Yellow Matter Custard
It is interesting these days to read the comments from the local blogisphere here in Alaska. We are a bit spacey. Just what the heck is that giant egg like thing down in town square supposed to be all about? Every time I see it I want to sing the Beatles tune about “yellow matter custard dripping from a dead dog’s eye”. Is that mold? And this odd looking half-egg half-unknown, it talks to thin air. Whose voice is that? It almost sounds like ex-governor Frank’s. Maybe that is where he is hiding these days. And along Westchester Lagoon, these weird like postings again provide information about the space above. Only problem, when it is clear outside it usually means summertime, which means too damn much light to see out into space. And in winter, it is too damn cold to stay out and look at something that is really nothing but far away. So what is with this space fanaticism here in the “Welfare State”. OK, the “Corrupt Bastards” state of denial. Oh, that’s right as I almost forgot. See, we became a famous talked about state because of that female astronaut that was chasing that space shuttle astronaut guy around the country. She liked wearing diapers! The dude was from Alaska. So we are all guilty by association. Now everybody wants to be an astronaut. Hey, this state can’t even keep a railroad running in the “red”, so do we really want to take to the high country over the “moose gooser” land is ahoy? Were already high, as there exists this eyesore on Kodiak Island that sucks the coffers dry for over a million dollars a year - just for maintenance upkeep to shoot up and away one measly non-money making rocket. To reiterate, once a year! See, no commercial entities have stepped forward claiming an interest in shooting off rockets from some place way up and out in the middle of nowhere. But the state cut a deal with the military, so our only customers are those seeking a freebie, maybe once or twice a year. So the cost to launch a rocket is $500,000 dollars in a good year, usually more then the rocket’s payload cost. Man, what else could we do with that money? Oh yes, buy sunglasses for all the village kids. See, some outfit must have lost some lucrative aerospace contract, as they have a bunch of leftover sunglasses used by astronauts, even the ones that like wearing diapers. We can’t seem to get away from this space odyssey bullcrap. So the “Special” effects glasses were donated to the village kids, as somebody in their infinite wisdom said “snow” blindness was rampart. I wonder if the glass donator ever talked to the elders? Now what about all the rest of the village kids that live up and down the Yukon or Koyukuk? Time to make a call to the Denali Commission. I hear they have a bunch of extra cash to burn. I believe the Denali Commission would be more appropriately called the Denali Omissions Commission, as nobody knows - or admits - what happens to the money it gets from Ted and Don. Even Ted said he didn’t take responsibility for the money once it gets lost in Alaska. Anyway, I am at the airport once again. I dread getting on a plane these days. I think garter belts should be a prerequisite to travelers, so those that pay for an entire seat get just that, instead of a fraction of the seat real estate. I was sitting next to a lady that just had to spend $5.00 on that “Grey Box Delight” and of course what would the mystery meat sandwich be without a can of Pringles, for another $5.00. Hey get this chatter that was overheard in the privacy of a nearby cell-phone conversation between some airline industry executives. The airlines don’t make “crap” anymore with 1st class passengers, as most seats are purchased as upgrades. So with a zillion miles to go before the freebie thing runs out of gas, the airlines see great loses in that privileged class once upon a time moneymaker. So guess who is paying for it? The roach coach class! And today on this plane heading south to where it is a little on the warmer side, 1st class seems to be a bunch of oil field workers, the ones that BP swears lives in the state! Can’t blame them to occupy the “bigger bottom” seat cushions, as they all could use girdles. Even though BP cut down on pipeline maintenance up north, no way in hell would they cut down on calories! Glad they are up front then back here. Anyway, this lady was gouging herself on the airline barf buffet and at the same time trying to read the Anchorage’s Daily Stool’s “Life” section, titled “Out of Obesity”. What really gets me is the fact that it is really only 9:00 am Alaska time. But just because we are going to the Twin Cities and afforded a time change of 3-hours, does that warrant that it is already lunch time? I made breakfast this morning, at 4am. It consisted of eggs with sun dried tomatoes, red and yellow peppers and rosemary toast. And I even had enough time to write and publish a “Blog Blurb”. I am not hungry and I don’t need a girdle. This lady needs a straight jacket. And on the paper, there was this giant picture of Mac fries. I think she was thinking about eating the paper! Anybody got some extra salt? How come the newspapers’ editors haven’t caught wind of a very profitable product – reduced sized newspapers? Probably because they always fly 1st class so have no idea what it is like trying in vain to read a paper that is two airline seats wide. What gets me, the last dozen flights that I have taken with any and all airlines always gets to the destination on time, as they are