STOOL Defined

STOOL Defined

1. excrement: a piece of excrement, and a picture of a “STOOL” is worth a thousand defining words:
   
   
   
   
   

Alaska's Future

It is a sad fact of the matter when NOT a single person of interest has taken a stand to protect Alaska's past, present and future interest. Look, I was NOT a supporter of the late U.S. Senator Ted Stevens when he was still alive and kicking to death the appropriations spending spreedom that was very generous to Alaska. For some 40-years came the gift of giving courtesy the U.S. Taxpayers until the law caught up with Ted – for J-Walking? Today, we have not a MoanaLisa, nor a Begich nor a Don Young that takes the challenge to support the work or walk-that-talk as did Ted while sworn and engaged as a United States Senator – at one time Senior Senator pro-Tempore and what appeared to be an individual with more power to control government then the entire cast of Congress that shared the same chambers. See, back in 2004, when natural gas was starting to peter out in the lower-48 and cause for concern this nation's mainstay sailing, Ted made it clear and convincing that Prudhoe Bay natural gas - called “stranded” because it could not get to consumers in need - that commodity would soon find a market, readily available to both Alaskans and our neighbors down south. Yes, it meant another pipeline across the Alaskan tundra! Which meant a whole new era in Alaskan economics. Alaska made it big with “Statehood”, made it big with construction of the Trans-Alaska-Pipeline and wanted more! We know what riches the oil boom in Alaska fostered, now some 30-years in the making and still holding ground somewhat strong, so it was time for the long awaited “other” bonanza boom – getting cheap natural gas to markets inside and outside of Alaska. Ted saw it as a necessity, and would utilize his “political capital” to make good a promise to get Alaska back on the energy exploitation map of interest. At one time not too long ago, Alaska was “King” of the oil patch but has fallen way behind. But Ted was a careful thinker and political tinkerer, and wasn't about to let that natural resource get away without garnishing a lion's share for his constituency, his Alaska, not without some semblance of control wherein Alaska would enjoy a double-dipping frenzy - through resource royalty income along with high-paying jobs to ditch that pipe into the permafrost! For years, since the days of Yukon Pacific, “Big Oil” had studied that same interest upon this “stranded gas” and decided that the best way to get that energy to the red, white and blue states-in-need was through an over-the-top route, under the Beaufort Sea and then down through the McKenzie River delta in Canada. Sure Alaska would reap the benefit of ownership upon that gas by virtue of “Statehood” and thus find financial rewards by selling it, but that proposed route was the “jobs killer” route, as it would not have employed nearly as many construction workers and aftermath operation employees as would have been possible with a pipeline route that traversed the Dalton Highway and then across the Canadian border and then down towards the other border. So Ted “Hulk” Stevens stood strong and was adamant that (1) a natural gas pipeline shall be built to “un-strand” the gas estimated at 500-Trillion cubic-feet(500,000,000,000,000 then some) and (2) it would create jobs for Alaskans. So he forced legislation down the throat of his colleagues across the isle and that became “Public Law”, such enactment that banned any natural gas pipeline route that went through the Beaufort – not that it was an unsafe endeavor as it was proven already feasible – but based on the jobs creation possibilities with the land routing through Alaska wherein it meant a 100-to-one difference! And for a state that has yet to create a sustainable jobs infrastructure due the fact that we went sissified with “Big Oil” paying our way all the way so far, well an in-state pipeline was what this state needed desperately and not just for jobs. Alaskans pay 200% more for energy needs then does the average lower-48 John & Jane Dow, so it was an about face about time dream – affordable energy, finally! And in that “Public Law” that has Ted's trademark bullying stamp of approval – the HULK – there came language that if everybody else failed to find an interest in building a pipeline that was to cost some $50-billion by best guess estimates, the “law” mandated that failure by the state of Alaska and private investment would thus create a “Federal Corporation” to design and build that line – this was back in 2004! Basically, get off the stool or else. It meant the Fed.'s would intervene with talent and financial backing to get the pipe-dream out of the wet-dream stage and a reality. So seeing that nothing has been accomplished except a waste of time and resources and still no pipe in the ground, why have NOT the others spoken up? Look, if I can read and understand the language of the Alaska Natural Gas Act, what gives? Yes, one should ask where is MoanaLisa MurCowpie on this issue? Where in hell is Begich? And how come Don Young has not come front and center to support Ted – who is now deceased and cannot make waves upon legislation that he created when he had the power – all in efforts to look after his interest, which means Alaska's interest at heart. So I have taken the lead on this issue and already sent a correspondence of demand to the Secretary of Energy to make sure what is of “law” is abided upon, that the “Fed.'s” get involved and put a stop to the stalling of building a natural gas pipeline, even if it takes the U.S. Treasury to open up the safe and throw money our way. I challenge all Alaskans to call, write, twitter, twat, whatever your fancy, contact your delegation and demand that the Secretary of Energy immediately form a “Federal Corporation” as allowed by law and fund a pipeline at least to the Canadian border. See, when our delegation was asleep at the wheel, the lower-48 has found new ways to get blood out of a turnip – through freak'n fracking. Which means there is now a glut of gas, but that will one day run on empty or amuck when it ruins all the ground water. So we need to get a pipeline built at least to the border, with assistance from Uncle Sam – sorry Tea-Party. Look, do you want jobs building a pipeline or a temporary job dismantling the military infrastructure in Alaska, which may soon become a realty nightmare when the brass decides it costs too damn much to do business in Alaska – due the high cost of Joe's cruddy coal? Talk about doom & gloom, when that military wrecking ball shows, that my friend is what will happen if we let our delegation continue to drag its feet on law that is there to help us! How many designs are on the stool shelf that still doesn't get affordable gas to my grill? Look, we need no further excuses or delays, as the “law” spells it out clear and convincing. We have given the state and private interests more then enough time and we have read and heard enough excuses, too which I am really sick and tired of hearing – because it is lame and there is no excuse when we have a “law” that dictates differently. It is all so simple and should be remembered the next time that MoanaLisa or Begich or Young come to the podium with re-election smiles, realize that their insensitivity to the high cost of energy is backed by a no-give-a-shit attitude, especially when they had the tools to get something accomplished besides honoring all the excuses – that dereliction today brings us no closer to a natural gas pipeline then where we were back in 1974. In a nutshell, their dereliction to NOT enforce the “law” that was endorsed and sponsored by Ted Stevens has cost you well over $15000 in lost income, per bread winner here in Alaska - because they stoop to new lows and have not the guts to support old glory. And we pay them? So we must act now, to get the Fed.'s to intervene and get the ball rolling, or else we will become nothing but a bunch of unemployed demolition experts, just like our Alaskan delegation when it comes to protecting our interests, but they still get a paycheck. Take Alaska's future with some seriouness!

