in Alaska with the corruption scandal. British Petroleum is behind it. Bill Allen’s VECO would not take on something like this without assurance that it was not for the good of America, but for the good of the Queen. Bill and all the rest are just that, “turncoats and traitors”. They should be tried under the toughest laws available. I hope, that in the end the entire British Oil empire here in Alaska tumbles down hard, wherein all the king’s men and all the king’s horses couldn’t get Bill Allen a pardon. Hey, why do you think 15 American refinery workers were killed recently at a British Oil refinery in Texas? Because it is “WAR”. The mentality towards the workers and the environment is a no give a rat's ass attitude. It means low wages “enslave” and it is not our homeland to worry about, so just pollute. Like the battle of Trenton was played out many years ago by courageous men like George Washington, today in Alaska it is the same type of battleground scenario. But herein, the FBI has taken George’s role. Anyway, NPR is still some semblance of free speech and free press. But it has changed. And that change could only come about by control. Just the other day I listened in discuss to a broadcast about “Facial Expression” research. This is what the TSA is using! It is yet another invasion of the right to be left alone. The broadcast didn’t cover the full ramifications of this government sponsored research. That is what is wrong with public radio these days, as they must monitor just how far they can go before stepping on somebody – like a wealthy contributor. How much does British Oil give to support this broadcast? You don’t think they have control. It is a silent control, wherein if they don’t like what they hear, that check won’t show up in the mail! And we get bombarded by that talk of doom and gloom to the oil industry if the state increases the “oil tax” burden, which by standards of good conduct amounts to a pittance to what it should be in reality in the real world. Look, the price of oil is almost hitting the $100.00-barell landmark. The state is asking for a few pennies more. So just how deep is this corruption? Like mentioned beforehand, it is “WAR” – Wave Away our Resources! Of course the best thing about the price of oil? Had “Big Oil” realized a long, long time ago that the economy could absorb higher prices, it would have acted. So in essence, we ripped them off. Just another way to look at it. By the way, with Maggie heading south, what is to become of that million-dollar treadmill that was designed in efforts to get her to exercise? Did you ever get a look at this contraption? It is humongous in size. It could hold an entire football team! How about hooking it up to an electrical generator. And all the political crooks that turned on this state could spend the day, walking together and generating electricity together. Better yet, surround the mill’s moat with zoo animal feces, so if they fall or fail to produce, they really have a pleasant fall. Haven’t you all had enough with that other country’s flag hanging around the Anchorage skyline? It is time for British Petroleum to pack its bags and sail away. Remember, “This land is your land, this land is my land”, and by no stretch of the imagination Sir Chumley’s! So to date we have the following “TURNCOATS”. Bill Allen, Rick Smith, Tom Anderson, Pete Kott and the hot off the press news is just in, the jury has spoken once again. Add Vic Kohring to that ever growing list of “bad men”. Hey, if this were not war, the jury would be silent and apathetic. So the tides are turning over the “turncoats” as the juries are acting much like the Green Mountain Boys in action. Taking back what is ours. Maybe the likes of a Boston Tea Party is orchestrating our very own historical moment and movement, the Alaska Oil Party. Talk about party, it is time to pay my overdue respect to Juneau!

