Congressional Calendar

According to the “Official” Congressional Calendar, all members of Congress are required to attend “The Totally Ignorant Transformation” seminar and workshop being held in the chambers in late February, when the sequesters return for NO further business. Damn, how much vacation time do they get? Now isn't “The Totally Ignorant Transformation” a wacko-psych-motivational attempt to help parents with kids in the “Terrible Twos”? But when we review the results that this seminar supposedly finds success with, it kind of goes handjob-with-handjob in today's dysfunctional Congress: According to the brochures handed out by aides to members of Congress:

Totally Ignorant Transformation – a session designed for getting you past the “Terrible Twos”! 

 

Here’s a look at some of the things You’ll learn:

• How to Stop Arguing With Your Constituents
  This is a powerful technique because it pulls the plug on any argument you as a representative of Congress may find yourself confronted with when engaged with your constituency. You’ll be stunned at how quickly it works - even if you are filthy rich and they’re on food stamps!
• The 10 Words to Say When They Get Mouthy
  The technique that puts the brakes on "back talk" and cursing immediately… no matter how nasty your constituents get because they lost their job or hate Mexicans.
• How to Eliminate "Acting Out" in Public
  If you cannot conceal the fact, and act out even more when your lobby is around, this strategy is something you need to know!
• Stopping the "Blame Game"—For GOOD
  We’ll give you a word–by–word script to use with your voters to get rid ot them and take responsibility for their own behavior and stop blaming you and others.
• Tea-Party Consequences 101
  How to give them, which ones work and which ones don’t, including specific consequences for representatives in all parties.
• Preventing Future Issues—Before They Even Start!
  Instead of talking back, screaming or blaming your voters for a dysfunctional Congress, you will now have a way to solve your problems that gets better results and better reactions from voters and other representatives.
  

"Before I met Total Ignorant Transformations, I was an angry person. I used to get out of control a lot. Almost every day after Congress went excused, my colleagues and I would go to the bar and fight and argue. There'd be verbal and physical abuse. Now, me and my friend across the isle, we're like best friends. We talk. We don't fight and argue and call each other names. There's no more physical or verbal abuse. We just get along. TIT has helped me in so many ways, my life is real strong and steady. There's no doubt, I'm on my way.” - John McCainonymous