Cropping Out

MoanaLisa MurCowskie: Go guard your perch! Don Young: Go back to hiding! Honestly, sorry for the rant, but what is up with these decrepit creeps that we pay hard earned loot in efforts to hopefully see some serious and decent representation, instead of treason like rhetoric? MoanaLisa: “But the key question is whether the president is fully committed to a strategy that provides a peaceful future…and ceases the export of global terrorism.” What is up with such lunacy? I honor free speech, but please, have some decency upon something! Remember MoanaLisa, count to 10 before having a political orgasmic outburst. If terrorism is now a bonafide export, blame George Bush and your own crap & trade legislative terms of endangerment, idiots you are! Are you insinuating that Obama is not fully committed to cease global terrorism? That’s treason! And if the president is performing actions treasonable, do something. But therein exists your problem, you don’t do anything! Hey, when you and colleagues act like a bunch of kindergarteners and don’t support the American mission, what do you expect? Your ways and means are practiced upon and finds preference to failure over success, please stop it, for our children’s future. And with Don, it is more of the same old ED - explosive diarrhea of the mouth with not one iota of intelligence indicating neither he, nor MoanaLisa for this matter, respects the present Commander-in-Chief. Maybe Don did get hit in the noggin with a wayward coconut! I guess they were comfortable with a Commander-in-Thief administration, so cannot get used to the fact that this is America and the Constitution does indeed instill a values system upon leadership. I think it is called ethics! Something gone missing for the years, during which time MoanaLisa has been in her preferential treatment, help me daddy, cushion seat. Look, MoanaLisa has not done one iota of good for this state, or the country. When she is corralled by her idiot colleagues - wherein more treasonous like terrorist activity designed to undermine the America dream of life, liberty and pursuit of happiness surfaces - she reminds me of Alice the Goon’s slaver, the Sea Hag! I hope the voting public has learned a nepotism lesson, do not, I repeat, do not let the MurCowskies ever again garnish political control of anything in this once great state, not even control of a dog pound turd! The Alaska GOP delegates talk is cheap, as it is a cover-up for a cheapskate agenda, turncoat it is. See, it appears that there exist many that believe peace is a joke so cannot stomach an end to the conflicts – Afghanistan and Iraq. Remember, these are not Constitutional Wars! So the Sea Hag and Coconut Butthead Don are not for peace overnight and want to see a slow fake draw-out continuation of yet another failure. It is a failure now and forever Amen, and tomorrow it will be more of the same, so the sentiment is to take advantage of the situation, even if it means increased loss of life, loss of limb, loss of kneecaps and loss of our heritage - as America was once some many years ago a strong country not bent on occupying another’s homeland, not until Baby Bush dominated with a little help from his daddy. What is it with the GOP daddies? Can’t their kids go it alone? I am beginning to doubt it! Anyway, for many on the Hill, they find no other reason then to see the killing fields continue. And there is a reason for this. When one considers that it cost a million dollars per troop for a year in the theater, somebody is making damn good money on this ordeal. And it is surely not the men and women in uniform. Please read between the lines, military contractors have a stake in these conflicts, for a profit. So do you really think they have a desire to quit? Now take Iraq for instance. In the beginning, many youngsters came home in a flag draped box because there was not provided protective armor underneath their assault vehicles, reinforcements that could withstand the insurgents’ bad deeds. So instead of making available modifications, no, no, no, lets just build a better mousetrap, a vehicle that can withstand such roadside bombings. Great, so the states stay employed - which keeps the politicians in good standings - but the kids were not given the appropriate armor to do their “duty”, this was all for money. Stay cool kids, as help is on the way, in the meantime fend for yourselves! These conflicts - these illegal wars - are for one and only one all important sick reason, profit only, and in the end, we will spend billions if not zillions on rebuilding efforts, so the bastards that are getting rich over dead young troops doing not their military duty but assisting with some screwed up Christian like Baptist bible thumping plan designed to overthrow another God, to eradicate the muslin following, these rich assholes will most likely be able to secure riches for their offspring. Military contractors are taking home millions in Christmas bonuses. Militia contractors in the theater, which tallies a number at least equal to the U.S. troops with feet on the ground, kill and abuse with unlimited immunity, including no consequences for rape, these un-Americans are taking home paychecks that are 6-times the normal everyday salary of a hard working American. And a whole bunch of it is “tax free” income. This is not war by any stretch of the imagination, but just another form of rape upon the American taxpayers! And what about these young kids in uniform that are being tricked into believing they are doing this for America? What honor is there in telling them not the truth behind this boondoggle affair? There are so many things wrong with this picture that it is mind boggling that the rest of the nations let it occur. But they see it as a way to weaken this country, which is happening each and everyday that these conflicts are allowed to continue on without an exit strategy. The American people are being cheated, again. The troops are being cheated, out of their youth, for a conflict bent on making millions and raking the American dream over the coals of greed. These sleazebags in control have no