EXXON Crap Classic

Egad! Can you imagine coming all the way north during the Iditarod just to gork Sarah Palin? Really, an innocent bystander was interviewed on 4th Avenue during the opening ceremony and made mention that she came up here to catch a glimpse of Palin, going on to entertain ridiculousness with the fact that Sarah was needed to save the world, or words to that effect. Things have indeed "changed"! At one time not too long back in time the Anchorage police had a secret plainclothes squad that hung out at the airports and turned away unwanted no-gooders - gang members, drug dealers, child molesters and lobbyists. Yes indeed, it meant a one way return ticket away from here, until the cops were told too stop this premeditated justice as it was considered ethic stereotyping. Maybe with some of the "stimulus" money we can have a rebirth of this "turn the bad guys away" as it seems the Palin follies have incited an insane following. This is Alaska the "Last Frontier" and not Palin worshipville! Please Palin fanatics go away, go back to your own political cesspool. Anyway, what is with this state anyway? One could not distance away from the EXXON publicity during the Iditarod. But let us put this in perspective, as this giant oil conglomerate handed over $1.2-million to support the greatest dog crap race on earth. And didn’t the Dodge outfit and Cabela’s drop the moose slaying King? What gives? Oh I forgot, as this is the "Corrupt Bastards Club" state so anything and everything we do must be borderline criminal behavior or it doesn’t sell time on Greta’s Fantasy show. OK, so we have a thousand miles of trails from here to Nome. And with over a thousand dogs on the trails over the next few weeks, that means a whole lot of dog crap along the way. According to Mr. Phineas J. Whoopee and his 3DBB, by the end of the EXXON Crap Classic - a.k.a. Iditaturd - it will mean over 28,000 pounds of crap left behind to dry up and become airborne, along with some 3,000 pounds of human feces. Remember this summertime tourists, take a good whiff. Crap happens, as there ain’t no crap-houses along the way. And there ain’t many pull-offs, so where else does one take a dump. Hey, it all looks the same along the trail, so just have a crapout! Dogs and ushers alike. Instead of the Great Alaskan Shootout, the Great Alaskan Crapout. I feel sorry for the runner-up rookies. Instead of the "Red Lantern" award, maybe a new pair of boots would be a worthwhile prize. Can you imagine carrying along everybody else’s crap? I guess if you can’t see the trail when the Chinook blows, just let your keen sense of smell take you in the right direction. Now I realize that the trail grooming committee members have complained about the abnormal growth along the trail, well what do you expect, as this race fertilizes the path to glory. Anyway, I am glad to have watched the events from the comfort of my living room, with the TV sound off. As there were weirdoes running around downtown Anchorage. Sarah freaks. And did you get a load of MoanaLisa Murkowski in her native attire? That has too be a sacrilege, as she is so far removed from the starving people of Emmonak that she thinks famine is only happening in 3rd world nations. And Sarah, yes Emmonak is part of Alaska. You can’t see it from your bedroom, but the kids are going hungry! Ironic, that some villagers were going hungry until the news finally allowed for an opportunistic photo-shoot, as that is when Sarah and MoanaLisa delivered the goods and went involved. And a feast over famine was relied upon through outsiders, some religious organization from another country came to the rescue, when all the time this state’s bureaucrats had available a Constitutional Budget Reserve of 6-billion dollars to be used for emergencies. And we have the National Guard available for this kind of rescue mission. I guess starving natives is of low priority to the politicians, I mean "Corrupt Bastards". Ironic that a corporation can spend millions on advertisements when people are starving to death, in a place close in proximity to where this same race crapping extravaganza takes place. Maybe the race officials should have put out a challenge to the ushers, bring food to Emmonak! Just like the original serum race. The hell with Nome! But this is a competition. So we have EXXON celebrating sponsorship of the Last Great Race, just 17 days shy of the 20th anniversary of the 2nd greatest disaster of all time to hit Alaska! Yes 2nd, as when people come out of the woodwork to come all this way to support a Sarah Palin future, there is a disaster brewing. The 2nd disaster is the EXXON Valdez wreck for those that may have forgotten. So EXXON is paying out for the "good guy" grade. Maybe with some of that "stimulus" money we can take time or make time to educate the politically uneducated so come the next election we have voting based on reality instead of popularity. When the popular vote is amassed from the latter, we are a doomed democracy. Anyway, talk about a trail of crap. Hey, that’s catchy. Instead of Trap-line Chatter, how about Crap-line Chatter? Anyway again, it was good to see the dogs finally get freedom at last. As most of the time sled dogs lead a life of not so freedom. Dog pens are small, usually providing the dogs freedom to roam in a circular path about 5’ in diameter. I have witnessed dogs go crazy in a roundabout fashion, just like drivers in Anchorage trying to maneuver a DOT Round-about! That is why these dogs in vain like to run so much, as when confined in questionable sized shelters - akin to being in a prison’s solitary confinement - the trail provides hope at last as they run away from reality. These so-called athletes are not pet dogs, but dogs of competition. At one time this race was just a Woodstock like affair, a fun race where the purse was there but order of the race itself was fun over money. It was like a jamboree of ushers bent on the lush instead of the rush. It’s amazing how greed sets priorities crooked, just like politicians. It was outside interference that changed the Last Great Race, as it is big money and that does not fair well with the canine population taken advantage of to win in efforts for the ushers competing what could mean a year’s salary for some - for a few days out on the trail. It is hard work, no doubt. It is complicated work, but erase any notion that these dogs are Fiddo like. These are working dogs. They make money for the owners, just like Vic. And I have always wondered, what happens to all those dogs once the limbs get worn out and arthritis sets in? Sled dogs have a very limited career. Maybe the race officials should look at a seniors’ race? But preferential thinning of the pack is called culling, and it is just murder in disguise. I believe there is a book about this, called "Murder on the Iditarod", or something like that. It’s the subliminal message that’s of importance. Culling, put that in your Sarah Pac and smoke it! Culling, seems a cunning way of disguising the real truth of what goes on behind closed doors. Must have originated by politicians. Anyway, I just stepped in dog crap. Yes indeed, after the Sarah fans left town for Wasillabilly, it was safe to venture back downtown. But there is crap all over the place. And too bad this race wasn’t detoured, for Emmonak. The Last Great Race was an original race to save lives, and it could have meant a real life enactment, for our native brethren - in need of a little hospitality. But we are so afraid to "change" horses in midstream as that might mean political doom for those that have the stroke to "change" things. Soon it will be fresh air again here in Anchorage as the Last Great Race has left town, for Wasillabilly, don’t come back now ya hear, Palin fans".

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