Dear Nancy Pelosi

Dear Nancy Pelosi;

Alaskans need your help. Could you please offer Don Young a job, maybe at your grape farm in California? We understand that “Rabid Skunks” are causing a problem with the “bumper” crop while causing a scare to the pickers, and Don knows how to effectively use that “Oscar Oosik”, so can help rid your farm of the pests and calm the nerves of the workers. I'm not talking a temporary job during the “Sine Die Congressional Abandonment” - sorry, I meant “Adjournment” but these damn spelling bees nowadays - but how about a new career building challenge for Don! And by “Oscar Oosik” clubbing, no guns allowed so you and the neighbors won't be bothered by any further loud nuisances – like how Don is known to explode and get out-of-control at “House” hearings. He will be able to get out his frustrations by beating Meme' & Pepe' Le Pew to limpo status – maybe have his new wife sew the skins into Davy Crockett like “Skunk Trapper” hats – which you can bring back to the “House” as appropriate gifts for your colleagues on the other side of the isle! PS – save the good wine for the deserving! Imagine what it would look like for Boehner to wear a skunk cap to Obama's next “State of the Union”? “Johnny, Johnny Boehner, king of the rabid “Houseketeers”. Johnny, Johnny Boehner, beginnin' his campaign as the cantankerous Congressman! Johnny, Johnny Boehner, helpin' his legend grow! Johnny, Johnny Boehner, holdin' his promise trackin' Obama down!”. OK, this is about Don, not Johnny come marchin home with a tan! Yes, with such a qualified helping hand known to hate “Rabid Skunks” you can just sit with enjoyment as the sun sets and disappears over the horizon, in peace while sipping fine wine, knowing that the farm is safe with Don on patrol. I understand Don likes “Ferrari Cerano”, maybe made from your grapes – so he may feel right at home! And maybe when Don is again singing, “Poor old girl she needs a hand to run the farm, its good old country comfort in my bones and just the sweetest sound my ears have ever known, just an old-fashioned feeling fully-grown”, he can get back in touch with his roots, with the “wet-backs” as he calls them. What he learned as a child and seems to be bothering him so, that he has lost touch with such a fond childhood memory. So a job on your grape farm could be like a medicinal miracle for Don. See, his recent behavior with emphasis on “suicide and largesse” is scaring us Alaskans, appears he has been away from the peace and quiet of the farm-life way too long. So both Don and Alaskans would benefit if you were to take us up on this offer, as we need a change. We want him to retire with dignity, but understand he will continue to work in efforts to pay off his “college loan”, I mean his “legal loans”. So you have the means and the solution and hopefully the dignity to help out a friend in need, a job on your farm over in St. Helena. And maybe on weekends allow him a furlough, so he can drive back to Meridian, and visit his kid friends and hometown. Please take this consideration under request, as we believe Alaskans need a break away from the berserk, in which given the opportunity Don could retire with dignity and be fired up over a new job. And that way you and Don can retain that friendship made so strong after so many years in the “House”. OK, maybe a “love & hate” relationship! And your farm seems to be doing OK even with the “drought”, so please consider giving Don a try out – as he seems to care not for “Rabid Skunks” and may be willing to use his hunting skills to get rid of these pests. And I bet he would work for “minimum wage”, and then be able to report back to you actual experiences living on that wage. Thanks....and since you know Don, maybe an employment application and a resume is not needed, as you are already well acquainted – especially with his vast array of experiences on how to promote “Goodwill”! Thanks again...concerned Alaskan voter John & Jane Doe 1 of 710,000! PS. Yes the “Red State” majority has given approval of this request but want to remain anonymous, but bed bug begs your help.