guilt whatsoever, and this coalition thing is more of the same non-sense. Just look at the ratio of Americans to other invitees, as most other countries are hell bent on the future, which means a peaceful road ahead because we are no longer segregated away as individual countries and economies, but a global force! Either with them or against them will be our most stubborn stance and recovery will take generations. And if the Afghanistan conflict is indeed a NATO thing, why does America have to “Invite” participants to help out? Really, this should tell the brass something isn’t right. Now I am not making fun a sitting president. But Obama does have sizeable ears. Maybe that is good, as there is no excuse not to hear me now. End the WARs. Don’t get trapped into a GOP armpit grip, as it will be your fall and doom. And just this morning in the Anchorage Daily Stool, there was some cropping going on with Obama’s mug shot. Really, limited space allowed the “cropper” to cut off Obama’s ears! Respect? It is a joke in this country. At the same time there was a horror picture, MoanaLisa, Don and the new kid on the block, Begich - all with their quick to judgment smirks over Obama’s forward move on the conflicts. Look, we asked you to represent, so shut-up and do your job. We are not stupid, we didn’t ask for your opinion. I do believe I have something of interest figured out. Puppet pulpit government exists to rule destiny. The “rule” of the road followed leads to doom, to ruin. Atlantis disappeared due embarrassment and an out-of-control society. This country, through its inept leadership, continues to erode away any faith, hope and is hell bent of charity only. The Treasury continues to be on pilferage alert, but nobody gives a dam. MoanaLisa, Don and Begich, it doesn’t belong to any entity you represent, so it should not be given away like candy on Halloween! Honestly, even though the faces in charge have changed, behind the scenes it is more of the same Nothing, “For the People”? That disappeared a long time ago. The mandate of government, the mission supposedly, has shied away from reality. When the republicans ruled to ruin, our inheritance and heritage was given away. With the new puppet show, same thing, but with this blessing called transparency. Transparency: Giving away the henhouse and being honest about it. Really, it appears that the same damn mentality exists today as did during the Bush years of destruction. Why? It is like a disease that cannot find itself a cure. Do you think cancer cells hope for a cure? Of course not, as they thrive on causing ill health. The entire government needs an enema, a makeover, and those that can take the heat, maybe some kind of pardon. There are but a few genuine protectors of the Constitution these days, and their terms are short lived, because they are honest and uphold the Constitution. By doing their sworn jobs, they have a quick fall-out, because they are against this “with them” agenda. Politics today is not in the business to uphold righteousness. Politicians are in business to let our rights erode, because it is too their advantage to take sides, and believe me brother, you are not on that side of the fence that matters. And how about this fact not fiction. There is not one representative, not one U.S. Senator, not one U.S. Congressmen that can tell Americans without a doubt how much these wars - these conflicts - have cost the Taxpayers. Why? Because both engagements are illegal when the Constitution is present. So, the scoundrel money to fund these atrocities comes from secret locations. Look, Congress can vote on anything, but that doesn’t make it right. In fact, the entire government has come to a stage of constipation. The only thing our present day representation is good about, is just giving it all away. Like explosive diarrhea, no control, just let it blow, and let somebody else clean up the mess. I feel sorry for our children’s children, as it will take at least a hundred years to get this country back on track and they will be the ones responsible for the cleanup detail. In the meantime, we continue to throw money away on inept representation and throw money away on some far away conflicts. When at the same time this country has bridges falling down and a highway infrastructure on the verge of collapse. We spend wasteful amounts of hard earned income on a space program and nobody laughed when Bush signed a deal to go back to the moon, because he didn’t realize we have already been there, done that. We let an imbecile run this country, for 8-long years! So far, on estimates, it has cost every man, woman and child $10,000 to fuel the Bush Doctrine. Can you imagine if there wasn’t such a foolish doctrine funding these wars abroad and that money was in the hands of those that it truly belongs too, forget about an economic downturn. It would be a brilliant and thriving economy, and Americans would be happy and proud. How about this! What if we sent George Bush a bill for his mess? Then start down the list of acquaintances and accomplices, sending bills to those in the representative ranks that let this country down, like a fine for not upholding the Constitution. The Treasury would collect billions. And wouldn’t it be a hoot to get a levy on Crawford? Or a levy on Pelosi’s Botox collection! Americans have unknown powers inherent in the great emancipator, yet we let sleazebag representation ruin the mission, ruin our life, liberty and pursuit of happiness - the trinity. Our true rights are squandered away, all orchestrated “By the Politicians” and “For the Politicians” in their own pursuit upon personal greed. This country will survive, as when the idiots get finished there will be no money but what will remain is a future, because in the end, as long as we have the 1st and 2nd, we are somewhat still safe. So it doesn’t surprise me that the conflicts will continue, illegally funded by our taxed income and as mentioned before, it is all for the money, as nobody in power cares about the troops, except some crying moms and dads. And “So this is Xmas, And what have you done, Another year over…..”