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Friday, November 2, 2007

No Religion Too

“No Religion Too”
Gloom and doom begets more….? Why is it that preachers never speak of good? It is always more of the same insane doom and gloom scenario. These guys must hate life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. So just how holy are they? And are they really closer to the Creator then the everyday average Jan and Joe? I do believe that many modern day pulpit puppets are instructed through a self-inflicted make-believe evil curse, because they believe that they are agents of the Creator so can get away with it. When all the time from my book of beliefs, they are just losers on the loose. A majority of them are perverts! Don’t believe me, look at what is happening to the Vatican’s “War Chest” of non-refundable penance collectables – a.k.a. donations. And look at how many pervert preachers have been caught on Dateline’s “To Catch a Predator”. Should be renamed “To Catch a Preacher”! And why would Anchorage’s favorite fakester send a bus over to the low-income neighborhoods in efforts to steal away our youth for Sunday service? Sure they temporarily shelter the kids and lure them in with the temptation that “my belly full but I hungry”, but it is only a means of blackmail brainwashing upon the innocent bystanders. Look, these kids would be better off playing outside in their own neighborhoods, under the Creator’s guidance. And isn’t “bussing” a thing of the past? The Creator needs no pulpit or stage to sell his “goods”. It is disgusting how the supposedly separation of Church and State has been jeopardized by crooks bent on loop-holing their secret manipulative agendas. Like they can get away with anything and everything, as no law allows pursuit. So it is my belief that the “religions” of today consist of an evil potion, not a love potion No.9 by any stretch of the imagination, but “hate” control chemistry. When John sang, “No Religion too”, I now know what he was getting at. Tax sheltered religions should be abolished for awhile - a prohibition of sorts - at least until it can be revisited and reinvented. Who cares what happened a zillion years ago upon a rock that is now crapped upon by pigeons? I never did understand that old time scripture stuff. Don’t hold it against me, as I wasn’t there. And I learned English in school, by Catholic nuns, so I don’t have an understanding of that gibberish that is supposed to tell the truths and consequences of life’s choices. Nor were any of our so-called theologians around back then. And it seems that everybody and their brother has a different view on what it all meant back then. Confusion say, start over! Hey, this is modern times with modern man equipped with a brain that is a little more up to date then the so-called saints of old. We are a different species! The only saint I can relate too is Mother Teresa. Maybe she should have re-written the “word”. But she was too busy feeding the hungry! And why is it that the political debates find the same focus. Religion is playing out to big an issue with the upcoming 2008 presidential race. Religion is private. It should be kept that way, separated! And if it is truly all doom and gloom, just take the campaign money and run. Oh, that’s what they all do to begin with, take the money and run – not away, but for office! Maybe there isn’t really a separation any longer. If there is, it follows that diminishing distance phenomenon – cut it in half again and again. Then again, maybe it is yet another trick used to trick us out of our security and sanctuary. See, right now the Bush administration owns the “fear factor” ticket, so campaigners need something else to focus attention upon. That is where the “religion” agenda is coming into play. Wow, I just witnessed a breach in “my” Homeland Security. See, a bunch of young kids just departed a jet plane on arrival from….Can’t giveaway where the breaches occur, as that would make me an enemy combatant and subject me to Prevo like detention. “YOU ARE BAD”. Anyway, it was no doubt a team of basketball players, as every other kid had a basketball. And when free inside the terminal, it was bouncing ball time. Now here is what gets me. How in hell did these punks get to carry regulation size basketballs aboard a plane? When I was a kid, we used to fill the….never mind. This is America and self-incrimination is no longer protected by the Constitution. Airports must be the modern day Simon and Garfunkel – a.k.a. Sodom and Gomorrah – as everybody is gossiping about everybody else. I wish the Israelites would come help us out with this fanaticism - cell phone madness I am talking about. It is almost like a religious following. Don’t see anybody smiling do you? Especially at an airport when considering one will soon be subject to the “Behavioral Experts”, the Homeland gang. And if you are “happy and you know it clap your hands”, the “red” flag” will get you an additional pat-down and some Prevo assisted questioning! “WHY ARE YOU SMILING?” To bad people didn’t pray as much as they like to talk. When is enough just that, enough already? With the cell-phone crap I am talking about. Sorry, I deviated away from the religious experience. And soon, sky-high chatter will invade your peace and quiet, as airlines are throwing around a plan to make more money, by allowing “Aircard One” to occupy your time on high. Really, I grabbed a plane the other day just to get away from the madness. Soon it will be a thing of the past. Anyway, with the thought of what the Israelites had gone through, I went on E-bay, to see if I could find a friendly Jewish business partner that would sell me a silencer. The best damn silencers come from Israel. I am not talking a bullet blast barrel silencer, but a cell phone encryption blocking gizmo. Now when you can’t find something of a desire on E-bay, there is something wrong. Hey, I once placed a fraudulent “For Sale” and the bidding began in earnest, for Geronimo’s skull. In no time flat it was up to $10-million dollars. Then I received this threatening cell phone call, demanding that I shall cease and desist from any further activity. It sounded like John Kerry, and the phone number was tracked back to D.C. and was further traced as a conference call to the White House and to several unlisted numbers from Yale University. Wow, must be the Homeland patriots at it again. Hey, by this time in history shouldn’t there have already commenced an inquiry into finding out whether or not the “Skull & Bones” club does indeed have Geronimo’s skull on ice? And how many presidents, senators, congressmen and preachers affiliate themselves with this “Secret” club. And isn’t grave digging a crime? Anyway, the lobbyist have been successful in once again changing the Constitution that makes it illegal to use cell-phone jamming devices here in the land of doom and gloom. It is based solely on the fact that “911” must be readily available. Hey, what did we do before? So in Israel, one can buy all kinds of equipment to jam another’s nuisance. Now cell phones wouldn’t be bad, except there are too many loudmouths. See, it is called competition. When one guy speaks, the other must speak up, just to carry on a conversation. So the decibel level reaches the peace and quiet diminishing return scenario. And why should I be bothered by another’s annoying conversation when I try to eat my pasta? Now, what a concept I just thought about. Maybe I should invest in a dozen cell phones. At the same time, hire a dozen homeless guys. We could all go over to Prevo’s place on Sunday and when the doom and gloom scenario kicks into high gear, the phones would start ringing, and the Creator would take over. I wonder what would happen if indeed the Creator did show up, smiling? Hey, I wake each morning thinking of “good”. It seems, no matter what hurdles are presented before me, that there is “good” out and about. Maybe we should focus our attention not towards doom and gloom, but to the “good” of it all. The Creator has given us the “goods”, to do good and for the most part, be good. But when we focus our attention towards the doom and gloom curse, and when we have assholes that believe Geronimo’s skull is a prized possession, we have tortured the Creator’s “good” will and have cursed ourselves. Hey Mr. Kerry, tell us the truth about Geronimo’s skull! I would ask George, but he has already proven that he can’t tell the truth. And, did you kiss that skull? Anyway, I finally found a guy who is willing to sell me not just a cell-phone jamming device - the size of a cigarette package and in disguise as a pack of Camels - but the electronic patent. So I can make my own. It is all for the “good”. That of my peace, my quiet and maybe my wallet, just like a politician and preacher. Hey, maybe I can get rich and buy a skull, maybe a church and not have to pay my fair share of taxes, just like a politician and just like a preacher!

