Books & Writings by SPam McGee

Alaska Short Stack Stories, Series I, II, & III ~ Alaska's Deadliest Sin-Drill Baby Drill ~ Alaskan Company Man ~ Eklutna Lake Worrier ~ From the Fifth Floor ~ Hannah Cove ~ My Journey to Landes House ~ Poemetrics ~ Quinn the "Tanik" Eskimo ~ S.O.S. from Beaver Lake ~ The Teachings of the Swamp Fox ~ Trans-Alaska-Pipeline Funny Stories ~ Spirit Dog & the Ghost Wind


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Monday, November 25, 2013

By Design.....


Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Christmas Canceled!

Mad Magazine's Alfred E. Neuman has used his Executive Order privilege to cancel Christmas! For two reasons: 1st, for Alfred it wasn’t due lack of interest with “all I want for Christmas is my two front teeth”, but a lack of interest from the United States Congress being so anal AWOL. With the latter a long shot of ever getting back to constructive work for the American people, add this to the sad fact that the Sound of Music is under attack, by Miss Carriage Underpants making a remake this famous Julie Andrews family classic, well the Mad Man had no other choice then to cancel until further notice all and anything and everything to do with Christmas and its good tidings of comfort and joy. - until such time Congress starts performing and the Miss Carriage stops performing.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Trojan's Heroes

David Boies(l) & Ted Olson(r)

Trojan's Heroes for "Fighting for Equality" on issues of LGBT rights......

Nobel Peace Prize PLEASE!

Friday, November 15, 2013

Alaska Breaking News

Alaska's Governor Sean Parnell is waving the “White” flag of retreat and admitting that his governance was a “failed experiment” and will step down so he can stalk Sarah. Dear Mr. Obama, please cut off all DOD funding for Alaska, as we don't like you, so go away and take the military with you.....

Tuesday, November 12, 2013


 I Sarah!
I Ted!

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Mona Bonafide

I think Cramer’s “Mad Dash” is showing signs of a “Mad Rash” with his “bull” on Pioneer Natural Resources’ stock shock – as there appears to be a “Mad Rush” out of Alaska and going south for this Independent from that state that embarrasses the nation - Texass! Wow, so Alaska Governor Parnell is thinking about sending out the M.V. Mona Bone Jakon - a.k.a. M.V. Susitna - to help rescue the F.V. Oooguruk! The “Bone” is the Gov.’s secret weapon, a “Boy Toy” left behind by the previous helmswoman. Or was it helmswitch? See, the F.V. - for “Fleecing Victory” - is taking on debt and sinking! In reality, because of the debt load, the F.V. never realized true seaworthiness status and became a man-made obstacle that sits anchored in the once pristine waters of Harrison’s Bay in the Colville River delta – way up north in Alaska. Yes, it ran “hard aground” after the Alaska legislature down in LesilLand - a.k.a. Juneau - lifted all Constitutional restrictions on the “resources belong to the citizens” through the correlative rights doctrine in favor of “I need a drink so sell out” doctrine! So with a reason to “waste Not want”, this venture became a bottomless pit hell-hole for oil exploration failure 101, wherein shareholders’ worth has been sent to hell. And YES, Alaska has been screwed Big Time! Your PFD is $100 dollars shy this year because of this blunder. Without getting into specifics, the preferential treatment that the Mona Bone Jakon Governor gave the F.V., well of course it soured the oil explorers that have been the mainstay of oil wealth here in Alaska for the past 30-years – a.k.a. “Big Oil”. And when the “Oooguruk” was sinking, an S.O.S. went without acknowledgment by the guys across the bay – “Big Oil” postponed being a “Good Samaritan”! Hey, why aid and abet the enemy? I would place the F.V. Oooguruk in the list of Top 10 “Boondoggles”. In fact not fiction, if I were a stakeholder, I would commence a lawsuit, just like the BP shareholders resorted upon when BP appeared to be heading towards an eminent grounding. It is unbelievable that this state would allow for an “Independent” oil explorer to sail such a wreck into the Beaufort and allow these bastards to think they can trump “Big Oil” with bad behaviors the norm – like trying to wreck-havoc on the environment and get away with it! Yes, in this case, we lost resource value and Harrison’s Bay may as well be renamed “Love Canal”. Look Alaskans with a brain, “freak’n fracing” is already happening here in the “Lost Frontier”. In fact, the 1st “illegal” frac job was performed by the Oooguruk crew, I was there! See, “freak’n fracing” is NOT new to Alaska, but how come “Big Oil” stays away from this controversial recommendation that allows for massive amounts of “SECRET” chemicals under enormous pressures to splinter the foundation of this “my” earth? Honestly, “Big Oil” may have over time shown disrespect for Mother Earth, but nothing like what is coming down the pike with this injection fix to satisfy our thirst for energy – by cracking apart what holds the earth together! This type of apocalyptic resource development by low-life corporations sneaking into Alaska, well it isn’t worth it in efforts to try and fill up that pipeline! Alaska’s Governor Mona Bone Jakon’s wetdream! But I’m and glad for one thing in our favor, that this disaster up north is sending those responsible back to the jack off state – a.k.a. Texass, the birthplace of the Mona Boners now disguised as Tea….Remember when following construction of the Alaskan pipe dream we felt a sigh of relief when there appeared that bumper sticker: “Happiness is a Texan leaving with an Okie under each arm”. Well today, “Happiness is a Pioneer leaving south with a boll-weevil under each armpit”. See, I just don’t get it, and the math sure seems skewed as to why Pioneer is still in good standing with Wall Street while it is trying to pull the anchor and abandoned the F.V. Oooguruk. OK, so “Oooguruk” was given preferential treatment by the “Boy Toy” and wasted over a “$billion$ to realize little “Independents” cannot, will NOT and shall NOT compete against explorers that know what they are doing in the inhospitable “North”! So take that $billion$ and sell the castrated infrastructure to some POOHdunk, another Texan, sell the scrap for 50-cents on the dollar and the new owner says it will invest another $billion$? Maybe this thing is in reality acting like an offshore tax haven! Here it is in a nutshell, Pioneer paid the highest ever for the leases in the Colville. Many are still laughing at that, especially for what this Independent received in return – a wreck. Case in point, the new Pioneer on the block didn’t know what it was doing in the first place. Spudding wells were estimated at $10-million apiece but when it was all said and done, how about closer to $40-million, for a fart hole after a few months of production! If Caelus - which means Careless in African - spends an additional $1.5-billion, this prospect will become the costliest exploration & development venture ever of record here in Alaska – and we thought Mukluk was costly! So that math doesn’t work, neither does Pioneer’s excuse. See, it says that it wants to focus on the Wolfpack field prospect in Colorado - or whatever it is legally called - at the same time it has sold 40% of its interest in the “Wolf” venture, that is at least 5-years down the road from “Open for Production” - wherein a “glut” already exists? And didn’t Colorado just voice the sentiment of the voters by placing a 5-year moratorium of “freak’n fracing”? Let’s be honest, it’s a bailout for Pioneer as the behavior in Alaska has sent this once upcoming and profitable company - publicly traded company - hard aground on Bankruptcy Reef. 1Q earning slips 38%, slip 53%, sell this, sell that. And all the time, the Mona Bone Jakon Governor says, “it’s all Good”!  Because like the F.V. Ooogurk was sent on a crash course, so is this state when it appears that joystick is being stroked by a boy with his toy!

