Putin Thanks New York Times

Dear New York Times;

Today I can call you my “Comrade-in-Arms”, but for sure you’ll soon be in harm’s way as that cannot be truncated. I dearly Thanks you for your article titled “U.S. Intelligence Is Helping Ukraine Kill Russian Generals, Officials Say.” If this kind of publication happened in the “motherland”, those responsible would already be reported missing. So maybe I should reconsider my concern upon rat-fink journalism. See, this rat-finking it helped in this instance. I bet Joe Biden shit in his pants when this was made public, is that what that guy John Roberts was talking about in that “egregious breach”? Forget about the “Comrade”, maybe better said as “Turncoats-in-Arms”! But thanks to your “TIP”, I have now aimed all my supersonic nukes at America, as it appears that I am in a WAR with your “Country ‘Tis of Thee” now that you were so kind as to inform the world this information, that the U.S. military had crossed the line, as now I have all the reasons in the world to attack your homeland. Hey, a War Crime is a War Crime! I was suspect that the U.S. Military was deeply involved in sabotaging my “special military operation” in Ukraine, so thanks for clarifying and setting the record straight. But before pressing the button for an exercise in Mutually Assured Destruction, I feel it appropriate that I sign a decree that honors Julian Barnes and Helena Cooper and Eric Schmitt with the “Title of Guards” award, for their contribution to the defense of the Russian motherland and state interests, for bringing this to my attention. Those NYT journalist that went out on a limb to publish this information should be praised like the 64th Motor Rifle Brigade that killed and raped all them Bucha scumbags of Zelenskyy. These NYT journalists should be praised for “heroism and valor, tenacity and courage” in helping me attain my goals of a scorched earth and that alert by the NYT gives me the permission to strike back. Sorry about that, but it’s war. If Joe Biden tries to arrest those journalist, I will give them amnesty.

Sincerely, Vladimir Vladimirobitch Putin