Books & Writings by SPam McGee

Alaska Short Stack Stories, Series I, II, & III ~ Alaska's Deadliest Sin-Drill Baby Drill ~ Alaskan Company Man ~ Eklutna Lake Worrier ~ From the Fifth Floor ~ Hannah Cove ~ My Journey to Landes House ~ Poemetrics ~ Quinn the "Tanik" Eskimo ~ S.O.S. from Beaver Lake ~ The Teachings of the Swamp Fox ~ Trans-Alaska-Pipeline Funny Stories ~ Spirit Dog & the Ghost Wind


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Thursday, December 31, 2009

Moratorium Day

Ding Dong the Rush is Down…. OK, this is supposed to be truce day, wherein no blogs are posted about Sarah Palin. It isn’t midnight yet, so I am still allowed to at least use her name in vain. So it was OK to pick on Rush. But with Rush down, what are his followers and staunch supporters supposed to do? I just watched a Hannity Special, a town hall meeting put together to discuss the most disgusting things of 09. And sure enough, Palin was one of the top subjects of interest. Now many Coinservatives – conservatives that can take either heads or tails on issues – especially coinservative women that think 30,000 troops equates to 1/3rd the 40,000 asked for by the Chief to the Commander-in-Chief, well they unanimously believe that Palin is not a viable candidate for any political office as she quit her job as governor in Alaska, so she has made not so good a show with her quitting in efforts to become a book signer. But these Conservatives also think that the more the Liberals pick on Sarah and her family, the more powerful she comes on and that turns them on. So those that would not vote the party line if Sarah were today in the running, could in the future if the liberals continue to attack and make her a martyr. That is why it is so important to stop gloritizing and glamorizing her ambitions. So maybe if we bloggers - especially Alaskan bloggers - begin with a single day of “NO SARAH”, then maybe like a virus this will take root, and forever put the gal with super vision down for the count. Try it, you’ll like what you don’t see. So tomorrow is the day of “No SARAH”, January 1st, 2010. Lets team together and make this a win for an end to Sarah, John McCain’s monster.

Splatting vs. Blogging

If you are an Alaskan “Blogger”, please read on. It appears that the Alaskan Bloggersphere has been overrun by “Splatting Splatters”. Defining “Splatting: To scatter scat.” Instead of using this modern day hi-tech at your fingertips correspondence as a ways and means to voice and broadcast true 1st Amendment Right concerns, of value, the crap that fills the spectrum is trespass like rhetoric. It is not a punching bag forum and should be policed by those that feel it necessary to contribute. What I am talking about is all this foolish crap like “Sarah Palin” book banning and SP this and SP that crybaby bull-crap! When is enough truly enough in this crap category? Look, leave her alone and she will go away, along with Levi and the rest of the cast that have gained the undivided attention of many to “crap” and nothing more. So to all of those individuals out there that think they are doing something constructive, to all those Olbermann wannabes, start publishing things of necessity that have meaning to this state and its present state of affairs. If you want a schoolyard playground bickering and beating place, or a pageant stage, go twitter or utilize some other means to further your agenda. Please don’t use this forum as a ways and means to incite childish behavior, stone throwing, aggressive lying and ED frustration upon things that don’t really matter in the big picture show. I am serious with this matter, which seems so far to show a lack of intelligence. I have spoken to many others who enjoy the possibility of corresponding with others but become frustrated with the crap that overwhelms the limited postings page, especially with the freedom of “”. So we need a truce, a New Year’s resolution. This “scattering” is not what was intended of this forum, and this is understandable due its infancy. Sure it is a right, but what comes from so many is nothing but pure adolescent like behavior making it appear nothing short a Patton Place episode. We all get roped into it, as it is easy from the confines of our secure homes and only a “Send” button away. But there exists far more important issues of value above all the blarney. So can we, for just 1 day, see no crap published about Palin. See, if you can stay away from this monster attraction and post something meaningful for one measly day, than maybe it will transcend into a habit, or away from such. If not, we loose the opportunity to make available a forum with meaning! In fact, the postings will be graded starting January 1st. This is a non-partisan attempt that will give viewers and easily identifiable grade, a stamp of approval, so they can make the choice to read-on or decline, based on the grading policy - which is a completely voluntary maneuver. So on a scale rating similar to the Beaufort Wind scale, many if not all publications will find a partner posting. Not an opinion type posting, just a grade stamp. But instead of the Beaufort, that is replaced with Crap Slinging:

Crap Slinging 1 - No Scatter, truthful & worth reading.
Crap Slinging 2 - Light Dry Scatter, some reservation to truthfulness & worth reading.
Crap Slinging 3 - Light Wet Scatter, mild reservation to truth & worth reading.
Crap Slinging 4 - Gentle Dry Scatter, moderately compromised, read with caution.
Crap Slinging 5 - Gentle Wet Scatter, truth really compromised, read only if bored.
Crap Slinging 6 - Fresh Scatter, truth missing but read for comic value.
Crap Slinging 7 - Strong Scatter, Not even funny, reserved for idiots.
Crap Slinging 8 - Near Gale Scatter, will incite riots, no truth.
Crap Slinging 9 - Gale Scatter, lobotomized followers only reading.
Crap Slinging 10 - Explosive Diarrhea, Ding Dong the Rush is Down!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

"Going Rouge" Whiplashing

I value above all the 1st Amendment Right. The 2nd no doubt, is right behind in value. Together these inalienable rights protect above and beyond. I also respect Constitutionally inherent rights, like intellectual property rights. So I will take credit at coining first with publication the counter title to Sarah Palin’s Book “Going Rogue”, that being “Going Rouge”. So when the counter book appeared in print quick off the press to trump Palin's 1st Amendment calling, I had to perform my duty and ask the publisher of “Going Rouge” to cease and desist any further printed books with this title. I am not after anything but respect to the rules of the road. Here is the response from “Going Rouge’s” legal defense fund:

I am the attorney for Health Communications and your email to Lori Golden has been forwarded to me for response. I would recommend that you have your lawyer contact me about this since he would be aware that book titles are generally not protectable. I should point out that this book was published in November and therefore was in production with this title before September 30. I am sorry for any trouble this might cause you and suggest that it is best if I deal with your lawyer about this. Thank you for your cooperation,

BobRobert N. Solomon, Esq.
1212 Avenue of the Americas
18th FloorNew York, NY 10036
Telephone: 212-768-9500

Injustice Served?

Police arrest Mr. Blackman in an alleyway, evidence of cocaine drug use is found at the scene. He is indicted by a jury, first time offense, 6-months in prison says the Judge, the gavel falls and he is lead off to do his time. Blackman loses his job and will have to contend with a felony upon his record, after serving his time. Déjà vu! Former Alaska State Senator Nick Stepovich is arrested in an alleyway, evidence of cocaine drug use is found at the scene. Nick is indicted by a jury, 40-hours community service says the judge, the gavel falls and Nick is let go a free man. Nick owns a hotel, so does not loose his job and so what that felony record. Justice served? More like Alaskan “political” style injustice. Maybe this is the reason why all the “Corrupt Bastards” are getting those “Get Out of Jail Free” tokens and doing wine instead of time!

