Alaska Pipeline On Empty

Even though the 49’er state has a Governor that thinks he understands “Big Oil”, that is far from the far-reaching evangelistic truth. See, Parnell learned from Palin who learned from Limpdick - GOP suck head - who learned from Bill Allen who learned from Ben who learned from Ted…get my point! Trickle-down politics found bimbos, mustangs, blunders and rested its case with corruption. Look, why did Enstar pay Ben $70k – for Nothing? First and foremost, get it out of your migraine noggin that the price of a barrel of oil has anything to do with anything besides “nothing”. It is immaterial, as it doesn’t matter if oil is $10 a can or $100 a drop, with consideration upon the players in Alaska’s game of “Monopoly”. In a nutshell, it all boils down to that Return-on-Investment. If a company’s board says 30%, the barrel’s cost doesn’t matter. All that matters is the fact that the ROI goals are met, by hook or through crook. Look, how much has the escalation of oil escalated the cost of a gallon of gasoline? If it were in comparison on equal footing, we would all be walking towards work. So now you get it! Now “Big Oil” in Alaska is a very interesting concept, studied by many, understood by few. A science onto its own that has re-written the book on oil profits. To re-emphasize, how to sustain such profits year after year after year for nearly 35-years by now takes guts and “Think Tank” tactics that investigates every nook-n-cranny and interests the imagination and fascination of the brightest of scholars – the “Bean Counters” society. You thought the Skull & Bones was wicked – well Pete’s Wicked One is an Alaskan trademark – it’s the name of a well up north! Blood out of a turnip? Not a problem. And that is why the state has a difficult time trying to comprehend what “Big Oil” is up to these days, as there exists no “BIG OIL –Alaskan Style 101” in print on the bookshelves. Which means every-time the state needs expert testimony, some guy high on testosterone but alone in his thinking finds that he understands Bo Dudley squat crap and the state’s expensive “Think Tank” subject matter experts finds a constipated commission having hangover cramps – as they can only bend over so much. That commercial that you see on the GCI web-site, “Do You Poop Enough”, it was intended for those down in Juneau, and those on the cruise ships! Back to the subject! And since most “Big Oil” information is “stranded”, it isn’t easy trying to grow “Greenbacks” from a premonition – a.k.a. Parnell wet-dream! And how come somebody in the know has not come forward, to spill the beans, say a disgruntled oil accountant? It’s called the “Black Gold” omerta, as “Big Oil” guards its secrets with stealth, treating the caretakers of such wealth with a royal appreciation, so there comes no mutiny on this bounty. Plus, “Big Oil” has an interesting affiliation with the Alaska Superior Court justices, and how they behave in matters before the court with respect to “Big Oil”, anyway. So why is “Big Oil” so successful when this state has failed miserably, as a partner? It started way long ago, with simple things like getting permission from the state revenuers to re-invent the wheel of fortune, with something that had never been tried before, the use of a “decreasing pipeline tariff model”. They were up to something! Basically, tariffs increase over time due the fact as age incites leaks, it costs more to keep the oil out of the corn fields. Sorry, that is only in North Dakota. But here in Alaska, the regulators allowed the owners of the TAPS to settle their indifferences up-front, by a higher tariff so they could recoup their investment to bring “North Slope” crude oil to markets, else it would have been in the same category as the natural gas is today, “Stranded” – along with all those “Confidential” records. So “Big Oil” learned early on that re-writing the “book” was at their disposal and with help from the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission, it has become private party policy that cannot even be disrupted by politics. Sorry Parnell, so please go change your diaper! Now when the TAPS owners decided to cut back, by shutting down and remodeling what was left after all those years of unabated profits, in a project called the “Strategic Re-Configuration”, it was for a reason. This is the project that pissed on Palin – the Wicked Witch of the North – pissed her off her rocker which in turn pissed off the TAPS owners, because Sarah thought she could see this project from Russia and trumped “Big Oil” on the costs that could be deducted – for the remodel job as it didn’t include a drive through Botox prescription booth in Wasilla. So when Palin went on the war-path, it cost 35000 jobs on the “slope”, based on that “Think Tank” expert witness testimony. Anyway, this project was well thought upon, one that would deliver that required ROI for the next 30-years. “Big Oil” didn’t need