Merry Xmas Ted!

Merry Christmas Ted!
So Ted, you made your THIRD trip to the Iraqi theater of war. Whoopee zippity-doo-dah! I guess you have been busy talking your way out of the Corrupt Bastard’s probe. That is probably more important then trying to find a way away from George’s mess. How is son Ben doing? Rumor has it that he is plea bargaining his way out of the Alaskan political scandal. I guess taking others down is the only power the “runt” has left and all he will ever see his way again. Anyway, according to what you witnessed in Iraq, “the surge had worked” and our young kids “are on their way home. They’re going to go home”. Wow, in time for Christmas? And how many? Maybe if the military planes heading back to America are overcrowded – as is the norm this time of year – would you consider giving your seat away? Maybe your BFBBLAT buddy Daniel can do the same. It could go down in your memoirs, as nothing short of a “Good Samaritan” gesture considering all of your other memorabilia was taken away by the IRS. But it is good news to hear that the troops are finally coming home. To a failed economy wherein more and more Americans are becoming homeless, ripped off by the mortgage scandal and all of us facing the high price of crude oil, all because of the cost of your stupid war or remiss in your paid and sworn duty to protect our interests - over your own. Answer me this. How come you would not let the oil executives testify “under” oath when you called them in front of Congress about humongous profits and all time high gasoline price fixing? And how in hell did so many Americans get ripped off with the mortgage scandal, under your watch? And you know what, from what you are just finding out in your most recent trip abroad to a war torn country, it seems as though you were a “Republican Politician Left Behind”, as most school kids here in Alaska know about the “tribe concept” and culture in Iraq. Where the hell have you been for the last 4-years of this conflict? Hey, can we get reimbursed for the money we paid out to you for a salary? Wasn’t there a warranty? Anyway, Merry Christmas Ted, and try this John Lennon song out - for penance. Sing it faithfully during the 31-days of December and we will forgive your incompetence and dereliction of representation. But please, pretty please don’t right a book about your time in Congress as we are already inundated with enough political memoirs wherein it is a book consisting of nothing more then “pages intentionally left blank”:

And so this is Xmas

And what have we done

Another year over

A new one just begun

And so happy Xmas

We hope you have fun

The near and the dear one

The old and the young

Come on now, everybody sing along with Ted. Hey Don, care to join in? MoanaLisa, you too! And Frank…

A very Merry Xmas

And a happy New Year

Let’s hope it’s a good one

Without any fear

WAR IS OVER, IF YOU WANT IT

WAR IS OVER NOW.

Happy Xmas!

CopyRight 2007 – Dixie Productions/MSK Media/Eagle Rock Press

Contact: Storylineonline@gci.net or www.Storylineonline.com or www.chinookjournal.blogspot.com

