Alaskan Congressman “Only” Don Young is the ultimate “Stealth-CON” - defined as one that maintains a hold on a political office through the “Old Man Passing Gas” syndrome, yes he believes in “passing gas” in a crowded subway then pointing his finger of blame at an innocent bystander – hopefully not an Alaskan visiting the Capitol unless that vacationer is a Democrat or an “evil-minded” environmentalist. This syndrome works because we don't like to be confronted with embarrassment, the same reason Alaskans continue to vote Don back in office, time after time after way to much time. Why do we let these jerks make a career in the discipline of Congressional dereliction? See, we are today “embarrassed” to admit we were taken for a ride and we may see Don win Turd-22 as a representative of the “Welfare State”. It is amazing that Alaska maintains a budget reserve of $48-Billion yet for some reason this state is still considered a territory by many in D.C., which is a lower rating then a 3rd world looney bin, so maybe they feel sorry for us? NO, it's Don's magic that keeps it coming! Now Don doesn't have the “oomph” like he used to strut around with on the Hill - upon his 49er “Crown Horse” - Bill Allens horse. And there is a reason for this dereliction to conviction. See, Don was successful in getting approved the largest DOT highway appropriations bill ever of record – a bill that would in our time never be surpassed. It was named the TE-LUE bill, for Transportation Efficiency and the LUE in recognition of his dedicated wife LUE. But Don was adamant that this “bill” would not contain any appropriations for “Bicycle” paths, as this was one of those things that irked his “beanie brain” mentality, as Don never learned to ride a bike. But a highway bill must include funds for not only road infrastructure, but paths, which includes “bike path” improvements. Regardless, Don said NO bicycles - so to get the bill passed with “bike path” appropriations, that is where the “Fishing Pole” tax came to be, as that was Don's intent – tax those individuals that like wetting a line to pay the paving of the bicycle paths. It worked, and today we pay an extra cost when we buy a fishing lure or worm bait, so the bike paths from sea to shining sea can accommodate, well according to Don, democrats and environmentalists. So Don was OK with this, as he won the bill's approval in the House and Senate then Bush signed off on it – and it didn't have any taxpayers' loot going for the bikers. And even though 1% of this multi-million gift to paving contractors must be “for the arts” and this bill would over time be considered the most wasteful appropriations bill on record by many of his colleagues, it didn't bother “Old Don”. But one day Don was relaxing under a coconut grove tree and was reading up on what a highway appropriation's bill really accounts for when that money is delivered to the states of the Union. Low and behold, and unknown to Don, all new road infrastructure along with re-routes, must include engineering designs for “safe passage of pedestrians” - which includes bicycles! He supposedly went ballistic when he found out that 10% of all funding in his TE-LUE bill was for this “Safe Passage”. So upset, and starting a pow-wow war dance, that is when the coconut fell from the tree and he lost all recollection of his affiliation with Ted Stevens or what lobby paid his way. So today, yes we can thank Mr. Don Young for all the improvements to the roads that now allow safe passage for bicyclists, which he hates. Why? He has been embarrassed, by the democrats and environmentalist because with that bill, with improvements to the “Safe Passage” criteria, bike riding has increased, and that reduces our carbon fool-print, makes us healthier, all things despised by the Stealth-CONs! What goes around from desk to desk over on “K” Street, it comes around, and it is time that we here in Alaska get over that embarrassment and elect to furlough Don, as maybe he still has time to learn to operate a tricycle. And training wheels should be a pre-requisite for anybody that wants to represent this nation, something we should have enlisted upon when we sent MoanaLisa MurCowpie and Begich away, to smell Don's passing gas!
Don Passing Gas in Crowd of Innocent Bystanders