Alice for U.S. Senate

To: My Fellow Alaskans

From: Alice the Goon

I plan to run for U.S. Senate, in efforts to unseat the “Nepotism Queen”, namely Alaskan senator MoanaLisa MurCowski. My challenge will take place during the upcoming 2010 campaign season. Since her time in office, in which she was originally given such by appointment through her daddy, the Sea Hag has done nothing for this state or for that matter, nothing for this country but contribute to misfit chatter - and nowadays that is something we associate with terrorists like activity. Just recently she challenged President Obama’s good will, with the sentiment that the sitting president was not “committed to a strategy that provides a peaceful future…and ceases the export of global terrorism”. Name one thing positive delivered after so many years in office at $175,000 a year, courtesy the U.S. Taxpayers, and I will stand corrected. We need solid representation, as oil bucks are dwindling. I will open up ANWR, something Frank failed at after 15-years trying. I will use eminent domain to take control of Alaska’s coastline, with respect to resource development and get Alaskans their fair share. Your PFD will grow by 100% under my watch. A gas line will be a reality, with passage of a bill to commence building on my first day in office, even before accepting the automatic senate pay raise. I have chosen as a campaign director, Popeye. My public affairs will be managed by Olive Oyl, as she is a pretty slick individual and could easily go one-on-one with Sarah’s Meg! My health coach, while on the campaign trail, will be Wimpy. Due to the fact that I am better looking then Sarah Palin, and was at one time just as popular, you may see me in and around town with a bodyguard, another familiar face, Brutus. Please don’t let the fact that I was born on “Plunder Island” discourage your vote, as the word plunder has different meaning in goon talk. Please vote your conscious, and that should mean a vote for Alice, no Nepotism, just pure forward looking representation.

Sincerely, Alice the Goon – Senator for all Alaskans

Paid for by “Friends of MoanaLisa MurCowski”

Imagine, the 8th

Dear Barack Obama & Family;

“A very Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year
Let’s hope it’s a good one
Without any fear
WAR is over
If you want it
WAR is over. NOW!”

Happy Christmas!