under the microscope from congress. So they put the pedal to the metal, just to say we made it. At the same time, you sit in the plane as the outgoing plane is still at the gate. Today we made it to the Twin Cities just in time for lunch. The captain was no overwhelmed that we were 20-minutes early. Hey, doesn’t the early bird deserve the worm? But we had to wait it out in a dangerous location, between two active runways, just so the departing plane could depart on time. So I am sure the statistics will be skewed in efforts to support the airlines favor, with early arrivals ironing out the late comers. But why is everybody in such a hurry these days? Slow down a bit. Cook breakfast instead of mainlining “crap”. Relax and write a “blog blurb”. And when in Anchorage, enjoy the last few hours wherein that airport will bear the namesake of Ted Stevens, as it is only a matter of time before it will be a name embarrassment. Or visit a real live space odyssey, called the Bill “NoseBleed” train depot, right across the street from the airport terminal. But don’t waste time putting a penny on the tracks, as space and time will cease to exist before a train ever makes it that way again. I hope the next new locomotive purchased by the railroad has a striking name, like the “NoseBleed Special”. Now talk about straight jackets, we need a bunch down Juneau way! Wow I just noticed something of interest on my return trip back to Anchorage, the airliners no longer put that white linen thing between 1st and sardine class. Now it consists of this “netting” material, like one uses when out camping. And the peasants can see all the wine and dine action. What do you mean I can’t get a cup of hot coffee? Sorry, we only have cold drinks aboard this plane. Then what the hell is that guy up front drinking? And how come the 1st class bandits get to use the peasant’s bathroom but not so the other way around? Bottom-line, segregation was outlawed a long time ago on land so should be the same when airborne – especially now that I am paying for it. Hey, a bug just landed on my arm. It is rather strange looking. It looks like a mosquito but has three drills instead of one. And when we were in Alaska, the plane needed a hose down with that deicing stuff, as it is cold - so all the bugs have died off. Now this weird bug reminds me of BP, wherein they sink a multilateral well from one land ahoy location but suck out three times as much oil, but still end up paying up for only “one” well. And this bug has a mate stuck up its ass. At first I thought it was a politician with a lobbyist. Hey, that netting is for a reason. This plane is infested with bugs that are mating. And everyone up here thought only the FBI fooled with “bugs”!
It is interesting these days to read the comments from the local blogisphere here in Alaska. We are a bit spacey. Just what the heck is that giant egg like thing down in town square supposed to be all about? Every time I see it I want to sing the Beatles tune about “yellow matter custard dripping from a dead dog’s eye”. Is that mold? And this odd looking half-egg half-unknown, it talks to thin air. Whose voice is that? It almost sounds like ex-governor Frank’s. Maybe that is where he is hiding these days. And along Westchester Lagoon, these weird like postings again provide information about the space above. Only problem, when it is clear outside it usually means summertime, which means too damn much light to see out into space. And in winter, it is too damn cold to stay out and look at something that is really nothing but far away. So what is with this space fanaticism here in the “Welfare State”. OK, the “Corrupt Bastards” state of denial. Oh, that’s right as I almost forgot. See, we became a famous talked about state because of that female astronaut that was chasing that space shuttle astronaut guy around the country. She liked wearing diapers! The dude was from Alaska. So we are all guilty by association. Now everybody wants to be an astronaut. Hey, this state can’t even keep a railroad running in the “red”, so do we really want to take to the high country over the “moose gooser” land is ahoy? Were already high, as there exists this eyesore on Kodiak Island that sucks the coffers dry for over a million dollars a year - just for maintenance upkeep to shoot up and away one measly non-money making rocket. To reiterate, once a year! See, no commercial entities have stepped forward claiming an interest in shooting off rockets from some place way up and out in the middle of nowhere. But the state cut a deal with the military, so our only customers are those seeking a freebie, maybe once or twice a year. So the cost to launch a rocket is $500,000 dollars in a good year, usually more then the rocket’s payload cost. Man, what else could we do with that money? Oh yes, buy sunglasses for all the village kids. See, some outfit must have lost some lucrative aerospace contract, as they have a bunch of leftover sunglasses used by astronauts, even the ones that like wearing diapers. We can’t seem to get away from this space odyssey bullcrap. So the “Special” effects glasses were donated to the village kids, as somebody in their infinite wisdom said “snow” blindness was rampart. I wonder if the glass donator ever talked to the elders? Now what about all the rest of the village kids that live up and down the Yukon or Koyukuk? Time to make a call to the Denali Commission. I hear they have a bunch of extra cash to burn. I believe the