Micro-Wave Airlines

So as this elbowroom-less contraption, corporation successful at fitting 10 pounds of crap in a 1 pound bag, as this flying cylinder completes its mission and touches down at Ted’s place with 120 passengers aboard, I hear about 180 phones start to ring. The math is right, as some feel it necessary to carry not one but several communicating gizmos. Was that a ringtone fart or is somebody sick? Now when the “airplane mode” is defeated upon touchdown, in order for a cell phone to work, it searches for a link in all directions. During this wakeup roaming call – due competition from local communication companies – the gizmo is automatically boosted to the high power alert mode. So for a few seconds as the plane is taxing towards the docking station, I am being cooked alive, from the micro-wave energy emitted because people are stuck with separation anxiety and have to get “Service”. And since airplanes work by the lift off principle and that is directly proportional to weight, planes utilize aluminum style frames, which finds an affinity with micro-wave energy. So when a plane touches down, of the x-amount of watts transmitted for but a short duration, there is a good percentage that is reflected back into the fuselage, and humans are once again the guinea pigs of technology. In fact, some countries that are concerned about their citizen’s health, these countries – U.S.A. not included – they are trying to convince that using a cell phone in a vehicle is not safe, not due inattentiveness at the wheel but due the proven fact that the brain has an affinity to the micro-wave energy – called absorption. When you place a piece of bread in a kitchen micro-wave oven, it too finds an affinity to the klystron waves emitted, and cooks hot and fast! So there is now the recommendation that external antennas should be used in all vehicles, in efforts to channel the interfering energy away from the brain waves. And it is well known that brain waves can go wacko when interfered upon, just look at the U.S. Congress at work. And it is already established that too much cell phone use can cause ED. Now I get confused with this one, as ED can mean two different things, explosive diarrhea or erectile dysfunction? I believe the former one is already tagged to cell phones but tests indicate that Viagra is used in case the phone fails! It was great getting on the plane from Fairbanks. You could tell the chief flight attendant didn’t like cell phones or Sarah Palin. She had a tan, natural, so she was from a different country, like U.S.A. See, Alaska is no longer part of the Union, as this state with its block-head politician and crooks, like Sarah, this state has become the base for treason seekers. L.A. has the blood and chimp gangs. New York the mafia. Alaska? Miller time! Anyway, the attentive attendant was mimicking a Sarah Palin like voice during the pre-liftoff instructions. “Dear passengers, as we fly south to Anchorage, today we will have a test! For those sitting at the right hand of god, I mean Sarah, we are testing the fact that Arnold could not see Russia from Alaska, and that confused him. Now with the elevated vantage point at 30,000 feet, maybe we can help out. For those on the left side of the plane, look hard to see if you can find anything that would make Joe Miller a bonafide American”. It was good for a laugh, but the frowns on some were testament that this is Teabag central. But this is the real crux of this correspondence. I ask, who owns the arm rests? See, this has got to be the ultimate test question upon capitalism. When in 1st class, there is no test, as each seat has enough room for two and a half people, or a normal American on overweight duty, as obesity has targeted 51% of the population. I heard a good one the other day. Even if America went on a diet, and obesity became a thing of the past, it still would not lower medical insurance premiums? It doesn’t compute. Anyway, take three traveling Americans. With three seats, it means only 4 arm rests total to share. Now if a window or isle candidate, by virtue of eminent domain, chalk one arm rest up in ownership. So it boils down to two rest stops, with four arms! Maybe the airlines should install timers, so we share! Now with all the political fibbing going on, this could be the test question of all times. But they would go confused, as most likely they have no idea what it is like to be part of the pigeon economy class. Now ask them about knee pads, then they know what they are talking about and proud of it. Anyway, I am writing a protest letter to the FCC, to find out what is meant by ED!