Gallagher's Travels

Think back a spell, remember Gallagher, the comedian who never left home without a watermelon? Then with a 10-pound dead blow hammer, he would make smithereens the melon, entertaining his fans by douching front row seat victims with airborne rind, seeds and “da” juice. Well, I think I found a new career, most likely a short-lived one, failure or not! See, I just returned home from the jungle. It was the day after Thanks, something called “Black Friday”! Whatever happened to “Good” Fridays? Anyway, the jungle I am talking about means the malls, wherein this madness exists upon the wall to wall pedestrians, causing panic attacks and a feeding frenzy, wherein those on the slow move to nowhere take in holy calorie mall food at the speed of insanity, making it clear and convincing that Alaska is the “Obese” state of the Union and doing everything it can to retain that title. Malls! I would wager that major insurance companies support the mall life. Why? Insurance companies rely on Americans getting sick, through un-healthy habits, like becoming mall rats. Hey, without sick people, there would be no need for insurance companies. So these outfits find things to make us sick, then use tactics to migrate it into society. Maybe our representatives can steal away some Treasury money to perform a study, another study, then a convincing re-study and as usual, nothing will get accomplished except more of my hard earned money wasted away, again. It is like a broken record, this bailout, which is nothing new. In Alaska, the bailout thing was started way long ago when the Three Stooges came to power, namely Ted, Don and Frank. When times were good and pork was king, wherein someone could get a “grant” – a.k.a. Uncle Sam freebie – just to study the penis size of the Musk Oxen. At one time when accountability was still part of the Constitution, there was no such thing as “grants”, as the government secured its wealth with “loans”. But loans are not free, so it cannot buy votes. Ted and Don were instrumental in this new-age giveaway program, so what is going on today is nothing new. Now I started my day off healthy, by taking in some cross-country skiing with my ancient Trysil Knuts wood skies. And this was well before the Randall Rovers made mincemeat of the trails. Hey, speed isn’t everything. Really, it was fresh virgin snow that had not yet experienced one of those noisy grooming machines, the way it used to be back when Anchorage was still civilized and one could ski the backwoods’ trails without being accosted by some organization wanting money, for skiing! And what is with that idiotic selfish smirk you get from those speed skiers? Hey, I like the old ways! I hope KaKa wins that medal finally, so we don’t have to hear about her any longer, let some fresh blood go for the gold. Anyway, I waited until just about closing time on “Black Friday”, to return back one of those all-in-one contraptions that can FAX, copy, print, choke and perform unwanted maneuvers, like that secret hidden away paper shredder. I didn’t order a paper destroyer, and it appears that is the only thing this beast is good for! It didn’t work, except it sounded like a choking dog, so at least that function seemed to work. Maybe that was the I-tunes function. These modern electronic gizmos come with a bunch of un-necessary crap. But regardless any incompetence to comprehend or appreciate, my new machine was broke! And at first I didn’t want to be bothered with noise, traffic and confusing confinement on this busiest of busy shopping days of the year. What’s that? Oh, the bus service has been furloughed by Anchorage’s Mayor “Man of Discrimination” Dan Sullivan. But I was lazy, and just wanted to stay home with my six-pack of Sam Adams’ Winter Lager. So I called the “Brother” can you spare a dime hotline, for help on turning my newly purchased contraption into something useful, besides a noise machine, that now acted as if one of those secret government mood altering devices. And I don’t need any paper mache material! Now talk about getting furloughed! I was told – after a 20-minute debriefing wherein some technical assistant wanted my life history so it could help better assist my problems – that for an