Alaskan Politics 2018

Walrus Gumboot - Alaskan Politics

Since 1973, Alaskans have been entertained by U.S. Congressmen Don “0.0166%” Young, that’s 46-years encroaching on 23-terms of endangerment, yet he gets my vote this crucial 2018 election. Even though HIPPA maintains my innocence when it comes to sex-change operations, “I must not tell a lie, I got hit over the noggin by a coconut” and since then have become a Don Young jock-itch supporter, but wonder about my boobs! And get this, that percentage number with 4-decimal places is Don’s new middle-aged middle-finger campaign name. OK, he retired from the ranks of the “muddled-aged” and is a bonafide senior-citizen so Don Rickles can take advantage with that “Reverse Mortgage” scam…talk about FAKE. Oh, that’s not Rickles but Magnum PI trying to scum-scam our WWII veteran dads to sell the kid’s inheritance on the cheap! See, Don “Young that is”, is 85-years old and if he retires or gets booted out of the Rayburn House day care center, the fact that he has reached the “Golden Handcuffs Climax” it means he gets to collect that somewhat lucrative Congressional salary for the rest of his life. That “0.0166” is Don’s salary based on the “Out-of-Adult-Control-Supervision” deficit that has initiated bankrupt proceedings against the U.S. Treasury, as Donald Jong Trump doesn’t know how to count so just throws money away on “swamp” relief - OK Roto-Rooter cesspool management. The latter includes luxury hotel accommodations for his immigrant fantasy wife while out of Donald’s hair galivanting around on our dime, like with Melania’s recent African “Horseface” safari joy riding. But the United States Treasury is on hen-house robbed suicide watch, being looted on all-fours while we let precedence be set! IMAGINE, Donald’s “Istinka” kids and Ja “The Red” Kushner soon will pay pennies-on-the-dollar to rescue our infrastructure - I mean steal away blind what is ours to begin with. It is called “Privatization” and a fancy name for Beach Haven segregation - only “whites” need apply. The more the wealthy find ownership that “lifeline infrastructure”, the more they can rape US! It is stuff we need to survive, so the 10% want to own it then lease it back to US. Almost gone “forever more” is ownership of everything except the national debt. I am sick and tired of the wealth, and why is it Warren Buffet says individual wealth should be turned over to the Treasury upon death - the ultimate “Death Tax”? Trump would still get out of any such tax, by claiming he is not dead, just another mouth full of lies. And how can NOT paying tribute a little help to a friend in need in needy “income tax” be acceptable? It nauseates me to think some can get away with paying “zero” taxation and still pledge allegiance to “My Country ‘Tis of Thee” flag with a steady hand! Talk about a hand-job. I believe the Founding Fathers had a word about that, called “Treason”. And one would think that “counting” would be a pre-requisite to becoming Commander-in-Chief. Look, those that serve time behind barstools of Congress are always complaining that a member of this rich-man’s-club of “Elected Conceited Elite” doesn’t make much to brag about. So true, based on that yearly income while incarcerated with “rabid skunks”. But if you calculate the pay scale based on an hourly wage, when gainfully employed assuming that duty sworn to uphold the U.S. Constitution, it boils down to a “cold shoulder” $242 U.S. dollars per hour and the years go bye-bye-baby 242 years since the Founding Fathers signed off on this deal of a lifetime. I lied, in the beginning there was no pay to be Patriotic! Not too shabby a wage today, what’s the complaint? So, by voting Don Young back in to the commencement of the “Still Do Nothing 116^th Congress” that which replaces the “Do Nothing 115^th Congress”, he collects that same amount but still employed and in competition with Wilbur Ross. To see who can sleep standing up even during a fire drill, or a rabid skunk evacuation drill at the Rayburn animal shelter. But he remains employed, and it means we don’t have to pay-up in double jeopardy fines if he resigns. OK, Rayburn "Animal House" suits the current “State of the Eunuch” since Trump shit on the White House lawn and the servants refuse to pick up after him and the GOP Congress wants blood! That “shelter” is wherein Don caretakes for his exotic museum, “Beggars Banquet” with a walrus penis that can be stroked for a political donation. Now I have been away from Alaskan style politics for a spell, but Don asked me to vote for him. So I drove out to Meridian his birth place, in Northern California, because there was a “Peasant Hunt” in progress and talk about road kill, there was dead skunks everywhere! My mistake, it was a “Pheasant Hunt” sponsored by VECCO, long