Fan Question

Dear Spam;

Over Christmas I was researching Alaska Chinook salmon, for our fishing trip to Alaska next summer. Low and behold, on that BING site, under images of Alaska Chinook salmon, there was this rather odd looking fish? Please help us out, like is it legal to keep such a catch. And what kind of tag must we get from the Fish and Game for fishing this species, is there a prize? Talk about a great fireplace mount! And do Alaskan salmon really eat human crap discharged from the cruise ships? If so, should we avoid the fishing channels that welcome these monster ships? Tom Delay

 Alaska "Chinook Salmon"?

Dear Tom Delay;

Yes, Alaska salmon do eat human crap and lots of it, as it is their last meal before they hit the rivers to roost – spawn. So unless you like eating crap - like eating at McDonalds - then definitely avoid the waterways wherein the cruise ships can be found. That fish is a mysterious looking species, I have heard of several being hooked but never landed. Some think it is a cross-breed between an imbecile and a crab. I understand that a film crew is making a take on that fish, like Alaska's Loch Nest, Alaska's Abominable Whoreman. Hey, are you Tom Delay, the “Hammer”? If so, how was prison food? You will be right at home here in Alaska, as you won't find any decent food, so that crap fed salmon may be your best bet.