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Tuesday, September 11, 2007

BAD Intelligence

Another Case of BAD Intelligence

Answer me this Big Wild Life residents. Did the D.O.T. use the same level of intelligence to build the Round-abouts as George Bushy Brain used to go to war with Iraq? Time wise, this reasoning is justifiable. The Round-abouts are a compete failure and evidence that the evolutionary process for some is lagging behind others. I guess the “No D.O.T. Engineer Left Behind” program was a flop. And I hope the engineers responsible for approving this cost saving blunder are enjoying their pay raises! See, maneuvering around a Round-about is definitely a test of intelligence. It is akin to success with the round peg in the square hole, the squeeze theory. It can work with a little help from a friend. In the Round-about case, a friendly driver who is not out to win a land speed race. The initial well-used Round-about here in the Big Wild Life city of Anchorage raises the road-rage index by a factor of “Off Scale”, or tilt. The brain synopsis sidetracked for this maneuvering detail causes a deficit in the intelligence category. Add to that some egomaniac depression - male period - from a young punk behind the wheel of a pick-up truck, it is a sure sign that Anchorage’s Big Wild Life may be in trouble trying to imitate the chicken - by crossing the road. The other day, I hit the highway exit to the frontage road Round-about. Damn, the exit was crowded. But it could not have been an accident, as the weather was mild and the roads were dry. People think that their insurance rates are going up to cover Katrina claims. Not so, it is to cover collision claims submitted by Anchorage drivers. Anyway, I watched in my rear view mirror as two punk drivers coming off the highway yielded the right-of-way of others and soon it was testament that road side trash is now a year round problem, with abandoned junk vehicles. See, with the exit ramp crowded and a Ted Stevens approved exit speed, there is no way in hell you cannot trash your vehicle. Anyway, for those with patience, the wait in line game to gain access through only half of this ridiculousness required twenty minutes. See, we have high-ranking intelligence that said instead of one Round-about, make it a double whammy. This about face in safe road design started about 4-years ago. You would think by now people would have some semblance of a memorized instruction set, as to how to drive the get dizzy lanes safely. But testament to “99.9% of Anchorage Drivers are Left behind”, each corner has been taken over by a tow truck driver that is probably making a bundle. And it provides free entertainment. Now one positive aspect of the “bouts”, it is about the only intersection around Anchorage that hasn’t become a hangout for panhandlers. Why? It is too damn dangerous! People branded with the BWL - Big Wild Life - have no idea how to maneuver ethically through these lanes of opportunity. Talk about branded, did you realize that the BWL slogan is a trademark, so you can’t use it without permission from some guy who is either stoned or hit his head on a mantel? Anyway, the D.O.T. ethics committee should have realized this before the office assistant - a.k.a. auto-cad do my job while I go fishing - informed the engineer-in-charge that cutting down on the road costs by 50 percent would be an incentive to increase his salary by the same. Isn’t that how it works? See, we get so much damn pork money for renewable highways that the money isn’t an issue. I say renewable because we spend a million dollars a mile for a piece of road that lasts at most two winters. The roads could be designed to last, but that would not allow for the making of millionaire contractors who are required to hand over campaign contributions so the pork distribution addicts can be re-elected, thus more pork-ears. Did you realize where the “earmarks” came from? Well since pork ears have become a valuable commodity, monkey-see, monkey-do mentality found that the Congress wasn’t taking advantage of all the pork, so came yet another way to secretly funnel the taxpayers’ money through to friends, thus came the earmarks. And they have the nerve to call it legislation? How about “sleazegislation”. I’m with Mark Twain when it comes to our representatives. Something to the effect when they are not serving the people they should be serving time! Back to the highways and byways. No other state has this problem, with the highways that is. And what’s with the cheap highway marker paint? You can’t blame this one on the weather as some states have just as bad of conditions. Yet still have painted road lane lines. See, there is an incentive here. Every Alaskan road project is an automatic two-year extended project. Even if it means a simple project like putting up a dead end street sign. It works like this according to the one-man theory approach. If Joe Signoffman wins a bid to put up a “Dead End” sign, he knows if he plays the cards right, he will be able to spend his winter time off in Hawaii. Of course, there exist other priorities before hitting the beach. Hey, am I supposed to be putting up a sign? Now the start of the project is intentionally put off until after the salmon fishing season. The excuse that good workers are hard to come by! With