Thursday, November 7, 2013


Wake with a smile, 
                   retire with a laugh!

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Xtra, Xtra....

Wow, the M.V. Susitna – the ferry that has been glued to a Ketchikan dry-dock by seagull crap ever since U.S. Senator MoanaLisa MurCowpie christened her back in 2008, well the owners have decided to pull a fast one. See, by secretly changing the name on the crap ridden hull, the fed up Fed that is owed $millions$ cannot recoup the losses for getting tricked into building another Don Young “Floating Bridge to Nowhere”. So what was formally titled the M.V. Susitna is today officially re-christened the M.V. Mona Bone Jakon – after Sean Parnell’s best friend. Sorry Sarah!

And please, bend over some more…..

PS: STOP blaming the Honorable Ted Stevens for this taxpayer waste boondoggle, as it was Don Young that started the fuse of abuse this waste, he knows it, but with TED in the grave, Don can just throw Ted under that bus!

Congressional Revenge!

Rare photo of  Nancy “Rabid Skunk” Pelosi looking for revenge upon Don Young(Alaska)!

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Sorry Alaskans!

I tried, but I guess the Alaska Railroad cannot stand hiring an honest person to takeover the helm. See, this crooked rail system is not only all over the map with its steel wheels on rail, but when a train is out-of-control due the in-house caboose crookedness condoned by a misfit executive management team, money abuse can get foot loose and fancy. In this case it is U.S. Taxpayers’ money that is “blowing in the wind” – to date, close to a $billion$ for the escapades or follies! See, the Alaska Railroad thinks it can stand behind the CBC mask of immunity. CBC? The famous “Corrupt Bastard Club”, made famous by the political climate in LesilLand and still hoping for a pardon. Look, “Casey Jones” runs a very a corrupt organization that tries to hide behind the cover of an “Alaska State Corporation”, like that title gives it immunity. Do we citizens ever get to see what it pays out for salaries? How about an audit of what the “Fraud Board” rakes in – including Bill “Impeach Me I’m NOT Clean” Sheffield, how much has that board swindled away? But I tried, but I guess the “rail” is still not ready to admit it has gone from a respectable entity and over the cliff, by following Don Young’s advice, that “Bridge to Nowhere”. Yes, it was a respectable entity, when under Federal jurisdiction. Below, find my application that was received by the HR department, yet praytell I didn’t even get an interview:

To: Alaska Railroad Corporation CEO Search Team
Look no further, I’m your man, for replacing outgoing President & Chief Executive Officer Christopher Aadnesen.  And I have a “Palin” game changing plan that will take the Alaska Railroad out of its present “Hell Hole” and make it once again a respectable “State” corporation. Those polls that have shown so must distrust the ARRC, it must be changed and I can fix the bad image if elected as the new CEO. First and foremost, from surveying what is required this head-honcho position – responsible for “ensuring that the plans, operations, assets, and real property holdings of the Alaska Railroad Corporation are unmanaged and miss-directed, on behalf of the cruise ship industry, in a manner consistent with an unsafe, inefficient and non-profitable rail transportation system, and in compliance with applicable outlaws, regulations MIA, and industry standards just a suggestion”  – I request a salary that is based on the current Alaska “Minimum Wage”. That may be a whole lot less than what the outgoing boss was taking home, but I feel that minimum wage makes sense this position, as when considering the meager pay that the railroad’s hourly hard working salt of the earth workers take home and always fearing security of their jobs if Uncle Sam decides to cut off the welfare funding - that FTA “grant” stuff the rail has relied upon - I take the stand to lower the salaries of the top brass, take away the board’s credit cards and make a difference where it counts. The “Buck” will STOP HERE, at my office! In fact, by 8:15am on my first day on the job, I will fire the entire BOD and appoint Joe Hazelwood as the acting board, as he knows what ship wrecks are all about! But of course with my “minimum wage pay”, I would still like to be covered under a Bill “Nosebleed” Sheffield medical health plan. If you don’t know what I am talking about, just ask Bill. Now I realize that the ARRC has never been a profitable venture, so we must get back to common sense spending and away from artificial images of Vanderbilt grandeur. Get over it, the ARRC is a Podunk infrastructure catering to the Princess instead of the citizenry. So reducing my salary, that is where it all begins – the “buck starts here” approach! Secondly, I will quit the relationship between the ARRC and the Koch Brothers, allowing only for “Qualified Track” based on what is an honest assessment, not the entire railroad’s asset, basically eliminating the “kickback” and use that money saved to hire back some trustworthy workers that were recently furloughed, right before the train wreck. Standby please: Just in, another wreck in Fairbanks! So yes hire back mechanics, rail yard men & women, true Americans. Look, we can no longer give away loot that belongs to “All Alaskans”. And I understand that money - that questionable “Transport Credit” - that is accepted as a gift may be a convenient way for the Koch to engage in campaign spending the wishes of a few select Alaskans, and since the ARR is supposed to remain neutral political issues, this underhanded bribery must end, and it will end on my watch and the perpetrators behind this scene indicted. And we all know how the Koch dynasty treats the American “workforce”. Third on my agenda, I will approach the legislature in Juneau in efforts to secure money from the CBR in efforts to start paying back the American taxpayers. From my estimates, the ARRC has milked Uncle Sam in the tune of $1-Billion. The “Fixed Gateway” giveaway has always been a fraud scam as has been the requirement to provide “half fares”. So I plan to change the ARRC’s corrupt mindset, and make it an instrument of the state the citizens can take pride upon, for decent workers’ pay and an infrastructure of interest the citizens can enjoy, wherein the corporation strives to cater to the state instead of some business interest not interested in this state’s economic posture. And one other thing, I will provide “Transport” credits to the coal cars that support our troops, getting away from the present day rip-off that if not derailed will see some of the interior military bases candidates for the BRAC if this state continues on a crash course. And since Barbara Amy is a fraud investigator, it makes sense to hire me as together we can get to the bottom of the present day con artist approach that the ARRC has become so engaged upon since Bill’s nosebleed and to the detriment of decency and ethics, on how a “State Corporation” is supposed to mind its manners. And of course I will be more open about the “Herbicide” issue, stopping this ground poisoning free-for-all where so many go berry picking – along the ROW. And wait there is more! I have been endorsed for this position by Don Young, MoanaLisa MurCowpie and Phineas J. Whoopee. I an available for an interview any time, day or night. And if you need me for a live interview in Anchorage, I would request that a date be set when the ARRC abides by the FTA guidelines and offers “half fare” as required by law, another thing I will mandate, “half fares” on a yearly basis not only during the off season when a trip to Fairbanks means getting stuck for an entire week. Hey, there ain’t much too do in in this hoe-dunk town when it is -50! So I hope that I have presented my qualifications in a way that makes the search team realize that there is non-other candidate then this true Alaskan patriot, a true Alaskan that understands how the ARRC has gone off course and is fit and willing to fix things, for peanuts in comparison. By the way, it will only require about a year’s time to fix the ARRC mess, so requesting at this time only a “One Year” contract.

Thanks…..S. Pam MaGee