ANCHORAGE - Big Wild Life? Don’t Eat this Fish
If honesty is the best policy, we have a true political statesman in our midst! Some police chief from Wisconsin ticketed himself, after failing to yield a school bus picking up kids. Really, he turned himself into himself, realizing it meant a $235 dollar fine and 4-points on his record. Wow, this is honesty. Maybe he should team up with another “John Kennedy” like politician in our midst, namely John Edwards. What a tag-team this would be. Two honest guys! John Edwards will never have a chance at the presidency short a “decency” revolution because he did not fail the kindergarten creed. And all those other bozos on the 2008 campaign bus, like Hilary and Obama, forget it. I will never cast my presidential vote for a sitting senator or representative. Why? We pay these jerks big money. They have a job to do. So they are spending their salary and time to further their own agenda and the race is two long years away. This is not how it should be. If they want to campaign, then they should give up that seat. But jerk-enomics rules. How much time could you get away from your job to run for an office? The other day, the NPR lady made mention that Mike Gravel was Alaska’s sitting house representative. I laughed. It is not surprising, this identity theft, as it has to do with “location, location, location”. Alaska is far away, so most “other” Americans have no idea what this state is all about. Most telemarketers think the state’s abbreviation - Ak. - means Arkansas. That is why I always say yes to the offers, realizing that nothing will ever end up in my mailbox. People in Arkansas must get pissed. As a matter of fact with respect to confusion, most Alaskans have no idea who Don “Billy Goat” is or what he does in D.C. for 170,000 dollars plus during a 20-day stay at something called work. Anyway, Mike Gravel is also running for the 08 hot-seat. Why anybody would want to follow in George Bush’s footsteps has to be crazy, insane or suffer from ED. The latter means one of two things, explosive diarrhea or that stuff that is talked about during family TV time commercials when my daughter is listening in and asks funny questions I cannot answer because I have not the problem. I have a hat that advertises, “Viagra not needed”! You know, Viagra with that NOT circle. So why “pray tell” would someone subject oneself to a position in efforts to outdo George? We have come to see that seat institutionalized, akin to “Laugh-in”. So anybody that takes that seat and turns it back into a seat of decency, it could have dire consequences. We could all become deathly sick, as laughter is the best medicine and George keeps it coming. I guess it was George’s fix for national health care coverage. All one needed was a TV! Talk about Alaska. We have a new slogan that cost a little more then a senator’s yearly salary to design and implement. It goes something like this: “Big Wild Life”. It is supposed to replace the failed slogan, something about most of the “other” Americans and foreigners will die before they see this state, as Alaska is the rip off “Mecca” of the tourist industry and that one trip will suck down one’s retirement fund wherein you will have to revert back to eating SPAM. Anyway, time will tell whether this slogan will work without Federal pork barrel intervention – like an intervenes shot. We rely on the pork barrel over the oil barrel. Believe it or not, Alaska is a welfare state. But I have my own campaign slogan. It can be used for tourism and political ladder climbing alike: “Don’t eat the Fish”. See, just the other day the politicians once again changed the rules of engagement, with the “bag limit”. So now it is lawful to catch and squander away only one halibut per day. So it doesn’t pay, as the price of boat gas will send the fish upwards to approximately 200 dollars per pound, with skin and bones in tact. But come to find out, they were doing it for our own good. Alaskan halibut has been found to contain a whole lot of mercury. So limits have been placed upon how much one can consume, especially with kids, pregnant women and ED candidates. In fact, the warning in the Super Bowl Sunday paper headlined this fact just as everybody was getting ready to make halibut dip, to be enjoyed during the Super Bowl XXXCCCCIIII…. So we have resigned away the fair catch doctrine ingrained in this state’s Constitution for reasons of health and will allow the commercial fishermen to take a whole bunch more fish, and sell it to the Americans in the lower 48. The plan is to disseminate the population, then let the pork spell relief. We have a new governor here in Alaska, I think they found her during a “makeover” show or during the try-outs for American Graffiti. Anyway, she issued a response to the halibut mercury warning. “…loves Alaskan seafood and will continue to enjoy it on a regular basis”. She didn’t say anything about “halibut”! Now with that in mind, back to my slogan of “Don’t eat the Fish”. Really, come to find out, over 20-million pounds of dog feces is shat to rest on the frozen earth around Anchorage. It accumulates all winter long. Come spring, it starts to melt away with the melting snows of winter’s past. It finds its way to the waste-water treatment plant at Point Warzonoff, wherein it is mixed with water and pumped into the flowing waters of Cook Inlet. This unfortunately occurs when the salmon are returning. The returning fish swim head-first through the “shit”. Now during this journey, they consume anything in their path, as once they hit the freshwater, their biological clock says, “enough shit”. Getting back to Mike Gravel. He is running for the presidency. But he is no longer an Alaskan. He lives in Sweet Virginia. His platform calls for abolishing the IRS. Good luck mate! When he was a U.S. senator, he single-handedly filibustered against the draft, which was about to expire. He won! And he believed in a guaranteed annual income, for all working class Americans. With that in mind, I am also throwing in the towel. My platform will follow that of Huey Long and Lech Walesa. All working Americans will be under one union umbrella, and through dues, it will provide representation, health and retirement benefits. You work, we provide. What’s all that laughing? Damn, my dog won’t even eat that fish! Wild, a Big Wild too boot.
