I must stand at erection dysfunction attention and give Donald “The Loathsome
Ranger” Trump credit for prescribing to America his new and improved “Peyronie’s
Medical Plan”, as I am testament we are limp dick screwed. Under the “Penile
Curvature Plan”, here is what we are up against:
738am(Voicemail): This is a message for Mr. Sam McGee, your
ailing father is in critical condition. Please call Nostradamus Hospital
immediately.
739am: You have reached Nostradamus Hospital, all
agents are currently busy assisting other callers and your call will be
answered in the order in which it was received. Please stay on the line. - In the meantime my dad
is dying!
740am: All agents are currently busy and we
appreciate your patience. Your call will be answered by the next available
agent.
741am: Hello(real live human) this is life-line
answering service, may I help you? Is this Nostradamus? Yes, can I help you? Yes, my name is Sam
McGee and I am trying to reach my father Sam McGee, as I was left a message he
is in critical condition. Did you say his
first name was “HAM” like in a sandwich? No “SAM” like in SPAM! Would you please spell the last name? MCGEE, “M-C-G-E-E”. Thank you and please hold while I connect your
call.
742am: All representatives are busy helping other
customers. Please stay on the line for the next available representative. - From agent to representative
I was on a roll!
743am: Hello(another real live human) Memorialized Hospital
can I help you? I am trying to talk with the nurses’ station for my dad, a
SAM MCGEE. But I thought they said he was at Nostradamus? Oh, this is Memorialized Hospital as they
transferred your call to the wrong inpatient facility. My dad is dying this is
ridiculous…we understand your frustration please
hold while I transfer you back to the life-line operator.
745am: All agents are busy assisting other
customers please hold for the next available agent. If this is an emergency
please hang up and dial 911. - Back to an agent!
746am: Hello(for real) may I help you? Yes, my father is dying and
I was directed to the wrong hospital. Sorry,
it’s been a busy morning and we do not have the staff to handle the volume of
calls and your father’s name? Mr. Sam McGee! Please hold.
748am: (15 ringtones)Hello, nurses’ station 5th floor.
I am looking for a
status update of my dad Sam McGee as I was messaged that his situation is
critical. And is this a relative? Yes, his son. Sorry, he was just transferred to the 4th
floor where the “actively dying” patients are placed, please hold while I
transfer you to someone that can help.
749am: Nurses’ station ADP ward. Yes, I am the son of Mr.
Sam Mcgee…sir please hold.
750am: Oh Mr. McGee, we are so sorry, but your
father passed away at 749am.
And all I really wanted to say - “Time is a ribbon without an end - love is
the lesson we keep learning, death but a moment we must spare”.
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