Books & Writings by SPam McGee

Alaska Short Stack Stories, Series I, II, & III ~ Alaska's Deadliest Sin-Drill Baby Drill ~ Alaskan Company Man ~ Eklutna Lake Worrier ~ From the Fifth Floor ~ Hannah Cove ~ My Journey to Landes House ~ Poemetrics ~ Quinn the "Tanik" Eskimo ~ S.O.S. from Beaver Lake ~ The Teachings of the Swamp Fox ~ Trans-Alaska-Pipeline Funny Stories ~ Spirit Dog & the Ghost Wind

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Stories All About Alaska and More...
Contact the Ghost of Spam McGee
storylineonline@gci.net

Friday, February 28, 2014

MickScat


Finally and with good riddance another state of the Union is taking away the “Realty Crap” gusto and maybe this will allow Alaska to get back to its true reality roots – and instead of the “Lost Frontier” we can take back some of our true worth and get some semblance of the “Last Frontier” back in check. Those “History” reality shows - started when Sarah Palin was Queen for a Day - have a tendency of checking-out reality and replacing it with pure bullshit, a pathetic waste it is – especially with that Alaska State Troopers show'n tell lies. Then again, maybe the next episode about the men & women in uniform will be when the troopers arrest one of their own, a retired Commander-in-Pervert. Look, have you watched yet a “Reality” TV show that documents through film footage the “True Grit” Alaskan hard at work? No, because “Big Oil” would not want to be laughed upon and will never let those idiotic film crews from the lower-48 into the North Slope oil patch. And NO, “Big Oil” is not interested in the “Film Tax” credit sell-out – as Parnell just gave them a $billion$ dollar well deserved infusion. Look, if Sarah can give away $millions$, why cannot the governor give away a little, at least we see some jobs created by “Big Oil” and the tax break - with Tans-Canada and Palin's AGIA, we have paid out good money for nothing but lame excuses! Fact of the splatter, when these jerks that came north with a camera and turned a civilized haul road into an “Ice Road”, isn't impersonating the IQ of George Bush a crime, as that was the equivalent intellect we were seeing with this waste of celluloid and a bunch of baloney fool hardy “Pork Chop” characters trying to claim fake fame. For those that have been taken for a ride, it AIN'T AN ICE ROAD! And that “Smelliest Catch, what a way to tell your kids, “It's alright to smoke cancer causing cigarettes”! Anyway, those in the Northwest will be taking the “Reality” momentum away from Alaska with some new show about a real looser, a guy named “Mick, The legend of a Draft Dodger”. This guy thinks he is some prehistoric cannibal, and eats “scat” for survival. Not just animal scat, but any pile of crap found along a trail. But many in the know that area of the Olympic Peninsula where once upon a time “Big Foot” reigned as the thriller chiller, many think this guy “Mick” is a fake - as he is often seen pigging out at the local “Billions Served” burger joint in some podunk logging town. In fact rumor has it that those vacationing in the rain forest west of Seattle can enjoy the newest sensation in honor this fake-you-out con-artist, its called the MickScat burger. I watch these shows just to see what we as a nation find interesting. It is sad, but when the news media has been taken over by Mutt & Jeff idiots also - OK, we no longer have to shoot the TV - there ain't nothing worthwhile to waste time upon. Yes, TV shot itself in the....In fact, watching Congress, well at least its a laughable situation, especially when Cruz calls Obama a “monkey”. Imagine, another American thinking he or she has the luxury of calling the sitting President a “Monkey”. Isn't this a crime punishable by...that's it. A diner date with Mick! Would you like cheese on that scat Mr. Cruz? Wow, reality worth its meaning!

Friday, February 21, 2014

Alaskan Bumper Sticker


Hot off the press and available for $1 at knowno@gci.net:

STINKKAN RANDALL!

~

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

AlaskaToid


So the question of the day: What has wasted away more time, effort and money?
  1. Studying of a natural gas pipeline for that “Stranded Gas”
    or
  2. Stinkkan Randall's quest for the “Stranded Gold”

    Crowd reacts to Parnell's $billion$ tax giveaway!