time contributor to Don’s Easter Egg Hunt. And I soon understood why Don is so mesmerized by “rabid skunks” and keeps a pet skunk, named it Nancy after Pelosi “keep your friends close and your enemies for a closer look”. True, Don gives his “political enemies” skunk scent for Christmas! The reason come the Holidays the entire Congress shuts down for a month or more. So by keeping Don in the action while asleep, he saves us money and every penny counts towards relief on the Boston Strangler deficit. Donald Jong Trump, how do you spell relief? No sir, lighting farts does not count, please find something better to do with that time. Please not that, stay away from that…oh knows all here we go again with another 3^rd Reichter Scale “rage” in “we all Tweet in a Twitter submarine”. Now voting for Don is like road kill, you know it always shows up after a bad night on the town, carnage every which way but loose. And what makes this election merry-go-around so interesting for Alaskans, the fact that Mark Begich is still looking for trouble, cannot find a decent job so is back at it. See, I lost faith in the Alaskan political scene when Ted Stevens was assassinated. This came shortly after Sarah Palin and John McCain ganged up to discredit Senator Stevens, and that caused the lunatics to seek relief - by targeting this man of honor above and beyond. Once upon a time the three-stooges ruled the 49er - namely Ted, Don and Frank Murkowski. The days and nights when the bacon grease runneth over and kept Alaska “slick’m up” without an EXXON Valdez oil spill, and for every dollar that went into the Jack Marler recovery fund, Alaska received 3-dollars - which is why John McCain wanted to make Alaska again a territory or sell it back to Russia. But all things come to an end, good and bad. Frank got tired of stroking Don’s penis and gave that job to daughter Lisa - the sitting Senator that voted against rabid skunks taking over the Supreme Court. Way to go Lisa! For real, Alaska is now on the “Nuclear Football” schedule as a target? Yes, Ted was the political assassins reward and Don knows that, so by keeping him engaged in showing off his walrus penis, he can keep that secret and prevent a “Special Counsel” from convening to intervene as to why Ted was targeted. At least allow the statute of limitations to fulfil its course. So, we save money again by voting in the only man in history that survived testing Newton’s theory of gravity with a “coconut”. Ouch! We must save for a rainy day, as…Sure that’s what happened, Ted’s plane was destined to crash as somebody was trying to get rid of the “Hulk” for a reason. OK, honesty is the best policy. I decided on the easiest way out of this 2018 election that is a news’ media erection on Viagra overload. I have already cast my “Alaska We're-In” vote, from the comfort of my living room and some 4000-miles away from Sarah's "private parts" boudoir. See, Alaska is a wealthy state, so I can do all my political shopping “on-line”. No long lines waiting out in the cold and no threat of a DUI driving to that polling booth wherein we can see Russians meddling again, “I love beer” and just a click & send - done with the duty. I don’t know why other states find it so difficult to allow citizens to enjoy this right with ease and respect? As is voting in my case and should be in everybody’s case easy as 1,2,3 presto! See, Obama spent the money for fiber-optic networking from sea to shining sea, for high-speed secure “Net Neutrality” communications for things like voting. This link is to every damn nook’n cranny, yet we still rely on outdated voting booths with long lines to perform a basic duty that should be as easy as the present danger president counting his IQ on one hand - with a remainder! There is a reason modernization falls between the cracks with something so simple - somebody doesn’t want the voting ritual to be easy! Rabid skunks everywhere, and it stinks! So maybe Don, the ex-teacher, should put that Walrus penis to better use if he gets another erection, like chasing away the scum of the earth that has invaded the White House sooner than later. Stroke my fossilized Oooguruk Ossik, eventually even staunch supporters of Conservative principles must realize the difference between their guided principles and the quilted Charmin Toilet Paper principles behind Fascism! You don’t? Don, three strokes with that Oosik over here….

Don't you understand, what I'm trying to say?
And can't you feel the fears I'm feeling today?
If the button is pushed, there's no running away,
There'll be no one to save with the world in a grave,
Take a look around you, boy, it's bound to scare you, boy,
And you tell me over and over and over again my friend,
Ah, you don't believe we're on the eve of destruction.

on the eve of an ELECTION!