If honesty is the best policy, we have a true political statesman in our midst! Some police chief from Wisconsin ticketed himself, after failing to yield a school bus picking up kids. Really, he turned himself into himself, realizing it meant a $235 dollar fine and 4-points on his record. Wow, this is honesty. Maybe he should team up with another “John Kennedy” like politician in our midst, namely John Edwards. What a tag-team this would be. Two honest guys! John Edwards will never have a chance at the presidency short a “decency” revolution because he did not fail the kindergarten creed. And all those other bozos on the 2008 campaign bus, like Hilary and Obama, forget it. I will never cast my presidential vote for a sitting senator or representative. Why? We pay these jerks big money. They have a job to do. So they are spending their salary and time to further their own agenda and the race is two long years away. This is not how it should be. If they want to campaign, then they should give up that seat. But jerk-enomics rules. How much time could you get away from your job to run for an office? The other day, the NPR lady made mention that Mike Gravel was Alaska’s sitting house representative. I laughed. It is not surprising, this identity theft, as it has to do with “location, location, location”. Alaska is far away, so most “other” Americans have no idea what this state is all about. Most telemarketers think the state’s abbreviation - Ak. - means Arkansas. That is why I always say yes to the offers, realizing that nothing will ever end up in my mailbox. People in Arkansas must get pissed. As a matter of fact with respect to confusion, most Alaskans have no idea who Don “Billy Goat” is or what he does in D.C. for 170,000 dollars plus during a 20-day stay at something called work. Anyway, Mike Gravel is also running for the 08 hot-seat. Why anybody would want to follow in George Bush’s footsteps has to be crazy, insane or suffer from ED. The latter means one of two things, explosive diarrhea or that stuff that is talked about during family TV time commercials when my daughter is listening in and asks funny questions I cannot answer because I have not the problem. I have a hat that advertises, “Viagra not needed”! You know, Viagra with that NOT circle. So why “pray tell” would someone subject oneself to a position in efforts to outdo George? We have come to see that seat institutionalized, akin to “Laugh-in”. So anybody that takes that seat and turns it back into a seat of decency, it could have dire consequences. We could all become deathly sick, as laughter is the best medicine and George keeps it coming. I guess it was George’s fix for national health care coverage. All one needed was a TV! Talk about Alaska. We have a new slogan that cost a little more then a senator’s yearly salary to design and implement. It goes something like this: “Big Wild Life”. It is supposed to replace the failed slogan, something about most of the “other” Americans and foreigners will die before they see this state, as Alaska is the rip off “Mecca” of the tourist industry and that one trip will suck down one’s retirement fund wherein you will have to revert back to eating SPAM. Anyway, time will tell whether this slogan will work without Federal pork barrel intervention – like an intervenes shot. We rely on the pork barrel over the oil barrel. Believe it or not, Alaska is a welfare state. But I have my own campaign slogan. It can be used for tourism and political ladder climbing alike: “Don’t eat the Fish”. See, just the other day the politicians once again changed the rules of engagement, with the “bag limit”. So now it is lawful to catch and squander away only one halibut per day. So it doesn’t pay, as the price of boat gas will send the fish upwards to approximately 200 dollars per pound, with skin and bones in tact. But come to find out, they were doing it for our own good. Alaskan halibut has been found to contain a whole lot of mercury. So limits have been placed upon how much one can consume, especially with kids, pregnant women and ED candidates. In fact, the warning in the Super Bowl Sunday paper headlined this fact just as everybody was getting ready to make halibut dip, to be enjoyed during the Super Bowl XXXCCCCIIII…. So we have resigned away the fair catch doctrine ingrained in this state’s Constitution for reasons of health and will allow the commercial fishermen to take a whole bunch more fish, and sell it to the Americans in the lower 48. The plan is to disseminate the population, then let the pork spell relief. We have a new governor here in Alaska, I think they found her during a “makeover” show or during the try-outs for American Graffiti. Anyway, she issued a response to the halibut mercury warning. “…loves Alaskan seafood and will continue to enjoy it on a regular basis”. She didn’t say anything about “halibut”! Now with that in mind, back to my slogan of “Don’t eat the Fish”. Really, come to find out, over 20-million pounds of dog feces is shat to rest on the frozen earth around Anchorage. It accumulates all winter long. Come spring, it starts to melt away with the melting snows of winter’s past. It finds its way to the waste-water treatment plant at Point Warzonoff, wherein it is mixed with water and pumped into the flowing waters of Cook Inlet. This unfortunately occurs when the salmon are returning. The returning fish swim head-first through the “shit”. Now during this journey, they consume anything in their path, as once they hit the freshwater, their biological clock says, “enough shit”. Getting back to Mike Gravel. He is running for the presidency. But he is no longer an Alaskan. He lives in Sweet Virginia. His platform calls for abolishing the IRS. Good luck mate! When he was a U.S. senator, he single-handedly filibustered against the draft, which was about to expire. He won! And he believed in a guaranteed annual income, for all working class Americans. With that in mind, I am also throwing in the towel. My platform will follow that of Huey Long and Lech Walesa. All working Americans will be under one union umbrella, and through dues, it will provide representation, health and retirement benefits. You work, we provide. What’s all that laughing? Damn, my dog won’t even eat that fish! Wild, a Big Wild too boot.
CopyRight 2007 MSK Media/Eagle Rock Press
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