additional $50-bucks secured by a credit card, a new printer contraption could be delivered within 3-days and for another $50-bucks, the broken machine hauled away? Hey, the contraption was on sale for a $100? And I need to counterfeit, now! So the only other choice was to hit the store, to get a new what-cha-ma-call-it. Honestly, this was a place and time wherein full body armor was probably a good idea if you valued your life, liberty and pursuit of happiness. The return line was a mile long line. And people are not nice after shopping all day. So finally, my turn. “What’s wrong?” It’s broke. “Can you be more specific?” Yes, it has a hamming distance problem. “Oh, OK.” It is interesting how easy it is to fool these hi-tech groupies. So I was given the green light to get a replacement. Now on “Blue” Wednesday, the store had hundreds of these contraptions, piled high like a pyramid. But when “sales” for a must have starts at 5am, people are still in sleep mode and buy not what they want, or need, so things disappear. Lucky me, there was one left, way up on a shelf. “I’ll take it”, which seemed to confuse the hired help. Now this thing is as big as Maggie the elephant. And with slick ice prone parking lots, it was a chore getting it back home. Now there is something about technology that is confusing, as modern day computers and geeks like to make things stubborn, with this plug and play crap. And the directions are misleading. It didn’t work, my replacement, in fact it screwed up my computer, So another call went to the “Brother” hotline, same thing, for $50-bucks…. Then I remembered Gallagher. See, think what a “hoot” – thanks Sarah – it would be to have live entertainment, when people are waiting in line for their turn at insanity? Laughter is still thy best medicine! Why do you think Nancy Pelosi is always laughing? Oh, I heard someone yell out that was a failed Botox experiment. Sounded like Reid! So, I thought it would be proper to imitate Gallagher, instead of a melon, a piece of crap all-in-one electronic gadget. Why not? First and foremost, there is an audience, and they need something to break the boredom. So I am planning a Gallagher, not with a melon, but upon my Brother, that is the MFC-5890CN super-duper do nothing yet but make sad noises Professional Series Multi-Function Center. Damn, if I have to pay tax on a Center? So, here is the schedule of events. I plan to head to the Best of them all, before the opening bell, and when the clock strikes 10, whamo! Imagine the fallout, from plastic, metal, ink and gallium arsenide shrapnel going every which way but loose. But therein exists the problem. These contraptions are a hazardous waste site on their very own, that is the reason it is called a “Center”. As it already qualifies under the EPA Superfund, a giveaway program that proves that perpetual motion is not impossible. And since we are all responsible for our daily deeds, with respect to abating hazardous wastes, I would properly be looking at jail time, for inaugurating a hazardous waste site. And with the “bailout”, it would probably fall under the Denali Commission’s jurisdiction, wherein some idiot with roots to the evil empire - a.k.a. Juneau - would become rich. But at least the bus stop patrons would be spared, as righteousness continues to be furloughed by this city’s leadership. Hey, remember Arlo found himself in jail, for littering, on Thanksgiving day! Alice’s Restaurant Massacre! Maybe I am really on to something with this Gallagher gig, a contraption massacre, Arlo relived. Anyway, for some reason my MF is now working, after rebooting every dam micro-chip in the house, including powering down the micro-wave oven. It can FAX! It can copy! It can scan! It can still shred! And that choking noise has been refined, as this thing can talk and sing! What a deal, and it is alive and well. See, right after it started working, it connected itself to the la-la network, thinking I wanted to give away more personal information. Now it knows exactly where it resides. The display says something to the effect, “Welcome Anchorage homeowner”. What? It is now displaying “Anchorage, city of Brotherly Hate” accompanied by a song with the background tune of “Hey Big Spender”:

The minute Sullivan walked in the Assembly,
I could see he was a man of discrimination,
A real cheap blunder.
People Mover, so denied.
Say wouldn’t you like to know
What’s going on in Dan’s mind?
So, lets get right to the Prevo,
He doesn’t care about the pain he sees.
Hey, cheap spender,
Hey, Mr. Discriminator!
Hey, bus eliminator!
Spend maybe a dime on me!
Fun…Laughs…Good Times!(with Jerry)
Fun…Laughs…Good Times!(No new buses!)
Fun…Laughs…Good Times!(Attack Begich)
How about a Wheeler?…Yeah!

Maybe it’s in the Municipality water supply, maybe gallium arsenide, or maybe the problem has something to do with the Hamming distance – as the latter deals with “flipped” bits. See, when idiots like Dan Sullivan can continue to be worthy of political control, this society is doomed. And this madness continues, as what is fashionable seems to make inroads, regardless of how detrimental it is to society and we can all thank Sarah for this new age sacrilege. As it appears she has become a role model, for something that needs shredding, or at least some mood alterations, as she is but a noise out of control - continuing to indicate that IQs are not a prerequisite to governance. Remember, what Honest Abe said, “I can not tell a lie”. To bad others are not as “Honest”! Where’s my dead blow, as this country needs a new gavel!

Weight Watchers

I almost found myself with a hernia Sunday, while trying to haul in the catch of the day. The Anchorage Daily Stool I’m talking about. The paper weighed in at an astounding 4-pounds or more, with 99% of the weight contributing to “buy, buy, buy” campaigns. What economic slowdown? Sure, why not continue with a subscription, if not for the news, the entertainment provides laughter - still the best medicine. No, I do not read the “Entertainment” section, as the news’ section itself provides its own side of comedy. I wonder, is this paper just a testing grounds for would be journalists? Bottom-line, I just can’t wait for the paper to arrive, so I can turn to the last page and see not Paul Jenkins mug shot anymore, long time commentator and editor for the Voice of VECO. See, for 15-years, the Voice had a page dedicated to the “other” side. So even though Anchorage was a one-paper town, the Voice had a distribution vehicle, surviving like a leech. How this guy supported Bill Allen’s agenda after all those years, it is mind-boggling. See, many of us in the oil patch realized early on - ca. 1980 - that Allen was a crock. He made his fame and fortune by undermining true Alaskans out there in the wilderness trying to make a living, that life, liberty and pursuit of happiness thing. His greed was in turn the workers detriment with respect to wages and benefits, as Allen was dead set on providing “cheap” labor - which went over well with foreign oil companies operating in Alaska, like British Petroleum. Allen had a tough time at first, trying to infiltrate the workforce that had so far made the Alaskan oil scene safe, efficient and profitable. At a cost we did so, because good labor wasn’t cheap, and the sentiment “you get what you pay for” was the driving force. At first, Big Oil was bent on doing it right, so didn’t mind paying top wages for the “Best of the Best”, Alyeska’s one time motto that testified who and what we stood for. It was a give and take relationship that worked well. But it was only a matter of time, wherein VECO hardhats started showing up, for small jobs in and around the Trans-Alaska-Pipeline pumping stations. Some of the early-on jobs went to routine station help, like trash hauling and burning, shit-bag duty, things that the directs frowned upon. And when such infiltration by Allen started to make history, when his posse of underpaid and under-educated made a show, they were branded, “Scumbag Contractors”. It went hand and hand, as Allen was just that, a scumbag. I remember times when a VECO “scumbag” was denied a work permit, because those of us in the know realized that what was happening in the oil patch was not healthy. There is nothing worse then unqualified help in a hazardous environment. But VECO made inroads, first taking the crap jobs, by employing desperadoes, enticing them with low paying jobs and maybe a future. When break-room talk commenced to compare wages and benefits, the VECO hands became nauseated. I once watched a few VECO workers clean up a mercury spill. What PPE? That means personal protection equipment, like gloves and facemasks. The sentiment, if we complain and don’t get the job done….. I felt sorry for one guy, so gave him a pair of gloves. So it wasn’t just the behind closed doors political wheeling and dealing that we should remember Bill Allen upon, but how he imagined greed as a way to undermine our livelihoods. Wages in the oil patch have suffered, due Allen’s work. And like I have said many a time before, who was the force behind Allen? So we survived “Black Friday”, the Saturday after, and made it through another week, only to find “Monday” upon us and the gears in motion, as the Holiday season is here again. Allen is in jail, happier Holidays! And honestly, today was a record breaker. The Stool weighed in at a whooping 2.75-ounces! The cost of today’s paper topped gold! But there was a noteworthy opinion in “Our View”, about “Black Friday”. It was indeed a disgrace that Mayor Dan Sullivan decided to be the Grinch and Scrooge all on the same day and cut out the Muni, on the biggest shopping day of the year! He has to be sick, confused and delirious to the point of lobotomized, to think of such a stupid move. But he knows he can get away with it, just like Allen did in his early years. Bottom-line, to undermine the public trust was at one time not a good scene. It could get one on the chopping block, that “impeachment” thing. But we let it slide, as with only a one-paper town and all the other 1st Amendment protectors wasting time following around Sarah the beauty pageant queen, well we are getting robbed, lock, stock and barrel. Look, Sarah is no different then Bill, on the selfish agenda scale. No different then Ted, Don, MoanaLisa, Frank or Shefield or….. They are all “greedsters” trying to take advantage of Alaska’s once great name wherein the citizens suffer when they gain. For anybody living here today, can with honesty and without laughter continue to say that our representatives have done good for Alaska, just look around and you’ll see still a failed infrastructure that cannot sustain a stable jobs market. But the “crocks” succeed in their endeavors, because we let them, thinking they are looking out for our own good when all the time it is the same old thing, more of the same “snake oil” medicine. It may sound good, but that stench should be the giveaway! If it sounds too good to be true… it is, as it is “trust me” in disguise of political blasphemy.