Monday, December 28, 2009

Counter Rogue-Rouge Point

I would never waste hard earned money on crap, especially bull-crap. You won’t find me waiting in line to buy Sarah Palin’s memoirs, “Going Rogue”. But I must admit, from what I have heard so far from the pundit gallery, it is just a waste of ink on paper. Is it true that it is 250-pages of nothing but “Intentionally Left Blank” pages and a cover with her mug-shot? I thought George Bush had a copyright on that sort of outlay already. So with Palin it is a blank story, wherein readers can make up their own drama queen episodes. With that said, it should be part of every Alaskan crapper survival kit. See, in Alaska remote cabins are usually stocked with food and toilet paper just incase a wayward traveler gets lost and needs shelter. It is one of those time tested “Good Samaritan” things that makes Alaska unique. So if the publisher gets tired of trying to sell a book that will never make its way into a time capsule – as we do not want to inform intelligent life that this race is still at the starting line – there is a place for the publication, the crapper! In Alaska, that is an honor. Now I did have the opportunity to read the counterclaim to “Going Rogue”, titled “Going Rouge”, a stolen title at that. OK, I am off on a good start, just a little bit passed the starting line! See, this counterclaim is idiotic at best. It appears to be a bunch of disgruntled huff’n puff wannabe writers bent on getting published, their ten-minutes claim to fame with more crap like smearing techniques! It would have been better to just get a roll of toilet paper, compress it under the weight of disgruntlement and slap on a “stolen” title! Really, it stinks, even when the toilet bowl is vacant and the paper is 2-ply unused. First and foremost, why pay for old news? And who is really telling the truth in the matter that should matter to no one! Who really cares about Sarah Palin? The only thing I know about Palin is the fact that she can “tweet”, whatever the hell that is. And if she can “tweet”, and use her cell-phone at the same time while driving, there may be some intelligence evolving. What a role model. And I believe that MSNBC Keith Olbermann’s name is printed in this counterpoint, just as many times as is Sarah’s name found in print. I guess to those in the know Palin goes by “SP”. Was this something planned, with the Olbermann credits, like a subliminal message? I wonder, is there an alchemist out there with a magic test chamber or fire pit wherein both wasted books could be thrown into the heat, with miraculous results of a chain reaction finding in the end both novelties disappearing forever? Let us face the facts. This country is supposed to be getting greener. The government is even on a paperwork reduction mandate. Publishers should do the same. And so what if Palin had somebody write a book, as in this day and age “ghostwriting” makes quick money for the failing paper-back publishers. We are entering a hi-tech age, wherein libraries and bookstores will not be a thing of the past, but a whole lot different. We need to get passed the starting line and move ahead towards the finish. Hey, whether you like it or not, Sarah is out for the “gold”. There is not one American out there that would not do the same if opportunity knocked. So to counterpunch with more crap, it is pathetic. The sad thing, Palin continues to fuel an imposter following, from truth or non-truth. But for some reason, there are many that believe it is their duty to continue on the path to nowheres, with a counter-punch mentality. The yellow brick road has been abandoned. This is the fuel that Palin thrives on. It is like an exothermic reaction, where no external heat is required to keep the heat on. So Sarah wins, time and time again, because we don’t want to get ahead and continuously find ourselves back on the “Starting” line, while all of the time the with her or against her mentality, she wins. Today and tomorrow will find much of the same if we continue to waste time, paper and let intelligence whither away to nonsense because Palinism has become a two-way street addiction. Leave her alone, and we will be left alone as there are far more pressing issues of interest at hand that demands our attention, more important then some crap that occurred in Alaska when Palin was playing out the role of...? Sorry, I am not interested anymore! Flush….

CopyRight Infringement

To: Health Communications, Inc.
From: C&I P, LLC
Subject: Going Rouge

With respect to the published title, “Going Rouge” and published by Health Communications, Inc., please be advised that this title, this phrase, in quotes, was coined in a published “blog” back on Wednesday, September 30, 2009 @9:06am AST, referenced as a book title. With that publication, and the fact that this “blog” is sponsored by an entity that retains and enjoys all copyright protection and infringements rights, this warning is to advise that the title of your published book may be an infringement upon another’s work. Please advise otherwise or else refrain from using the title “Going Rouge” now and forevermore.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Bligh Reef Haunting

It is 6pm at my home here in Anchorage. It is pitch dark out. What else to expect from the lighter side, as it is only five days past the winter solstice - the day that finds the least amount of daylight. And on the 24th, just 3-short days following the solstice, the 136ft Pathfinder – an escort vessel designed and operated to keep crude oil tankers off rocks and reefs in Prince William’s Sound – finds itself the victim of Joe’s Rock. So, it was dark outside with seas normal at 6 feet and directional wind clocked at Beaufort 10. Basically easy going for mariners! And with very few navigational warning lights in and around Prince William’s Sound, it means steering home not by sight but through radar-assisted navigation. Just like a flying pilot using IFR, Instrument Flight Rules. It means the eyes and ears of forward progress are simulated through electronic eavesdropping means. And the Pathfinder was equipped with the best technology “oil men money” could buy. Along with that, there was an extra cushion of oversight, courtesy the United Sates Coast Guard utilizing the extended reach radar system - monitored around the clock from its Valdez dispatch. With that said, there is no way in hell that a super-powered hi-tech tug could find itself on the famous rock unless…. So what went wrong this time? How in hell could a vessel sworn towards ecosystem protection find itself “hard aground” on Bligh Reef? It’s haunting. Maybe a little too much holiday cheer? How about too much brandy infused fruitcake? The six man able-bodied crew was tested following the Pathfinder finding the wrong path, but no alcohol or drug abuse was found. Thank God. Asleep at the wheel? Maybe, especially if the wheel of misfortune was destiny’s child this day for the captain and crew. But the excuses and secrecy behind what really happened, all in efforts to not tell the truth of the matter, it is beginning to bore this subject like déjà vu EXXON Valdez 1989! Look, the EXXON Valdez used up all the possible excuses back in 89, when that ship found itself embedded in the same damn rock as the Pathfinder found on the 24th. And all these current lame excuses that there occurred no environmental damage from the Pathfinder’s cargo of fuel finding freedom in the Sound, it is pure noggin head blasphemy. According to sneak previews, there is the possibility of thousands of gallons of diesel fuel becoming part of the Sound’s ecosystem. But low and be bold diesel is not as toxic as spilled crude oil, according to the State of Alaska on-scene bureaucrats trying to defend their position and job status, so the spilled goods have dissipated harmless? Hey, Alaska still has a bridge to nowhere for sale! But thanks to Sarah Palin, lying has become Alaska’s favorite pastime. Now according to Phineas J. Whoopee and his 3-D BB, diesel fuel has a vapor pressure of “nothing” when it cools off down to temperatures of the seawater found in and around the Sound during December. So this stuff that leaked upon impact, it has broken up into zillions of toxic concoctions that have already entered into the ecosystem. From benzene to ethylene to toluene to xzylene balls of aromatic hydrocarbons, the ecosystem was bombarded. It hurts. Nature is not equipped to handle so much on so short a notice. Time will tell the extent of this new atrocity, but there will come fish tumors along with cancer candidates upon those that continue to eat the flesh of the intoxicated. I stopped eating the fish from the Sound a long time ago, even before the EXXON wreck, when it was discovered that the outflow of water separated from the North Slope crude oil was contaminated with NORM – Naturally Occurring Radioactive Matter. And as far as the fish in the Inlet, I don’t like the taste of crap and the amount of crap that is discharged from Point Warzonoff into the path of migrating salmon, forget that flesh for a meal! So we have upon us another shipwreck. No, not Palin this go-around. And a wreck upon the same damn rock that was christened famous by Joe some many years ago! It is simple, to see the cause. When our eyes and ears - once used for navigating in rough seas or when darkness is upon us - are postponed useful due more advanced ways and means, there is always the possibility that something in the electronics could go creepy. But in this day and age, everything is digital, so for something to malfunction, it doesn’t sit too well in theory postulated upon hardness, readiness and reliability. But there is also a weakness to modern day gizmos, namely that back door loophole that allows would be assassins - a.k.a. hackers - allowing such trespassers to enter into restricted areas and wreck havoc. This is what has happened herein with the Pathfinder. Now nobody will ever admit to such a breech, as it would mean headaches for a whole lot of concerns. But this may be an isolated case, as there is some insane bozo out there that has planned this attack. Like already mentioned, with the excuses following a time tested déjà vu mentality, why not the real reason? Look, it was the same individual or organization that planned the EXXON Valdez wreck. His or her or their MO may single out a disgruntled oil broker, disguised as an environmentalist gadfly. Maybe not direct involvement, but his ways and means finds whackos amongst the masses, which incites insane revenge. Bottom line, as was the EXXON Valdez a planned wreck – out of environmental and economic loss revenge – so has the Pathfinder found itself yet another victim. But all this will be cloaked by the same lame and accepted excuses forthcoming, as to admit there is some insane addict that understands how to infiltrate the eavesdropping network, it would be scary and terrorists would seek him or her out, in efforts to disrupt the vital transportation link of so far seaworthy commerce. Bottom line herein, this idiot is out there, alive and well. Today he laughs, as nobody seeks the truth, as it is easier to buy excuses and bury the truth of the matter, wherein no theory could rest assured that there was not a sabotage attempt. It would be like opening up Pandora’s box, a needle in the haystack crime scene. And isn’t it ironic that the Pathfinder was towed back to safety during “darkness”, as pulling the disabled tugboat through churning seas was like taking it through a washing machine for no other reason then to cover up the damage. What sheen? And when it hits Valdez and the pundits attack it for pictures showing a breached hull, it will be clean and the true damage of this newest atrocity upon the Sound will be lost again. As it appears the solution to pollution continues to find a cure, dilution! So as the Sound suffers through yet another catastrophe, the culprit behind this mess sits back, taking not credit, but baking his cake and eating it too! All at our expense as he knows all too well that when the bureaucracy to defend is inept, his ways and means defend his mission and he enjoys success, which is a real sick attitude at that. The sad thing, he will strike again, just like a serial killer, just like a rapist. It is not for the pleasure, but for the unclaimed fame! And someday, the truth will come to past, and we will say to ourselves, how did this happen on our watch!