more oil, as the days of 2-million were over with. “Big Oil” was comfortable with a fraction of that, for reasons behind a comfort level with that ROI being an everlasting reality. The infrastructure was paid for in full, basically it was an easy goal without a whole lot of extra efforts to incite more exploration and development. See, the state makes money based on throughput, so that is why Parnell has a nightly wet-dream, visions of filling up the line. It ain’t going to happen, as there comes a ROI point-of-no-return, a point of dimisnishing returns, wherein it goes overboard – harder to shelter the profits which equates to profits “stranded”! So “Big Oil” knows what it is doing here in Alaska. It doesn’t give a rat’s ass about a major gas export pipeline, even though it would love to be able to deliver natural gas for in-state use, to say Fairbanks. Yes they care, and would tomorrow send gas down that small diameter Arctic Fox pipeline proposed by local businessmen in the know, but because Parnell – well he doesn’t know what he is doing. Honestly, if we had a state administration and legislature that gave a damn, there would already be affordable natural gas heating up Fairbanks and every city in-between – or at least a ways and means to get a liquefied portion of that commodity to outlying villages. Just look at the village of Nuiqsuit, and how “Big Oil” found a ways and means method to get gas to the blubba house, where the “Muktuk” was boiled! So “Big Oil” is happy with the present day status-quo, as it has emerged with a solid plan with a steady income for the future, a ROI that makes the stakeholders smile so they can sit back in comfort for the next 30-years, without having to spend a whole lot more to keep this gravy train running. Said again, this hurts the state, but with a Constitutional Budget Reserve of $45-billion – what’s the problem? Look, this state can’t cry baby to anybody when it has $billions$ in reserve! In fact, Uncle Sam should be suing this state, to recoup some of the fraud money sent this way courtesy the Alaska delegation – yes fraud. Why in hell did we need funny money in efforts to measure the penis size of the Musk-Ox? Yes, Mr. & Mrs. U.S. Taxpayer, you did! Now part of the economic comfort level realized by “Big Oil” today in the “Lost Frontier”, it is the fact that the state pissed off its only bread-winner, so it went on the warpath. “Big Oil” was forced to bend over to this state, wherein some asshole from the Natural Resource's Commission convinced the eunuchs in Juneau, that “Big Oil” likes to share? Yes, “we learned it all in kindergarten”! Where in hell did that expert come up with this scary un-realistic scenario? So “Big Oil”, through “Facility Sharing Agreements”, it has become basically a whore, selling off the use of its infrastructure to owners of “Stranded Oil”, sometimes called the satellites, little pools with recoverable oil but “stranded” unless it can be processed through the nearby infrastructure, at a cost that benefits “Big Oil” - imagine that. When oil was first discovered in Prudhoe, did those little oil companies – that are today the big majors – did they cry to Juneau like the producers of today? Imagine early on oil producers telling the state to build the processing facilities, or else! So today these agreements have been shoved down “Big Oils” deep throat. But you mess not with an entity that knows what it is doing! No I’m not talking about the state. See, such agreements which target the Independents, it finds a legal means to make sure those in harm’s way - “Big Oink Oil” - gets rightfully compensated for providing out-houses for migrant workers, as the legislature forced this to happen – started with Palin and when the “Witch” realized she was in over her head, retreated to the John “Insane” McCain camp and we were left with the leftovers – a.k.a. Sean Parnell. And Parnell thinks that these “Independents” are going to make his wet-dream a reality by filling up the pipeline like once upon a time WOW – and since these Cheechako explorers cannot afford qualified workers, yes they dig into the migrant worker pool, herein defined as non-Alaskans! I once retained Parnell, what a joke, he is the epitome of a wimp! He is probably saying I breached that client attorney privilege by telling you this story – said again, WIMP! See, when he was in private practice, he was about the only local attorney that was not on the oil company books, so hung out over in Spenard. Not because of his convictions against such lucrative retainer-ships, he was out of that league. That is why “Big Oil” supports him, as it is better to have a know-it-all then a stow-it-all governor. See, he thinks he knows it all and “Big Oil” laughs all the way to…And that is what “Big Oil” likes, stowing it all away, as there is no rush in getting and pumping what’s left in the Prudhoe Bay field or the Kuparuk field to markets, as in time it will find