State of the Slate

State of the Slate

That time of year again, out with the old in with the new. Wow, and did Hillary Clinton unseat Bill, for the most unethical person of 2015? See, Bill has maintained that honorary award for many years by now and even George and the Dick head couldn't come close to trumping the Monica Harmonica – blow-hard! And the way Bill and Thrillary are teaming up, this time next year will come the announcement of a “partnership” that award – the “Most Unethical Couple”. May as well include Chelsea, and market the “Most Unethical Family”! And why in hell are people throwing away hard earned income to help Hillary get ahead of Bernie Sanders? Look, the majority will never vote for Trump, unless Hillary is the...my prediction for 2016, “UGLY” as it is an erection year. Dear Thrillary, how do you spell “Confidential”? “Well, how about C*O*N*C*E*D*E*D.”  Dear Hillary, how do you spell “RELIEF”? Well, I just L*I*E”. Dear Donald, how do yo spell anything? “$$$$$$$$$”! Anyway, way up in Alaska there exists a "Cray Super Computer" that is used for Northern Light research and because this $million$ dollar super cruncher is U.S. government property, equal opportunity knocks. As a bonafide “Taxpayer”, I have access to the guts & glory of super-computing “Al Gore Rhythms” and can run studies about just about anything worthwhile or not. “Al Gore Rhythm”? Just ask Ted Kaczynski, as his thesis on “Boundary properties of Continuous Fractions” quantifies that Al invented apple PI. Now besides checking in on the “Northern Lights” or monitoring the worst of the worst air polluted cities - a.k.a. Santa Clause Village in North Pole, Alaska - continued studies by “Mr. Cray” find involvement with things like the pennis size of the male Woolly Mammoth midget Musk Ox! Yes someone is still trying to collect such data and the funding is in the Highway Appropriations bill that is guaranteed by Congress, year after year through eternity and hidden away under “pennis enlargement” legislation, by a guy named Weiner. Yes, Congress has a problem! Now this “Musk Ox” pennis study was a project started a long time ago, by another guy named “TED” and also funded by the U.S. Taxpayers - only problem the research hasn't found anybody crazy enough to actually attempt to measure the beast's beast. Hey, anybody know where Monica is? Does she need a hand job? Wow, would Sarah be interested? Life after politics, pennis patrol! OK, how about some seriousness. Now I have been using the “Crazed Computer” at the University of Alaska to study things and utilize Zuckerbergism as a mechanism to provide thoughtful reasoning upon problem plaguing society today. See, my modeling uses as many input variables as does “Facebook” have cranky road-raged members, the more the merrier and the results find degrees-of-freedom unsurpassed by any professor of mathematics still trying to fascinate students by using a chalk board while Good Will Hunting. Wow, what an act, the best of Robin Williams! But it takes a big endian number cruncher to perform such Zuckerbergcodian tasks, which as already mentioned I have at my disposal. So a recent mathematical study assigned to the subject of political melodrama used millions of variables and required 7-months to compile, just to run the calculations! It tried to differentiate and thus draw a conclusion upon the present political climate based on air-time adds that supports the major news worthy “sometimes” organizations - based on the proof is in the hasty pudding. Hey, it's an election erection year, beware of what and how the news' subliminal offerings will attempt to influence the outcome. And the results of my research also gave an answer many Alaskans have been wondering about, to help out in determining the total combined IQ of Billy Brown and his Alaskan Bush Family of felons, but the results found “Divide by Zero” errors. Basically speaking, the family IQ was an indeterminate and even  the Huma-bomber's fragile math theories failed to find an answer. Now the results of the political fallout and how that business is manipulated by its sponsors, it proved a hierarchy of control out-of-control. It boiled down to the FOX for the NeoRedNose-conservatives and MSNBC for the liberated “Blue” hound ass sniffers – those finding sympathy for the Devil, a.k.a. Thrillary. See, all the other news outfits seemed to be just outliers, not targeting a preferential following, so were directed to the trash bin. Hey, this “CRAY” has not only a desktop trash can, but an entire  municipal landfill to hide crap. To make it clear, this research was based solely on the commercials that fund the air-time, sales through such based on the Zuckerberg following - as good marketing practices makes sure the adds sell and mesmerizes the audience into “must buy”. So it is fundamentally sound to equate the air-time commercials to the clientèle and in the end the data was whittled down to 4-degrees of freedom – what Hillary allows Bill and means freedom to wife-cheat most of the week while on the road again campaigning. Look, Bill is out on the trail for Hillary butt-for a single reason – it's called the Monica syndrome. Anyway, drum roll please the results from “Mr Cray”: Most of the commercials that produce the liberal following are consumed by Erectile Dysfunction drugstore cowboys, along with PILL-ferage for snoring problems, anti-farting medicine and uncontrolled episodes of ED - Explosive Diarrhea. With the other side of the isle, Erectile Dysfunction in the same class as the liberals - which proves Americans have something in common besides guns and roses. And snoring while farting was also a common denominator so the erections and loud mouths and out-gassing, well welcome to American politics. Then we get into the differences that can differentiate a liberal against a conservative. For the “Blue”, it means ED. For the RED, constipation. That is all that separates this nation in our political philosophy. But ED as compared to constipation, at the extreme ends. And until we get both under control, we as a nation stand divided. So taking the commonalities into consideration, people focused on political dreaming are trying to get an erection lasting longer then 4-hours, are not getting enough sleep because thy bed-fellow is snoring while farting and just when...Look MSNBC along with FOX, no different and just a bunch of hot-air hypocrites finding air-time, a.k.a. farting out loud and the followers, well consumers! And please Emeril Lagasser, stop trying to sell smellivision! Now when mathematics can whittle away what is behind a phenomenon, we begin to realize what the cause and effect has on the future. So maybe the end results this study, that we are either consumed with explosive diarrhea or constipated, it must be addressed. Hey, it's not what we breath, but what we eat as Fairbanks is testament that one can inhale “UNHEALTHY” air and still find a voting booth with a Porta-Party. One last thing, the computations by Mr. Cray also found an answer as to why Hillary takes so much time during the Debbie Was-an-Ass presidential debate time-outs, to reappear. She wears diapers...pit stops take time, it comes with age! “Dear Madame president, Putin bombs are heading this way...I have to change my diaper!”