U.S.S. MoanaLisa

Heist of the U.S.S. MoanaLisa
Hey righteous citizens of the 49th state, be on the look out for some $55,000,000.00 missing from the U.S. Treasury Department. Rumor has it the money was last seen on Ted Steven’s behind closed doors desk specifically dedicated to appropriated misgivings. OK, it was money earmarked for yet another taxpayer rip-off. Ted tries hard. At what, I am still trying to come to grips with – so is he now that his peace and quiet has been interrupted by FBI and IRS agents knocking at the door of his charitable donation remodeled house up here in Alaska. Do you have any idea what it takes for John Lawman to get permission to raid and search a sitting duck’s residence? I meant sitting senior senator. But Ted is smart, as he hired the best and most expensive lawyer that specializes in nothing other then, “Presidential” pardons! And another clue to this mystery disappearance of precious payola, is the scent of TEA! So that could mean a trace of evidence that Don Young knows something of interest with respect to this heist. But nobody seems to know his whereabouts. Last time he went spotted was down in some coconut grove. Could it be that he suffers from confusion from a coconut bounce off the head? Or maybe from the side effects of being bit by a rabid skunk? What the hell is so important in Florida over what is important in his own state? OK, this “missing money” was really set aside in efforts to help create a sustainable infrastructure in Alaska – thy “Welfare” state extraordinaire. But in actuality and like usual, it was just more of the same crap, wherein it shows that ethics in politics is a lost cause. So in my book, this missing money amounts to grand theft lunacy. Just what the hell is going on with my hard earned money that is penalized with a tax burden so Ted and Don can continue their destructive ways and means? Pork unlimited for a sustainable infrastructure has been the dream of all dreams, but it has been the same bad dream since statehood, as this state is still way behind many third world nations when it comes to toilet flushing. And how much have the taxpayers paid out in efforts to design a tundra toilet? Nobody seems to know, but an awful lot. And the entire state of oppression was all part of the Three Stooges’ plan – a.k.a. Ted, Don and Frank. It is still all in the family, as Frank bailed out and left his daughter in charge of his own failed senate seat. What did she do to dad to deserve such inhumane treatment? Isn’t cruel and unusual treatment against the Constitution? Oh, I heard someone voice, “What Constitution”? I second that emotion, as our rights are eroding away faster then is coastline from global Goring. Then again, maybe Frank believed in once a failure always a failure wherein MoanaLisa was the best candidate to keep the tradition going. For one thing, she hasn’t failed at real estate swindling deals. Maybe, instead of calling representatives just that, “Swindlers” would be a better fit. Back to the money theft. Why is it that Ted feels it necessary to steal away my money just to waste on this thing called the E-craft? It is a boondoggle! The Navy – who was threatened to build this contraption or else would be required to paint all war ships pink – already rejected the concept and according to FOIA documents, “had nothing to do with the funding request”. But according to reliable informants, that is where the money is hiding. Ted had the money earmarked under the defense department budget, in the beyond ridiculous category that has a bunch of fine print nobody dears to read. You know what Ted, why not “not” waste the money and give the kid troops a raise – for fighting your stupid war? I am sorry again, you don’t understand “stupidity”. Hey, understand this, it is my hard earned money and should be used in return for hard work, not some gift to produce more Alaskan crap. Ted, Don and MoanaLisa have no idea what it is like to work “hard” for a living. So they feel wasting is justified under false pretences. In my judgment, theft and taxpayer abuse by our own representation is one in the same. It is abuse that should be made accountable for. And why continue the wasting? Especially up here in Alaska, as this state can’t even keep a milk dairy afloat. And it has nothing to do with economics. Let us face the facts. For all those” Alaskans Left Behind”, the Matanuska Colonists proved that a farming community – eggs and milk included – was possible. That was before statehood, so welfare handout was not an option or interest. See, many with and without intelligence - true Americans and politicians respectfully - realize that welfare “interest” is not worth the bother. Herein this “interest” thing equates to what we have to payout in return for theft legislation, our votes! Welfare keeps us hostage, so we have no option except to vote the thieves in time after time after time forever. That is the real reason Frank gave the seat to MoanaLisa, as it will be just more of the same, theft for re-lection. Back to statehood verses territorialism. Everything was going Frontiersman like until Ted and Don came upon the scene. How in hell did we get stuck with these two misfits? And the theft mentality runs rampant like a virus, as the Alaskan citizens cannot get a tax increase right here in their own backyard wherein the ground below is saturated with “Black Gold”. Here it is in plain English. We want more corporate taxation because it makes the PFD bigger. But “Big Nancy” - a.k.a. “Big Oil” - cries like a bunch of spoiled politicians. So politicians steal away our hard earned money and “Big Nancy” steals away our resources. Anyway, my preliminary calculation is off a wee bit on the theft affiliated with the officiated construction of this E-craft. That $55-million that has gone missing from Uncle Sam Adams is more to the tune of 3-times that amount. But it creates jobs, about 50 – or to the benefit of about “1” one thousandth of the present day Alaskan population. So why not just pay the workers off? It would be cheaper then creating cheap job prospects that have no future. Just give them a million dollars a piece. Then they would never be heard of again. Anyway, why in hell is the Navy being forced to build something it doesn’t want? You know what, the way Don and Ted force crap down our throats in the form of corrupt bastard like crap, these guys should be called the chokesters! Talk about a crying shame, we’ve all been deep-throated! Look guys – MoanaLisa take note – we don’t want the bridges or this crap or that crap or your memoirs. And the E-craft boondoggle to date is hilarious. Sorry, I am laughing so damn hard, but when you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel of waste, it