Denali Commission would be more appropriately called the Denali Omissions Commission, as nobody knows - or admits - what happens to the money it gets from Ted and Don. Even Ted said he didn’t take responsibility for the money once it gets lost in Alaska. Anyway, I am at the airport once again. I dread getting on a plane these days. I think garter belts should be a prerequisite to travelers, so those that pay for an entire seat get just that, instead of a fraction of the seat real estate. I was sitting next to a lady that just had to spend $5.00 on that “Grey Box Delight” and of course what would the mystery meat sandwich be without a can of Pringles, for another $5.00. Hey get this chatter that was overheard in the privacy of a nearby cell-phone conversation between some airline industry executives. The airlines don’t make “crap” anymore with 1st class passengers, as most seats are purchased as upgrades. So with a zillion miles to go before the freebie thing runs out of gas, the airlines see great loses in that privileged class once upon a time moneymaker. So guess who is paying for it? The roach coach class! And today on this plane heading south to where it is a little on the warmer side, 1st class seems to be a bunch of oil field workers, the ones that BP swears lives in the state! Can’t blame them to occupy the “bigger bottom” seat cushions, as they all could use girdles. Even though BP cut down on pipeline maintenance up north, no way in hell would they cut down on calories! Glad they are up front then back here. Anyway, this lady was gouging herself on the airline barf buffet and at the same time trying to read the Anchorage’s Daily Stool’s “Life” section, titled “Out of Obesity”. What really gets me is the fact that it is really only 9:00 am Alaska time. But just because we are going to the Twin Cities and afforded a time change of 3-hours, does that warrant that it is already lunch time? I made breakfast this morning, at 4am. It consisted of eggs with sun dried tomatoes, red and yellow peppers and rosemary toast. And I even had enough time to write and publish a “Blog Blurb”. I am not hungry and I don’t need a girdle. This lady needs a straight jacket. And on the paper, there was this giant picture of Mac fries. I think she was thinking about eating the paper! Anybody got some extra salt? How come the newspapers’ editors haven’t caught wind of a very profitable product – reduced sized newspapers? Probably because they always fly 1st class so have no idea what it is like trying in vain to read a paper that is two airline seats wide. What gets me, the last dozen flights that I have taken with any and all airlines always gets to the destination on time, as they are under the microscope from congress. So they put the pedal to the metal, just to say we made it. At the same time, you sit in the plane as the outgoing plane is still at the gate. Today we made it to the Twin Cities just in time for lunch. The captain was no overwhelmed that we were 20-minutes early. Hey, doesn’t the early bird deserve the worm? But we had to wait it out in a dangerous location, between two active runways, just so the departing plane could depart on time. So I am sure the statistics will be skewed in efforts to support the airlines favor, with early arrivals ironing out the late comers. But why is everybody in such a hurry these days? Slow down a bit. Cook breakfast instead of mainlining “crap”. Relax and write a “blog blurb”. And when in Anchorage, enjoy the last few hours wherein that airport will bear the namesake of Ted Stevens, as it is only a matter of time before it will be a name embarrassment. Or visit a real live space odyssey, called the Bill “NoseBleed” train depot, right across the street from the airport terminal. But don’t waste time putting a penny on the tracks, as space and time will cease to exist before a train ever makes it that way again. I hope the next new locomotive purchased by the railroad has a striking name, like the “NoseBleed Special”. Now talk about straight jackets, we need a bunch down Juneau way! Wow I just noticed something of interest on my return trip back to Anchorage, the airliners no longer put that white linen thing between 1st and sardine class. Now it consists of this “netting” material, like one uses when out camping. And the peasants can see all the wine and dine action. What do you mean I can’t get a cup of hot coffee? Sorry, we only have cold drinks aboard this plane. Then what the hell is that guy up front drinking? And how come the 1st class bandits get to use the peasant’s bathroom but not so the other way around? Bottom-line, segregation was outlawed a long time ago on land so should be the same when airborne – especially now that I am paying for it. Hey, a bug just landed on my arm. It is rather strange looking. It looks like a mosquito but has three drills instead of one. And when we were in Alaska, the plane needed a hose down with that deicing stuff, as it is cold - so all the bugs have died off. Now this weird bug reminds me of BP, wherein they sink a multilateral well from one land ahoy location but suck out three times as much oil, but still end up paying up for only “one” well. And this bug has a mate stuck up its ass. At first I thought it was a politician with a lobbyist. Hey, that netting is for a reason. This plane is infested with bugs that are mating. And everyone up here thought only the FBI fooled with “bugs”!
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