More Alaskan Comic Relief

I guess we change with age. So instead of getting excited about the upcoming addition of Mad Magazine, like already blogged upon the significance this read, I have found a substitute – Alaskan style comic relief at its best. Once again, it is called the Petroleum News. I don’t know if this is a national publication, but for sure the Alaskan edition is primed with laughable materials galore and in the running to win the coveted Uncle Eddie Award, for doing dumb things with a smile. Just how many gas pipeline export projects are wasting away this state’s future? Look, read Lincoln’s lips: Chapter 15C – Alaska Natural Gas Transportation Act, §719J – EXPORT LIMITATIONS: Any exports of Alaska natural gas shall be subject to the requirements of the Natural Gas Act[15 U.S.C. 717 et seq.] and section 103 of the Energy Policy and Conservation Act[42 U.S.C. 6212], except that in addition to the requirements of such Acts, before any Alaska natural gas in excess of 1,000 Mcf per day may be exported to any nation other than Canada or Mexico, the President must make and publish an express finding that such exports will not diminish the total quantity or quality nor increase the total price of energy available to the United States.” Get it Paul Jenkins! Confused this one man attack? Well Paul at one time was Bill Allen’s side kick for Voice of the Times, another comic. But the Petroleum News comic relief goes into boring detail in almost every edition about this state’s pie in the sky pipe-dream wet-dreams, about a big pipeline idea that has about as much credibility for success as did Bill Sheffield’s train depot. And they placed him in charge of the Anchorage Port? I guess having a failed project named in your honor is vogue here in the “Lost Frontier”. Yes Don Young can boast this fame and lost fortune, for the failed Pt. McKenzie wood chip export run amuk project along with the M.V. Susitna. It appears that in Alaska incompetence with respect to useless projects breeds a lucrative future for some. “Well son, I had a job for life with no responsibilities”! And it is easy to realize that these “Big” pipe wet-dreams will always remain just that, as instead of hiring engineers, most stalled projects are hiring lawyers! I wonder what may be hiding in the shadows. See they gladly excepted the money and have nothing to show for it. So far, all the money wasted could have purchased pipe and shovels and gas would be on its way! So when the Petroleum News goes overboard and tries to instill some semblance of accomplishment such projects, when in reality the only “mission accomplished” is wasted resources, it is nothing short a joke. And it is laugh after laugh, publication after publication from the Petroleum News, with respect to Pioneer Natural Resources’ predicament. This “Independent” seems to be going under with production declines averaging a negative 40% for this year alone, and they just started this venture! Glad I am not a shareholder holding nothing. It's a new oil field. Not really, as the majors walked away from these reservoirs a long time ago realizing it was not worth the risk. There is something to be said about the “Majors” and their thinking! At that rate of lost production, Pioneer cannot even pay for the daily costs of the drilling rig. So instead of sending 20,000 barrels each day to market, the target goal, it is losing ground and daily production is declining - down to a pathetic 4,000 barrels each losing day. And the royalty relief COO wants to place blame on Conoco, for shying Pioneer on water injection? Maybe that is why HailBurton is teaming up with the biggest pipe dream of them all, Great Bear, an outfit that thinks it can punch 200 wells a year into the permafrost to reach shale bearing reservoirs. And all that hoopla in efforts to produce about 5,000 barrels a day? Let’s just ask Phineas J. Whoopee for help, assisted by his 3D Magical Board to access if this pie-in-the-sky pipe-dream risk is worth it, or maybe the possibility it is all a smoke screen to woo the politicians – those that continue to get a failing grade on “Resource Economics 101”. It would cost about $2-billion just to poke the holes. And with the price of crude less production costs, royalty and fines for having to ship it down the only pipeline available, it will take about 1000 days to break even, or about three years, but by that time the production will most likely die down, less income. So we have before us just another “pipe-dream” romance which is in reality a “ridiculous” endeavor. And Yukon Pacific finally released its ownership of the Trans-Alaska-Pipeline ROW, as the original corridor was designed for two pipelines. See YP held the Right-of-Way along the Trans-Alaska-Pipeline for many years, in hopes that one of the major’s would become interested in a natural gas pipeline, that was 30-years ago, still just a pipe-dream. Look, as it was once explained, natural gas is the enemy to “Oil” companies, as it is a marketable commodity out of the ground. Take a Coleman stove to a gas producing well and in no time flat you can boil water, which means this commodity has very little hidden cost opportunities. On the other hand, crude oil has many, many loophole adjustments, so convoluted that when this stuff finally makes its way to a refinery then cooked, manipulated and regurgitated to motor gasoline, it fetches in excess of $230 dollars for a single barrel of the raw product, which is fetching about $100 dollars per barrel on the open market. So the “Big Oil” guys do give a rat's ass about a gas pipeline, as any gas taken away from the field, it hurts the bottom-line, that of crude oil exploitation. So don’t hold your breath waiting to hear something positive about any of the so-far failed Alaskan Natural Gas pipeline projects. Now Great Bear’s Duncan is quoted; “Our objective is not to waste the molecules. Not one BTU, actually, will be thrown away”? Dam, I’m laughing so hard the air molecules are reacting and out of control, akin to crude oil about to flow out of ENI's flare stack. Sorry migrating whales – it will only hurt a little, just shy away from that dead “krill”! But getting back to the “Alaska Natural Gas” export limitations, or ban. It's a show-stopping reality and not a single politician has made even a whisper over it. I guess with these scoundrels, the last laugh is on us! So if you are interested in some humor, about what is going on with all the fruitcakes thinking we need to extend U.S.A. Route 1 from Prudhoe Bay to Norway, read on the Petroleum News. But the true bottom-line, it is not a joke! These projects were blessed with failure from inception. And the other sad fact of the matter, the individuals behind keeping these things alive and well and furnished with cash, they should know better. But why spill the beans, as it may mean it is time to find gainful employment, instead of a cushion like job that wastes away this state’s future, has “zero” responsibilities assigned and most likely a Christmas bonus is an automatic, for the camaraderie and more importantly, the demonstration of Silence! Shoot the messenger? How about paying for the truth to be sequestered!