is so sickening one must laugh. OK, enough is enough. Then just how much is it really costing the taxpayers for this outrageous E-Crap amphibious assault craft that will be abandoned as a military asset and turned into a passenger ferry. First off, I petition that the hull be named “MoanaLisa”. All in favor, “MOAN”. And according to Mr. Phineas J. Whoopee’s 3D magical board, Point McKenzie to Anchorage is only a 3-mile excursion. That will be this piece of crap’s one and only water route mission. This E-crap U.S.S. Moan-more-Lisa can reach speeds of 30-knots. So whoopee, the voyage will be fast and furious and everybody will end up in the hospital with whip lash! It will be a genuine terror like ride. This ride could be Alaska’s first amusement park ticket, another tourist trap, as nobody in Alaska is going to dish out $25-dollars for a ride to nowhere. See, this is Phase I of the bridge to nowhere. There isn’t anything over at the Point except Don Young’s failed wood chip export facility. Ok, I won’t bore you with the specifics, but the dry dock down in Ketchikan - tasked to build the E-crap craft - it had to have the Chinese build the berthing at a tune of $9.5-million. Answer me this simple preliminary question. This is a shipbuilding dock. It means welders and erection guys that dream of.... A welder down there makes only $16.00 dollars an hour? No wonder the outfit that runs the facility can’t build the basic necessities. No way in hell can you keep good qualified help at such a mangy wage, so maybe that is the reason we had to get the Chinese shipbuilders to build the dock! Is there something wrong with me or do I just see things a little out of kilter? The dry dock was necessary in efforts to build the MoanaLisa. But the bid to build the junk had a stipulation that it must be built in Alaska. Again, forced legislation shoved down the Navy brass’ throat. Since when is it that Congress knows more about the military playing field then do the generals? See, that is why we are failing in Iraq and Afghanistan, as the true military genesis have lost control and are being asked to fight a political war. That is why Ted thinks he can boss around the Navy, with this E-craft crap. Now the shipbuilding dry dock has a failed history to begin with. It started back in the 80’s at a cost of $38-million to construct. It closed down in 91, because the line up of private operators experienced operational and financial difficulties! Basically, they weren’t getting rich quick enough. So the DOT gave the failure to the AIDEA. Now when this latter outfit gets involved, it is for a wasteful reason. See, this Guardian Devil is responsible for a huge chunk of the permanent dividend and can spend “our” money like there is no tomorrow. It all started back in the days of some brain-pinching device. I think it worked, on those responsible for running and ruining government. But it didn’t go anywhere as even the Russians considered it cruelty. With this and that in mind, this E-craft thing has failure written all over it! Dah, what do you expect. If you can’t build a berth, you sure the hell can’t build a hi-tech boat. And if you must rely on “grant” giveaway programs, it means up front that it is an economic disaster with no future. Not unless that mainlining money syringe is pointed in the right direction. It is? Now that would make for a great photo-shoot. Ted straddling a giant syringe. Remember when good old America was “good” wherein the business community relied on U.S. subsidized “loans”. But politicians became loan sharks, by getting rid of the “loans” – as that meant payback was required – an opted for pure welfare, in the form of “grants”. The latter requires no pay back, which is just like stealing. I was wrong, there probably is payback - of a different kind involved. That is why our representatives in charge of the money tree are crooks. Bottom line, “We the People” should be replaced by “We the People Screw all the other People”. When outlandish giveaway programs degrade the working classes’ ethics and morals, the people need to start standing up against the rape affair. Just because it creates jobs is a worn out and unwelcome excuse. If it creates a sustainable infrastructure, then I am all for it. See, why build something that has no use, as it continues to provide for a false economy. What’s that? Now this is the icing on the cake. Money for the floating crap was provided through the TEA-91, which is just a fancy and confusing pork giveaway program. I told you Don was consulted about this E-craft to nowhere. This TEA-91 legislation is so complicated for a reason, so nobody in their right mind could figure out why highway funding money is going to coconut groves. And guess what? The selling point for the U.S.S. MoanaLisa was VECO clout! Yes indeed, old Bill “Viagra” Allen had visions that when the high-speed ferry assaulted the pocketbooks of the taxpayers and ends up in the Port of Anchorage, it was for a purpose. Hey, about the only thing Bill liked assaulting was the legislative branch down Juneau way. He was pretty good at it. Anyway, Bill envisioned his company would ferry workers over to the Point every morning in efforts to build “modules” for the North Slope oil infrastructure. For some 30-years by now, the oil industry has relied on importing processing modules form other places. In all those years, guess how many were built in Alaska. ONE! And now that the oil fields are petering out, how many modules are needed? And you know as well as I that “Big Oil” would pick China over doing business here in Alaska. The ferry filled with craft workers heading over to the Point to build stuff is just a big pipe dream, a leaking pipe at that. So now that VECO is gone, isn’t this proof enough that the E-craft and the bridge are just that, proof that we have fools fooling around with our money. About the only future prospectus for this high-speed amphibious blunder is a quick escape vessel, for the corrupt bastards. But because of the delays in delivering the desperately needed vessel – as delays also make bigger bucks – it will most likely be too late. So maybe it can be used in a more beneficial way. In efforts to get Ted, Don, MoanaLisa, Frank and the rest of the crooks out of our sight as the huddled masses are sick, we are tired, we are weary and have had enough of political corruption, especially Alaskan style! So beware, as the MoanaLisa will soon be another failed eyesore taking refuge at some lonely dock, just another for the list. Hey what ever happened to the fish processing plant blunder built here in Anchorage? Oh, it was sold to a church, with an AIDEA discount. This state does indeed need a prayer! More like a miracle, called secession for success.