Friday, December 25, 2009

Serial Rapist & Killer

Has anybody seen Joe Hazelwood in and around Alaska? I know he completed the mandatory community service sentencing penance after running hard aground on Bligh Reef back in 89. But another marine vessel collision upon the best known navigational hazard in Prince William’s Sound? The same rock hit by Joe? Look every 3rd grade student in Valdez knows about Bligh Reef and its inherent hazards to safe navigation! Stay away, it is that simple! Maybe there is something magnetically biased about this reef that is causing navigational interference and attracting vessels bent on spilling a cargo of oil and other types of hydrocarbon atrocities, like diesel fuel, upon the ecosystem just starting to regain a foothold following Joe’s mistake! Anyway it may be interference of a different sorts that has placed a high-powered oil spill response tug “hard aground” and causing extensive damage to the steel hull, one so designed to withstand the rigors and dangers of an iceberg littered sea channel used in efforts to transport Alaskan North Slope oil south to refineries. Ironically called the Pathfinder – a 136’ rescue vessel that calls the Sound home – this modern day “once” seaworthy vessel that recently won an environmental award was equipped with hi-tech navigational eavesdropping equipment along with an able bodied seamen crew of six, all found without a trace of any mind-altering substance abuse following the ship’s off course collision, with that, the generosity of yet another environmental nightmare. Chalk up another! And this vessel was part of an entire contingency of men, women, vessels and oversight commissions that could catch and prosecute somebody pissing in the Sound! On top of that, the United States Coast Guard tracking system designed and utilized to prevent exactly what has happened again, well officials are without words as to why this sophisticated system failed again, in efforts to avoid such collisions. Was somebody asleep at the wheel again? Now 33000 gallons of diesel fuel has or may find freedom in the waters of the Sound, which is casting an escaping sheen of death over 3-miles long just days before the Christmas holidays. Hey, it means there is money to be made for some! Now this mess is a whole lot smaller then the EXXON Valdez’s payload, some 11-million gallons of gooey crude oil. It doesn’t matter, oil is oil, just ask the sea-life that was starting to come back to live and thrive in the Sound. Sound ironic? It is! Regardless, how in hell does something like this happen? Weather? Not when the National Weather Service predicted a 6-foot sea, that’s normal. So, does it appear déjà vu all over again? Yes. And like it or not, love it or leave it, there is only one way in which this could have occurred. Just like the same fate that steered the mighty EXXON Valdez on a collision course of doom – a.k.a. SABOTAGE. The EVTV wreck was a sabotage attempt that worked. So whomever was behind it back then, is at it again. Look, Exxon got off pretty cheap. Now though, with another catastrophic ecosystem event, EXXON can never again be blamed for how the Sound is or is not recovering, as the Lee Raymond corporate lawyers can use this present incident as a defense. “Gee, the Sound was doing well until…” Poor Crowley, the outfit that owns the Pathfinder! So the Sound finds itself once again the victim of misfit shenanigans. Bottom line, back on March 24th, 1989, during a moon bright night of calm seas, the EXXON Valdez was set on a collision course of destruction through a “get-even” planned event. It was pure revenge back then and today's wreck with the Pathfinder may signal a continuation of that revenge plan set in motion some 20-years ago. Look, the EXXON Valdez’s crew at the helm was not aware that this behind the scenes sabotage was about to make the tanker, captain and crew famous. But nobody ever bothered to realize that this could have been a revenge sabotage attempt, yet this newest accident should be the catalyst to rethink what is really behind another grounding on the same damn reef rock. My friends, it is sabotage, and not through a terrorist but somebody in the know – call it “Home Grown” if you like! It is like a serial killer at work, who attacks then sits quietly, keeps quiet but sooner or later wants the attention. He or she is out there, and it appears that it means success again. The MO of this scumbag is impersonating an environmentalist, a gadfly, or somebody bent on destroying the oil industry here in Alaska, not realizing that it is a sick way to revenge. And no matter what excuses the Pathfinder’s crew comes up with, no matter what excuses the Coast Guard come up with, it will most likely be the same excuses that followed the EXXON collision and in the end, somebody will get a paycheck, a settlement, and eventually the serial masked murderer killer, rapist, whatever, will find that he won some more attention - like a long overdue orgasm. And with such success again will eventually strike again. For those interested in reading about the true fate of the EXXON Valdez, and why it was sabotage in efforts as a revenge plot, go to under Alaska novels and read all about it, titled “From the Fifth Floor”, a true enough story of what led up to the EXXON Valdez wreck. And maybe then you will realize that there is a monster in disguise out there, waiting to strike again, like a rapist, like a serial killer!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

"Heart Break" Alaska

National Geographic Freak Show!

