Books & Writings by SPam McGee

Alaska Short Stack Stories, Series I, II, & III ~ Alaska's Deadliest Sin-Drill Baby Drill ~ Alaskan Company Man ~ Eklutna Lake Worrier ~ From the Fifth Floor ~ Hannah Cove ~ My Journey to Landes House ~ Poemetrics ~ Quinn the "Tanik" Eskimo ~ S.O.S. from Beaver Lake ~ The Teachings of the Swamp Fox ~ Trans-Alaska-Pipeline Funny Stories ~ Spirit Dog & the Ghost Wind


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Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Blah, blah Humbooger

Wow, what a fantastic Christmas – best ever! First and foremost, the people I enjoyed during the holidays said not a peep about the “Interview”, which means we were not infected by the SARS virus – Seth Aaron Rogen Shithead, that Canadian asshole that thinks he finds a privilege under the 1st Amendment of the Unites States Constitution. In all honesty, when a foreigner gets more protection under the “Stituation”, cannot we interfere by deporting his ass back to Canada? Talk about lack of border security! And at least with those coming across down south to pick our crops, they show some respect for our sovereignty. So I felt at ease over the Christmas holidays, that those friends and acquaintances so enjoyed, embraced and cherished as company were in reality “True Americans” and showed such by not paying any attention to Flung Dung Phooey – that North Korean that gives “fruitcake” an entirely different “bored again Christmas” attitude. Anyway, my gifts have already proven that this coming year will bring “Comfort & Joy”. See, secret Santa's gift was a device camouflaged as a package of “Lucky Strike” but in reality a “hi-tech” gizmo from Israel that sends out a voice-over-voice signal that will interlace John Lennon's “Happy Xmas(War is Over)” upon any cell-phone conversation within a respectable distance of 8-feet in radius my location, even has enough “humph” to “Twitter Interact” with the lyrics also broadcast across a nearby “smart-phone” not in “Airport Mode” - but will not interfere with a 911 transmission. It's like if I were just under-the-influence singing so as everybody could hear! Wow, I never saw so many disgruntled cell phone users when I was at the crowded airport awaiting a flight home, when they came too close to invade my peace and quiet and were greeted by John Lennon and the Harlem choir singing “War is over if you want it”! Not that they despise this master-peace, just the fact we have gotten so damn use to self-inflicted-annoyance tuned into being tuned in to the “Mother of Contradiction”, that of non-necessity. So it acted as a minor inconvenience when a caller was trying to make a conversation out loud and the voice-over-voice competed - but one irate guy did call 911 to complain, as he couldn't call his broker to “Sell Now” as SONY stocks continued to crash and making a comment to the police dispatcher that he thought “Lennon” was dead! But all in all, when people couldn't communicate, well they were then allowed time to converse with each other after the initial “Twitter Rage” was abducted by some semblance of, “oh well I can do without” - like we used to do, and with that many did then have the opportunity for neighborly eye-contact which ignited a dialogue and allowed a reason to get a kick out of my other gift from Santa, this sweatshirt:

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