CopyRight 2007 – Dixie Productions/MSK Media/Eagle Rock Press

Contact: Storylineonline@gci.net or www.Storylineonline.com or www.chinookjournal.blogspot.com

"Fish On" Targeted

“Fish On” Targeted
I apologize for the tardiness of this writing, but research has kept me busy. See, the Alaska Aerospace and Development Corporation is requesting bids on an X-Band secret weapon that targets “Small Boats”. Reality real, according to the Request For Quotations, as it specifically lists “Small Boats” under the “TARGETS” profile requirements - so it must have something to do with the Homeland’s Star Wars Waste Initiative and in accordance with Don’s theory of diminishing returns – Young that is. Don’t you just love it when the “Taxpayers Against Waste Rape” gang up on Don’s pilferage of the Treasury. Anyway, because I enjoy secret weapons that target small boat owners - acting out my “Big Brother” fantasy - I decided to place a bid, as anything that has to do with this outfit or the Kodiak Launch Facility, it must be a money making proposition for crooks when at the same time a money loosing proposition for the taxpayers. In word restricted lingo – political crap, a.k.a. Don Young and Ted Stevens’ style pilferage. So find below an official response for the AADC bid. P.S. If I win the bid it means free coconuts for all Alaskans not in good standing with Don, Ted or MoanaLisa!
~~~~~
AADC RFQ as found on corporation’s website:

RFQ No: AADC-08-008

Best Net Price: X Band Radar

Range: 20 nautical miles(air), 10 nautical miles(Marine)

TARGETS: Light Aircraft and Small Boats

Mean Time Between Failure: 1-year

Design Life: 10-years

Mean Time Before Repair: 3-days

Proposal Submitted by:
SPAM United Associates

P.O. Box 722069

Anchorage, Alaska 99513

Proposal submitted, herein included, by SPAM United Associates - an Alaskan based company - consists of a modular transportable platform utilizing time tested building blocks, commonly referred to as “LEGOS”. Such a system requires a minimum erection and maintenance skills set(3rd grade level) at the same time provides modifications and updates to be economically feasible. Replacement or additional pieces - either for maintenance or future expansion - from simple to complex “block” components are readily available for purchase at Toys’R Us as well as on E-bay. Two versions of the blocks are available, American and Non-American. The blocks are interchangeable. Since bidder is proposing a modified version of the intended RFQ, the required range – both nautical air and nautical marine – can be achieved under any conditions as the transportability allows the X-Band module to be relocated with ease. The module can also be moved to places like Juneau, wherein the “Target” of interest there may be a “Small Politician” named Ben. This may assist the FBI in its current “Corrupt Bastards” sting operation – still ongoing. The module is based on the Lego 452 Mobile Tracking System developed in 1979. In efforts to achieve modularity that allows human occupancy, a multiplication index is utilized. That index varies from 259 to 444. Depending on the size of the operator – the obesity factor – the index becomes the bid price deciding factor. So it is too your advantage to hire healthy workers. The index will also define the X-Band frequency. With an index of 259(healthy human) the frequency to spy on small boats minding their business equals 7GHz. At an index of 444(obese), this equates to a frequency of 12GHz. As far as the Mean Time Between Failures, to date there exists over 109 satisfied customers with 452’s still in operation. The American version enjoys an 83% approval rating while the “Non-American” version enjoys a 90% service factor. The only difference is the uniforms supplied to the personnel. With the American version, red white and blue is the preferred colors. If the “Non-American” version is preferred – because of the 90% rating – the buyer picks the colors. Both ratings should suffice for AADC as only on rare occasions will the radar actually be required, as nobody with a brain fires rockets from the KLF. Regardless, the actual X-Band targeting system shall consist of the Lego “Mindstorms” RIS platform, a.k.a Robot Instruction Set. This time proven technology provides a MicroSoft Windows based platform and designed by National Instruments and utilizing “LabVIEW”. The system is programmed using Robolab GUI-based language. To date, successful projects of interest utilizing this code are Alpha Rex, Spike and RoboArm. As a matter of interest, an automatic toilet cleaning robot was demonstrated using this same technology. An added benefit of this proposal consists of the following: Official Lego magazine which includes “Cool Creations”, building tips and Event Central. Also, the creativity and block design allows the mobile tracker to be transformed into other useful items, such as a combine harvester, tractor or bulldozer. It allows putting your investment, in this case the citizens of Alaska assets, to good use above and beyond that set forth in the RFQ. Bidder’s deliverables meets or exceeds all stipulations as set forth in the RFQ. Additionally, free membership in the Lego Club is extended at no additional charge to AADC board of directors. The manufacturing site meeting - as spelled out in the RFQ - will be held at LegoLand, Florida. This is an amusement type theme park that should fit well with AADC’s “mission statement” of no accomplishments – except wasting money at the same time having fun ripping off the taxpayers. Also, there exists a wide network of Lego aficionados and on-line support resources that can be contacted via the Internet for technical advise and advice. Bidder also recognizes the following individuals as bonafide staff consultants: Mr. Phineas J. Whoopee along with his updated 3D Magical Drawing Board, Tennessee Tuxedo and of course Chumley. With this RFQ, bidder provides the following deliverables:

Blocks, pads, frames, chassis components as required.

1 U.S.G. Gorilla Glue(Earthquake Cement)

2 AA Batteries

Instruction Set

Building Plans

Firm Bid Price is as follows:
259 X-Band Module(Healthy Human) = $3750.00{Delivered}

444 X-Band Module(Obese Human) = $6660.00{Delivered}

Bidder’s proposal far exceeds the requirements of the RFQ and with that in mind, SPAM United Associates should be the recipient of this RFQ.

Respectfully Submitted on this 15th day of November, 2007

SPAM MaGee for SPAM United Associates
~~~~~
Ok, so you may think I ate one too many pieces of fruit-cake while researching this X-Band Small Boat Targeting “crap” and that this type of wasted time and effort was just that – wasted! Wrong, as each bid must be taken seriously or an appeal allows holding the entire damn program hostage for a long, long time. That is the key to this type of shenanigans. Better yet, it is not shenanigans but a duty for individuals to uphold the rights of those citizens that have not the time or no longer the willpower to do so. Bottom line, this is way to attack the waste machine. In fact it is a way to target the military machine. If we cannot pay the young troops fighting in Iraq a decent wage – compared to BlackWater Jack militants – then it is time for the machine to get a tune-up. With the 1st and 2nd Amendments so secure, I don’t need Rumsfeld like mentality protecting my interests. That interest is my wallet! Now for the most part, the military machine - along with all of the waste that exists just to make a few CEOs more rich and powerful - it must be procured through the “bidding” process. So that is the key to getting a crappy state of affairs turned around. They feed us crap, crap we feed them back! So if it requires a bid, then Americans should be paper storming the bidding offices from coast to coast with bogus “SPAM” bids, so we can be heard. A bid just cannot be ignored. So get on the internet and see what kinds of bids are presently on the solicit list. Then with a little ingenuity, send in a bid and be prepared to appeal the process. In fact send in bids in every language possible, as most do not specify a language. So it cannot just be ignored because it is in Arabic! Or Pig Latin! This “Spamming” is intended to bog down the system. Now my bid – using Toy Technology – has merit. When we were kids and played out our war fantasies with toy cowboys and Indians, it allowed a trial and error setting, so the outcome could be calculated, which meant screw this battlefield stuff as the Playboy magazines were more interesting – especially with stories about Vietnam and how the administration lied to my mom and dad. Deja vu what? Maybe that is what this present day administration – congress included – should play with, TOYS, before sending real live young kids over to patrol the streets of an unfriendly country. Yes indeed, it is time to get even. So while “Spamming” the military bidding system, send the president some toy soldiers, maybe a few with splattered red paint. While you are at it, send some baby pacifiers. Of course, George may enjoy the Legos, as he seems not to have had the opportunity to enjoy playing out cowboys and Indians and toy soldier. And you know what? His war bid was just that, bogus as my bid!

CopyRight 2007 – Dixie Productions/MSK Media/Eagle Rock Press

Contact: Storylineonline@gci.net or www.Storylineonline.com or www.chinookjournal.blogspot.com