Bravo Jeanie Greene! We salute you Jeanie Greene! It is about time that a prominent and wise Native Alaskan stood up and voiced a concern that ethnic cleansing through ethnic stereotyping is alive in well in Alaska. I am talking the arrival of some off the wall TV series called “Alaska State Troopers”. Really, if this sort of show does not lead to increased risk of suicide and domestic violence, then it will nevertheless erode away upon the true value of Alaska, especially with respect to life in the bush. Look, most of us have no idea what it is like to live in a bush community, wherein life is so different then what most city dwellers are used to, wherein most of the time it means a subsistence like lifestyle. Bush life is the “true” heritage of this state. It has meaning most city dwellers do not or care not to understand. So to pick on the bush life, it is a crime against decency when untrue crap shows up on TV, as a reality nightmare. Anybody that would waste time to enjoy such crap must be a candidate for a lobotomy. Now in the beginning, when first advertised before the show’s debut, I thought this show from its cable title - Alaska State Troopers - was too be some sort of Christmas special, maybe a show wherein the brave men and women in uniform take up the cause to help out their fellow men and women – instead of showing off that there is an intellectual IQ test missing the prerequisite qualifications for wannabe troopers, before engaging in law enforcement activity. But it is a reality TV show, and Jeanie is right, this show stereotypes Alaskan Natives and is more then borderline discrimination, it is discriminatory and those responsible should be lead away in handcuffs, including any law enforcement officer that provided time or efforts to invade the privacy of others. Remember, this state has a Constitution! In that Constitution, a right to privacy! That seems to have been violated. I am not a Native, I am white, and whomever allowed this state asset to be filmed for a profit or not, they should be held accountable. Right now, the Attorney General should be calling for the resignation of the top brass, Commissioner Masters and Deputy Dog Commissioner Gorder. And this outfit - a division of the Alaska Department of Public Safety - it has to be on a joke free-for-all, as its home site advertises “Loyalty, Integrity and Courage”? “Loyalty”, yes to producers over citizen’s rights. “Integrity”, must be a spelling mistake. And yes, as to disparage your fellow human being behind the protection of the badge, it takes “Courage”. Maybe it is time to review the divisions “Strategic Compass” as it seems way off course. And I guess it is a career that’s “Anything but ordinary”! This is not free speech by any stretch of the imagination. This is more then sensational garbage, as mentioned in Greene’s letter to the editor and published in the Anchorage Daily News. But airing of the show, it was allowed and thus polluted the airwaves. Why? Because this is fallout of what’s to come, from the Sarah Palin fantasy follies that has turned this state into a ridiculous state of affairs. As Sarah continues on her selfish reality binge for profit, of course the scam artists are coming north to make a quick buck. The producers of this show should be banned from ever coming across the border into this state. They should be struck with felony assault crimes, hate crimes and any other things that would forever stop this sort of un-necessary nonsense. I am appalled that more people are not speaking out over this trash. Hey, do you really think an episode could be filmed in a city like Anchorage or Fairbanks? Of course not, because there are many more cities around with way more interesting crime scenes, so it meant heading out to the bush. Wherein the bush citizens could not fend for themselves and were probably told a bunch of lies on what the episodes were supposed to involve. Maybe we need a tribunal, to take the Troopers and this TV outfit to court, a real court wherein the bush jury can have jurisdiction over this sensationalism. It hurts. It should not be allowed, but when nobody is watching, it gets broadcast, makes advertising merits, cashes in on those merits and then people with nothing better to do can make a biased opinion based on crap. Hey, garbage in, garbage out. Blasphemy it is. But what does one expect in the “Corrupt Bastard State”, as our legacy has been set in stone! So, if we can’t beat them, join them appears to be part of the “mission” of the AST and supported by National Geographic. Dam, what would Jacques Cousteau say? Now if the imbeciles that put this crap together can plead not guilty and wash their hands upon any affiliation with this outrageous broadcast, that it was all fictional fake, then it is fraud, and that is a violation. And what if maybe this stuff doesn’t exist on the scale and magnitude portrayed? Is this some nitwit’s 15-minutes claim to fame? I bet you won’t see the National Geographic crap artists at the film festival in Anchorage, as they would be hunted! Really, a show depicting vagrants and vagabonds, it stinks. But like mentioned before, we all know how Sarah managed the public safety department, just ask Walt. So maybe this is the fallout, the "monkey-see, monkey-do as Sarah does” mentality. In fact, if the National Geographic Channel is hard up for business, then why not do it honesty instead of picking on Alaska’s Natives, again, this state’s heritage. Now I have always enjoyed Jeanie’s “Heartbeat Alaska” show, which shows the uniqueness of the Alaska Native culture, but maybe with filth like AST being broadcast on NGC, how about “Heart Break Alaska”, as that is what is going on here. If there isn’t a law against this, there aorta be a law, a very strict law at that. Honestly, everyone should be filing a complaint with the Alaska Attorney General, at the State of Alaska Department of Law office. The number: 907-465-2075 or

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Go ask Alice....

Is This America?

