Beaufort Scale

Ancient Mariners

Ancient mariners utilized a wind force scale or a "storm is coming" scale devised in 1805 by Sir Francis Beaufort. It is a realistic scale and better then just a wind’s speed indicator, as it relates to surrounding effects from the strength of the wind. So if underwear is blowing off of clotheslines, it has meaning on the Beaufort! It is very easily understood, as it utilizes peripheral considerations. And being such a valuable scale to indicate when a "storm is coming" your way, it also suffices as a scale to indicate when the Speaker of the House is getting tested with questions she would rather not answer. Herein it is called the Pelosi Facial Expression "Stormy" scale and is mimicked after the Beaufort scale. Damn, I just saw her on Facedown or whatever it is called and this thing is pretty damn accurate! Here is the comparison between the Beaufort and the Pelosi. And yes, Alaska Congressman "elected again" Don Young did refer to Pelosi as a "rabid skunk with glittering eyes and gashing teeth". I think that may have excited the origin of this other "scale"!

Beaufort Scale
Beaufort Number ~ Description ~ Sea Conditions
0 ~ Calm ~ flat sea
1 ~ Light Air ~ ripples without crests
2 ~ Light Blow ~ small non-breaking wavelets
3 ~ Gentle Blow ~ large wavelets, crests begin to break
4 ~ Moderate Blow ~ small waves appear
5 ~ Fresh Breeze ~ moderate waves, some foam and spray
6 ~ Strong Breeze ~ large waves with foam crests and increased foam spray
7 ~ Near Gale ~ sea heaping with wind directed sea foaming
8 ~ Fresh Gale ~ high waves with breakers, foam streaking
9 ~ Strong Gale ~ high waves, spray, dense foam, wave roll-over
10 ~ Whole Gale ~ entire sea foams, large amounts of airborne spray, heavy wave impact
11 ~ Violent Storm ~ exceptionally high waves, large amounts of airborne spray, low visibility
12 ~ Hurricane Force ~ huge waves, driving spray, reduced visibility, sailors retreat.

Pelosi Scale
Pelosi Number ~Description ~ Speaker Conditions
0 ~ Calm ~ No facial wrinkles
1 ~ Some hot air venting ~ spider eyes apparent
2 ~ Light Blow ~ small cheek wrinkles appear
3 ~ Gentle Blowhard ~ large wrinkles, caked makeup begins to crack
4 ~ Moderate Blowhard ~ small waves of nervousness reveal Botox conditioning
5 ~ Fresh Blow ~ moderate wrinkles, Cheney like mouth twitching
6 ~ Strong Blow ~ large wrinkles with mouth foaming and temple frowning
7 ~ Near Gale ~ wrinkle heaping with mouth foam spraying, glittering eyes
8 ~ Fresh Gale ~ heavy wrinkling, makeup globs off, facial like streaks appear
9 ~ Strong Gale ~ mouth stretch marks appear as does dense mouth foaming
10 ~ Whole Gale ~ large amounts of airborne mouth spray, heavy wrinkle impact, gashing teeth.
11 ~ Violent Storm ~ exceptional wrinkling, large amounts of airborne spray with zero personality
12 ~ Hurricane Force ~ huge wrinkles, driving spray, reduced accessibility. Reid retreats!