Yellow Matter Custard

Yellow Matter Custard
It is interesting these days to read the comments from the local blogisphere here in Alaska. We are a bit spacey. Just what the heck is that giant egg like thing down in town square supposed to be all about? Every time I see it I want to sing the Beatles tune about “yellow matter custard dripping from a dead dog’s eye”. Is that mold? And this odd looking half-egg half-unknown, it talks to thin air. Whose voice is that? It almost sounds like ex-governor Frank’s. Maybe that is where he is hiding these days. And along Westchester Lagoon, these weird like postings again provide information about the space above. Only problem, when it is clear outside it usually means summertime, which means too damn much light to see out into space. And in winter, it is too damn cold to stay out and look at something that is really nothing but far away. So what is with this space fanaticism here in the “Welfare State”. OK, the “Corrupt Bastards” state of denial. Oh, that’s right as I almost forgot. See, we became a famous talked about state because of that female astronaut that was chasing that space shuttle astronaut guy around the country. She liked wearing diapers! The dude was from Alaska. So we are all guilty by association. Now everybody wants to be an astronaut. Hey, this state can’t even keep a railroad running in the “red”, so do we really want to take to the high country over the “moose gooser” land is ahoy? Were already high, as there exists this eyesore on Kodiak Island that sucks the coffers dry for over a million dollars a year - just for maintenance upkeep to shoot up and away one measly non-money making rocket. To reiterate, once a year! See, no commercial entities have stepped forward claiming an interest in shooting off rockets from some place way up and out in the middle of nowhere. But the state cut a deal with the military, so our only customers are those seeking a freebie, maybe once or twice a year. So the cost to launch a rocket is $500,000 dollars in a good year, usually more then the rocket’s payload cost. Man, what else could we do with that money? Oh yes, buy sunglasses for all the village kids. See, some outfit must have lost some lucrative aerospace contract, as they have a bunch of leftover sunglasses used by astronauts, even the ones that like wearing diapers. We can’t seem to get away from this space odyssey bullcrap. So the “Special” effects glasses were donated to the village kids, as somebody in their infinite wisdom said “snow” blindness was rampart. I wonder if the glass donator ever talked to the elders? Now what about all the rest of the village kids that live up and down the Yukon or Koyukuk? Time to make a call to the Denali Commission. I hear they have a bunch of extra cash to burn. I believe the Denali Commission would be more appropriately called the Denali Omissions Commission, as nobody knows - or admits - what happens to the money it gets from Ted and Don. Even Ted said he didn’t take responsibility for the money once it gets lost in Alaska. Anyway, I am at the airport once again. I dread getting on a plane these days. I think garter belts should be a prerequisite to travelers, so those that pay for an entire seat get just that, instead of a fraction of the seat real estate. I was sitting next to a lady that just had to spend $5.00 on that “Grey Box Delight” and of course what would the mystery meat sandwich be without a can of Pringles, for another $5.00. Hey get this chatter that was overheard in the privacy of a nearby cell-phone conversation between some airline industry executives. The airlines don’t make “crap” anymore with 1st class passengers, as most seats are purchased as upgrades. So with a zillion miles to go before the freebie thing runs out of gas, the airlines see great loses in that privileged class once upon a time moneymaker. So guess who is paying for it? The roach coach class! And today on this plane heading south to where it is a little on the warmer side, 1st class seems to be a bunch of oil field workers, the ones that BP swears lives in the state! Can’t blame them to occupy the “bigger bottom” seat cushions, as they all could use girdles. Even though BP cut down on pipeline maintenance up north, no way in hell would they cut down on calories! Glad they are up front then back here. Anyway, this lady was gouging herself on the airline barf buffet and at the same time trying to read the Anchorage’s Daily Stool’s “Life” section, titled “Out of Obesity”. What really gets me is the fact that it is really only 9:00 am Alaska time. But just because we are going to the Twin Cities and afforded a time change of 3-hours, does that warrant that it is already lunch time? I made breakfast this morning, at 4am. It consisted of eggs with sun dried tomatoes, red and yellow peppers and rosemary toast. And I even had enough time to write and publish a “Blog Blurb”. I am not hungry and I don’t need a girdle. This lady needs a straight jacket. And on the paper, there was this giant picture of Mac fries. I think she was thinking about eating the paper! Anybody got some extra salt? How come the newspapers’ editors haven’t caught wind of a very profitable product – reduced sized newspapers? Probably because they always fly 1st class so have no idea what it is like trying in vain to read a paper that is two airline seats wide. What gets me, the last dozen flights that I have taken with any and all airlines always gets to the destination on time, as they are under the microscope from congress. So they put the pedal to the metal, just to say we made it. At the same time, you sit in the plane as the outgoing plane is still at the gate. Today we made it to the Twin Cities just in time for lunch. The captain was no overwhelmed that we were 20-minutes early. Hey, doesn’t the early bird deserve the worm? But we had to wait it out in a dangerous location, between two active runways, just so the departing plane could depart on time. So I am sure the statistics will be skewed in efforts to support the airlines favor, with early arrivals ironing out the late comers. But why is everybody in such a hurry these days? Slow down a bit. Cook breakfast instead of mainlining “crap”. Relax and write a “blog blurb”. And when in Anchorage, enjoy the last few hours wherein that airport will bear the namesake of Ted Stevens, as it is only a matter of time before it will be a name embarrassment. Or visit a real live space odyssey, called the Bill “NoseBleed” train depot, right across the street from the airport terminal. But don’t waste time putting a penny on the tracks, as space and time will cease to exist before a train ever makes it that way again. I hope the next new locomotive purchased by the railroad has a striking name, like the “NoseBleed Special”. Now talk about straight jackets, we need a bunch down Juneau way! Wow I just noticed something of interest on my return trip back to Anchorage, the airliners no longer put that white linen thing between 1st and sardine class. Now it consists of this “netting” material, like one uses when out camping. And the peasants can see all the wine and dine action. What do you mean I can’t get a cup of hot coffee? Sorry, we only have cold drinks aboard this plane. Then what the hell is that guy up front drinking? And how come the 1st class bandits get to use the peasant’s bathroom but not so the other way around? Bottom-line, segregation was outlawed a long time ago on land so should be the same when airborne – especially now that I am paying for it. Hey, a bug just landed on my arm. It is rather strange looking. It looks like a mosquito but has three drills instead of one. And when we were in Alaska, the plane needed a hose down with that deicing stuff, as it is cold - so all the bugs have died off. Now this weird bug reminds me of BP, wherein they sink a multilateral well from one land ahoy location but suck out three times as much oil, but still end up paying up for only “one” well. And this bug has a mate stuck up its ass. At first I thought it was a politician with a lobbyist. Hey, that netting is for a reason. This plane is infested with bugs that are mating. And everyone up here thought only the FBI fooled with “bugs”!