CopyRight 2007 – Dixie Productions/MSK Media/Eagle Rock Press
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Thursday, November 1, 2007

Active Denial

Active Denial System or Syndrome?
What is it with people that make a living by inventing WMD crap? Don’t we have enough fool-hardy lessons in history that beckons a call to peace through diplomacy? Talk about history and in accord with good science over that of destructive science. It has to do with the time capsules that humans plant in efforts to scare away aliens. With the killing fields alive and well in Afghanistan and Iraq, along with a growing insane society - like that guy that placed his baby in the micro-wave oven followed by a freezer burn as a means of discipline - aliens want nothing to do with this planet. Really, since George has been at the helm, UFO sightings are way down. Now real scientists - unemployed and walking Times Square - they have discovered that the best time capsules are pigeons. It is a genetic and generation thing. See, pigeons started out taking refuge here in America over at the ironsmith’s hangout. When the ironsmith needed business cards, thus came the printing press. Now with fancy business cards, the ironsmiths were directed to get fancier with metals as they started having a groupie audience - thus came the barrel. So the 2nd Amendment was born. At the same time, the 1st Amendment was also making advances. Bottom line, it is the only two amendments that need be. Slavery and women suffrage should never have been. And nowadays, with the 1st and the 2nd cast in concrete, we don’t need far away representation. Bottom line, we don’t need high paid political crooks bent on placing another amendment on the books for their own selfish reasons. That is where the forefathers blew it, by allowing an un-ending end to the Constitution, in the form of “Amendments”. Take this one for instance, which deals with presidential “Term Limits”. The Constitution is specific with respect to “only two terms served”. But in no way shape or form was it permissible to link two terms together. Why? Because when a president is seated, he or she has a job to do. One cannot be looking out for the good of the nation if at the same time involved in campaigning for another 4-years at the helm. It was supposed to work just the opposite, with only a single term at a time. It meant 4-years in office then time off for good behavior. Then, when retired and away from the Oval Office haunted by the Devil in the blue dress, one could spend time campaigning for that second term. It is well defined, this “Terms of Endangerment” as proposed by our forefathers. But it is confidential information that sits tucked away next to Geronimo’s skull, in secret hiding. I wish the Indian Nation would revolt and attack this secret place and get the skull back. It would be worthy of another Custard’s last stand, maybe an enactment of the battle of Little Bighorn. So pigeons have all this history in their blood lines, and these living flying time capsules are everywhere! Getting back to WMD. If you don’t know what the latter stands for, all hope is lost. Now these “can’t give peace a chance as we live off the government” welfare con artists are at it again. It is called “Active Denial Syndrome”. Just another fancy word for premeditated cooking. What a cop out, as the scientists behind this madness try to come on like this is some sort of new ordeal. That there is some good that will come out of this cooking class research. One scientist, who had the audacity to think the rest of us were dummies, went into detail that when radio waves are confiscated and directed towards a target of interest - another human - the molecules in a human body vibrate, so it causes a “discomfort”. This is nothing shy of cooking people. Just ask that little baby about this “discomfort” thing, as she was a guinea pig for this research. See, it is supposed to be controlled cooking, wherein crowds can be dispersed when Bush’s motorcade is driving around. A discipline like thing. Maybe the dad had read about this and was the first on the block to try it out! And the only means at his disposal was the kitchen micro-wave oven. It reminds me of those movies wherein cannibals would cook the Stooges in a pot of boiling water. This science invention is nothing shy of a bonafide micro-wave bombardment, wherein the water molecules begin to boil, so it basically sets afire one’s innards. It basically cooks you from the inside out! You can’t see it or hear it. And it can come from any direction. Humane? This is by far the most in-humane thing ever thought upon. If my government is funding the research for this type of weapon, then the high crimes court should be in session. Look, the nuclear race was lost a long, long time ago. And the Russians have succeeded in producing a conventional bomb, labeled the “Vacuum Bomb”. It carries with it a punch that is equal to the atom bomb dropped on Hiroshima. And like already mentioned, it is conventional. It can be sold to anybody! And this new “cook