OK. Whose bright idea was it to build this Elmore extension? Now it could have been a mistake orchestrated by a bad survey. See, I was stuck in early morning traffic along this waste of money make a bunch of money for some wild construction outfit. Outfit is only 3-letters short of OUTLAW. Really, Alaskan road builders must like to cut corners. It would be nice if they tried using real asphalt for a change instead of the imitation crap found in globs all over town. Shabbiness in turn allows them to engage in horrendous and unsafe road construction practices during the days of summer, as it would be unaffordable to pay workers to work at night. My vehicle caught a flying boulder off a backhoe bucket this past construction season, as some flag waving Gestapoite permitted me through the work area while talking on her cell phone. Actually, I don’t think she was giving me the crawl ahead signal but was fighting with her boyfriend and using cell phone hand signals that mimicked gestures I can’t repeat even on the blogisphere. I don’t think she was flipping me off! Needless to say, my windshield was spiderized. Anyway, the wild man at the project office said don’t worry as insurance companies don’t press charges when a windshield is broken in the course of normal everyday driving, even in a zone wherein you must turn off your two-way radio! Boy was I taken for a ride! The glass repair guy laughed all the way to the Best Buy. Answer me this. If this new artery has simplified traffic elsewhere, where is this elsewhere? Maybe it is time to sell my property and move to where the inaction now exists. What makes it worse off with this crappy construction business is the fact we never get to enjoy roads without rage. Summer is construction season all over town. I have actually been stuck wherein it was impossible to get back home. And when the roadwork crews are laid off, then we have to put up with snow and ice roads from hell. So come spring, the once new road is now warn and ragged. And how come we can’t seem to find road marker paint that lasts at least through the first snow-storm? Anyway, this morning’s mile long traffic jam was just a bunch of kids driving to Service High. That is why I believe the survey was off, as it should have been a direct route from Tudor to the parking lot behind the school. No need going through decent neighborhoods just so kids can waste a bunch of money driving to school. And it is well known that surveys go astray here at latitude and longitude that marks Anchorage, rape capital of the north - as mercury looses it affinity from the effects of the Aurora. I stand corrected, that is what happens to the “mercury” thermometer that Don uses to perform his “Gore Warming” homework. Sure surveys go astray. That is why the roads in and around Anchorage are useless “thump” roads. It goes hand and hand with the placement – from the surveys – of where and how to place the manhole covers. Right in the line of travel with the larboard side wheels of my car! Thump, thump, thump every 25-yards it seems. And the manhole covers had to be recessed because some plow guy went upset that it was unsafe for his back – when the plow’s blade hit the ice built up upon the original design steel covers which were level with the pavement. So his lawyer fought back and now the citizens must put up with the “thump”. I think my back is hurting. Time for a class action suit but that is a joke in itself because the attorneys get all the money. I was involved in a class action suit against SEARS, when that corporation was having the honest creditors paying up for the hefty salaries of its CEO and top management by secretly increasing the consumers’ payback percentage rate. The lawyers won! And those of us that were not lawyers enjoyed our settlement which consisted of a book of discount coupons, like for an oil change or tire changeover, at SEARS! Lawyers…. Anyway, Elmore Road is testament that this city likes ushering out the arts. Those weird like contraptions that sit at the intersection of Abbott and Abbott Loop, the place that smells of leaking natural gas all winter long, it is no longer a mystery to what it is supposed to be – when finished. Because it is finished! Now everybody thought it was some type of fancy bus stop. I thought it was designed to support “giant” hanging flower baskets, as we like things big up here in Alaska, just look at Mrs. Vogue Mature’s hairdo. Anyway, it is art! Supposedly this madness is supposed to act like that transcendental sublimation trick you stuff, and cause drivers to slow down. What a joke! If this be true, then something is drastically wrong with the mentality of those in charge of things around here. Why not just put up a speed limit sign? It is yet another chapter in the book of waste – Alaskan style. Look at the crap art that was wasted along Wal-Mart Lane? This state, this city, we have become so outrageously blind over what we should be doing with the resource money that we seem to know only one thing of interest, waste. Hey, whatever happened to waste not want not? Elmore artwork, I think those hand gestures by that flag gal could competitively face off with this crap. And what is with all those benches along this road with signs that advertise “Wildlife Viewing Area”? It’s a horse farm numbskull! One would have to be insane to sit along this road when kids are driving to school, as it would be a death wish. Bottom line, it is money wasted. This road was a joke as it was designed poorly and already it is showing signs of weakness, as a bottleneck. See, it starts off with multi-lanes at Tudor then whittles down to a single lane at the Abbott intersection. And those expensive expanses over Campbell Creek, what the hell were the engineers thinking of, a 40-days and 40-nights flood? And what is with those Tinkerbelle like lights along the way? And the only way this thing can ever work is with more traffic lights. Which means more time wasted as for some reason or another “timed” traffic lights have not yet been invented for Alaska. What a thumping we get for our buck! And get this. Even though I ended up paying for the broken windshield out of pocket because of my deductible, it was sited as a reportable on my insurance policy, which means guess what, another thumping. No wonder this state is credited as the “Corrupt Bastard” state, as outlaws are running all the outfits and designing our destiny and escape routes.
CopyRight 2008 – Dixie Productions/MSK Media/Eagle Rock Press
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