Thursday, March 12, 2015

Ted Cruz E-mails

Dear Ted;

Due the seriousness of your illness, we have found a reason to accommodate your request. You are scheduled for an appointment at 9:00 am today. Please arrive on time for your medication, and since you will not be able to drive for some time after the medication takes affect, please bring along a designated driver. Since this is the last known dose of pentecostalbarbital in Texas, it is paramount that you do not delay this appointment and the dose is almost at expiration date, so I will see you at nine. Your friend in need always, Rick Perry.

Dear Rick;

I'm in trouble and reach out for your help, as you may still have the connections. A petition asking to prosecute the 47 U.S. Republican senators, who sent a heavily criticized open letter to Iran's leadership, has reached the goal to require a White House response. So our fate is in Obama's hands. This petition was published on March 9 and reached more than 200,000 signatures in three days, well above the requirement of 100,000, which requires the White House to respond. Americans hate us! The petition cited the 1799 Logan Act, which can carry an imprisonment sentence for up to three years. I'm done with! So, could you please see if that last dose of “pentobarbital” could be reserved for me, as this may be the best way to get out of this mess. Thanks, your Texass buddy, Ted Cruz.

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