me” disguised “micro-wave me to death” weapon, it is readily available - as it is nothing sophisticated. And I am sure that in short order time since unveiled, plans for building this “Active Denial” thing will be all over the Internet. It should have been recognized by our leadership that over time technology would make things simpler and simpler. That is where we are at, the crossroads of civilization bent on destruction by hi-tech torture. Too bad our present fathers didn’t look ahead and realize that “peace” is the only way out of total annihilation upon the masses. So maybe it is time to “Amend” the 2nd right, to bear arms. Maybe it should read that bearing arms is a requirement and that the military machine is a dead machine. And with that maybe I can get a break on my taxes. See, Warren Buffet is great. He figured out his tax burden in comparison to his office help, like the receptionist and switchboard operator. Egad, Warren has no tax shelters and no offshore shenanigans that fetch a relief. He does his income tax according to the existing “Code” without cheating. Wow, a real American. And guess what, he only pays 17%. Now the office help on the average, it was up to 32% - just like most Americans. So here a very rich guy is paying about half of what you and I pay out, all without shelters. When most of our Congressmen and Senators and Ken Lay wannabes, well just look at the tax shelters that Bill Frist enjoyed while Speaker of the House. So when you hear this bullshit about who is paying the most in taxes, it is a fake advertisement based on the Code! More like the criminal code. So it is an all out lie. It is supposed to work, but it is broke. Anyway, Warren was dumbfounded that such a system of inequity exists. He believes in an “Even Steven” system of taxation. And that brings up a point. If indeed our representation went forward with a consumables tax, who would pay for the “War” machine? Guess what, maybe we wouldn’t have idiots thinking up ways to cook other humans. War would be over, not “if you want it”, but because of greed, as most Americans would rather spend their hard earned money on necessities, like food, clothing and medicine. In fact, disposable income would get to the point that “citizens” could fix problems like starvation and homelessness. Let’s face it, spending $40-million dollars for a Raptor jet that is equipped with million dollar bombs is only making defense contractor CEOs rich. What good are these hi-tech birds doing for us in Iraq? Nothing. Hey, we went so mighty with the air war, well the enemy changed course. We went stupid, the enemy went simple. And why is it that only 10% of the gazillion-dollar war budget is spent on the ground troops? Because the money is wasted! If it weren’t wasted, the war in Iraq would be done with. Hey, all the president had to do was raise the pay of the troopsters and there would be ten times as many troops available for duty in the theaters of war. So many, that it would have scared the dickens out of the enemy. Numbers speak, you cannot deny that time proven fact of life. But right now, such a low number of troops speaks of failure. Thus with the waste, we strive for cannibalism, more like Sinbalism. We need more “Men” like Mr. Buffet. Now what a name for this weapon of destruction. “Active Denial”, like our government is already claiming no liability. Talk about getting hot under the collar. Now “Active Denial”, it sounds more in-tune to what Congress adheres to, especially the “denial” aspect. Maybe we should just go back to spanking. Where one can see it coming, feel it and take notice that it hurts from the outside in - from the giver. Now a paddle for our senators and congressmen, I would gladly give a donation for that kind of weapon. In fact, instead of a gavel at a swearing in ceremony, the paddle would be more appropriate. Call it the “Active Reprisal System”. And first in-line for the trial runs, how about Alaska’s Senator “Still Standing” Ted Stevens – not for getting a free facelift from Big Oil, but for pushing a lucrative “military housing” contract to a buddy which in the end cost me a surcharge on my fishing license. Ted could be followed by Congressmen Don Young – not for wasting money on “Bridges To Nowhere”, but for a fishing pole tax hidden away in some highway welfare bill. While you are at it, how about abolishing the statute of limitations and give Frank Murkoski a spanking – not for failing to get ANWR opened to oil development, but for giving away Alaska’s resources for pennies on the dollar. And don’t forget a few whacks for MoanaLisa – not for spending time looking for selfish land deals, but for campaigning that she would get money to help quell the alarming incidents of rape in Anchorage, it hasn’t happened yet! Then we can move on down to the local folk heroes, like Tom and Vic and Ben and…. Think about it, we can turn town square into a cultural place, with Saturday Night “Spankathons”. Denial no more, just pure “Active Reprisal”!

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