Qualifications:
Plymouth Rock Me Inc., is looking for a
“Geek Hacker” that is familiar with U.S. government procurement of toiletries.
We are especially interested in an individual that can remotely backdoor into
the White House and Congressional procurement systems. Candidate must be able and
willing to “Hack” the computer systems that are used to purchase toilet paper
for the 1st Family, the Oval Office executive staff and the GOP
Congressional offices and at the same time leave all other procurement requests
unadulterated. Plymouth and its COO realizes that it would be tempting to
change other procurements, like beef patty orders with vege-burgers, but we are
only interested in controlling the “Stinkfinger” of the current political
challenges. So only those applicants with serious commitment this goal need
only apply. Once hacked, it will be your responsibility to manipulate the
ongoing orders for Toilet Paper, making sure that only 1-PLY is allowed to be
ordered and delivered to both the White House and the GOP offices of Congress. Continuing
success at this critical position will mean constant vigilance to monitor any
changes by either the House and or White House house cleaning staff for purchases
of 2-PLY or luxury bottom wipe. The intent of this position is NOT to cut down
on government spending but for reasons that are “Stinking Confidential”.
Preference:
Russian Whore or close affiliation with Vladimir Portnoy Putin
Plymouth
Rock Me Inc. is an EEO
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