CopyRight 2007 – Dixie Productions/MSK Media/Eagle Rock Press
Contact: Storylineonline@gci.net or www.Storylineonline.com or www.chinookjournal.blogspot.com

Thrifty Journalism

The Rest of the Story
OK, according to thrifty journalism “Big Oil” is treading new ground as “International Trend” setting by sovereign governments is closing in on the rape like shenanigans considered in the beginning exploratory but as usual ends up exploiting. That is what happened up here in Alaska, once a territory turned welfare state. See, before oil this state was a territory. Where law and order meant just that. Case in point. There was a marshal ferrying a rapist from Juneau to Anchorage. The felon had to pee and the only place to put down the two-passenger plane was on a glacier out in the middle of nowhere. So the felon got his wish. But he had other plans, to escape. The marshal wasn’t concerned when the felon went running across the glacier. The last thing the marshal remembered was watching the idiot fall into a crevasse! The marshal said the funniest thing he ever saw as a lawman was watching this guy wave from way down deep in a freezer. Rescue? There the rapist remained. True story. Now when oil was found, a few “corrupt bastards” made damn sure that “territorial” status was no longer an option, so they campaigned for statehood. Why? Because they realized that without “institutionalized” law and order, the oil companies would not get away with rape. So they opted to “represent” this state as part of the Union. Wherein law and order is justified, so is welfare. So the welfare came this way in big “Ted & Don” sized bags and the oil companies got away with rape. True story. For those of you not in the MSNBC mode of appeals, “Thrifty Journalism” is defined as “selective” journalism, wherein an editor can spin even the spin, by only providing the main ingredients and leaving the secret seasoning to be just that, secret. It is most likely filled with MSG and other nasty good tasting stuff. So you don’t want to let the cat out of the bag, thus the “thrifty” coverage rules. Anyhow, so Big Oil” has it tough going forward, as some of the majors are finding out that governments - we the people - want their fair share of the resourceful wealth. That is the only thing behind the present day skyrocketing oil prices, everybody wants their share. It used to be the oil companies that hauled off the resources and turned it into loot, when all the time the land and resource owners settled for a pittance on the true worth. Not so anymore though. Now according to the Daily Stool’s AP article titled “High Prices Fuel Debate Over Oil Tax” - which definitely falls under “thrifty journalism” - the “Big Ones” are finding out that the grass isn’t greener in others’ back yards. Not in Russia, not in Venezuela, not in Siberia, not in Canada and soon - hopefully - not here in Alaska! I hope Sarah’s wish comes true. Kick ass and tax the hell out of BP! So when Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez is the only one signaled out by name and rank, it amounts to this “Thrifty Journalism”. This article doesn’t come clean with others in power, painting only this guy as a hard-ass. He is no different then Putin, with respect to his county’s resource protectionism. And answer me this, why are jets from Elmendorf scrambling Bear Bombers these days – just off the coast of Alaska? I thought the cold war was done with for now. So this current day flack over Venezuela has to be expanded upon, as this article falls way short in efforts to educate those interested in the knowledge. I am not trying to defend Hugo, even though he keeps the big “Citgo” sign in Boston well lit up, especially during the World Series! And he gave a bunch of cheap heating fuel to villagers along Alaska’s coast, just like he did for the elderly on the east coast of UNITED STATES. This “offer-in-kind” must be an embarrassment to the Bush administration! Now contrary to “thrifty journalism” opinion, “Big Oil” companies that were working in Venezuela were not just kicked out of country, like happened to “Big Oil” in Kadafy’s Libya - pronounced like Wubbya - some years back. In Venezuela, Hugo did “statenize” oil, but offered those operating in country a “slice of the pie”. First, those with an interest and investment were offered a 43% partnership. They had 100% to begin with, so it was some semblance of a loss, but not rape. And they were paid for their investment either way, if they opted to stay or cried like babies and packed their bags. At first some of the “Big Ones” like EXXON just left, while others re-evaluated the partnership. It was still lucrative. But faced with Cheney mentality and maybe due to some kind of closed-door dealings that would allow “Big Oil” to enjoy the Venezuelan loses to be quadrupled with tax incentives, they all decided to leave. But they will be back, as the equipment to build the pipeline infrastructure to carry oil to ports close to the mid-Atlantic’s oil tanker freeway is already on-site and the project is well on its way forward. And bottom line, who pays attention to where the oil is coming from anyway? Bottom-line, It means more cheap gasoline for Chavez’s countrymen and most likely more cheap fuel for Americans! Who do you think supplied all the pumps and drivers for the Venezuelan oil infrastructure and ongoing projects to begin with? And I am sure that petition to turn off the “Citgo” sign is a thing of the past now that the Sox’s have pummeled Colorado! Fenway loves the sign! Anyway, with free time and privacy getting also to be a thing of the past, “Thrifty Journalism” only makes sense. But like anything else, cutting corners has its good side and bad side. In this case, I don’t know if it was planned that way, to discredit Hugo, or just a case of mentality blues. I am sure Cheney was a fan. And I am sure had not this state gone crazy with “statehood” over territorialism, the countrymen and women would also be enjoying cheap fuel, as we should have “state controlled” the resources a long, long time ago. According to this state’s Constitution, it is state run, but we had representation that sold the henhouse to the FOX along with a guarantee that we would pay for loses accrued by the FOX invading the house of hens. Double-take it was, all in the name of “statehood”. So maybe it is time to take back what is ours, Chavez style. We have been screwed for 30-years by now, with the resources. We can’t recoup those loses, but maybe we should follow a leader, when it comes to how one treats visitors. So Sarah and this state’s citizens should take note of what is happening “globally”, as it isn’t just a warming trend!

CopyRight 2007 – Dixie Productions/MSK Media/Eagle Rock Press

Contact: Storylineonline@gci.net or www.Storylineonline.com or www.chinookjournal.blogspot.com

