Mona Bonafide

I think Cramer’s “Mad Dash” is showing signs of a “Mad Rash” with his “bull” on Pioneer Natural Resources’ stock shock – as there appears to be a “Mad Rush” out of Alaska and going south for this Independent from that state that embarrasses the nation - Texass! Wow, so Alaska Governor Parnell is thinking about sending out the M.V. Mona Bone Jakon - a.k.a. M.V. Susitna - to help rescue the F.V. Oooguruk! The “Bone” is the Gov.’s secret weapon, a “Boy Toy” left behind by the previous helmswoman. Or was it helmswitch? See, the F.V. - for “Fleecing Victory” - is taking on debt and sinking! In reality, because of the debt load, the F.V. never realized true seaworthiness status and became a man-made obstacle that sits anchored in the once pristine waters of Harrison’s Bay in the Colville River delta – way up north in Alaska. Yes, it ran “hard aground” after the Alaska legislature down in LesilLand - a.k.a. Juneau - lifted all Constitutional restrictions on the “resources belong to the citizens” through the correlative rights doctrine in favor of “I need a drink so sell out” doctrine! So with a reason to “waste Not want”, this venture became a bottomless pit hell-hole for oil exploration failure 101, wherein shareholders’ worth has been sent to hell. And YES, Alaska has been screwed Big Time! Your PFD is $100 dollars shy this year because of this blunder. Without getting into specifics, the preferential treatment that the Mona Bone Jakon Governor gave the F.V., well of course it soured the oil explorers that have been the mainstay of oil wealth here in Alaska for the past 30-years – a.k.a. “Big Oil”. And when the “Oooguruk” was sinking, an S.O.S. went without acknowledgment by the guys across the bay – “Big Oil” postponed being a “Good Samaritan”! Hey, why aid and abet the enemy? I would place the F.V. Oooguruk in the list of Top 10 “Boondoggles”. In fact not fiction, if I were a stakeholder, I would commence a lawsuit, just like the BP shareholders resorted upon when BP appeared to be heading towards an eminent grounding. It is unbelievable that this state would allow for an “Independent” oil explorer to sail such a wreck into the Beaufort and allow these bastards to think they can trump “Big Oil” with bad behaviors the norm – like trying to wreck-havoc on the environment and get away with it! Yes, in this case, we lost resource value and Harrison’s Bay may as well be renamed “Love Canal”. Look Alaskans with a brain, “freak’n fracing” is already happening here in the “Lost Frontier”. In fact, the 1^st “illegal” frac job was performed by the Oooguruk crew, I was there! See, “freak’n fracing” is NOT new to Alaska, but how come “Big Oil” stays away from this controversial recommendation that allows for massive amounts of “SECRET” chemicals under enormous pressures to splinter the foundation of this “my” earth? Honestly, “Big Oil” may have over time shown disrespect for Mother Earth, but nothing like what is coming down the pike with this injection fix to satisfy our thirst for energy – by cracking apart what holds the earth together! This type of apocalyptic resource development by low-life corporations sneaking into Alaska, well it isn’t worth it in efforts to try and fill up that pipeline! Alaska’s Governor Mona Bone Jakon’s wetdream! But I’m and glad for one thing in our favor, that this disaster up north is sending those responsible back to the jack off state – a.k.a. Texass, the birthplace of the Mona Boners now disguised as Tea….Remember when following construction of the Alaskan pipe dream we felt a sigh of relief when there appeared that bumper sticker: “Happiness is a Texan leaving with an Okie under each arm”. Well today, “Happiness is a Pioneer leaving south with a boll-weevil under each armpit”. See, I just don’t get it, and the math sure seems skewed as to why Pioneer is still in good standing with Wall Street while it is trying to pull the anchor and abandoned the F.V. Oooguruk. OK, so “Oooguruk” was given preferential treatment by the “Boy Toy” and wasted over a “$billion$ to realize little “Independents” cannot, will NOT and shall NOT compete against explorers that know what they are doing in the inhospitable “North”! So take that $billion$ and sell the castrated infrastructure to some POOHdunk, another Texan, sell the scrap for 50-cents on the dollar and the new owner says it will invest another $billion$? Maybe this thing is in reality acting like an offshore tax haven! Here it is in a nutshell, Pioneer paid the highest ever for the leases in the Colville. Many are still laughing at that, especially for what this Independent received in return – a wreck. Case in point, the new Pioneer on the block didn’t know what it was doing in the first place. Spudding wells were estimated at $10-million apiece but when it was all said and done, how about closer to $40-million, for a fart hole after a few months of production! If Caelus - which means Careless in African - spends an additional $1.5-billion, this prospect will become the costliest exploration & development venture ever of record here in Alaska – and we thought Mukluk was costly! So that math doesn’t work, neither does Pioneer’s excuse. See, it says that it wants to focus on the Wolfpack field prospect in Colorado - or whatever it is legally called - at the same time it has sold 40% of its interest in the “Wolf” venture, that is at least 5-years down the road from “Open for Production” - wherein a “glut” already exists? And didn’t Colorado just voice the sentiment of the voters by placing a 5-year moratorium of “freak’n fracing”? Let’s be honest, it’s a bailout for Pioneer as the behavior in Alaska has sent this once upcoming and profitable company - publicly traded company - hard aground on Bankruptcy Reef. 1Q earning slips 38%, slip 53%, sell this, sell that. And all the time, the Mona Bone Jakon Governor says, “it’s all Good”!  Because like the F.V. Ooogurk was sent on a crash course, so is this state when it appears that joystick is being stroked by a boy with his toy!