The Groper - Day After 1

Breitbarf News Update

According to the mouthpiece, Kelleyanne estimates yesterdays crowd in support of the new "Trump Tower Dysentery Dynasty" to be 5-million. It made ZDonald happy when we told him it beat the record of all other U.S. presidential events - in fact it was the first time many of us saw him smile! Even though the overhead pictures showed a pathetically poor and "dismal swamp" turn-out for the ZDonald "Cesspool John" Tyrump & Mike Pence "Infuriation Day" ceremony, the head count by Breitbarf painted a better picture. It is all in the numbers. We estimated 5-million strong in attendance to proclaim "Hail to the Thief". See, each "Wall of Meat Biker for Trump" supporter weighed in at 5-men. All other men x2, because Tyrump supporters are like a Eunuch, no balls so the missing balls were used as the count instead of the actual head count. And all the women that were in attendance, again x2 because we feel that they now want to bare more kids, like Barron. And of course we can get away with counting in the security detail, they were there for us! And while we are at it, we can count in the Russian Federation ceremony in the "Motherland". Oh, and since Hillary came to support the event, that was a surrender so we can use those extra winning "majority" votes, some 2.3-million. So that criteria allows for a multiplication factor of 23 times the actual head count that was given to us by the DC Metropolitan Police. So that is why it was so crowded - love America. And we are glad some of our supporters saw it fit to start barn fires in the back streets, as it was cold! And ZDonald was right, it didn't rain! When he started giving his "Make America Gropable Again", the Secret Service ran to give the attending past presidents head bonnets, because a flock of pigeons started shitting everywhere. And we did get a "Truth in Attendance" statement from Mr. Carter, Bill, Dubya and via "Twitter" from H.W. that none of them voted for ZDonald - and we still won fair and square. Great having friends in high places. And ZDonald's actual speech that he used when at the podium, it has pigeon crap all over it and that will be reserved for prosperity. Wow, what a day!

The Groper - Day 1