Books & Writings by SPam McGee

Alaska Short Stack Stories, Series I, II, & III ~ Alaska's Deadliest Sin-Drill Baby Drill ~ Alaskan Company Man ~ Eklutna Lake Worrier ~ From the Fifth Floor ~ Hannah Cove ~ My Journey to Landes House ~ Poemetrics ~ Quinn the "Tanik" Eskimo ~ S.O.S. from Beaver Lake ~ The Teachings of the Swamp Fox ~ Trans-Alaska-Pipeline Funny Stories ~ Spirit Dog & the Ghost Wind


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Sunday, July 12, 2015

Bad Buzz

What in hell is that racket and my house is shaking like back in 64? Damn, sounds like the sky is falling and birds are flying scared to cover, crapping all over the place. Whatever this monster on high, it's getting closer, best I run for cover also but I turned my underground bomb shelter into a cesspool because I thought all was safe! Wow, there's a sky shadow following this “Whatever”! It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Vladsmear Putin! Honestly, the test flights of the Tupolev-95 just too close to comfort these days here in Alaska. The Soviet “Bear Bomber” has the noisiest engines on high, due the fact the blades turn faster then Don Young running to the House chambers to vote “AYE” on a “Deportee” bill. I meant faster then SOS – Speed of Sound. Which allows the “Bear” to hit speeds of 400 mph and with a range of 7800 miles, it can carry “Cruise Missiles” on a deadly course around the globe. Kind of like Ted Cruz on a mission of destruction. It's scary, with both, but even though Vladsmear made it known that “Bear Bombers” would again hijack the friendly skies, just recently has it become an earache headache because the entire fleet has been rebuilt and equipped with Boeing engines – so the sky is full of “Noise”. Boeing engines? It's called “Technology Transfer”, in other words who gives a shit if we give Putin an advantage! I believe at one time it was called espionage, giving away our secrets. And this humongous bird on high can carry a whole bunch of Raduga Kh-55 missiles, equipped with nuclear tipped warheads. “I'm Back”! No not what Ann Coltergeist says when she is again a contestant on FOX's “Bimbo Blonds” and competing with Charles Krauthammer for the scariest faced human alive, but Vladsmear's new image. Imagine having a last name with “Kraut” & “Hammer”, talk about scary. But Ann always wins the “Bimbo” award! Yes indeed, the damn cold-war is back again, taking advantage of “Global Warming”, just start a “Cold War”! That's how some think, “Warming”? Counteract with a cooling cycle through a “Cold War”. In fact it's the new neo-conservative approach even embraced by Jeb Bush - as they want war and why not take advantage of this “Warming” trend? So there has come an increase in interception escorts along the California and Alaskan coast with the “Bombers” getting real close at breaching the coveted air-space 12-miles off-shore. But according to scientist, with the “Bears” making our F-22's remain on high-alert, the noisy bastards are causing the Pacific sharks along the coast to “Go Deep” and attacks upon swimmers is down 90%! Thanks Mr. Vladsmear, as now my kids can enjoy swimming without fear of getting a leg chomped. Man, finally a benefit of a “Cold War”. But we don't see Congress or Alaska's Senator of fine whining MoanaLisa MurCowpiefly getting excited over the “Bears”, as we have already a secret weapon at our disposal. Now we all thought that Sarah Palin was missing in action with a silent treatment in this current GOP race of the sinners for the Presidency, but she has been busy at a new career. Remember her statement that she could smell Putin from Alaska – even with the stench of rotting salmon – well she was telling the truth as she may be the “True Bionic Woman” and she has found a new life, the “Rogue Rouge Baron” and getting to play in Putin's court - how romantic! This is better then taking up residency at 1400 Transylvania Avenue!

 Vladsmear Putin's Bear Bomber

 Rogue Rouge Baron Sarah Palin

Well, I don't know, but I've been told
The streets in heaven are lined with gold
I ask you how things could get much worse
If the Russians happen to get up there first
Wowee! Pretty scary!
Bob Dylan

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