Monday, February 10, 2014

Big Bill Clinton


Bill keeps on giving. So his legacy keeps on giving. And from that, we men learn from Big Bill that no matter how silly or outdated, you can never comment on your wife's hairdo. Thanks Bill, for taking the lead on this issue that has buffaloed science forever – as NO good or correct answer exists, so silence is golden! No wonder we see Bill out and about alone these days.


"Hillary and new hairdo"

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Ask Betty


Dear Alaska Legislatures;

Instead of spending more time and more effort and what appears to be more money on high-priced consultants, just invite Betty Galbraith down to Juneau, and ask her what history tells us about the “true” feasibility of a natural gas pipeline ever getting built.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Super-Bowel Sunday


Wow, a safety on the 1st hike? I guess the British were right, American football sucks, What Super-bowl? Maybe Super-bowel movement is more appropriate. So after that worse play ever in football history was broadcast around the world, I retreated away, to better fishing grounds. But it appeared that every damn channel on the boob-tube was infiltrated by Super-bowl BS. Finally, success, as the Muppet Channel was still civil. And low and behold, it was Pete Seeger and the gang. Wow, now this was the true Super-bowl!

 "Touch Down!"

Monday, February 3, 2014

Life after Congress


Fred Thompson, Ex-U.S. Senator & Actor
(a.k.a. Reverse Mortgage Bum)
~ 2013 Professional WHORE Award ~

Fred seen running away from angry crowd of elderly WWII vets that were ripped off with a Reverse Mortgage, and now face homelessness.