To: Dr. Ernest Moniz/Secretary of Energy

From: Spam MaGee

Subject: Alaska Gas Pipeline Act – Requirement of Study by Secretary of Energy

Dear Dr. Moniz;

The below listed requirement was made “Public Law” by the 108^th Congress on or about October 9. 2004. To date, there has been no “application for the issuance of a certificate of public convenience and necessity” and I request that the Secretary of Energy as required under this “Public Law” perform as mandated by Congress the following without delay:

a) REQUIREMENT OF STUDY- If no application for the issuance of a certificate or amended certificate of public convenience and necessity authorizing the construction and operation of an Alaska natural gas transportation project has been filed with the Commission by the date that is 18 months after the date of enactment of this Act, the Secretary shall conduct a study of alternative approaches to the construction and operation of such an Alaska natural gas transportation project.

(b) SCOPE OF STUDY- The study under subsection (a) shall take into consideration the feasibility of--

(1) establishing a Federal Government corporation to construct an Alaska natural gas transportation project; and

(2) securing alternative means of providing Federal financing and ownership (including alternative combinations of Government and private corporate ownership) of the Alaska natural gas transportation project.

(c) CONSULTATION- In conducting the study under subsection (a), the Secretary shall consult with the Secretary of the Treasury and the Secretary of the Army (acting through the Chief of Engineers).

(d) REPORT- On completion of any study under subsection (a), the Secretary shall submit to Congress a report that describes--

(1) the results of the study; and

(2) any recommendations of the Secretary (including proposals for legislation to implement the recommendations).

Thanks you for your time in addressing this matter, respectfully submitted on December, 31, 2013.
Spam MaGee

