Head Cheese

Rejoice, rejoice, rejoice.... as once again Alaskans can fly the friendly skies. This is the 1^st flight in a long time coming wherein I wasn't asked by an outsider something about the Wicked Witch of the North. See, Sarah Palin's ratings have busted through the thin-ice and permafrost, headed straight down towards hell's canyon, or low enough that it provides for an uncomfortable reign on the throne she was getting so comfortable upon. She's cooked! Time to get comfortable on the “Crapper”, it is all that's left! With that, outsiders are finally coming to grips that Alaska isn't about witches but other things more desperate for attention, like the wildlife and asking why it costs so damn much to fly in and out of Alaska, stuffed into a tin-can like fuselage with less room than that enjoyed by stuffed sardines – unless fortunate enough to enjoy 1^st Class accommodations. Hey, more room but you still have to breath fart infused air with all kinds of germs, just like everybody else! Now planely speaking, it takes approximately 9 rows of proletariat class seating confiscated to fulfill the requirements of 1^st Class accommodations. That’s 54 vacancies to afford the luxury of elbow room for the privileged, a class-war ratio of 3.375 to 1. Basically speaking, it amounts to 5-square feet of leg room verses almost 17-square feet of freedom, that’s ¼ the area of a Queen sized bed. For the rest, it’s about the size of a pillow - compressed! And free liquor to boot comes to individuals fortunate enough to enjoy all that extra real estate – most likely enjoyed on someone else's dime! Flying gives me that “Head Cheese” feeling, like maggots infesting the gray matter as it has become a hassle and not because of the TSA's presence. It is what occurs when through security that irks. How much for a coffee? Is there a leak in the men's room or is that puddle under the urinal collateral damage? And of course every flight is filled to the gills! An extra seat for a mom traveling with a baby? Not a chance, as fuel costs dictate this pack'm in frenzy. And how much profit are the fuel producers making? And how much taxation did they squander away to freedom with those lobbying loopholes? The scale of equity equality is totally lopsided today in America, the reason we see the likes of the TeaParty movement and protests by others with intelligence attacking the crooks' kingdom – Wall Street. Realize this fact of the matter. When a plane lands, the preparation crew can get their chores done before the plane’s passengers debark. That’s because passengers of today no longer believe in “checked” baggage and the fact that the compartment above gets over-crammed, it confuses the response mechanism which amounts to a whole lot of wasted time as passengers look for their goods. The “look alike” bag syndrome is the culprit. See, when the airlines started charging for baggage, it started a revolt, the carry-on revolution. Which goes to show that we still have stamina. But in this case, time isn't money as it costs a whole lot of extra time nowadays trying to free the belongings come touchdown. The weakest point on a plane these days is that “compartment”, from over-stressing. I always get a kick over how the compartment doors are slammed, I saw one pop off the hinges, by some little old lady using force like there was no tomorrow, determined to get her belongings stuffed away. And the flight attendants used “Duct Tape” to fix it. Way to go, FAA approval on high. Then there is the “Fragile” stuff, good luck. I was on a plane once when the over-head compartment started dripping something, when taking off. No it's not jet fuel! It was a water bottle that had succumbed to the over-stuffed sardine syndrome. Now Alaska Airlines has this gimmick, your baggage delivered to the carousel in 20-minutes or less or else. But it’s a win-on-win situation for the Eskimo Man, as once again it takes longer to debark then it takes to take-off. Just the other day as I was traveling proletariat style and trying out the sardine costume's fit for Halloween, when we landed there came a problem with the front door, so the only way out was through the rear, down some stairs and into the Seattle weather - wind blown rain. Now when this was discovered, there was actually an attempt to allow the 1^st class out first, from the front of the plane to the rear, ahead of everybody else! But when the proletariat class heard this ridiculousness, the crowd assembled took on the demeanor of the OWS. All said, the privileged class had to wait their turn. I sometimes get to fly in the over-extended real estate domain, not by choice, as it sometimes comes automatically because of the mileage program I have membership privileges upon. When I do get an “Upgrade”, I try to pan it off on a troop in uniform, as they are usually stand-by and end up with a middle seat. But that “Good Samaritan” offer doesn’t go over well with the ticket counter. See, I could start something that freaks out the privileged class. In actuality, most of the 1^st Class seats into and out of Alaska are taken up by oil field workers, because of the mileage they accrue between home and work. That's what you get when the outside workforce has to pay no state income tax – freeloaders galore. I have an idea for bringing extra loot into the U.S. Treasury! If we can have a “Fishing Pole” tax courtesy of Alaska’s Don Young, why not an airport urinal tax? What do you mean it’s already taxed! If you knew all the hidden taxes that the proletariat class pays, all the hidden burdens, you would flip. When is the last time you saw one of your representatives flying the proletariat class? Never, as they don’t fly the friendly skies in an over booked over stuffed tin can but opt for the lobbyist plane that is conveniently headed back to their home base. I see it all the time as my place of employment allows the enjoyment to see this class above all class act played out, at a private hanger. The N number on the wing gives the secret away. One can track a plane's owner, its origin and destination. So when you see a plane that flew non-stop from D.C. to Fairbanks, you get the drift. Really, ask MoanaLisa or “The Don” or Begich when the last time they tried to stuff their ass in a seat sized “small” but shrunk to extra-small from getting soak and wet from baby pee? And that little replica of Air Force 1 that shows up, its not the President! Your Senators and Congressmen book flights that cost $55,000 dollars for a round trip extravaganza. Hey, Mark Twain was so right on about this nation's true crookedness. I have come to the conclusion that some dad’s have failed the mission. Especially here in Anchorage, as during a most recent trip when my plane landed I decided to utilize the People Mover to get home. See, Mayor Sullivan can waste a whole bunch of loot hiring a misfit to lobby his Prevo like agenda and waste more loot to host the Mayors’ conference, but at the same time the side-walks are filled with new snow on top of old rotting snow never removed, ice, rocks, deadly junk from broken vehicles, used condoms and what looks like medical waste – bend-over gloves and used fix'm up utensils. Honestly, you don't have to carry a weapon these days in Anchorage, just look down at the sidewalk for something to beat away any Jerry Prevo perverts on the convert bandwagon. Now the fact that Sullivan would rather waste money on his image instead of providing a safe pathway for pedestrians, it is proof that Mr. Sullivan failed to teach his son “Brotherly Love”. I am serious this matter. Safe sidewalks should be a priority over image, as this mode of transportation exists for that class of American’s left behind, for those that must rely on “Public Trust”, I mean “Public Transportation” to get to work and back home again. Safely maneuvering about the Anchorage sidewalks is a chore when this maintenance goes by the way-side for other “classless acts”. Honestly, this guy nauseates me and a whole lot of others. In fact the main reason people are moving out of Anchorage is because of Mayor Sullivan, as under his watch the city has become the “Murder Spree Capital” of the world. And the same reason people are moving out of Alaska, due Governor Parnell’s incompetency rating. Alaska used to be a good place to grow. It appears that Palin changed all of that as she inflicted a wound that may be on the mend, but the fallout of her “Drill Baby Drill” mentality, her incompetency and worthless agenda, well it will take a long time to recover and get back towards what this state really stands for - the “Last Frontier”. But if things continue down the same path, may as well replace that slogan for the time being with “Lost Frontier”. In the meantime, I can see my baggage whirling around the carousal, but I'm stuck still on the plane, as that “Duct Tape” won't pry loose, and nobody is going to cut the line ahead of that little old lady! Hey Alaska Airlines, how about extending that 20-minutes or less to get the passengers off the plane? But as we all know, baggage is more important, just ask any Alaskan politician!