that in mind, by the time the equipment is ordered, in this case a shovel, it is winter. So the work is put on hold until break-up, which is at least 6-months away. Now the contractor could be at a disadvantage, due the seasons. So the contract allows for paying the contractor for renting the equipment, in this case the shovel, for the entire “put off” season. Joe is smart, so he rents out the shovel for snow removal. Now since the contractor would be at an even greater disadvantage, because the shovel is in reality still on the job - even though it is a stalled job - it requires an operator. So the contractor receives a wage equal to that as if the shovel guy was gainfully employed. On top of that, there is a guaranteed fee, for the administration crap costs of doing business. Now the contractor is getting paid for the shovel, which is most likely at a cost that could buy a new shovel and is getting a wage for a shovel operator plus a handsome fee plus some equipment storage fees, because shovels are in demand in the winter, so leaving it at the construction site could be grounds for a law-suit. See, if somebody decided to use the shovel and went injured, some little people litigation lawyer would sue the city for a million dollars. Now since it is a “construction zone”, there has to be at least a dozen other signs, all rented for the occasion through the contractor who gets a percentage of the take. And up to now, nothing has been accomplished accept some signs posted, for a sign project! Next step, multiply this by several hundred workers on a big job, one can see why most Alaskan contractors spend winter in Hawaii. And when the project is finished, they can buy a mansion abroad and become a bonafide member of the Ben & Bill club. Of course that club may be moving behind bars for protection. This is what happens in a welfare state, like Alaska is. Oil, what’s that? So when the freshly slaughtered pork feeds the blood pudding, why bother making something that will last. Of course, this state is loosing ground with the pork. We will end up with gravel roads once again. But gravel Round-abouts work better, no sanding required. On loosing ground, Ted is forgetful these days. Ted is this state’s saving grace when it comes to the pork barrel. See, he forgot about paying for a stay at an exclusive fishing lodge here in Alaska. It happened in 2001, at a cost of $1182 American campaign dollars. It happened once again in 2003, at a cost of $1071 American campaign dollars. Now this was just for a three-night stay. He stayed there in 2002, but didn’t forget to pay, as it was a re-election year. Amazing grace I say. The forgetfulness. Sounds pretty creative. I’m glad for one thing about the Republicans, that they have lost control of the helm. See, Ted was Pro Tempore. He is known to have a temper. Which means because of his golden age, he was the forth in-line of succession to takeover the presidency should something happen to Bush, Cheney and Hasters. Believe me, no mater how bad Bush is, can you imagine having any of those other named characters in charge of the U.S.S. Hailburton? I heard that Bush had a few moles removed from his face, who were they? Grapevine said one was named Hannity and the other Coulter. Want to hear another one about the men and women of the D.O.T. Take the road construction along Abbott Loop. Like mentioned before, intelligence lacking decisions. First and foremost, in order to catch that “first” plane to Hawaii, it was required to place an “S” curve somewhere towards the end of the construction season. Of course, “S” curves are becoming popular around Anchorage. See, when the D.O.T. redesigned the Dimond & Seward Highway intersection, they forgot to include an on ramp for drivers going north, towards Trailer Trashville - that name according to Ben, son of Ted! I understand they blamed this missing road blunder on the “autocad”, or was it the FOX. So now in efforts to get on the highway, just speed along the frontage road. That is where the notorious “S” curve has claimed more accidents then anywhere else in town. Now back to the Bragaw extension. Like I mentioned before, the word “extension” has nothing to do with the road itself, just the time element involved to get something accomplished. So along with the new “S” curve that is very deceiving in the middle of a straight road, there was the intellectual decision to place “Jersey” barriers along a section of the road that had been turned into swamp because the underground multi-million dollar drainage design didn’t work as planned. According to sources, this design was stamped with serial number 001, and designed as part of a Popsicle stick bridge competition. And since the plows can’t throw the snow overboard because of the barriers height, there exists this mile high snow-berm that runs along the road for about a mile. Now this is prime moose grazing area, wherein moose get caught in the road and can’t find freedom. So this section of the road turns into the likes of a pinball machine, where the trucks and cars act like the bumpers and the moose ricochet here there and everywhere. Of course, the greatest achievement wherein the D.O.T. gets credit is in the design and building of the U.S.S. Ted Stevens. I am talking about the “Big Ugly”, in comparison to Boston’s “Big Dig”. When