depletion. In the meantime – it makes out as the ROI is a sound investment strategy. Some call it warehousing. I like to think of it as “Whorehousing”. In ending, we must give credit and salute “Big Oil” for having an understanding of sound economics, especially here in Alaska. Don’t laugh, as those involved in this success story are your friends and neighbors, who believe in Alaska just as much as anyone else. The sad fact of the matter, they have refrained from telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me Ted, as then they could set the record straight. And if so would the state be any better off, instead of a “Think Tank” mentality that has for as many years strangled good opportunities, by not taking on the sentiment if you can’t beat them, join them. But like already alluded upon, “Big Oil” is smart, and does not want to ruin a good thing! So NO, don’t serenade yourself with pictures of grandeur, wherein we see that TAPS filled up and filled out. It means fewer jobs with this status-quo, but we had our “Golden Goose Years”, and now it is time to re-assess our future, to finally come to grips that this state blew it in developing a sustainable jobs infrastructure and we will never again see such an opportunity – had we only listened to “Big Oil”, then maybe that Constitutional Budget Reserve would be safe. Here is what I’m getting at. If Parnell offered up a peace-pipe to “Big Oil”, by reducing the Royalty rate to what the Independents enjoy - 5% instead of that 16% - then “Big Oil” would have to deliver, with increased exploration and production, which would create jobs. But it may be too late, as instead of enjoining “Big Oil” for compromising resolutions where the state and “Big Oil” flourishes, our political climate strangled the opportunity. Look, most of the pumping stations have been destroyed beyond ever working again, it is called the “demolition phase” of TAPS. Early on and along the way, had we found and voted in legislatures that cared, that knew what they were talking about instead of listening to Ben and company, we would not be in this predicament today. We would already have in-state natural gas pipeline to the interior, which would be comforting to the military brass that are today re-assessing Alaska’s military might, because it is getting too expensive to operate here. But the state has failed time after time after time to read the warning signs, that is was supposed to be a “with them not against them” union, and that “Think Tank” chose the latter, which is why we will one day see the CBR henhouse raided and once the berserk break-in occurs, it will bleed to death that inheritance. As we have not learned a single thing since oil started flowing back in the 70s, except we are stupid! OK, we are not all to blame! But there is more than enough blame targeting an inept legislature, and we think the U.S. Congress has failed? When we had scoundrels at the helm, both in Juneau and in DC, the Federal earmarks gave us a “too comfortable” a comfort factor. They screwed the “Golden goose” - a.k.a. Uncle Sam’s U.S. Treasury - in efforts to keep their name, rank and cereal number(Fruit Loops) – all to the detriment of a plan to succeed, as that word was only a suggestion, just like an Anchorage traffic light. We didn’t need any assistance from the U.S. Treasury, just like we never should have started this PFD bullshit. Alaska was never intended to be the U.S.’s Numero-Uno welfare recipient, we still have that image today – even under the Obama stimulus! We had plans, but for some reason the political climate poisoned what we should have aspired upon, self-sufficiency. One day, when the pipe is gone, someone will ask what happened. Then we will see a book in print on the empty shelves in the empty stores in the empty malls, “Alaska – Too Big To Fail? - 101”, and until death do we fall apart, Alaska will be recognized for one and only one reason, that “Corruption” pays….. A fix? Yes, give “Big Oil” a break just like the breaks the legislature has given to the “Independents”, with the royalty rate and severance tax. Kill the PFD program and institute a sales tax. When one drives across America, we see how important a sales tax is, especially for garnishing money to build bike paths, something Don Young hates. And once Don goes crazy from construction activity building those much needed paths and retires to his coconut fame, well maybe this state can get back on track. In the meantime, wow did we blow it! In ending, it takes time, a whole lot of time to clean the “House”. The political corruption that got in the way of self-sufficiency, it is still with us today, slowly going away, but it continues to ruin good opportunities, and sometimes we don’t get another chance! The only way out of this mess, yes we must bend over to “Big Oil” and maybe we can at least see a future with prosperity, something we should have already captured for our future generations to come!