Dear Santa Choke

Dear Santa Choke;

I must admit that due to the fact I must work twice as long these days for the same wage, that I don't find the time at ease in understanding politics today – as it continues to suck the living life out of Miss Liberty. These days, getting to a polling booth is almost ridiculous and this election stuff is made all so confusing, so I am glad we citizens “United”! So best said just stay at home in front of the “Big Screen” with a “Big Bag of Goodies” from Wally “World” Mart. Honestly, the other day I tried a drive to my polling booth but newly erected road construction “detour” signs made me turn here, then there and basically I was soon stuck on a “Mobius Strip” trip – there was no way out! Now pray-tell, nobody would plan this inconvenience at such a convenient time would they? Really, there was a traffic jam those trying to get out and vote – we were stuck, good thing the “Good Samaritan” neighbor had a “Big Bag of Goodies”, from Wally.... time for a “Tailgate”! So we rely on a guy like you and da brother – that have time to figure it out – to coach us to accept what seems to be the best for the country. But you are spending $millions$ in publicity stunts attacking the Senator from Alaska - Mark Begich. But why? See, Mr. Begich is making you $millions$! Even though you have decided to shut-down your Flint Hills Refinery in North Pole, it doesn't mean that the demand for refined products has gone away – in fact quite the opposite it appears from the truck traffic towards 12-mile Village. You are very intelligent when it comes to business savvy, so you have found that you can increase your profit margin by purchasing refined products “outside” interior Alaska! So may as well shutdown the refinery, as keeping it running costs you money and think of all those jobs you once had to sign over paychecks, ka-ching! So buy cheapskate labor refined products, barge it to Anchorage then ship it north by rail, so that much desired commodity – like motor gasoline and heating fuel – can be held hostage in your North Pole storage facility, where the truck loading continues day in day out just like when that refinery was working its ass off around the clock and ka-chinging! Like already mentioned, the demand hasn't gone away which means the supply must continue. So “Bravo” this business plan – as the game is to make money, ka-ching with change! With thousands of gallons of motor and heating fuels exchanged daily, a few cents saved through this maneuver adds up to a boatload of revenue. You must like it when the thermometer reaches -50. So it is still a supply and demand business, we demand, you supply! So why attack Begich? See Mr. Begich is the individual that has gone out of his way to keep the Eielson Air Force base alive! He has threatened contempt of Congress against the brass and even committed treason to protect your interests, when he withheld military promotions - because he was not getting what he thought was “truthful” information that justified the base closure order from the Pentagon. Imagine that, holding up a promotion of our men and women in uniform – blasphemy it is. Said again, he has single handedly forced the Air Force to hold off on any attempt to shut-down that base that relies on fuel transported down Santa Clause Lane. And now we hear that the F-16's will not be moved and Eielson is a top contender for the home of the next generation of fighter jets – the F-35. Amazing what “political pressure” can do for your estate without taxation! Which means you will get to sell aviation fuel to the U.S. Taxpayers by the boatload! And because the dilapidated power plant at that base cannot get a permit to burn coal, it will have to transfer to...yes your turbine fuel. Instead of attacking Begich, you should have a shovel and already digging a ditch for a pipeline from your pretty white tanks to the base. And to add to your money from heaven haven, Begich wants more of those “Dud” interceptor rockets stationed down in Delta, which means more fuel needed – fuel that you supply from Santa's Village! So why such a fuss? You may want to re-think such attacks, as it is not Don Young or MoanaLisa MurCowpie that has taken such a stand on Eielson, but Mark Begich. And I don't have to re-iterate for your sake, how this maintains and may even increase your profit margin here in Alaska - but for those not in the know it is an all important political tidbit - ever hear of “don't bite the hand that feeds”? In fact, you should take advantage of this, make it known to your constituency – the Tea-Party – that you endorse Begich, as he is keeping the lights on at Eielson, wherein 92% of the income pays for your followers' dreams of freedom – those that hate government being employed by government supplied by fuel from your stockpile. Think about it, take advantage of this opportunity and maybe someday the North Pole Mud Bogger Business Leaders will elect to have that giant Santa Clause statue replaced by your's only Santa Choke – your legacy wherein every kid will then think you are the real toy man – or would it then be the “Bogey Man”, as “Citizens United” speaks freely of a mythical androgynous creature, the “Sack Man” carrying away kids that disobey - just like all your political threatening money is carrying away American decency?