"B" Word

“B” Word Infrastructure
It was Saturday night and I was looking for a place to relax and write. I had sampled more then enough St. Louis micro-brew the past few weeks while on the road, such that a cup of Earl Grey sounded comforting. So I headed to downtown Anchorage. See, the other day I had a very interesting flight over Alaska. It was almost like a guided tour - call it the “Tour of the Be Damned”. I’ll get to that later on in this broadcast. Now as usual, parking is a “Nightmare on Elm Street” like affair here in Alaska’s “Big City”. But not to worry, as there is a brand spanking new “paved paradise put up a parking lot” just down the road from the two coffee shops I frequent when in this part of town. Damn, there was a line at the ticket booth. It’s one of those computerized gizmos, wherein you get no feedback and lucky to get your credit card back. The weather was nice, so conversation allowed “citizens” to voice just how bad the parking was in this town. I think “Begich” is a new curse word! So I had my permit and headed to the coffee shop. It was pretty crowded, as people were starting to show for the “Big Show” at the PAC. What, you’re not taking any more orders? It is only 7:00pm! So I followed an angry crowd over to the only other coffee shop within walking distance. Wow, a crowd here also. I found a table and booted up my computer, allowing enough time for the line to calm down. What, no more orders? This place was also closing down. People complained about this to the same degree of dissatisfaction as with the parking authority madness. And my computer takes at least 20-minutes to shutdown! This is serious business, as there was no place downtown to enlighten oneself intellectually. Now when the tourists are in town, the shops remain open. But when the locals want a little peace and quiet, it is more of the same sorry we’re closed crap! So I high tailed it over to another shop in mid-town, one that was at least open for another hour. This was Saturday night my friends! Anyway, back to my travels. Upon arriving back into Alaska airspace the other day, the weather was such that the pilot set a low altitude course of attack, wherein the contrast from light and a little snow allowed landmarks to stick out like a sore thumb. Wish I had a map, as there were many things that went unrecognized. But it wasn’t hard to figure out some of the famous places along the way. There’s the failed Kodiak Launch Facility. What’s that I hear from an in-flight eavesdrop upon conversation? There is a bid out to construct an X-Band radar on the island. This is by far another hidden waste thy money agenda. It is all part of the dancing with the stars “war” initiative. It doesn’t work, but it had to be mobilized, so Ted could claim something of fame. I would rather see the dairy enjoy the money. At least we would get milk. Spending money on the AADC – Alaska Aerospace & Development Corporation – means nothing short of getting milked by some guy who thinks he is Oliver North. But the best of the rest in waste came into view upon descent into Anchorage, as the glide path followed the Knik River, right past the Don Young failed wood chip export facility. Looks like this place continues to receive “pork”, as the lights were still on. And there seemed to be some most recent building activity. Couldn’t be a maintenance shop, as nothing is used anymore so nothing breaks down. Oh, that in-flight eavesdropping is right again. It is the new ferry terminal, as this state is soon to claim ownership to another piece of crap we didn’t ask for. We didn’t ask for those ridiculous bridges to nowhere, outsiders should be made aware of that. Anyway, soon to be ours is this one-of-a-kind new hi-tech amphibious assault vessel. It was built by the NAVY, as it was the only way Don could get it into a budget. And it is supposedly going to be used as a high-speed ferry, from Anchorage over to Pt. McKenzie, at least until the first bridge to nowhere gets built. The problem, nobody will use the bridge. So the ferry may as well be put on E-bay. Sell it down the lower 48 way, where it is getting built, so shipping charges can be ignored. This state has a history of failed boondogglism sickness. I lived in Valdez when John Barley Corn called for spending millions of dollars in efforts to build a “grow and ship” infrastructure for the much needed “barley” grain. Money was spent on widening and straightening the roads, as it was envisioned that truckloads of barley from Delta would be sailing into Valdez and Seward each and every day all year long. Now when the silos were complete in Valdez, barley had to be imported just to test out the grain elevators. That was the only stuff that site ever would turn on the elevators for. And in Seward, the silo project came to an abrupt halt. What is really sad, is the fact that after all these years, after all this pork, after all the money wasted by the Denali Commission, we have “NOTHING” to show for it. When I travel around, it is refreshing to see that other states have not had the same outcome, as righteous decision making made for a sustainable infrastructure. I see trains loaded up to the gill traveling in all directions, unlike the Alaska Railroad that must be subsidized by Ted and Don, so empty coal cars travel back and forth between Anchorage and Seward. It is a waste of energy. I guess it is this state’s contribution to global warming! And what about the Bill “NoseBleed” Sheffield train depot? Outside I see highways and byways that indeed allow some semblance of traffic control. When I was on my way to this coffee shop from downtown, the light at Romig stopped the main thoroughfare traffic, and it is the weekend, so school is out! There must be something wrong with this type of mentality. But it is rampart in Alaska. And answer me this. Why is the municipality terrorizing HUD in the tune of 4-million dollars for soccer fields to be built out at Kincaid Park? Isn’t HUD supposed to be for housing? It was set-up that way, to manipulate the taxpayers! The way in which Ted and Don have been guilty at rewriting the way in which appropriations are hidden away for personal gains, it is criminal. Talk about waste, this state is the best of the best. And we can’t even keep a coffee shop open past 7:00pm on a Saturday night. So, just how many “pork” launched veneer plants have failed over the years? And remember the “HARP” radio? What about the Kenai Astronaut & Training Facility? Then there is the Seward Sea Life Center that had taxpayer money reserved to buy Ted’s buddy’s asbestos filled Arcade. Should be called the Sea “Lift” Center, as it is nothing short of a “wallet” lifter. The list goes on and on. And just how many rockets have blasted off from the Kodiak site? And just how much wood chip has been exported from the eye sore that sits across the Port of Anchorage? And how many times has the Federal government purchased that guy's fishing vessel then sold it for pennies on the dollar only to have to buy it back over and over again? Yet this state refrains from establishing a sustainable infrastructure wherein we would not have to rely on crooks like Ted and Don. They stole away the taxpayers’ nest egg. That is un-Constitutional in my book. If it is not in yours, then you are indeed an “American Left Behind”. Take a good whiff, as the smell of corruption is everywhere. It has tainted the Constitution. And the only self-sustainability this state can lay claim too, is pity! Alaska, once the “Last Frontier”, now though, the “Corrupt Bastard Welfare” state, in denial! Oh and poor boy John Harris feels let down because “Big Oil” lobbyist don’t visit him any more! Hey John, read the news and find out what is happening around you. Bill Allen Stevens was just that, a lobbyist. Look what he is doing today! Like I said before, take a good whiff and take a good look around you, as somebody may be watching your every move! Oh, forgot inclusion of the funniest case wherein money was tasted here in the 49er. When Ted found money to study the penis size of the male Musk Ox! Never heard any flap over that did you? Hey, I am hearing more then just the “B” word from my constituents.