Thanks MoanaLisa

Now I remember all to well MoanaLisa MurCowski taking credit for securing $millions$ in Federal funding to build a “New” museum along side the original Anchorage Museum of Natural History in downtown, so thanks for nothing! For those of you not in the know or care not to care, Federal funding is regurgitated taxpayers’ loot. It is “our” money stolen away so others in power can do as they please to win over friends, to gain popularity in efforts to forever fill a political seat that carries with it outrageous health care benefits, for the entire family including the dog. The way “our” loot is administered, borderline un-Constitutional in my book. In fact, elephants have better health care then most Americans that work for a living. I don’t mind paying my fair share, but the equation of equity doesn’t seem to balance the budget all that well nowadays. Anyway, MoanaLisa made it clear and convincing during her nepotism re-election campaign for U.S. Senator, that she brings home the bacon for jobs and funds to maintain the infrastructure - the “New” museum included as her big ticket item of interest. Well I finally had the opportunity to visit the “New” museum, as there came a freebie opportunity during the Christmas bazaar. I must say, the new addition is indeed bazaar! Definition of Museum: “A building for preserving and exhibiting artistic, historical or scientific objects”. Now some states have historical icons that have something to do with the state, like the “Big Buffalo Turd” museum, or the “Supper Duper Cow Pie” wayside exhibit, somewhere down in the lower-48. So even though this state never made possible a “Bridge To Nowhere”, it appears that we have succeeded in building the “Stairway to Nowhere” and using taxpayers’ money to get away with it! What a deal. Honestly, the “New” museum is nothing but this wasted space staircase, and “We the People” pay for the humongous heating bills, to heat empty space. There is nothing artistic, historical or scientific about this place, still under construction? It looks marvelous on the outside, but I guess you cannot judge a building by its siding! Now the old museum continues to maintain its undivided character, with the Sydney Lawrence gallery along with the “black & white” captions depicting real Alaska at its best. But one can see that the “new” addition is beginning to spoil things, as even the old timers’ museum is seeing the effects of neglect. The Christmas bazaar was not so “Christmas” like this 2009 go around. And with that, remember, it costs a whole lot of loot to heat nothing. But maybe MoanaLisa was just looking out for her constituents, as maybe the “Stairway to Nowhere” has a secret agenda identity. See this state wasted a whole bunch of money building a treadmill for Maggie, the elephant. We figured out that if it were possible to get an overweight elephant concerned about over-eating, then maybe the trickle down theory would get the citizens involved in a more healthier lifestyle. See, this comes about from the fact that Alaskan politicians are more likely to side with an elephant then to side with the constituents. Honestly, in Alaska an elephant has more clout then does the voting public. This occurred when Annabelle passed away, Maggie’s predecessor and companion. The flags went to half hoist, when at the same time there came more notable Alaskan’s that deserved a flag ceremony. Now with respect to the issue of a healthier lifestyle, for the elephant it worked, once that is. See, after months of design and fabrication for a one-of-a-kind indoor elephant treadmill at the cost of $150 thousand, it required several days of coaxing - in efforts to get Maggie on the health kick bandwagon. It was starting to work, as this one-of-a-kind contraption - and included as part of the world’s biggest treadmill - there was an LCD screen that played out African wilderness scenes, to entice Maggie into believing this was the true nirvana, the real McCoy! And it was working, wherein Maggie would venture on the treads when other elephant herds were alive and well on the tube, sounds and all. Until, until…came the scene where a lion runs down and kills an elephant. Supposedly Maggie freaked out and never once set foot upon the 5-tonne treadmill. Anyway, at the “New” museum there is indeed a “Stairway to Nowhere”, with nothing artistic, scientific or historical. Take that back, there may be some historical significance. From the top, if one looks out towards the south, you can see the corner of the Federal building where Ted Stevens used to hideout. Besides that nothing! Wait a minute, maybe something of scientific value does indeed exist. At the end of the stairwell, there exists this supper duper sized elevator. So maybe MoanaLisa was on to something. Maybe this “Stairway to Nowhere” can be encouraging, opened up in the early morning hours for people to get fit. Climb up the stairs, shed some blood, sweat and tears, then hitch a ride down in the “gigantic” elevator. Have a muffin from the café. In fact, the stairs are wide enough for an elephant, or two normal Anchoragites side by side. Now when I say normal, I am just being facetious. Just look around you, we have become the “blimp” state. But I guess we can blame it on the Jesuits, or Catholic priests, maybe the nuns, as they supposedly ruined the eating habits when they came here to incite perverted justice. Anyway, I am “not” at all glad to see that our money that was safe away in the U.S. Treasury continues to support crap, as this piece of infrastructure is indeed nothing short of crap. So maybe we should take advantage of it. Because soon from the top, it will mean looking outside at another eyesore, and this is where the artistic quality comes into play and assures me some artists were once politicians now gone crazy. Who in hell ordered this nightmare? Yes indeed, soon to be erected on the “New” Museum grounds, the Ted Stevens statue. That “Hulkmania” fixture that is still on the drawing board, it will be erected next summer! It is a disgrace, but goes along well the décor of the museum. Pure “Nothing”. More like a decoy! It will scare kids! And some call this art? Anyway, just think of the time-capsule describing Alaska. “Stardate 2009: We built this for nothing(The Don Young Wood Chip Export Facility). And we built this for nothing also(Laird’s Kodiak Launch Facility). And we built this for nothing(The Challenger Learning Center). And we built this for nothing(The Dena’ina Visitor Convention Center). And we built this for nothing(Don Young’s amphibious assault vessel) - so fast a vessel that it has gone missing from its first sea trials. And we have spent more money trying to eradicate the “Honey Bucket”. But we once had a dairy, and that was pretty scary. So we built this here “New” museum, for nothing”. If anything, such a ridiculous time capsule will continue to warn alien races against messing with zero IQ humans disguised as politicians. Maybe it’s the other way around? Believe me, this “New” museum will keep any extraterrestrial beings away, as any intelligent race would have to be nuts, or out of food to even think of a visit. In fact, like Town Square with the PAC - which is the only useful thing ever built in Anchorage because it was built through private funding by a few that cared - maybe the “New” museum stairs can be sold, like the bricks, to support in this case the true missing identity of a bonafide museum, as there is nothing unique about this place but pure waste. Because this state is known for its waste, courtesy the U.S. Taxpayers, the gift that keeps on giving, senator after senator after congressman. And don’t you just love those heated sidewalks? Hey, did Martin Buser really get too take away the treadmill? It should have been placed in the “New” museum, at least it would have been something to talk about! But like Dylan was heard singing out, “When you ain’t got nothin’ you got nothin’ to loose”.