We often hear about the “socialized” health care system used by our Canadian neighbors. Along with horror stories, about long waits for appointments and sub-standard treatment. Now I have worked in Canada, in the oil and gas fields around Fort St. John. The workers are paid well and never complain about their benefits, and they work for an American oil company doing business in a foreign land. I also toil for an American oil company, doing business at home! When comparing salaries, there is not a big difference. And the cost of living between that Canadian outpost – found along the Alcan highway system which finds Uncle Sam paving the way and removing the snow berms – when compared to Anchorage, it is not that different with respect to fuel costs, groceries, weather, etc. Now the other day, I had the opportunity to once again try out my non-nationalized un-reformed institutionalized health care program administered by who-knows and offered up by my employer, not totally for free, but affordable. I try to stay healthy, as that is easier then trying to use something that is impossible to understand. Honestly, maybe with such a screwed-up system, striving to be healthy is the only answer. In fact when I do have to use whatever it is I have, the receptionists always question my coverage and history, because I never use it, like something is wrong with being healthy! Regardless, here it goes, the math. I pay $6.96 per month for vision coverage. Being towards the end of the year, it is preferential too take advantage of the program, for new glassware. That way, another pair can be purchased come the beginning of the New Year. It kills two birds with one stone, as the prescription is good for a year, so I save and end up with a replacement pair of glasses. Now I have been waiting for a month on the standby list for an appointment. That isn’t working, as everybody has the same idea come the end of another year and many doctors vacate Alaska for warmer climates come the holiday season. So the 1st appointment was well into next year, that doesn’t work from an economic standpoint. Good thing this was not an emergency! So I was forced to go to a non-provider, and that cost me $40-dollars out of pocket, non-reimbursable, and yet to tell what part of the bill will be reimbursed, as there exists that “copay” crap of $25 for the visit. And a call to my provider’s hotline was so confusing that I finally pushed #9, “for those with a rotary phone”, just to speak to a human instead of some robot that practiced maybe 1st grade voice recognition. What ever happened to the truth in lending statements? So it looks as if the appointment will cost me $65 and at the same time cost my provider $45. So to date, with my contributions, I have paid out-of-pocket a total of $148 and change! Now comes the glassware. Frames, run of the mill type as I am not on a Sarah Palin fashion extravaganza, $154 minus a reimbursement of $97 equals $57 more out of pocket. Lenses, again nothing special but some sort of reflective must have crap so road crossing possums can be seen while night driving, $161 minus $45 reimbursable, which equals a running total from my wallet of $321 plus change. For plastic glasses! Hold that thought. Possums in Anchorage? Now add to that, another $25-dollars for yet another hidden and ridiculous copay, and my new glasses cost me a grand total of $347 dollars! And I had to pay upfront, and wait another two weeks for the delivery. So I still won’t see the new ware until maybe next year. Talk about a broken system. Sounds just like the Canadian system we hear so much about, but something that lacks circumstantial evidence to prove without a doubt it isn’t working. Now my friends from Finspong never complain about their socialized way of life, but they do tell a story about how much of their income is taxed, a whooping 50%. But major necessities are provided for from that garnishment. They do not have an IRS, as the system is not cheated upon. Schooling is free; higher education is free, even if one desires a trade instead of a profession. Health and welfare, all part of the guarantee. Out of work, no bother. Bankruptcy, isn’t necessary. Even energy for all is affordable and subsidized. You know what, I would have no qualms paying more in taxes if the money wasn’t used for idiotic bullcrap, therein exists the entire problem upon my country T’s of Thee! Taxation has become not a ways and means for approaching that life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, it has become fool’s gold for the representative thievery that is the mainstay of modern day politics. There is plenty of money in the Treasury - or there was at one time - to make this country a happy place to live and die. We as a country have never sat down and talked turkey with respect to what or where our hard earned taxable income should be used. Why? Because it would be scary to those in power if they no longer had control of, “OUR” money. Look, if not already mentioned in detail, I would gladly pay $83 more in taxes if my vision coverage didn’t have this “copay” crap attached to it. I wouldn’t mind paying half the battle, but this is ridiculous, and I have coverage! Now for the sad fact of the matter, the ”rest of the story”. It has been about ten years since my last background check, with my eyes I am talking about. The price of vision service has increased about 400%, that is what has happened to health care here in the land of the free and home of the brave. Now since I stay healthy, my eyesight has improved, almost to the point that glasses are not necessary. So I can see clearly what is going on some many, many miles away on the Hill. There is no intent to provide affordable health care to the citizens of this country. For one ill important reason. It has nothing to do with a “public option”. The main reason “we the people” will see nothing but increased rates upon medical care is the fact that it is a business, and to succeed in this day and age, it means increases. The simple Simon math? We will end up paying more and getting less. That is what has happened and will repeat, no matter what the lame ducks argue about. The entire cast of representation has become so damn lame, it is pathetic that we haven’t expelled each an every one of the nothing doers. But here is my take on what will come from the bowels of what was intended to be an equitable system providing decent health care reform for all. The rich will get taxed along with tax breaks so they will end up getting the best coverage money can buy and get reimbursed then some. See, they never do anything for free. The poor will get the option and maybe a pat on the back indicating everything is OK, just take two aspirin and call your undertaker. And for the middle class, it will be more of the same, as even though there is the time tested saying, “don’t bite the hand that feeds you”, well it doesn’t work all that well because we have been muzzled! We can bark, we can drool, but we cannot make the bite count. That is why Rover gets better health care treatment then does most Americans. Honestly, right down east Anchorage there is a veterinarian not too far from a low cost maybe no cost medical clinic. The clinic runs on empty with one receptionist, a volunteer doctor and two examination rooms. The vet hospital, 5 doctors, a horde of receptionist and volunteers to walk the dogs. It is a place that takes in abandoned dogs. At the same time, people, Americans are left out on the street to fend for themselves. And those on the Hill…..sick they are and proud not to hide it at all! Hey Mr. & Mrs. Congressmen and Senators throughout the land, what’s in your wallet, beside a health care plan all Americans deserve? And I always learned that discrimination and segregation was no longer allowed under the U.S. Constitution. Really, when I look at my health care, it appears that I am seated in the back of the bus. And the poor? Just dragged along for the ride. Trust us? What a joke.

Friday, December 4, 2009

I'm Only Bleeding!

It has been a long enough April! Fool’s Day I am talking about, with Sarah Palin still in the limelight and on the loose. It has become a never ending horror story. I really don’t pay much attention to her fantasized reality life, but it is everywhere, like a computer virus. So even when one retreats, it sometimes doesn’t work all that well - as my peace and quiet and the right to be left alone has been compromised. See, Sarah doesn’t want to be left alone, she loves the attention, and is reaping the benefits of a puzzled worth. Her followers are fools! So as Sarah is off making millions, with book deals and photo-shoot opportunities, it doesn’t matter what her ghostwriter actually penned for profit, as we all realize it is somebody else’s story time line. By fact or fiction, it doesn’t really matter. And just the fact that Sarah couldn’t write anything intelligible or sellable herself, it kind of points to a fake artist mentality- a.k.a. scam artist! Intellectual property, what’s that? Whatever, not my problem! But there is a legacy that will be Sarah’s to own, forever and ever her very own. That is her Drill Baby Drill outbursts. Sarah, as governor of Alaska, was very instrumental in making the DBD a reality. It didn’t start with her reign as the queen-pin, but started when she was a commissioner on the Alaska Oil & Gas Conservation Commission. A detail given her by then Alaska’s governor Frank Murkowski. Frank started the DBD, Sarah made it work, as it became her campaign slogan, so we all know she is all for it for better or for worse. There is no denial herein. Drill Baby Drill is the “green light” to drill, explore and exploit where no drilling rig has ever commenced drilling before, especially in Alaska. Like intruding and trespassing upon pristine offshore deltas and lagoons, areas that have been off limits, for a reason. These estuaries, these areas left untouched for so long, culminates one gigantic nest come breakup - no different then the greatness and importance of Africa’s Serengeti National Park. On Alaska’s North Slope, during a few months a year, this place miraculously transforms to become the cradle of naturization, all in efforts to survive and fore fill destiny of continued life, and when we disrupt, it is no different then an abortion clinic in full operation. But when this DBD came too be, it brings with it serious consequences, already showing the sadness of irresponsible resource development. The sad fact of the matter, the henhouse is being raided and everybody that is supposed to be watching and protecting is somehow or another AWOL! Heads are turning, instead of rolling. I have watched as caribou foraged upon loose drilling salts, left unattended, causing afternoon hemorrhaging that would make believers out of the most unconscious toward ecosystem and environmental stewardship. Environmental atrocities go un-checked, with even small quantities of unknown substances letting loose, wherein hazardous chemicals leach into the tundra, following the easy way out as water so does, making its way to where plankton thrives, food for the great whales that migrate here for a little peace and quiet, and respect - now missing as this sacred place is no longer a safe haven. Contamination is happening right now, even with wintertime upon us. Why so this dereliction to protect? When Sarah mandated this Drill Baby Drill mentality, do you think anybody would stick up and blow the whistle? That this ship of fools was off course? Of course not, as we all know too well what happens to people or employees that see differently Sarah’s mandate, or “mission”. So the atrocities continue. In time, it will be known that Sarah gave in, to allow such abuses upon the tundra and coastline of Northern Alaska. She will go down as the most abusive governor ever on record, even if she didn’t run out the clock on a single term. For years, Big Oil was kept in check, getting away with some mishaps, but all in all, they didn’t want to completely ruin a good thing. So most activity before DBD made its debut, it has been accomplished in a somewhat already industrialized section of Prudhoe Bay, land based activities that attest to the fact that it is somewhat reasonable to say that “spills” can be managed - with recovery realistic. Spills will happen, it follows that inherent human nature weakness, no matter how hard we try to deny such atrocities. It is cold and brutal up north, so sometimes “shit” happens. But with respect to hazardous spills in pristine areas, well response cleanup is not possible when we are talking water-based development. And I don’t know how one treats hemorrhaging caribou that take a fancy to an illegal and or abandoned salt lick. Afternoon nap on the tundra? Not when engaged in puking up blood seems to take over any semblance of a healthy habit. So, with Sarah at the helm, things have changed in the oil patch - for the worse. Besides roadside atrocities, Sarah left the impression that if you are not “with her but against her” you may find yourself in the un-employment ranks, and nowadays that can be a homeless like endeavor. Thus these atrocities go on, today, tomorrow and someday, the truth will be not an April fools like joke, but a sick reality wherein retreat back to normalcy may be but a dream. So as Sarah collects millions in royalties, this state suffers royalty garnishment, just so this Drill Baby Drill thing can become a reality, bringing with it a siege upon environmental responsibilities, a dereliction in duty upon those that are supposed to make sure it doesn’t happen - not in my backyard. But Sarah used eminent domain to take control, and now we have an open season, with this Drill Baby Drill occurrence rampant like an out-of-control train heading for the wreck target. It is just the beginning, but will anybody step up to the plate and take down this ridiculousness, as it is not worth destroying so much, not just a culture that relies on the liveliness of the “Great Nest”, but to the thousands of species that brave a long distant voyage to have a safe haven to raise their young, so the rest of the world can enjoy the winged species. And we all thought the EXXON Valdez wreck was an atrocity that would never be topped on the scale of harm, well with Sarah at the helm, the ripple effect will cause 10 times that damage, unless it is stopped now. Anybody interested in pictures that depict hemorrhaging caribou or dead birds harassed during the nesting period, all illegal activities that can get accusers to find out what jail time is all about, respond to this blog. In ending, this Bob Dylan tune seems appropriate for the times, especially with DBD upon us:

“Temptation’s page flies out the door
You follow, find yourself at war
Watch waterfalls of pity roar
You feel to moan but unlike before
You discover
That you’d just be
One more person crying.
While preachers preach of evil fates
Teachers teach that knowledge waits
Can lead to hundred dollar plates
Goodness hides behind the gates
But even the President of the United States
Sometimes must have
To stand naked.
It’s alright, Ma(I’m Only Bleeding)”

Cropping Out

MoanaLisa MurCowskie: Go guard your perch! Don Young: Go back to hiding! Honestly, sorry for the rant, but what is up with these decrepit creeps that we pay hard earned loot in efforts to hopefully see some serious and decent representation, instead of treason like rhetoric? MoanaLisa: “But the key question is whether the president is fully committed to a strategy that provides a peaceful future…and ceases the export of global terrorism.” What is up with such lunacy? I honor free speech, but please, have some decency upon something! Remember MoanaLisa, count to 10 before having a political orgasmic outburst. If terrorism is now a bonafide export, blame George Bush and your own crap & trade legislative terms of endangerment, idiots you are! Are you insinuating that Obama is not fully committed to cease global terrorism? That’s treason! And if the president is performing actions treasonable, do something. But therein exists your problem, you don’t do anything! Hey, when you and colleagues act like a bunch of kindergarteners and don’t support the American mission, what do you expect? Your ways and means are practiced upon and finds preference to failure over success, please stop it, for our children’s future. And with Don, it is more of the same old ED - explosive diarrhea of the mouth with not one iota of intelligence indicating neither he, nor MoanaLisa for this matter, respects the present Commander-in-Chief. Maybe Don did get hit in the noggin with a wayward coconut! I guess they were comfortable with a Commander-in-Thief administration, so cannot get used to the fact that this is America and the Constitution does indeed instill a values system upon leadership. I think it is called ethics! Something gone missing for the years, during which time MoanaLisa has been in her preferential treatment, help me daddy, cushion seat. Look, MoanaLisa has not done one iota of good for this state, or the country. When she is corralled by her idiot colleagues - wherein more treasonous like terrorist activity designed to undermine the America dream of life, liberty and pursuit of happiness surfaces - she reminds me of Alice the Goon’s slaver, the Sea Hag! I hope the voting public has learned a nepotism lesson, do not, I repeat, do not let the MurCowskies ever again garnish political control of anything in this once great state, not even control of a dog pound turd! The Alaska GOP delegates talk is cheap, as it is a cover-up for a cheapskate agenda, turncoat it is. See, it appears that there exist many that believe peace is a joke so cannot stomach an end to the conflicts – Afghanistan and Iraq. Remember, these are not Constitutional Wars! So the Sea Hag and Coconut Butthead Don are not for peace overnight and want to see a slow fake draw-out continuation of yet another failure. It is a failure now and forever Amen, and tomorrow it will be more of the same, so the sentiment is to take advantage of the situation, even if it means increased loss of life, loss of limb, loss of kneecaps and loss of our heritage - as America was once some many years ago a strong country not bent on occupying another’s homeland, not until Baby Bush dominated with a little help from his daddy. What is it with the GOP daddies? Can’t their kids go it alone? I am beginning to doubt it! Anyway, for many on the Hill, they find no other reason then to see the killing fields continue. And there is a reason for this. When one considers that it cost a million dollars per troop for a year in the theater, somebody is making damn good money on this ordeal. And it is surely not the men and women in uniform. Please read between the lines, military contractors have a stake in these conflicts, for a profit. So do you really think they have a desire to quit? Now take Iraq for instance. In the beginning, many youngsters came home in a flag draped box because there was not provided protective armor underneath their assault vehicles, reinforcements that could withstand the insurgents’ bad deeds. So instead of making available modifications, no, no, no, lets just build a better mousetrap, a vehicle that can withstand such roadside bombings. Great, so the states stay employed - which keeps the politicians in good standings - but the kids were not given the appropriate armor to do their “duty”, this was all for money. Stay cool kids, as help is on the way, in the meantime fend for yourselves! These conflicts - these illegal wars - are for one and only one all important sick reason, profit only, and in the end, we will spend billions if not zillions on rebuilding efforts, so the bastards that are getting rich over dead young troops doing not their military duty but assisting with some screwed up Christian like Baptist bible thumping plan designed to overthrow another God, to eradicate the muslin following, these rich assholes will most likely be able to secure riches for their offspring. Military contractors are taking home millions in Christmas bonuses. Militia contractors in the theater, which tallies a number at least equal to the U.S. troops with feet on the ground, kill and abuse with unlimited immunity, including no consequences for rape, these un-Americans are taking home paychecks that are 6-times the normal everyday salary of a hard working American. And a whole bunch of it is “tax free” income. This is not war by any stretch of the imagination, but just another form of rape upon the American taxpayers! And what about these young kids in uniform that are being tricked into believing they are doing this for America? What honor is there in telling them not the truth behind this boondoggle affair? There are so many things wrong with this picture that it is mind boggling that the rest of the nations let it occur. But they see it as a way to weaken this country, which is happening each and everyday that these conflicts are allowed to continue on without an exit strategy. The American people are being cheated, again. The troops are being cheated, out of their youth, for a conflict bent on making millions and raking the American dream over the coals of greed. These sleazebags in control have no guilt whatsoever, and this coalition thing is more of the same non-sense. Just look at the ratio of Americans to other invitees, as most other countries are hell bent on the future, which means a peaceful road ahead because we are no longer segregated away as individual countries and economies, but a global force! Either with them or against them will be our most stubborn stance and recovery will take generations. And if the Afghanistan conflict is indeed a NATO thing, why does America have to “Invite” participants to help out? Really, this should tell the brass something isn’t right. Now I am not making fun a sitting president. But Obama does have sizeable ears. Maybe that is good, as there is no excuse not to hear me now. End the WARs. Don’t get trapped into a GOP armpit grip, as it will be your fall and doom. And just this morning in the Anchorage Daily Stool, there was some cropping going on with Obama’s mug shot. Really, limited space allowed the “cropper” to cut off Obama’s ears! Respect? It is a joke in this country. At the same time there was a horror picture, MoanaLisa, Don and the new kid on the block, Begich - all with their quick to judgment smirks over Obama’s forward move on the conflicts. Look, we asked you to represent, so shut-up and do your job. We are not stupid, we didn’t ask for your opinion. I do believe I have something of interest figured out. Puppet pulpit government exists to rule destiny. The “rule” of the road followed leads to doom, to ruin. Atlantis disappeared due embarrassment and an out-of-control society. This country, through its inept leadership, continues to erode away any faith, hope and is hell bent of charity only. The Treasury continues to be on pilferage alert, but nobody gives a dam. MoanaLisa, Don and Begich, it doesn’t belong to any entity you represent, so it should not be given away like candy on Halloween! Honestly, even though the faces in charge have changed, behind the scenes it is more of the same Nothing, “For the People”? That disappeared a long time ago. The mandate of government, the mission supposedly, has shied away from reality. When the republicans ruled to ruin, our inheritance and heritage was given away. With the new puppet show, same thing, but with this blessing called transparency. Transparency: Giving away the henhouse and being honest about it. Really, it appears that the same damn mentality exists today as did during the Bush years of destruction. Why? It is like a disease that cannot find itself a cure. Do you think cancer cells hope for a cure? Of course not, as they thrive on causing ill health. The entire government needs an enema, a makeover, and those that can take the heat, maybe some kind of pardon. There are but a few genuine protectors of the Constitution these days, and their terms are short lived, because they are honest and uphold the Constitution. By doing their sworn jobs, they have a quick fall-out, because they are against this “with them” agenda. Politics today is not in the business to uphold righteousness. Politicians are in business to let our rights erode, because it is too their advantage to take sides, and believe me brother, you are not on that side of the fence that matters. And how about this fact not fiction. There is not one representative, not one U.S. Senator, not one U.S. Congressmen that can tell Americans without a doubt how much these wars - these conflicts - have cost the Taxpayers. Why? Because both engagements are illegal when the Constitution is present. So, the scoundrel money to fund these atrocities comes from secret locations. Look, Congress can vote on anything, but that doesn’t make it right. In fact, the entire government has come to a stage of constipation. The only thing our present day representation is good about, is just giving it all away. Like explosive diarrhea, no control, just let it blow, and let somebody else clean up the mess. I feel sorry for our children’s children, as it will take at least a hundred years to get this country back on track and they will be the ones responsible for the cleanup detail. In the meantime, we continue to throw money away on inept representation and throw money away on some far away conflicts. When at the same time this country has bridges falling down and a highway infrastructure on the verge of collapse. We spend wasteful amounts of hard earned income on a space program and nobody laughed when Bush signed a deal to go back to the moon, because he didn’t realize we have already been there, done that. We let an imbecile run this country, for 8-long years! So far, on estimates, it has cost every man, woman and child $10,000 to fuel the Bush Doctrine. Can you imagine if there wasn’t such a foolish doctrine funding these wars abroad and that money was in the hands of those that it truly belongs too, forget about an economic downturn. It would be a brilliant and thriving economy, and Americans would be happy and proud. How about this! What if we sent George Bush a bill for his mess? Then start down the list of acquaintances and accomplices, sending bills to those in the representative ranks that let this country down, like a fine for not upholding the Constitution. The Treasury would collect billions. And wouldn’t it be a hoot to get a levy on Crawford? Or a levy on Pelosi’s Botox collection! Americans have unknown powers inherent in the great emancipator, yet we let sleazebag representation ruin the mission, ruin our life, liberty and pursuit of happiness - the trinity. Our true rights are squandered away, all orchestrated “By the Politicians” and “For the Politicians” in their own pursuit upon personal greed. This country will survive, as when the idiots get finished there will be no money but what will remain is a future, because in the end, as long as we have the 1st and 2nd, we are somewhat still safe. So it doesn’t surprise me that the conflicts will continue, illegally funded by our taxed income and as mentioned before, it is all for the money, as nobody in power cares about the troops, except some crying moms and dads. And “So this is Xmas, And what have you done, Another year over…..”

