Alaskan Comic Relief

Nothing like a good book? Better yet, how about a good comic book to trump that nostalgic sentiment over the novel approach. Now I have always been a believer and follower of Alfred E. Neuman, as his comic views are accurate and honest, providing a little humor where humor is due upon the important aspects of life, upon those everyday aggravating aspects of life that consumes us all and invites frustration. Next time road rage sets in, step back and take a read on Mad Magazine! And Alfred and his associates at Mad are very knowledgeable with the political scene of today, providing some seriousness upon the comedians trying to run this state. Like Alfred and Mad’s early on conclusion that Sarah Palin was not endorsable or electable. But here in Alaska we seem to have come across our very own comic relief in print available as a weekly publication, similar to Mad Magazine, competition maybe? It is called Petroleum News and for $98 a year, it is cheap entertainment. Now of course if you work in the oil patch up north or out on the inlet, you can most likely forgo the cost burden and find this comic book at many of the local latrines near a drill-rig camp or processing facilities. I guess it can be used in a TP emergency! But nowadays, this monthly publication reads just like a comic book upon the horror stories made so through Alaska’s oil patch politics. Sad, as at one time in history it appeared to be a pretty accurate survey of what was occurring in the oil patch. But things changed drastically and dramatically here in the “Last Frontier” when Palin was at the helm and changed the “playing field” with respect to oil, gas and other resource development. So during the early years that SOHIO and ARCO maintained the “Kingpin” positions and along with EXXON so monopolized the North Slope oil trade, there came very little comic relief from the oil patch and it was just serious business, and Petroleum News kept the interested public knowledgeable to the facts. Back then it was basically watching pipeline throughput records being shattered day after day, which was great for this state, as more oil meant more money to be wasted away on nothing – like ridiculous legislative side trips. Today, we see an entirely different cast of characters trying to win comedian of the year award with respect to the oil patch, and this publication is trying to get into the action, like a ways and means to judge the person or entity best suited for Alaska’s funniest of the year award. Since the major oil companies went pissed over Sarah Palin’s production tax increases, taxation that hurts “Big Oil” yet at the same time satisfies the mandate of the “Independent” -  a.k.a. crybabies - well the “majors” have taken a side-track position and that is why we have today a new age cast of comedians entering the scene and making fools of themselves. They are called the “Independents”, when they should be called “Dependents” because they seem to still be wearing diapers when it comes to understanding the right to explore and exploit the “Black Gold” here in Alaska. And their efforts so far reek in lousiness and lunacy, which means they aren’t making a whole lot of loot, but where they are lacking in that respect, the comedy keeps on coming. So with laughter still the best medicine, it has some worth and is worth laughing at, this happening on the oil scene here in Alaska, from Cook Inlet to the Beaufort Sea. So for the fun of it, let us revisit some of the funny things. Well, ENI blew crude oil out of a flare stack? That’s a laugh except the oil droplets blown into the atmosphere most likely fell upon the Beaufort Sea water currents just when the whale population was thinking about retreating south for the winter. Some outfit named Great Bear thought it could drill 500 wells a year into shale sands in Prudhoe Bay and was encouraged by the Juneau legislators to go for a 1000 wells instead, in efforts to fill the void in the Trans-Alaska-Pipeline. I guess the legislators were asleep - or on one of those ridiculous side trips -  during “Oil Exploration & Exploitation for Dummies”. Considering it takes on average 30 days to sink a new well, it means somebody would have to deliver a whole bunch of new drilling rigs which means the price of “Da Bear's” oil would be somewhere in the neighborhood of $5000 a barrel, just to break even.  Great Bear must be smoking something in that pipe-dream. And Escopeta thinks that when its rig was quarantined in Canada for violating the Jones’ Act, that Murphy – of Murphy’s Law fame – snuck onto the rig as a castaway and then when it was finally cleared through TSA for $15-million, that Murphy was at the joy stick control that got the rig’s drill bit stuck, for how long? Now they may be forced to shut-down for the winter. Then there’s Pioneer, the 1st “Independent” to lose its shirt here in Alaska and is now trying to place blame for its mismanaged project on Conoco, for not supplying enough seawater for enhanced oil recovery! Strange as Pioneer’s Oooguruk Island is IN SEAWATER! Damn, get a bucket brigade going if you need seawater. And then there is Savant, which has total ownership of the failed Badami field, which will remain a failed field forever, just ask BP. And Aurora Gas is still at it, a company that should have already been banned from any further business dealings here in Alaska, especially after they reneged on all their gas contracts through a “Force Majeure” move that has cost you and I a bunch. And what is with this Repsol outfit, sounds more like a suppository. And all the legislative body can say over this increased activity in the “patch” is the fact that it is “Promising”. So there comes all this excitement and efforts nearing ridiculousness with the Independents, bent on hitting it big here in Alaska. Will they be surprised! And a bunch of goons from Juneau decided to take a waste trip to Norway, to see how it’s done right. Look, this state is 30-years too late to build a respectable infrastructure that aligns resources development with a focus on a sustainable future, wherein it is a win-on-win situation for the lease holders and the resource owners – them and us!  And when one looks beyond the horizon, it isn’t because of the tax situation here in Alaska the reason we are losing it. Bottom-line we blew it, it’s over with, the golden goose has retired and we have nothing but failed project after failed project with the fallout delivering upon us now a desperate drive to wreak havoc upon a once good industry. Don’t believe me about how this state has failed? Then why in hell has the M.V. Susitna never showed up? It’s sitting down in Ketchikan, painted like the Alaska Ferry system ships, so maybe it can swindle some money from the legislators to keep this worthless piece of junk afloat. Yes we have had over 30-years to get it right and have failed miserably. And now a bunch of hypocrite legislators go on a pleasure trip to Norway, to see how they run the resources’ business. It’s a socialistic country, so whatever they may be doing right to sustain, it won’t work in the Miller Estate! And here it is in a nutshell for the nutcases that think this state will get back as a major producer of resources. The Trans-Alaska-Pipeline is being mothballed! The main reason behind the Strategic Reconfiguration Project, which occurred during Palin’s reign, it allowed for all but 4 pumping stations to shut-down. It means the owners are comfortable with an asset that is running almost on empty. In Valdez, the West Tank Farm has been mothballed, which could hold over 2-million barrels of oil. And two of the four loading berths have been shut-down and are up for sale! The “Big Oil” companies are smart. The infrastructure of the pipeline and processing facilities up North are paid for in full and with the downturn in production, they have voted on a comfortable position. For the majors, the lifting costs average about $2.50 a barrel, even though they will never admit to so. For an Independent new on the scene, multiply that by a factor of 20. It is a losing proposition for the Independents. Big Oil realizes that this frenzy with the Independents is a plan of attack running right into their control, as this oil the “Independents” produce cannot make it to market, without “Big Oil’s” pipeline. It is like the Troll under the bridge. So it is such a laugh this new age mentality to try and trump “Big Oil” here in Alaska. It will never work, but I hope these Independents keep on throwing away the shareholders investments, as it sure does provide for some good laughs. So if in need of some medicine, some laughter, just pick up a copy of Petroleum News and read on. And remember, he who laughs last, laughs best!