ALASKA, We're Out!

I decided to take in the festivities for the 50th anniversary of statehood. In fact, after listening to U.S. Senator under investigation Ted “Ben’s Dad” Stevens on NPR, I wanted to be a real Alaskan, by using another mode of transportation to get from hilltown to downtown. So it meant the bike. Now it was June 28th, supposedly summer. But Mr. Fahrenheit said it was 48-degrees and there was this stiff wind coming out of the North, East, South and West all at the same time. So the wind acted like a cyclone wind chill – just above freezing. Now Ted and company recently made fame by winning the coveted Blue Shield award, for logging the most miles on foot as an alternative means of getting around town – way back in D.C. that is. That award allowed the lobbying insurance firm to give a hefty donation to the “Special Olympics”, in honor of Ted. Remember, Alaska State Senator under investigation Ben “Ted’s Son” Stevens was president of the “Alaskan Special Olympics” and made over 2-million dollars, by honor of Ted. See, statehood has been very lucrative to the Stevens’ fan club. Anyway, Ted’s office logged some 7000-miles! Wow. According to Ted, no the pedometers were not attached to pet dogs. Now lets face the facts, Ted has “zero” credibility with the “Public”, so he made this “crap” up on the air. Isn’t there a reason for the FCC? It goes to show desperate times upon us when Ted has to move over to public radio for coverage. Now according to Ted, his staff won the award because Alaskans walk a whole lot. We also get obese a whole, whole lot! Just the fact that Alaskans are outsiders, doesn’t mean spending a lot of time outside. And Ted, if not yet informed, in Anchorage it is well known that to walk or bike is definitely taking an outsiders approach at reality. It is dangerous! This city has less of a walking public then the North Pole. In fact, try walking in the wintertime. It is not possible as the roads get plowed but not the sidewalks! Anyway, I headed down to the festivities, good thing I had my headband. Ah, statehood I pondered. Roads in disrepair, failed project after project, all funded by the unwilling U.S. taxpayers, because we “Are In”. As the aroma of sewage systems on overload made it mandatory to pull the headband down around my nose, I contemplated success, at least it is not the “Honey Buckets” anymore. The path of my ventures took me past modern homes made from cardboard. This was within eyesight of the bike and walking paths. Yes, one can find homeless shelters from the hillside all the way to downtown. Now these shelters have become “camps”, to house not individuals but families. And rape is a major problem along the paths. So I would have to say that the litmus test of success upon statehood granted is still out for the verdict. Sure this sate has a mind boggling list of failed projects that should have never been allowed to get off the drawing boards, but we never tried to succeed at the basic necessities, as we were too busy trying to make a name for the state and instead we fell down on our nerdy knees and became welfare central. And our destiny was controlled by corruption, therefore we gained the label of the “Corrupt Bastard State”, controlled by the Corrupt Bastards Club. Actually, I honestly thought that the 50th should have been cancelled, as this state can’t even keep a dairy in operation. There is not one other state in the Union that doesn’t have a “dairy”. The basic necessities of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness come from the cream! Anyway, I just happened to make it downtown when Mrs. Vogue Mature - a.k.a. governess Sarah Palin - was giving her speech. With the wind blowing, nobody could hear what she was saying. I am sure it was a pitch for AGIA, her failed gas line proposal. And did you get a look at all the angry faces out and about the festivities? From tourists who were told it was summer in Alaska! It was brutally cold! And with the cloud cover the last few weeks, the visiting population is convinced that the “Big Mountain” is a myth. I always wonder what statehood has actually done for this state. After all these years and efforts and money, there is no infrastructure to boast about. Just look across the Knik bay. That ugly looking thing protruding out across the water is Don Young’s failed wood chip money waste. Oh well. Soon I engaged myself in a conversation with a tourist that was shivering. I explained to him the sweet and the sour aspect of statehood. Alaska is the state with the largest oil reserves. Yes, we agreed. Alaska is also the state that is the biggest recipient of U.S. sponsored welfare, courtesy Ted, Don and MoanaLisa. When I told Mr. Interested Tourist how much this state garnishes away from the U.S. Treasury, he said he was going to stop paying taxes. Good luck, remember, Ted is ahead of everybody. I honestly believe that Ted’s staff came up with the bright idea to place the pedometers on pet dogs. It just fits what we have come to understand goes on with our cucumber incumbent nepotism representatives. Anyway, as the corny festivities went on, I sat down just to watch the tourists and crowds. Noticed a whole lot of VECO hats along with CBC sponsors – it means Corrupt Bastards Club. See, who