“Revenge” Mortgages


Wow, is the “Reverse Mortgage” the next wall that will come tumbling down and aggravate some more unwanted negative publicity upon this nation's hope for economic recovery and a smiling future? Look how long the “Housing” fiasco has held this country hostage, when “Adjustable Mortgages” threw homeowners to the wolves and brought homelessness back by popular demand, from sea to shining sea. And just when it appears that things may be starting to once again pick up steam, is the “Reverse” bubble just another trap door waiting for that opportunity to take advantage upon the tired and huddle masses that thought out-of-desperation that it was an option to keep that dream alive? Yes, many of our elderly that lost a great percentage of their retirement in the “crash” had to resort to other means to survive - as the donut hole was starting to act like a Monica Brzezinski suck job - and the opportunist saw fit to introduce this “Reverse Equity” scam. “Reverse Equity” seems un-Constitutional and that is what this new deal orchestrated from Wall Street is all about. Yes, the “Wall” is behind it all, good or bad. Look, in the “Hi-tech” bubble bust and the “Housing” bubble bust, the money lost by many good and hard-working Americans – those that had investments as part of that retirement plan – loot totaling into the $billions$ just didn't get burned at the stake. NO, it ended up in someones else's wardrobe closet, in that leopard skin pill box hat! During those hard-hit times, how come there came more self-made billionaires of record? We have become a Texas show-down shoot it out bank heist society. Wherein cops & robbers takes on a entirely different flavor. No not that masked man, but the guy with the pin-striped suit and $2000 tie. What I am getting at, many of those mansions on the hill in those gated communities, that wealth is affiliated with the bank robberies. In this case, the banks robbed of the hard working capital belonging to true American. And here we go again, as Wall Street has found that there is still blood in that turnip. Yes, we are in a situation here in America wherein the “God of Greed” is restless, wants more, and until such time this tyrant thrives not, this nation will remain on the brink of an Economic-Armegedeon. We cannot have it both ways, this is not a nation ever built strong on the have and have not, as some semblance of distribution of the wealth squanders an existence this land of opportunity and today we see a confiscating of the wealth as a determent to success. I have researched this “Reverse Mortgage” scam yes it is, but why listen to me, as my claim to fame is that of a hard working salt-of-the-earth pipeline worker from Alaska. You could instead take Fred Thompson's advice over mine on the merits of this “Reverse Equity” gadget designed to make you so, so happy, as Fred was a United States Senator, movie actor, so who do you really want to trust? I have an approval rating of 100%, just ask my kids. Congress, an approval rating of how low....well we all know a ship wreck when we see one and Fred was part of that institute when all hell broke loose and since then, what Congress? Yes, Fred was on board when America was forced to walk the plank of no return. So that fine print the Reverse Mortgage swindlers tried in vain to get me to sign “right now”, when I went undercover with the name of S. Pam MaGee – in honor of Alaska's Sam MaGee, or ghost of – well that fine print cannot be interpreted by some elderly interested in a bailout. It is designed for just that reason – to confuse. See, they try to trick and scare you into signing off as a single “pacemaker” home owner – sure your wife can stay home, we just need a single signature. Fine and good, except if the signer with no co-signer dies off, well one of the requirements to keep ownership is the fact that the signer must reside in the house or else. So when you die, your wife is escorted off to some crappy nursing home and becomes a ward of the state. Why, because there are all these hidden traps - the revenge factor - hidden costs associated with the RM, so Fred & Company place a lien on your liberty, your dream is liened upon and eventually the property is confiscated, to pay for legal fees – the ones that you agreed upon in that fine print! Look, these outfits offering a piece of mind, they are not in the business to help, this is gambling! They are hoping you croak, and then they don't give a rat's ass about you or the loved ones you leave behind. Look, I filled in a fake application and signed on the dotted line. What the crooks didn't realize was the fact that the property I assigned was the Alaska Governor's home down in Juneau. Now a week after the paper work was complete, I faked my own death certificate, even though I knew I was being followed by a hit man. So within 48-hours of their death wish coming true - as Palin's mansion was worth a whole bunch - the “Reverse Equity” clowns receiving the news that I had moved to Heaven, well there was a lien placed on the property, a lien on my fake bank account, until they found out they had been scammed. But it goes to show that the entire state of affairs behind this “Reverse” is but another scum-baggers' scam. And get this, the deaths of RM owners has been on the increase, especially with those that fell for the single signature sign-me-up scam. Conspiracy? Hey, there's free money involved. Well the numbers paint a picture of deceit and if that ain't something for the conspiracy radar, well the noise you hear is that wall, starting to crumble some more. Shouldn't there be a crime against those that feel it necessary to rip off our elderly population? This is wherein “stoning” should be re-introduced into society. When we have before us a faction that believes it is OK to rob our elderly, and those crimes continue on without intervention from Congress, well I am lost for words.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

North Korea Attack


According to reliable CIA sources, North Korea now has a launch facility and a missile capable of hitting U.S. soil. Secret photos show what our intelligence knows about this missile:


Saturday, February 1, 2014

Miracle of M....


