To: My Fellow Alaskans
From: Alice the Goon
I plan to run for U.S. Senate, in efforts to unseat the “Nepotism Queen”, namely Alaskan senator MoanaLisa MurCowski. My challenge will take place during the upcoming 2010 campaign season. Since her time in office, in which she was originally given such by appointment through her daddy, the Sea Hag has done nothing for this state or for that matter, nothing for this country but contribute to misfit chatter - and nowadays that is something we associate with terrorists like activity. Just recently she challenged President Obama’s good will, with the sentiment that the sitting president was not “committed to a strategy that provides a peaceful future…and ceases the export of global terrorism”. Name one thing positive delivered after so many years in office at $175,000 a year, courtesy the U.S. Taxpayers, and I will stand corrected. We need solid representation, as oil bucks are dwindling. I will open up ANWR, something Frank failed at after 15-years trying. I will use eminent domain to take control of Alaska’s coastline, with respect to resource development and get Alaskans their fair share. Your PFD will grow by 100% under my watch. A gas line will be a reality, with passage of a bill to commence building on my first day in office, even before accepting the automatic senate pay raise. I have chosen as a campaign director, Popeye. My public affairs will be managed by Olive Oyl, as she is a pretty slick individual and could easily go one-on-one with Sarah’s Meg! My health coach, while on the campaign trail, will be Wimpy. Due to the fact that I am better looking then Sarah Palin, and was at one time just as popular, you may see me in and around town with a bodyguard, another familiar face, Brutus. Please don’t let the fact that I was born on “Plunder Island” discourage your vote, as the word plunder has different meaning in goon talk. Please vote your conscious, and that should mean a vote for Alice, no Nepotism, just pure forward looking representation.
Sincerely, Alice the Goon – Senator for all Alaskans
Paid for by “Friends of MoanaLisa MurCowski”
I plan to run for U.S. Senate, in efforts to unseat the “Nepotism Queen”, namely Alaskan senator MoanaLisa MurCowski. My challenge will take place during the upcoming 2010 campaign season. Since her time in office, in which she was originally given such by appointment through her daddy, the Sea Hag has done nothing for this state or for that matter, nothing for this country but contribute to misfit chatter - and nowadays that is something we associate with terrorists like activity. Just recently she challenged President Obama’s good will, with the sentiment that the sitting president was not “committed to a strategy that provides a peaceful future…and ceases the export of global terrorism”. Name one thing positive delivered after so many years in office at $175,000 a year, courtesy the U.S. Taxpayers, and I will stand corrected. We need solid representation, as oil bucks are dwindling. I will open up ANWR, something Frank failed at after 15-years trying. I will use eminent domain to take control of Alaska’s coastline, with respect to resource development and get Alaskans their fair share. Your PFD will grow by 100% under my watch. A gas line will be a reality, with passage of a bill to commence building on my first day in office, even before accepting the automatic senate pay raise. I have chosen as a campaign director, Popeye. My public affairs will be managed by Olive Oyl, as she is a pretty slick individual and could easily go one-on-one with Sarah’s Meg! My health coach, while on the campaign trail, will be Wimpy. Due to the fact that I am better looking then Sarah Palin, and was at one time just as popular, you may see me in and around town with a bodyguard, another familiar face, Brutus. Please don’t let the fact that I was born on “Plunder Island” discourage your vote, as the word plunder has different meaning in goon talk. Please vote your conscious, and that should mean a vote for Alice, no Nepotism, just pure forward looking representation.
Sincerely, Alice the Goon – Senator for all Alaskans
Paid for by “Friends of MoanaLisa MurCowski”
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