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Alice for U.S. Senate

To: My Fellow Alaskans

From: Alice the Goon

I plan to run for U.S. Senate, in efforts to unseat the “Nepotism Queen”, namely Alaskan senator MoanaLisa MurCowski. My challenge will take place during the upcoming 2010 campaign season. Since her time in office, in which she was originally given such by appointment through her daddy, the Sea Hag has done nothing for this state or for that matter, nothing for this country but contribute to misfit chatter - and nowadays that is something we associate with terrorists like activity. Just recently she challenged President Obama’s good will, with the sentiment that the sitting president was not “committed to a strategy that provides a peaceful future…and ceases the export of global terrorism”. Name one thing positive delivered after so many years in office at $175,000 a year, courtesy the U.S. Taxpayers, and I will stand corrected. We need solid representation, as oil bucks are dwindling. I will open up ANWR, something Frank failed at after 15-years trying. I will use eminent domain to take control of Alaska’s coastline, with respect to resource development and get Alaskans their fair share. Your PFD will grow by 100% under my watch. A gas line will be a reality, with passage of a bill to commence building on my first day in office, even before accepting the automatic senate pay raise. I have chosen as a campaign director, Popeye. My public affairs will be managed by Olive Oyl, as she is a pretty slick individual and could easily go one-on-one with Sarah’s Meg! My health coach, while on the campaign trail, will be Wimpy. Due to the fact that I am better looking then Sarah Palin, and was at one time just as popular, you may see me in and around town with a bodyguard, another familiar face, Brutus. Please don’t let the fact that I was born on “Plunder Island” discourage your vote, as the word plunder has different meaning in goon talk. Please vote your conscious, and that should mean a vote for Alice, no Nepotism, just pure forward looking representation.

Sincerely, Alice the Goon – Senator for all Alaskans

Paid for by “Friends of MoanaLisa MurCowski”

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Imagine, the 8th

Dear Barack Obama & Family;

“A very Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year
Let’s hope it’s a good one
Without any fear
WAR is over
If you want it
WAR is over. NOW!”

Happy Christmas!