the Aurora shows and fog rolls in off of the inlet, with the towering masts it looks like a ship, more like a pirate ship. It didn’t even pass the sea trials and has been retired and now is the Ted Stevens International Airport Terminal. Did you realize that the airlines agreed on this, but only when it was realized that it would increase a passenger’s fare by only $2.80 on a round-about trip. But the D.O.T. people once again had bad intelligence. Somebody – maybe a HailBurton engineer – insisted that the masts didn’t have to be designed to handle an earthquake! So the main masts sat over on the runway, rusting away, for well over an entire year, so the engineers could redesign the components to survive an earthquake. Like they just realized this is earthquake country. Hey, what happened on Good Friday? Besides the Exxon Valdez wreck. Now since this ship was destined to be landlocked, it had to withstand a Richter rector shaker. In the end, it costs you and I a whopping $5.43 cents for a one-way voyage out of here. I bet road boring and surface contractors have that fee included in their bids, when they must leave for Hawaii. Anyway, Anchorage could have been a model city if… Wait a minute, Alaska could have been a model state had we listened to the admirable consultants and held out on giving away the resources. Bottom line, we have become hostage to Ted’s & Don’s pork, addicted to it, so the oil companies could rob this state blind. Early on consultants, most who were called idiot socialists, fashioned this state comparable to Kuwait, had we done it right. Case in point. Alaska gets only a pittance of a royalty for letting a foreign oil company walk off with the loaded up lock-box – key included. That pittance amounts to 12.5%. For those left behind, that is about a half of a ¼-pounder with cheese. It’s like “can you eat just one”. It sucks. Add on to that a tariff for shipping this black goo-goo down the pipeline, it amounts to grand theft larceny in my book. Now one may ask where this 12.5 percent comes from. It is a baby-step formula that is found in “Oil Economics 101”. It is an easy number to work with when one is studying the oil and gas tax code. It doesn’t mean anything of value, as the true royalty is a complicated number. Take California for instance. The royalty there can reach 50 percent, but you don’t see the oil companies complaining like a bunch of kindergarten kids who didn’t get a nap or cookies and milk. We got screwed, and its been going on now for 30-years and still counting. We should not have been allowed to become this nation’s biggest welfare blunder state. There is no argument over this fact, just ask John McCain! Had our representatives been for the people and not for the corporation, we would not be in the predicament that is about to hit our economy with the likes of Katrina. Now, another D.O.T. blunder of interest is the road that leads to nowhere. The Dalton Highway is the exclusive road for the oil industry. It is the bloodline for that entity only. Maybe some hunters use the road, but bottom-line, it is for the exclusive use of getting food and supplies north to Prudhoe Bay. Guess who pays for the maintenance? And get this, the maintenance for that road alone - some 400-miles - costs more then the entire road maintenance budget for Anchorage’s road system. But maybe that is OK, as we all benefit from the resources, just nowhere near enough as we should have enjoyed. It is too late now to turn back the clock of forfeiture. And to see anything different with a natural gas line perking up an interest, don’t hold your breath as novel intelligence signed, sealed and delivered a deal - thanks to Frank. I wonder if Sarah can get out of this one without a new hairdo, as the lawyers are lining up, to line their pockets. It will be the State versus Frank’s Oil Consortium. It will become protracted litigation. Now whose side do you think Frank will side with? Remember, we booted him out of office! Hey, is it true that the taxpayers pay for Lisa’s housing in D.C.? And does that property still belong to Frank? What a rip off. Maybe the D.O.T. isn’t so bad after all, again on a comparison basis. I need a Popsicle to cool me off. And hail the T.S.A, as they have succeeded in getting unionized under the Federal Workers Union. They needed representation, especially with all the B.S. they put up with working over at Ted’s sinking ship. Hey, do us a favor and put Don back on the terrorist list. I guess Ted had a temper tantrum over that one, the unionization, saying something to the effect…sorry it’s Sunday and I can’t repeat it. OK, he said, “They should not have the basic rights”. Shame, shame. And Don wanted to hang his comrades for acting like Abraham Lincoln. Nice polite politics we have in this day and age. No wonder Putin is laughing out loud. As is Kennedy in his grave, as is Nixon, as is Ford as is Regan. And I am sure George Bush senior is having the laugh of his life. That his son won at re-election, basically won the battle but is loosing the war. Remember, old George didn’t win a second term, and he was a smart man. Maybe, just maybe we have been successful in defining “Artificial Intelligence”, courtesy the Commander in Thieves.

CopyRight 2007 MSK Media/Eagle Rock Press

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