Sarah Baitfish

Bait defined: To torment or persecute, especially by verbal attacks, to feed, to lure, entice…First and foremost, Sarah Palin is not an author, she is not by any stretch of one’s imagination a writer! Robin Williams said it so well with words to this effect, that “Sarah was voted the most likely to burn a book then write a book”. For anybody out there in la-la land that has invested time trying to write a novel, a memoir, a poem, it isn’t an easy or overnight task. Sometimes poems can take years to perfect. Just recently, Vermont Poet Laureate Galway Kinnell finished a unique poem several years in the making, called “Why Regret?” Like already mentioned, writing is not an overnight success! In Palin’s case, her ghostwriter is the bonafide author, as defined under intellectual property ownership. Now there may be a long arm good faith contract with signatures that testifies differently, but upon the bottom line, Palin did not write anything. She may own the thoughts, but what appears in ink is somebody else’s fantasy in print, through the thought process of another. Brain chemistry, like DNA, does not find an exact duplicate in nature. Ghost writing is borderline identity theft, if not plagiarism. The same thing happens with many sitting Senators and ex-representatives in retirement or expulsion, who feel the urge or rage to prove something. When Viagra or Botox doesn’t work all that well, as advertised, maybe…. They think authoring a book will get them noticed, so they sit down with some editor and then get their mug shot taken, some snazzy title that has nothing to do with nothing and then the crap hits the best seller’s list for a few weeks. It doesn’t make any money extra, just a breakeven proposition. It is crap, because it is not authentic. And such crap takes away the true penmanship efforts of genuine writers, because this crap sells fast and furious while stealing away valued customers, as there is only so much to go around. Bottom line, crap in print abandons what should be in print! It alienates the reading public along with the bookshelves, wherein crap fills the voids, just to make a buck. Even though one should not judge a book by its cover, covers sell. But Sarah has smarts, maybe not upon the writer’s tablet, but she is a pageant queen extraordinaire and has one ultimate agenda, keeping an audience. And it appears that this audience, of followers and critics alike, has taken the bait, hook, line and sinker. Some like the bait, which is lousy spoiled smelly crap, wherein others have been fooled through the stench that there is noting else on the plate. But there is evidence that the Palin “comedy” legacy is coming to an end, or a luke warm existence. She is no longer the main fodder for late night comedians, just a sideline when such stuff is required to fill yet another void. She tried to smack down Letterman, it failed. Followers are no longer coming to her defense. And now that Beck has choked upon a Palin & Beck ticket, insisting the fact that women’s rights is a laughing subject, move over Sarah, let Hilary take over the kitchen chores! Soon we will realize all the wasted time upon a subject matter that never really mattered to begin with, when all the time there existed more pressing issues that should have invited our undivided attention. Just the fact that Anchorage’s Mayor Dan Sullivan decided to cut the Muni-tranist for one day following Thanksgiving, it should have incited riotous rebellion upon the local bloggers’ community. But it appears Sarah continues to hold center stage over pressing issues, even in her own state. In the end, Sarah wins, we loose. Now I will admit that when the McCain & Palin ticket was alive and well, I took to arms - the pen - to defend this country, by using the power of the pen to ridicule, as there was no way in hell that this country could survive with McCain at the helm and Palin as his vice. The toilet seat mentality was not good for this country. But the race is over with. McCain is pretty silent, as he must have better things to do with his time, like represent, or still trying to find a ghostwriter. But Sarah is the gift that keeps on giving, to those desperate enough to want such fantasy presents. She quit, so she has nothing better to do with a whole lot of spare time. In the end, she realizes that all that is left is “honey money” to be made, and she will use that successful baiting technique to lure in more and more lemmings. So what, as this is still America and she has that right. But there are rights being eroded away upon, because many of us are too dam busy minding another’s business. We need to divest away from the fantasy, as there are indeed more important things to rally behind. Health care, the economy and right here in Anchorage, a mutiny by a Mayor bent on instituting discriminatory policies and procedures, because nobody is looking. So remember this, the Sarah and Levi state of affairs, it’s just a marathon soap opera worth its weight in gold to the participants and worth fools gold to those interested in wasting time, their own precious time. Oops, time to catch the bus. Hey, its not on time, in fact it looks like apocalypse now around the town of “Discriminatory Love”, a real “Black Friday”. In fact, the roads are not even plowed for emergency services; another cost cutting guilt trip, courtesy Mayor Dan. See he hates union contracts, so let the people burn! Anyway, a good-ridden goodbye Sarah! And let us not forget Palin’s true legacy, that of “Drill Baby Drill”, coming to a sacred and pristine area near you. The real “Black Friday” is alive and well, right in our own backyards.