Gallagher's Travels

Think back a spell, remember Gallagher, the comedian who never left home without a watermelon? Then with a 10-pound dead blow hammer, he would make smithereens the melon, entertaining his fans by douching front row seat victims with airborne rind, seeds and “da” juice. Well, I think I found a new career, most likely a short-lived one, failure or not! See, I just returned home from the jungle. It was the day after Thanks, something called “Black Friday”! Whatever happened to “Good” Fridays? Anyway, the jungle I am talking about means the malls, wherein this madness exists upon the wall to wall pedestrians, causing panic attacks and a feeding frenzy, wherein those on the slow move to nowhere take in holy calorie mall food at the speed of insanity, making it clear and convincing that Alaska is the “Obese” state of the Union and doing everything it can to retain that title. Malls! I would wager that major insurance companies support the mall life. Why? Insurance companies rely on Americans getting sick, through un-healthy habits, like becoming mall rats. Hey, without sick people, there would be no need for insurance companies. So these outfits find things to make us sick, then use tactics to migrate it into society. Maybe our representatives can steal away some Treasury money to perform a study, another study, then a convincing re-study and as usual, nothing will get accomplished except more of my hard earned money wasted away, again. It is like a broken record, this bailout, which is nothing new. In Alaska, the bailout thing was started way long ago when the Three Stooges came to power, namely Ted, Don and Frank. When times were good and pork was king, wherein someone could get a “grant” – a.k.a. Uncle Sam freebie – just to study the penis size of the Musk Oxen. At one time when accountability was still part of the Constitution, there was no such thing as “grants”, as the government secured its wealth with “loans”. But loans are not free, so it cannot buy votes. Ted and Don were instrumental in this new-age giveaway program, so what is going on today is nothing new. Now I started my day off healthy, by taking in some cross-country skiing with my ancient Trysil Knuts wood skies. And this was well before the Randall Rovers made mincemeat of the trails. Hey, speed isn’t everything. Really, it was fresh virgin snow that had not yet experienced one of those noisy grooming machines, the way it used to be back when Anchorage was still civilized and one could ski the backwoods’ trails without being accosted by some organization wanting money, for skiing! And what is with that idiotic selfish smirk you get from those speed skiers? Hey, I like the old ways! I hope KaKa wins that medal finally, so we don’t have to hear about her any longer, let some fresh blood go for the gold. Anyway, I waited until just about closing time on “Black Friday”, to return back one of those all-in-one contraptions that can FAX, copy, print, choke and perform unwanted maneuvers, like that secret hidden away paper shredder. I didn’t order a paper destroyer, and it appears that is the only thing this beast is good for! It didn’t work, except it sounded like a choking dog, so at least that function seemed to work. Maybe that was the I-tunes function. These modern electronic gizmos come with a bunch of un-necessary crap. But regardless any incompetence to comprehend or appreciate, my new machine was broke! And at first I didn’t want to be bothered with noise, traffic and confusing confinement on this busiest of busy shopping days of the year. What’s that? Oh, the bus service has been furloughed by Anchorage’s Mayor “Man of Discrimination” Dan Sullivan. But I was lazy, and just wanted to stay home with my six-pack of Sam Adams’ Winter Lager. So I called the “Brother” can you spare a dime hotline, for help on turning my newly purchased contraption into something useful, besides a noise machine, that now acted as if one of those secret government mood altering devices. And I don’t need any paper mache material! Now talk about getting furloughed! I was told – after a 20-minute debriefing wherein some technical assistant wanted my life history so it could help better assist my problems – that for an additional $50-bucks secured by a credit card, a new printer contraption could be delivered within 3-days and for another $50-bucks, the broken machine hauled away? Hey, the contraption was on sale for a $100? And I need to counterfeit, now! So the only other choice was to hit the store, to get a new what-cha-ma-call-it. Honestly, this was a place and time wherein full body armor was probably a good idea if you valued your life, liberty and pursuit of happiness. The return line was a mile long line. And people are not nice after shopping all day. So finally, my turn. “What’s wrong?” It’s broke. “Can you be more specific?” Yes, it has a hamming distance problem. “Oh, OK.” It is interesting how easy it is to fool these hi-tech groupies. So I was given the green light to get a replacement. Now on “Blue” Wednesday, the store had hundreds of these contraptions, piled high like a pyramid. But when “sales” for a must have starts at 5am, people are still in sleep mode and buy not what they want, or need, so things disappear. Lucky me, there was one left, way up on a shelf. “I’ll take it”, which seemed to confuse the hired help. Now this thing is as big as Maggie the elephant. And with slick ice prone parking lots, it was a chore getting it back home. Now there is something about technology that is confusing, as modern day computers and geeks like to make things stubborn, with this plug and play crap. And the directions are misleading. It didn’t work, my replacement, in fact it screwed up my computer, So another call went to the “Brother” hotline, same thing, for $50-bucks…. Then I remembered Gallagher. See, think what a “hoot” – thanks Sarah – it would be to have live entertainment, when people are waiting in line for their turn at insanity? Laughter is still thy best medicine! Why do you think Nancy Pelosi is always laughing? Oh, I heard someone yell out that was a failed Botox experiment. Sounded like Reid! So, I thought it would be proper to imitate Gallagher, instead of a melon, a piece of crap all-in-one electronic gadget. Why not? First and foremost, there is an audience, and they need something to break the boredom. So I am planning a Gallagher, not with a melon, but upon my Brother, that is the MFC-5890CN super-duper do nothing yet but make sad noises Professional Series Multi-Function Center. Damn, if I have to pay tax on a Center? So, here is the schedule of events. I plan to head to the Best of them all, before the opening bell, and when the clock strikes 10, whamo! Imagine the fallout, from plastic, metal, ink and gallium arsenide shrapnel going every which way but loose. But therein exists the problem. These contraptions are a hazardous waste site on their very own, that is the reason it is called a “Center”. As it already qualifies under the EPA Superfund, a giveaway program that proves that perpetual motion is not impossible. And since we are all responsible for our daily deeds, with respect to abating hazardous wastes, I would properly be looking at jail time, for inaugurating a hazardous waste site. And with the “bailout”, it would probably fall under the Denali Commission’s jurisdiction, wherein some idiot with roots to the evil empire - a.k.a. Juneau - would become rich. But at least the bus stop patrons would be spared, as righteousness continues to be furloughed by this city’s leadership. Hey, remember Arlo found himself in jail, for littering, on Thanksgiving day! Alice’s Restaurant Massacre! Maybe I am really on to something with this Gallagher gig, a contraption massacre, Arlo relived. Anyway, for some reason my MF is now working, after rebooting every dam micro-chip in the house, including powering down the micro-wave oven. It can FAX! It can copy! It can scan! It can still shred! And that choking noise has been refined, as this thing can talk and sing! What a deal, and it is alive and well. See, right after it started working, it connected itself to the la-la network, thinking I wanted to give away more personal information. Now it knows exactly where it resides. The display says something to the effect, “Welcome Anchorage homeowner”. What? It is now displaying “Anchorage, city of Brotherly Hate” accompanied by a song with the background tune of “Hey Big Spender”:

The minute Sullivan walked in the Assembly,
I could see he was a man of discrimination,
A real cheap blunder.
People Mover, so denied.
Say wouldn’t you like to know
What’s going on in Dan’s mind?
So, lets get right to the Prevo,
He doesn’t care about the pain he sees.
Hey, cheap spender,
Hey, Mr. Discriminator!
Hey, bus eliminator!
Spend maybe a dime on me!
Fun…Laughs…Good Times!(with Jerry)
Fun…Laughs…Good Times!(No new buses!)
Fun…Laughs…Good Times!(Attack Begich)
How about a Wheeler?…Yeah!

Maybe it’s in the Municipality water supply, maybe gallium arsenide, or maybe the problem has something to do with the Hamming distance – as the latter deals with “flipped” bits. See, when idiots like Dan Sullivan can continue to be worthy of political control, this society is doomed. And this madness continues, as what is fashionable seems to make inroads, regardless of how detrimental it is to society and we can all thank Sarah for this new age sacrilege. As it appears she has become a role model, for something that needs shredding, or at least some mood alterations, as she is but a noise out of control - continuing to indicate that IQs are not a prerequisite to governance. Remember, what Honest Abe said, “I can not tell a lie”. To bad others are not as “Honest”! Where’s my dead blow, as this country needs a new gavel!