I am now thoroughly convinced that the Anchorage Daily Stool has only one reason for continuing its failing existence. Just deliver the orange bags, as the plastic works great for picking up dog crap. And when the republican dog walkers hang the filled “Crap” bags from tree limbs along the greenbelt - to conserve - maybe it is a hint that we need to loosen up on this country’s migrant worker rules and regulations so a low paid less then minimum wage worker can collect the bags. Can you imagine walking home with a bag full of crap? Mind you, let somebody else do the honors! That is probably the main reason that the borders remain open, so immigrants can perform the “dirty sweat jobs”. This kind of attitude to leave the “crap” for others to contend with is definitely a “Stool” stuck mentality. Now I like it when the snow melts and reveals all of the abandoned bags, some on the ground, many others left hanging in tress. It is what I call the “Orange Blossom Special” season. So there comes no reason to deliver the bag to my front doorstep already filled with “crap” news. An empty bag will suffice. Really, it was Martin Luther King’s birthday. I am sure there could have been more thought put into this day of honor for a civil rights hero. In fact, there was more printed coverage over the football championships for the upcoming worst game of the season, the “Super-bowel” Sunday movement. Many football players will tell you that the pace of that game throws off the routine, so it requires re-training for re-timing. And since it is the last game of the season, who really cares? So today I find that the re-designed layout of the “Stool” requires re-training for this guy. Where the hell is the news? This 1st Amendment tool has become nothing but an advertising platform and finger-pointing issues forum. Woof, woof! Red Dog is good. Red Dog is bad. It is double jeopardy at its best. Advertises pay for the ad coverage and I pay for the paper to read the ads. Maybe the Daily Stool executives are on to something to keep the diminishing returns stable in efforts to break even. Really, this paper was easily 75% advertisements and very little news. I think in reality it is Conoco that keeps the printing press for this news organization running. With those fake-me-out full page ads about “You can’t have it your way Sarah”. So, Alaska made the Humane Society’s list of states that practice the slackest laws against cruelty to animals! And Alaska has the most “reported” dog bites then any other civilized state of the union. Doo-Dah, maybe cruelty and biting dogs goes hand-n-hand. Alaska does have more dogs then humans. I believe the last censes allocated 3 dogs for every vote. See, that is why this state gets so much in “pork” allocations from the Treasury, as we count dogs as part of the general population. But the congressional delegation won’t allow the dogs to vote, as the canine species is smart and it may mean an ousting for the “Corrupt Bastards” along with MoanaLisa Nepotism. See, dogs would probably vote in someone that would insist on stricter dog cruelty legislation. And that may lead to an end of the Iditarod. And if dogs were to have a vote, they may insist that the migrating salmon that feed on dog feces let loose from the Warzaonof wastewater facility be tested before consumption. And further that legislation by warning the tourist about this feeding frenzy problem. Hey, Alaskan dog fish eat Alaskan dog shit! What a motto. And it would possibly mean stricter air quality legislation. See, the city at one time posted the air quality for the Anchorage bowel area. In that report, it would break down what the air was composed of on a day-to-day basis. The particulate matter was broken down into its constituents, like dog feces. In fact, a majority of the stuff that looked like blowing dust was just that, airborne dried dog feces. The dogs would like to see equal opportunity also. Remember when Public Television would air that segment, usually on Sunday evenings. It was a slideshow of Alaskan scenery with Percival something or another playing in the background. The dogs would like to see this same segment. Taken about the end of March, when all of past winter’s crap left behind begins to thaw out, urine piles included. Instead of pictures of wildlife and like stuff, it would be pictures of the Big Wild Life’s dogs’ leg lifting activities or leftover remnants. I just thought of something, the Daily Stool could be recycled to the outposts, to be used like diapers to collect the crap and urine. It could create a cottage industry, wherein migrant workers would have twice as much work and demand a raise, possibly up to the Federally Guaranteed “Minimum” wage. Hey, how come there isn’t an ad in this paper for a laxative? As any congressional leader that feels such a pittance of a wage is acceptable for cleaning up crap, they should take a day off from their corruption campaigns and have a field day, with the workers! And a few laxatives to sooth the exit wounds as the truth hurts their ego! And their ego seems to be stuck up you know where! Wow, that salmon tastes awful! Is that what is meant by “stink-head”? Hey with a wintertime accumulation of over 5-million pounds of dog crap deposited from the mountains to the oceans, of course Cook Inlet becomes this depository’s recipient. And the returning salmon head up the inlet just about the time that the leftover “crap” is let loose from the treatment facility. Wow, now this is truly “Alaskan Made” bull, I mean dog crap!
CopyRight 2008 – Dixie Productions/MSK Media/Eagle Rock Press
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