Wow, the opinionated
results of my posting, “What Big Wildlife” are starting to
overload my GCI memory reserve bank.
Claude and Wrigley from
Roughneck, LA: “That $15.00 dollar burger must have been
U.S.D.A certified “maggot” meat. It stunk like it was way too
old. And this was at the Anchorage
joint recommended by that Guy! But if you ever spent
money at one of his fast food joints, you know that Johnny Hairlicks
place, hey crap in equals crap out.”
Anonymous couple from
Freeport, Maine: “We started itching all over after a ride on
that train, it was like being in an old mattress dump,
that musty smell. When we got home, still itching, we
went to the ER. They said we had something that the medical society
was starting to frequently notice from
travelers on their return trip from
Alaska. It's called the CBC crotch bug
and is listed on the CDC website. If only we had known.”
Dave and Kitty of San
Diego, Ca.: “When we arrived at our hotel room in downtown
Anchorage, there was a horrible smell in the room. And the bottom
floor windows didn't open, as that was unsafe according
to the hotel's Rent-a-Cop who was still eating donuts at 10 o'clock
at night, unless we had a gun with us. Low and behold,
we found a dead guy under the bed. But being the height of the
tourist season, there were no other rooms available and they couldn't
move the corpse until the next of kin was notified, so
we became roommates, with a dead guy – and the staff refused to
deduct anything from the room bill and actually tried
to charge us for a 3rd person
occupancy, in the end a
$250-dollar night of nightmares!”
Gene from Wisconsin: “I
saw more animals at the zoo in New York City. But the crazed on 5th
act like animals, so I guess it wasn't a total loss in the zoo
category. What you mean that was the legislatures on a
lunch break from their downtown office? I thought they
were dressed pretty well, not your typical down and out street
person. And they were all over-weight! But that plane
ride, with all those crying babies, talk about a zoo.”
From Barbara Bush: “Is
that what is wrong with those friendly squirrels in Denial National
Park, “Glitter Gulch” Leprosy? Is
it contagious? And is that the real name for
the park, Denial because there ain't no
wild animals? My suggestion, leave your
camera at home!”
Sal and Wendy Ambushwiser
of Great Falls, Montana: “We were disappointed when we
arrived, as we had been told that there was
a real live jail at the Anchorage
airport, called the “Bill Sheffield Depot of
Incarcerated Alaskan Politicians”. And being history
buffs, we had read all about the Corrupt Bastard Club
and wanted to see these crooks behind
bars. We didn't come to Alaska for the fishing or to
see the wildlife, just the criminals, it
was for the history aspect, especially the corruption
aspect. And we were told that one could buy peanuts and
the crooks would perform tricks for treats.
What a let down, as the “depot” was empty.”
From Ivan of Brokeback,
Texas: “I saw a dog get hit by a guy in a city car, from road
rage over a guy riding a bike, locals said it was the
Anchorage mayor, a guy named Sullivan.
But he didn't hang around. The dog was still alive, but
pretty banged up, so some Good Samaritan stopped and
shot the dog out of his misery. Aren't there any laws here in
Alaska?”
Anonymous Max &
Molly: “We stopped for gas in Felonyville
and some guy asked if he could rape my wife. He said he was the
mayor. And another guy with no teeth said we had to have a loaded gun
to drive through this part of Alaska. He was the sheriff. And when we
tried to flag down an Alaska State
Trooper, that didn't work as the trooper was late for a date with
some film crew. So we had to buy our way out of this hold-up. No, the
mayor didn't rape my wife but I had to purchase a shotgun
and ammo, then we were let go. What a freaky state.”
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