in hell would wear a VECO hat these days? Or a CBC hat? As if we are proud of the affiliation. Now a guy named Sam became a friend. He was a homeless guy, could tell by the musty odor. He went on to tell me about his career, as a street person. He was a little on the inebriated side, but damn, it was cold out. So can’t really blame him. See, statehood allowed some things to head in the right direction but like most things in this state, ended on the road to failure. Maybe one saving grace thing about going “statehood” was settling with the rightful landowners, equitably instead of eminent domain ripping. And instead of reservations, the natives of Alaska went smart on Uncle Sam. So corporations were started, during the Native Claims Settlement Act. This was something that came from the statehood act but wasn’t rectified until the state gave away its resources for pennies on the dollar and a pipeline made the news. Anyway, money was set aside to start corporations that could become self-sufficient. The seed money was invested to create jobs. It has been one of the success stories of Alaska, of statehood. Uncle Sam put out about 35-million, as seed money for the corporations, to invest. Some of the corporations are required to distribute the wealth, over time, from good business investment strategies. For one successful corporation the preliminary dividend was tax-free only for that first distribution, sometimes allowing a shareholder a $50,000-dollar award, for being a bonafide native - a shareholder to the land ownership. Now the distribution policy is take it or loose it back into the corporation. So during the first go around there came a grace period, as many had no idea what was accomplished through this settlement agreement and the reason behind the corporations. And that kind of loot is like winning a lottery, as many Native Alaskans are poor on the income scale, but rich on the spiritual scale, as subsistence hunting and fishing requires a spiritual ego or else go hungry. Now when Alaska became a state, it meant things were going to change, for the good and bad. Like lawyers infiltrating the state. And there exist lawyers out there that would sell Ted pedometers, so he could win. So this is what keeps some of the homeless population going strong. With the grace period for claiming ownership of a whole bunch of money and more money to come, lawyers came rushing to the scene. They said it was unfair for the corporation to absorb the distribution of a shareholder if it went unclaimed. So a few lawyers decided it would be correct under the umbrella of the law to seek out the rightful owners of the distributions that went unclaimed, in efforts to get the money to those rightful owners. It had to do with demonstrating a best efforts approach and fairness. And with a very big homeless population - many natives that failed at city life - there existed a goldmine for the sleazebag attorneys who convinced the authorities that this was being done for the good of statehood. Now most of the street people are stuck on the booze bottle. So with that income some how or another presented to the rightful owner, it could foster a relationship. It was very easy for a sleazebag lawyer to seek and hide the money. And here is where it gets sad. The money distributed has no checks and balance. A lawyer can take the money in its entirety and invest it, say in real estate. All it required is some semblance of distribution. And since there is only a verbal contract between a person schooled in “Rip Off 101” with a guy hooked on cough medicine, there is required no interest. Income interest or interest in general! So as long as Joe Blow attorney shows up once a month with a clean white envelope with some cash, who cares. In the meantime the money is making the attorney rich. It is all legal! There is nothing anybody can do about it. Sam didn’t seem distressed over it, as he received enough to keep him going, as a street person. In fact, he smiled, or was it a sickening laugh. So this is what statehood has given us, sleazebag robbery. Can you imagine somebody promoting this? Maybe the tourists are right, as like that mountain, independence is a mirage! Bottom line, Alaska has failed America. After all these years, we have nothing to show except “missing” oil. To boast the largest oil fields in North America and at the same time rely on so much U.S. Treasury welfare, pork, earmarks and pork chops, we should have something worthwhile to show off. There is nothing – but failures. Again, when we can’t even keep a dairy producing milk and cheese, there is something “missing”. But the money tree made many wealthy. That wasn’t the intent. As a young state, we should have taken all the failures from other states and done it right. Had Alaska remained independent, there would be not confusing talk today of a natural gas pipeline, as it would have already been built and flowing gas. Maybe it is time to re-coup the loses, secession for independence is the best thing that could arrive to make Alaska what it deserves to be, “Free”! This state on its own is “Success”, as continued statehood is only a “mirage” of freedom and independence! Time for some real cheese.

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