Dear Martha Stewart

Dear Martha Stewart;

We need your help. We need a “good cook” - almost said crook - to run against Hillary as it is believed she will make a run for the bold in 2016. See, it is acknowledged that there exists the correct ingredients in that “House on the Hill”, but there isn't anybody around to step up and chef up that correct recipe for success, so we end up with all kinds of baked good attempt failures – some not even fit for consumption even if starving! And since you came in 2^nd in the Stoned Soup's Admirable Women of 2012, you have way more clout then does Mrs. Poindexter – I mean Hillary. It's those glasses, you must be laughing too! Is she trying to look like the “Naughty Librarian”, and that role is already taken by C.E. Cup. Look, I am not a “Clinton” fan, as when we look back in history we will see that the office of the President started going downhill when Monica was let in the back-door. And when that door was left open, in came the Bush dysentery dynasty - so at least with Obama there is some semblance of honesty getting its foot back in to reclaim what it means to be owner of the “Oval” office. So we cannot let the “Clinton Clan” back into power, as it will be more of the same. See, Bill turned it into the Oval orifice and with Bush, the Awful Office! And since then, well it appears that there is a creepy crawler spell cast down upon those that enter that domain. See, back when Bill was frolicking naked with the enemy, Hillary should have booted the bum out - then she would have become “Queen” of the Oval Orifice. So she blew it in my book. Back then, had she kicked Bill out into the streets, I would have voted to let her be “Queen for the Stay”. But not now. So please take it under consideration to throw your name in the arena, to run for President of the United States. And just think, you could have the following as a theme song:

Martha: A-hmm. Today's special is “Living” Soul Stew.
We sell so much of this, people wonder what we put in it.
Well, we're gonna tell ya right now.
Hmm-hmm. Gimme about a half a teacup of bass.
Now, I need a pound of fatback drums.
Now, gimme four tablespoons of boilin' Springfield guitar;
This is gonna taste alright.
Hmm. Delicious.
Mmm. Now just a little pinch of organ.
Now, gimme half a pint of horn.
Place on the burner, and bring to a boil.
Yep. That's it, that's it, that's it, right there.
Now beat. Well, take it Martha.
Ooh. Thank you.
Mmm. Now, let's take it on home,
'Cause we gotta go home.
That's my girl.

Song/lyrics courtesy King Curtis' Memphis Soul Stew