CopyRight 2007 – Dixie Productions/MSK Media/Eagle Rock Press

Contact: Storylineonline@gci.net or www.Storylineonline.com or www.chinookjournal.blogspot.com

"BEN" Gasified

“Ben” Gasified
Wow, so Enstar is about to lower the costs to heat my house by a whooping $2.00 a month. Talk about a dew drop in the bucket. But there is more to it then what the company’s spokesman is willing to divulge. So here is my take on the rebate. Enstar serves a population base of approximately 125,000 paying customers. And for some reason or another, SEMCO Energy - the parent company of Enstar based out of Michigan - it insisted on hiring Ben Stevens as a member of the board of directors. While he was still an Alaska state senator! That was so until Ben found himself being interviewed by the FBI. So my calculator provides this simple mathematical multiplication outcome. A 125,000 customer base times a $2.00 rebate times a 0.56 energy equalizer index equals $140,000 dollars. So maybe, just maybe that is what it cost to have Ben stick around – influence pedaling. Big daddy’s influence I am talking about, especially when it comes to energy regulations which to us rate-payers is nothing short of strangulation. And I am sure that the boardroom boredom Ben put up with for a fee, it most likely paid off handsomely in some obscure appropriations bill signed by daddy and the Billy Goat. And since Ben’s bonus was a business expense, it is a burden placed upon the customers. Wherein you and I get to give in. So this rebate may be a means to re-coup some illegal gratuity grandstanding. Why can’t they just be honest with us and tell the truth when stealing from us gets government oversight scrutiny? All in all, the rebate doesn’t amount to beans as the value of natural gas has seen a skyrocketing abuse approaching a 30% increase, in just the past year. And it has been more of the same for the last 3-years. Then what is really happening to allow such a pilferage of my hard earned payola? It is nothing short of a conspiracy. See, the gas in Cook Inlet had always been affordable. Made so early on when the gas wells and pipeline infrastructure was subsidized affordable by tax breaks written into the oil & gas tax code – both state and Federal. And good for them and good for us, as grandfather rights ruled the means by which subsidizing could be amended. Basically, leave well enough alone! So we were safe, for awhile. But then somebody in their infinite wisdom decided it was worth the risk to abandon proven reserves for more costly new exploration. So it meant the new gas would fall under a completely different slate. The latter is what the energy gurus use to define the cost of energy. And remember this, Enstar does not own any natural gas, it just transports the gas for others, like Concho-Phillips and Unocal and Marathon. But when the energy titans increase the price of energy, the transporters feel it also necessary to raise prices. Saying the transported gas is more precious so it has to cost more in efforts to deliver it to the consumers! And it really amounts to increases for no other reason then monkey-see, monkey-do greed mentality. So with the new wells and new pipelines down in the inlet, it meant an entire new ballgame. When at the same time, the cheap old gas remains stuck below ground. Now the new gas falls under the Henry Hub indexing method of wallet extraction. It is this simple. Energy is sold by its BTU content. Natural gas maintains a well known energy content whereas crude oil does not. There are many unknowns with the “Black Gold”, so it offers a means to add a penny here and a penny there. In the end, the true cost of the goop is over inflated. So wisdomers realized that if natural gas could be tied to West Texas Intermediate crude oil indexing, it meant a whale of a bonanza! That is what is behind the Henry Hub index. It follows a simple equation that marries the price of natural gas with the price of crude oil. So it is a way to richen the pot. It should have never been allowed, as gas and oil are in reality two completely different commodities. Like mentioned before, natural gas is just that, natural. It doesn’t need any additional conditioning. I can take my Coleman stove up to a well in Prudhoe Bay and in no time flat be boiling water, from the gas. So there existed no known ways and means to richen the exploited plant and animal remains extracted in the gaseous state. But once it was deemed all in the same with respect to energy, it then so conveniently falls automatically under the indexing formula. In a 2006 study by our very own DOE - a.k.a. Department Of Enlightenment - it was proven that natural gas is now tied to the price of crude oil, with a slight deviation called the equalization index. Crude oil controls the indexing. Bottom line, we were screwed. It is so profitable that the gas is more desirable then crude oil, as the equalization index disallows rapid price fluctuations. So as crude oil swings a dollar here and then a dollar there, the indexed gas remains a solid and stable investment. A lucrative investment at that! And as soon as the titans figure out how to liquefy this gas and control its behavior so it remains a liquid at standard conditions of temperature and pressure, it will be signora “black gold”. What’s that I hear from down Nikiski way? Its already been done. Really, it is called the “White Crude Project”, wherein natural gas is converted into crude oil. It follows an old German conversion process. See, it then fetches the same price as crude oil, about 5% greater then natural gas in its virgin state! So this is what happens when this country has representation that is not at all interested in the people’s welfare over that of the special interests. The fact that our so-called leadership allowed this to happen is proof that politicians are indeed corrupt. The sad thing about it, somebody is making a very healthy profit over this shenanigans. And it never should have been allowed to happen way up here in Alaska. Ben screwed us. Ted screwed us. Don screwed us. Frank screwed us. And I am sure that MoanaLisa is well on her way to screw us some more. See, our gas comes from the inlet right to our front-door. It doesn’t come close to the “Hub”, which is located down in Louisiana. It is in itself a completely different commodity onto its own. And you really cannot blame Enstar, as it is “Big Oil” providing more of the same crap. But when an outfit like Enstar engages in hiring state representation like Ben Stevens, there can only be one realization, abuse. With a capitol A, a capitol B, a capitol U…..Wow, 2-bucks a month back in my wallet for a rainy day! Feels like I have “BEN” GASIFIED.

CopyRight 2007 – Dixie Productions/MSK Media/Eagle Rock Press

Contact: Storylineonline@gci.net or www.Storylineonline.com or www.chinookjournal.blogspot.com