Ted Stevens

Was former U.S. Senator Ted Stevens assassinated? Information that has been slowly bleeding to freedom through the Sherlock Holmes Intelligence Tributary(SHIT) seems to paint an ugly picture with indications that Ted's death was not an accident – but premeditated to protect the interests of “power”. On August 9^th, 2010, Ted was killed while a passenger aboard a plane owned by GCI $millionaire$ Ron Duncan, when it mysteriously augered into the tundra - with reasons behind the crash still “inconclusive” by the NTSB investigators. So, if not a mechanical malfunction nor pilot error, what else comes to mind? Don't blame the weather on this crash, it's Alaska! Ted had friends amassed over 40-powerful years on the political scene, and Ted's friends became the “Enemy of the Senator” in the end! It all started back home, wherein his so-called friendships - through the auspices and affiliation of the cigar smoking pornacopia Corrupt Bastard'sClub - these so-called friends took advantage of Ted's “love of country”. Look, I was never a Ted fan, held conversations with him on how “pork” appropriations went out-of-control once he earmarked the theft and the loot arrived in Alaska - to which he didn't argue and was in full agreement my frustrations! See, he trusted people to make conscious and righteous decisions – that was being American! But what went on here was enough of enough and I plan to get the truth front and center – to prove to the crazed world of the Sarah Palinites that Alaska politics is still corrupt and will always be corrupt, as long as nitwits have a following. So yes, information into Ted's death points to a cover-up - an assassination - by his political camaraderie here in Alaska, the wealthy made so through his generosity. Look, Bill Allen was a two-bit welder before he befriended Ted! Get the point? Yes Texas had the Hammer – Tom Delay the plumber. We had Ted – the HULK. Ted was good for the “People” of Alaska, bringing home the bacon with fat year after year after year. And he always covered the back of Alaska's illegitimate political tinkerer, Don Young. Look, pinch yourself, as Don was no match for what Ted did to conceive the U.S. Treasury – hey that's what the game is all about! It is sad today to see that Don Young has no qualms throwing Ted under the bus – since Ted is not here to defend himself. If you don't understand what I am talking about herein, then go about your fairy ways and cast another vote for Don! But the information that seems to make sense of a cover-up conspiracy, well Ted had information that if disseminated, it could have blown-the-whistle on many of his close political friends here in Alaska and possibly across the nation. In fact, the G-man was onto something and had to crash the justice system to detour justice in its favor. What may be good for America may not be good for a sitting U.S. senator – as the government must weigh the consequences to the benefit of the citizens. See, Ted was loosing it both from a standpoint of respect and clout, a day by day whittling away of what he had spent a lifetime building, as his entire following and long time colleagues had turned-coat when Ted was in trouble. His best friends in DC were suddenly against him, for minuscule crimes – it wasn't even close to a crime spree and a simple dereliction of duty! Remember when that raid occurred down in Girdwood? Why in hell were there so many IRS agents? But the IRS interest upon Ted is beginning to show – its ugly face. Ted was out-to-pasture, had been basically indicted for life, and with politics his life long career and love, talk about a “man without a country” it was. So low and behold, just how long could he hold out, before enough was enough and he came front and center with details of a massive “Tax” cover-up, benefiting his friends. And with confusion upon his indictment and miss-treatment by the G-men in charge a factor now on the table of justice, Ted had the ultimate ticket to freedom, should his convictions stay - he held the goods to bargain for a deal. Not what Uncle Sam was about to entertain as Ted was ruthless when it came to somebody messing with him. Why? Because it rested in a massive tax fraud cover-up that would be felt from Alaska to the Oval Office. Yes, when you have a crook like Bill Allen with keys to the back door of the IRS headquaters in Alaska – what security? In an upcoming documentary due out in 2014, called the “Enemy of the Senator”, the story behind this “Tax” cover-up will be revealed and when one sees how it was tied to Ted – a plea bargain was not an option! In the end, there came but a single action, a single option at any expense to silence the scam!

 The "Booking"

Toilet Stickers

Toilet stickers of DDD – Dysentery Duck Dynasty – are now available so you can teach your young kids who to piss & shit on, teach them while they are young and still learning how to aim that weapon – the piss gun. These stickers - designed to act as targets in the stool so youngsters don't miss when preoccupied - are colorful and will not fade over time, in fact using new age technology of nano-holography, with a good aim one can watch as Phil's laughing at the blacks and gays turns to frustration. Donations from the sales of this gimmick will be used to boycott the DDD and any broadcast that feels it necessary to advertise that the Constitution is a joke.

Dysentery Duck Dynasty

Good shit, great crap, have a senator, flush twice its a long way to Juneau and the “beltway”? Well today we can toss all those worn out time-tested references to taking a good shit aside, as the NEW standard for 2014 when doing the business is “Have a Phil Robertson” - feels so good doesn't it when you shit on your brothers and sisters!

Dear Duck Dynasty

Dear Duck Dynasty;

I was just over at Target. Found a portable cooler with your “ugly” mugs, needed to take a good shit, morning after Christmas kind. So please find my gift to you folks, in that cooler. Hope it keeps things cool....as when it lets go that stench, we then will know what the “Duck” stands for!

Remember.....

This brother that could spare a dime......