Finally, we have before us NOT a miracle of modern medicine, but a miracle of medicinal music! Of course, this is what the song bird's morning melody has been telling us for a long, long, long time. In a recent report form another more “peaceful” nation that may never find medical import credibility with the United States' Federation of Drug Addictors(FDA), there is hope. Yes a “more peaceful” nation as Obama's State-of-the-Eunuch was more good news for the WAR Machine – just read between the lines my friend. I guess if a medical remedy - a.k.a. snake oil - can't make a buck-billion for a CEO of a farmaceutical...no not a spelling mistake, as in reality medicine has become a “farm” - Maggie's Farm - wherein the contestants are merely guinea pigs under the influence while the hen-house gets raided by the pillferage lords. No not another spelling mistake... Hey if DarthSarahVada Palin can get credit for making up lies, I mean new hypermedia words, so can I. OK, so name one drug that works? Viagra, what you insane as any pill that causes an erection lasting longer then 4-hours and diarrhea at the same time has too be a “joke's on you abusing user”! And if drugs of today really work, then why all the hidden “fine print” designed so as not to be read wherein one would need a PHD in psycho-helter-skelter-ology to comprehend? Look, try sitting on the shitter with a hardon! Now for years, the medical profession has been studying remedies for loss of memory accompanied by aging, which if continues unabated without treatment can lead eventually to Alzheimer's, which means those affected refuse to give up that drivers license – read what line? It affects 3 out of 5 elderly and since drugs have shown that “Mother's Little Helper” has not been a workable solution for this disease, other means have been tested. One of the saddest of our times comes before us today wherein Wall Street youngsters - children of the Romneyites - see it fit and proper to take advantage of an elder's loss of memory. It happened to my dad, it happened to my mom, it happened to my dad again. The first time my dad was ripped off, I had to go rescue the local bankers from a wayward gun toting World War II veteran. Now I buy him more ammunition, as the elderly are under attack. Not by crooks, but it has become a normal business venture. True, they can't take it with them, but why in hell try to steal it away from them before their time is up? Of course when the youngsters are coached by criminals like Fred Thompson – that Reverse Mortgage BS guy – well that goes to show what Congress produces – crocks in, crooks out! Look, do you think he has a “Reverse Mortgage”? Of course not, he is a $millionaire$ with a Congressional salary, a congressional health care plan, you name it! He is the ultimate congressional “whore”, selling out America's greatest of assets, our elderly! He was never a good actor, accept when he was facing his constituents and today in those AAG adds, that everything will be OK by letting us screw you over with one of these “Reverse” scams - it is just a class ass act! See, my dad is contemplating an “RM”, because he cannot ever pay back that unscrupulous loan offered by that youngster working for Bank of America. If there is not a crime against this, there should be. But the one institute that should be protecting our elderly heritage – namely Congress – well they are all AWOL and that heritage that was constructed by our elderly is wide open for abuse. Back to the subject of memory loss. Now one of the original non-addicting remedies for the loss was something that kept the brain engaged, something with a semblance of a logical thought process. Games, simple math, sex, all seemed to prove its worth to extend the reasoning chemistry and ward off loss of memory. But it wasn't enough, as like any “drug” used to combat a health issue wherein more and more is needed over time to combat, the brain can only engage logically to a certain level of competence. It's like a game, you trump the brain disease, then the brain disease trumps the remedy until such time, “TILT”! So in the beginning it would work, but whatever it was that causes this loss would get stronger and wickeder over time. We are not all like Einstein, so there exists that limit! So now this new research has found the ultimate, and it comes by way of music. When originally discovered, it puzzled the researchers as a confined group of individuals subjecting themselveses to a memory lose placebobo showed positive signs of relief, all because a young nurse was a die hard rock'n roller and kept the jive going and enticing the elderly under his wing to embrace the music - it was the music that was causing the brain to remain engaged and ward off any future memory loss handicaps. This was the placebo group, nothing was added to their diet, except the Rolling Stones, some Jimmy Hendrix, a little Joplin! Yes, music! Some simple and extended research indicated this group showed advanced stages of relief, in a research place that had several similarly situated groups that saw not the same results, only this one particular group showed promise. So it was music that seemed to be another remedy worth testing. Now the research has narrowed the music down to a specific kind. NO it is not classical gas, nor is it country music - which actually indicated a worsening of the memory loss - but Reggae finds the best beat to beat the memory loss blues. Yes, good'ol Jah Love medicine. So this is catching on here in one of those 50'n older communities down here in California as Reggae music can be heard coming from vehicles, golf carts, you name it. So start now, turn up the vibes and start preparing for a peaceful old age. And Fred, get a life before you are cause for the loss of another great American because of your unpatriotic skunk oil sales pitching. Hey, you ever serve your country – sorry Congress no longer counts in that category. Remember, you are aiding and abetting the enemy, entities that take it upon themselves to swindle away the dream. But for now, with this new music gig providing free listening relief to our elderly and stalling off memory loss – maybe the TRUE Dylan Dream has come to be! Fred, you suck, that's what my dad said.....and he never told a lie!