My ConCERN Hardon Collider

I finally gave up, trying to schedule a time wherein I could test my theory behind the universal “fib” particle, at the CERN Large Hadron Super-Collider in Switzerland. Sad state-of-affairs, as my theory on the “wait list” to be proven and a time allotment to test the “fib” was so close to reality, even with all the stage competition with this Saturday Night “particle fever”! Yes indeed, a feverish like fetish, ever since the $9-billion dollar “toys for physic-tots” was turned on. The wait list for getting a time slot to fulfill a life’s dream is long, like 10-years down the road. Damn, I was at the top of the list until Donald Trump poopooed the G7 and now my membership in the Union of Conceited Scientists is questionable, just because I am an American! Time to elope, seek asylum? In all honesty, maybe turning myself in to jail as with Kim Jong UN on the loose, we are under attack by “Big Phony Tits”, the “Yellow Haired Blob with Nipples”! And NASA may have something to do with knocking my rank amongst notable scientists, as I was told to knock it off this “fib” particle awareness, as it could open a can of worms and that can’s lid was already starting to open. See, when NASA made the recent announcement that the MARS “Curiosity” rover had detected organic matter and methane, that puzzled the world’s leading scientists as to the origin of this decisive moment find? It was like a kindergarten test question! Organic matter and methane? More like a decisive bowel movement moment, diddle-diddle it came from a cow-pie left by that cow jumping over the Moon! See, we try to complicate things and lose focus. And yes, I am taking credit for the “fib” particle which is named in honor of Donald John Trump. The “fib” may be the smallest known brain-cell particle piece of matter ever witnessed but still measurable even though it follows the proverbial divide-by-zero error of magnitude. So instead of waiting, I modeled the CERN Hadron Super-Collider using Ted Kaczynski’s “Boundary Theory”, rigormortis like mathematical principles and the results finds an “At-Lodge Hardon Collider” at my disposal, which can perform the same damn tests as the “Hadron” and on the cheap. See, I have access to a Cray Super in Alaska, courtesy of Uncle Sam and being a resident of Sarah’s Ranch just down the road from Felonyville, I get to play for free. OK, time to settle-up this “I can see Russia from my house” and what Sarah wannabee “Queen” meant this “Love Affair” with Putin. For years Russia was looking for a “back-door” back-drop to interfere in the “network” so it could cyber-spy on everything “Made in America”. That opportunity found access in Alaska. End of story, Russia has been snooping for years linked to the entire U.S. “IT Grid” from Sarah’s backyard. Back to the science stuff. So instead of boring proton annihilations common with collider research, my original experiment was designed to accelerate two beer bottles through the high-speed magnetic tunnels and see what happens when Bud Lite collides with Bud Genuine. The intent was to figure out why people drink “FAKE” beer as “FAKE” is vogue in todays political witch hunts. So, with a “Hardon” I went hunting for the “fib” without the NRA. After some 6-months of running tests on my 2-cent beer bottle collider model, there came some amazing results. The “genuine” makes less pee-pee time besides that, fast and furious with thirst and foremost, the discovery of the “Space Mobius Strip” boundary layer! Contrary to popular demand, its participation to the beginning of “all things equal” proves without a doubt that the “Big Bang” did not happen as thought and did happen as thought, it all depends on your situation and position in life. With the “Mobius” there is a finite time lapse that is out-of-phase like night and day along with an infinitesimal boundary that separates this phase difference, wherein the “fib” finds a home. It is the smallest known particle ever captured, yet can behave like the “moron” particle and carryover a drastic impact on credibility. It looks like “back-ground noise chatter”, yet has a “mass”. Yes, it is like that “little white lie” again, and again and again, with a divide by zero assault so it is accepted as “for real”! Which means it ain’t true! But I am glad that Ted could assist me in designing this “cheap” mark-up of the Hadron, as my Hardon is better fit for amateurs and wherein drinking beer passes the time away. Sad, that this CERN Hadron has not delivered like it promised, even after an unGODly particle cost - for real that $9-billion? And I may have a good market to sell my model. Or lease it out for a fee, maybe make Uncle Sam some income to fill that “black hole” train robbery. See, before the Hadron was turned on then soon after sabotaged because it would never produce even 1/10^th a Return-on-the-Investment and the backers had an “oh shit” moment, there came a scare that many scientists were about to commit “hairy scary” because their 30-year old unproven theories were Hadron ridiculed, depression set in. And students of physics were demanding their tuition be reimbursed for fraud, because many spent good sums of money for “FAKE” science and like is so common today wherein the “Truth-in-Lending” is still highway robbery, a secret behind the scenes fix would “fix” everything. The well-known theories on opposite ends of the spectrum were averaged as a sacrifice, just cut the theories in half, all is well and the perfect “Space Mobius Strip” boundary layer participation makes history, believe what you want that which satisfies the eccentric ego. OK, it is today the most expensive “LIE”! Depending on where you are drinking beer on the “Space Mobius Strip”, it is inconclusive whether or not a “Big Bang” theory finds acceptance. Which brings us to the “fib” particle dissection “conjugal visitation rights” dissertation. The “Mobius Strip” is a unique structure in itself, with a somewhat tricky surface area. So add a little “space”, it means “fibs” can exist cycle after cycle and when that “fib” is no longer in the same time-space continuum, it could be a “fib” could not be a “fib” but it fits the pattern of presidential abuse so is accepted. Wow, beer bottles colliding at 9GEV. Sand castle heaven!